How to Explain Freinds Autistic Children to My Own????

First it is important to be honest with her and explain his autisum the best you can to her.Telling her it is not his fault he does these thin and he is not on control of his actions. I work with other kids and kids with autisum and that is what I do and it seem to work great.

Tell her his brain works differently than hers and it takes him longer to learn/understand some things.

He should get spoken to/in trouble when he does things wrong. Especially since he has autism, he needs to be taught and be corrected when he does something wrong.

I would explain to her the truth. She is old enough to know that all kids are different. There are many books for young children that teach them about differences between kids and I would recommend getting one and reading it with her. I know there is a good one about down syndrome, which is a different condition but the concepts about differences would be the same. I would check out the autism society's website to see if they have a similar book that explains autism in terms for a child to understand.

When my son was 4 we moved to a new neighborhood. There was a handicapped women who walked down our street twice a day from the bus stop. She talked to herself, looking down at the ground the whole time, just muttering away. The other kids on the street teased her something awful. We found out her name was Lucy. I taught my son that some people were "different". That Lucy had handicaps, we didn't know what they were, but when we smiled at her, and said "Good Morning Lucy", she would stop, smile back, and she was a nice person. My son was never afraid of Lucy, and later, as he got bigger and more confident in the neighborhood, he stuck up for her, and would walk with her down the block.

Young kids can understand basic things about disabilities - tell them that "Billy" is "different" - he has Autism - that means that he doesn't process words that he hears or things that he sees the same way as everyone else. He communicates differently. He can be very smart about some things - but other things he really doesn't understand. So.... we have to give him a break about some things - but we have to help him learn how to do stuff. He learns differently - and more slowly. He needs our help, and our understanding. I would say, though, that if he hurts her, it IS ok to tell him that - he needs to learn limits - especially on things that hurt others. So, no pinching, pulling on people, pulling hair, etc. It's ok to say "no" or "please don't do that" - really.

Most kids are pretty cool - once they understand. My son had an autistic boy in his class in 6th grade, and the other kids all kind of ganged together to "help Connor" whenever appropriate. Connor had his own way of doing a number of different things. He was very much a part of the class.

I'm so glad to hear that you are including your friend's child in your life. I'm sure that you will all be enriched by the experiences.

Hi L.!!This ones hard!!How old is the boy??Could you say "he thinks your such a sweet girl and that he wants to hug you/be w/you all the time"or he just likes you sooo much b/c you are a special friend to him,??I dont think you have to tell her that he is autistic,maybe just let her know he really doesnt understand when to stop ect...and that he just really loves her and wants to show her affection.Im not sure if any of that will help but its worth a try??Good Luck!!

Hi L.,

this may or may not help with your specific question, but it may be helpful to others, so I hope you don't mind me posting here with your question.

I recently went to a seminar where these two woman, who are sisters, spoke of their families which consists of children who are "typical" and children with "issues".

Here is their website.

www.shutupabout.com

How would your friend explain it? Maybe she would be the best person as she could answer any questions your daughter might have. How old is he? My daughter has special needs, but she is not autistic. If he is in school, I am sure they are working with him on how to get someone's attention without pulling or pinching. She might be able to reinforce positive behavior if she knows what to do. Explain to her that he's not trying to hurt her. He's just trying to love her and get her attention, but he doesn't quite know what to do. You'd be amazed how must more effective peers can be at teaching.

http://www.autismbookstore.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc

This is the site of the largest online autism bookstore - they have tons of books for typical kids explaining what autism means.

Hi L.,
I have an autistic brother who is now 29 and has always lived with my parents. Growing up, even though he was autistic my parents always tried to discipline all children the same way, as much as possible. Since he is not your child, and it is not your place to discipline him, I would suggest to stay close and don’t allow it to happen. Learn the clues and remove your daughter from the situation before it happens. Explain to your daughter that pulling and pinching is not a nice thing to do and that in your family that behavior is not acceptable. Also, explain that the autistic child is a special kid and just like a baby he doesn’t understand. Good luck and don’t hesitate to email me if you have any more questions.

We have a beautiful teenage nephew with autism. my daughter (now 7) has from a very early age been told that he thinks differently and doesn't see things in the same ways that she and i or her other cousins and friends do and because of that some of our rules for social behavior just can't apply to him, because he does not understand how we think, that he does not do things that hurt or annoy her to be mean but because he does not know that they are hurtful or annoying. At 5 your daughter probably knows and understand the "rules" from being in pre-school and maybe even kindergarten (hands to yourself, friends share, no hitting, wait your turn etc.) Kids are very perceptive, I'm sure she already knows that your friends child is different from her and her other friends. I bet you would be surprised at how much she does get it and will understand that his brain thinks differently and that is why he is not always punished or reprimanded when he hurts her, as another child most certainly would be. AT the same time make sure she knows that just b/c he is different, he is still not allowed to ever hurt her and she needs to tell him to stop when he does get physical with her by pinching or pulling at her! If she is too young to be able to remove herself from or get him to stop hurtful behavior, she should not be left alone with him.

I know you've already gotten some great responses, so I'll try to keep this short. I worked with autistic and behaviorally challenged children for almost 10 years before becoming a SAHM. Under no circumstances should this little boy be exempt from discipline when he does something innappropriate! He needs to learn boundaries like all other children if he is to be successful in society. Of course yelling is unacceptable, but calmly explaining to him that he is bothering or hurting your daughter and will have to be moved away if he does not stop is within reason.

There is an excellent book for children that explains autism (& other disabilities in its writing style) called "All Cats have Asperger Syndrome" by Kathy Hoopman. It is written simply enough for your 5 year old to understand.

L.,

I have 2 autistic boys and it is hard sometimes for me to explain to them what autism is. I once asked our advocate how to explain autism to my son and I included what she said below (obviously you can change it to be talking about someone else, not your daughