What Should I Do? - Rangely,CO

did you by any chance give his age wrong? because a 5 year old won't be going to preschool, but rather kindergarten.
spanking- a no no
running laps??? what?
every child, step, biological or adopted will do the same thing: get upset when it's bedtime after playing with video games. they will ask questions to no end, they will ask for MORE toys and ignore the toys they already have.
none of this makes him autistic.
usually children are diagnosed as autistic by age 2 latest 3 not by age 5.
\maybe take a break from being around him as it sounds you do not understand or have patience for his age. nothing to be ashamed of but if his behavior frustrates you and you resort to corporal punishment then you definitely need a break from him.
good luck

He sounds pretty typical to me. I don't know how long you've been in this child's life, but one thing you need to realize is that kids are, in general, selfish and ungrateful. They need to be taught these skills, not punished into them.

It sounds to me like you and DAD haven't been firm or consistent enough a the onsets of these behaviors. Kids will do these things, and it takes total diligence to not let them form the habits or teach them not to.

I agree none of these behaviors sound autistic, but I strongly disagree that you should start tolerating and setting good examples ONLY without more discipline. Yes, of course you need positive reinforcement and to set a good example, but without firm consistent discipline for misehavior, it will not click.

He wouldn't be asking a million times after you say no if you do not allow it. As in, "That's enough junior, please do not ask that question again." Then consequence if he does. It's only tough at first, he will learn and become much easier to get along with. It's not better to keep letting him interrupt etc.

Examine what REALLY happens in a discipline situation. I just talked to my friend today-whose son acts just like this, and she's baffled why my kids don't, because she's even harder on him than we are on ours. Of course she thinks ours are just easy, but it's because we don't allow it.

I've spent lots of time in her house, she is not consistent and actually lets her own discipline be stepped on a canceled out. For instance, if, after she has ignored him for a while, then warned him 10 times to stop doing something (first mistake, ignoring and a million warnings), he doesn't, so she smacks him, threatens him, puts him in time out, yells at him or sends him to his room or whatever (inconsistent results-problem#2) He then gives HER a consequence by insutling her, calling her names, coming out of his room when she told him to stay, you name it. Then she looks at me like, "See, what can I do? Nothing works!" HELLO! He just punished you for giving him a consequence, the battle is not over!

Our kids got ( I say got, because this really doesn't happen anymore) one calm warning for something, a firm consequence on the SECOND calm warning, and if they were to react negatively to it with insults or further tantrums aside from normal crying (which they never have-and normal crying is allowed of course) that is where their lesson would BEGIN. Which is why they don't do it. All their rules are CLEAR, and they know a consequence is only the result of THEIR behavior, not our anger, therefore, re-offending by bucking the discipline would be a fresh new offense.

Therefore, even though we are technically "tougher" than her, she is punishing her son way more, and always angrier, while ours hardly ever need discipline. Similarly, we would have never defied pour parents after a consequence was doled. Did that make us miserable kids? No, it made us happy kids with rare discipline. Kids are very smart, and if you use positivity and love 99% of the time, and firm discipline when they choose wrong behavior, you will conquer this.

You sound worn out and like you're ready to blame a disorder. I think you need to take a deep breath, believe in this child, improve his positive time, give him some new responsibilities, lots of rough play and fresh air, healthy food, make sure dad spends a lot of quality time with him and FIRM UP as well as TONE DOWN the discipline. Less is more. Clear rules, immediate firm consequences.

When my daughter starts talking non stop and firing off questions while I'm trying to do the bills or something, I say respectfully, before I'm annoyed, "Sweetie, I can't talk right now, I have to do this." That's all it takes. She goes and plays. Because she's an easy child? No. Because she's terrified of me? No. Because consistently form birth, we enforce what we say. She feels secure knowing what's allowed. She knows not to continue something I have told her to stop, she's proud that she knows it, and more importantly, she knows I will come play with her as soon as I can, because I do. She get endless positive support and love every day. Little bro, same thing. Kids don't choose negative attention over positive when they know the choice is real.

Why is he allowed to still play video games if that's how he acts afterword? What is his consequence for refusing to go to bed? Being impolite about gifts? Tantrums? Refusing naps? Being a sore loser? Using the same firm thing every time for everything right away as it starts will stop this.
Things are off the rails, but you can improve them! If you want a good book recommendation, let me know. Take a deep breath. You can do it! Dad needs to step up too.

He sounds like a pretty normal 5 year old. I also agree that it sounds like you need a break. Please try to give him some understanding and realize that he is young.

Try not to allow him to play video games right up until he's going to bed. They are stimulants and not relaxing, which is what he needs in order to fall right to sleep. Other than that, he sounds like my son when he was 5. Instead of punishing him by making him run laps, hitting him and taking his things away, try posititive reinforcement and praise him everytime he does something right. Good luck.

I have to agree with the others. His behavior sounds typical for his age. Maybe it would help to speak to other moms with children his age to help you understand and deal with this behavior.

As others have said... all the behaviors you described sound really really normal. Not allowed (these are all things we have to teach over and over and over, as many also said), but completely age appropriate. Could an added disorder be making things even more hairy? Absolutely. And I would STRONGLY recommend getting a full eval (so you aren't bashing your head against the wall going crosseyed doing things that make a disorder worse if there is a disorder in play, and so that if there IS a disorder you can understand both it and the coping mechanisms for dealing with it)... but even if there is a disorder, these are all very standard problems with kids his age.

One thing I've noticed is that parents of multiple kids (bio, step, whatever... but kids that are in different developmental stages) often have a hard time keeping their expectations separate. (Not always, just very often). Either they expect the younger one to be more advanced OR they expect the older one to be more advanced. (<laughing> I know... weird... right? But it's because they see the younger one as having a right not to know/understand something, but not their older child of needing help in the same area.)

You can peg when you're having unrealistic expectations whenever you use the word "should". He SHOULD be able to ________. Well... if he's NOT then he's NOT able, doesn't mean not capable per se, but definately not ABLE yet. Means that either it's time to change expecations on it (as in, okay, he's not capable yet... it's unrealistic to expect a 5/6/7/8/whatever year old to be able to do something one expects of a teen or adult) OR it's time to TEACH him.

This is where having a younger child helps out. How would you teach your 1 year old to be grateful? Or to go to bed at night? Would you expect that she always would be grateful or could just get pulled away from a game? Or would you be "Oh boy! Wow! Look at THAT! How exciting! Say thank you!" Or would you look at how physically tired she is, and start coaxing her into a bedtime routine that's designed to gradually calm her down and comfort her into going to sleep? The methods are different... in large part because you can have a conversation with an older child... but the ATTITUDE is the same. ((And don't make the number 1 most common mistake: assuming a verbal child can understand like an adult. Children NEVER hear a thing once and comply forever. Even when they understand what you're saying. Much less if they don't really understand what/why you're talking about)).

Your 5yo SS is CLEARLY saying (via his actions, and sometimes words... which is super cool that he's able to express himself about the naps) that he's not yet able to do the things that you're asking of him. So he needs to be taught. IMHO one should only punish children who CHOOSE to do the wrong thing, meaning they already know the right thing and how to go about it. Think about *how* you would want to be taught something. Patiently or with a lot of anger behind it?

The list of things you mentioned is very long (albeit very normal), so don't expect them to fix themselves overnight. Expect MONTHS. And by the time *those* are all taken care of, you'll have a new list that you're already halfway through, and another new list, and another. It really doesn't end. It just keeps going. And often, the lessons that are *firm* have to be repeated a couple years down the road (in a new way) as they gain more cogntive or emotional development. ((EX: You teach your toddler to stop throwing food. They eventually stop. Then a few years later you have to teach your elementary aged child not to throw food, again, either out of they think it's funny or out of anger. Then a few years later, it's your middle school child who is doing it out of play or anger. Then it's the eyebrow at you highschooler who's shoving food in their friend's hair, or flicking sauce on the ceiling.)) The same lessons repeat and repeat and repeat as our kids grow. Not even potty training is a "solid" lesson in all cases, especially with boys... or none of us would know the phrase "write your name in the snow".

Last word of warning: Some kids are super social. They do NOT play by themselves, they are NOT "independent", and they need a TON of interaction. These are kids that do not "go play", much less "go play quietly". Later on in school, they tend to be the popular kids... because they are always involving others, and always need to be around others... and as adults tend to be the uber-hosts, the leaders, the diplomats, the entertainers. With one of these kids... count yourself lucky if you get 1/2 hour without a bright little voice chirping at you, or wanting to "show you something", or wanting you to play with them, or, or, or. My son is one of these kids. At 8yo, he's only *just now* able to go off by himself for 15-30 minutes, and it's iffy. Half the time he'll be so impressed by something he just HAS to come get me. My nephew on the other hand (both boys are adhd), can spend HOURS on his own and be perfectly happy. Also... as the adhd-c mum of an adhd-c kiddo... some kids do NOT nap past a certain age, and are incapable of "quiet time". (Laying still is absolute torture to me... I'd prefer to have bamboo shoved under my fingernails than be forced to lay still). But even amongst non-adhd'ers, the majority of kids stop napping at 3 or 4. If you've kept a nap past then, it's abnormal, and lucky. If he's showing signs of being tired, but can't nap, it's time to adjust his night time sleep (as in allowing more time to sleep), and to adjust his activity level during the day.

So in addition to normal developmental stuff, you've also got some personality stuff & plain and simple (hah!) logistics going on.

I was going to say he sounds like my boys with a lot of that and they are autistic. Keep up with the discipline but pick one thing like time outs. He wont get it until he is ready to get it. One day something he does that is wrong it will make sense to him why its wrong and why he is getting a time out for it and he will just stop doing it. Now it will only be that one thing and then one day he will get the next thing. I went through years of my boys writing on the walls. They didnt get why it was wrong and they didnt get why they went to time out for it. They thought it was neat. Your opinion doesnt matter much to them lol its a load of fun oi. Anyhow after years of time outs and why it was wrong to do that they got it and just stopped. I have always explained why they cant do something or why something they think is funny is not. They live in their own world and have their own way of thinking. I have to compare the wrong to something they will get or how would they like it if someone laughed at them for being how they are ect. It has to make sense to them on their level and in their world for them to get it and stop doing what ever it is they are doing.

I always say autism is the reason for their behavior but not a excuse.

Oh and I know a ton of moms who feel like our kids deserve better moms that know what they are doing. You are not alone even if that thinking is way wrong we are the moms for a reason.

I would like to add after reading some other less than helpful replies my boys didnt get a diagnoses until they were 10. I knew at 8 and my mom knew at two but I thought she was crazy. There is a whole spectrum of autism and with higher functioning kids there isnt always a cut and dry answer. Tho everyone I have talked to who works in this field cant believe they didnt get a diagnoses sooner. Some doctors just dont understand it or ignore it then you have to switch insurances and have to pick a new doctor so no one doc sees your kids enough to pick up on it. There are 100's of reasons. I know many many higher functioning kids who didnt get a diagnoses until after they turned 10. They also would have been in preschool at age 5 if I knew there was a program for them but I tried to start them in kinder. After a couple of months we pulled them out because they were in no way ready for it.

As for running laps perfectly ok. We tried chair squats when they were younger and have them do manual labor or chores now for forms of discipline. That works better than anything else because they HATE to clean.

I agree he sounds like a typical 5yr old boy...maybe over stimulated though. The nap may be a lost cause though...my daughter naps for her preschool but not for me! I suggest telling him that he doesn't have to nap but he needs to rest...even if you turn on a movie or just let him sit on his bed w/ a book. Sounds like he needs structure and consistent discipline and rules and lots of love.

I think you should check with the doctor about the possibility of autism just in case. Just to know where you stand with that.

Do you get along or speak to his birth mother? You may want to talk to her and see what her routine is with him when she does have him. Maybe she is doing something different and he thinks he can get away with it at your home? My daughter is 4 1/2 and she asks questions constantly. Even if she had already asked it before. Sounds like a tipical 5 yr old. They test your will, so you have to be strong, you and your husband have to agree on how to handle him.

sounds like a normal kid...do you have kids of your own? maybe look for other moms to hang out with to help you learn how to handle things. You could also look into classes I know when you have kids from birth it is a huge adjustment and over time you get used to the craziness. So if this is new to you it will be alot harder now but it does get easier and better lol!

I agree he sounds like a pretty normal kid. I am having some of the same problems and trying hard to work on them for his good and mine. But it can be so frustrating when people say "You have to be firm", because when we're so worn out and in a bad pattern with our child, we don't know exactly what to do. I am trying out what I read in two books, "Love and Logic for the Toddler Years" (or something close to that), and "Playful Parenting". The first addresses the firmness and consequences issue (and not losing my temper), and the second addresses fostering a closer connection with the child. Best wishes!

He sounds very normal. He sounds lonely and bored. My daughter has been done with naps since before she was 3.5 years old - I can't imagine trying to put her down at 5. Try starting activities with him (crafts and projects, etc.) and then phase yourself out after 10 or 15 minutes. Try coordinating playmates to come over so he has more to do than play video games. My kids are 4 and 2.5 and play all day together - if they didn't have eachother, I would have to take on an even bigger role in that playmate way.

Sounds like he needs a lot of love, hugs and reassurance--and definitely a visit to the doctor to get him screened for autism and dyslexia. It is unfair for you adults to take care of him and not to know what issues he has. It's also very difficult for a child to have multiple sets of parents with different rules. Try to work with all parents to have the same rules. And spanking only teaches them to hit--walk away if you need to. Dr Brazelton has a great quick book on discipline. He's a famous pediatrician with a lot of helpful advice. Good luck!

I have kids around your son's age. They don't take naps either and that is fine. Lots of kids this age don't need naps, just quiet time. My kids ask me questions too, sometimes when they already know the answer because they just want my attention and want to talk to me. My kids don't like to stop playing video games either. My kids are not super grateful for their presents either. MY kids have tanrums sometimes if they lose a game, too. When my kids ask for something and I say no, they keep at me, too. Since I don't know you or you kid, judging from your letter, your boy just sounds like a typical five year old that acts up sometimes and wants attention all the time. I am wondering if you are expecting too much from him? If you think that other kids that age do not behave in these ways, maybe you are extra frustrated with him. I think instead of punishing him all the time, try getting him some other kids to play with so that he is not always demanding all of your attention, and at bedtime, give him a reason to like it because it is cuddle time or story time or something.

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Well my kids are required to nap until they start kindergarten. So my two older kids were still napping at 5 yrs. Many of my friends gave up napping a long time ago. My youngest is 4 yrs. She doesnt have many friends that still nap..although she does.
Your might have to give up on the nap.
He might have had no discipline in his young life. You might be the first person that is trying to keep him to some type of schedule. Although its good. It wil take some getting used to for him if that is not the way he is used to things.
The mild austism does that mean he has Ashberger sydrome?? Call your local school and see if they have some info. and what to do to help him.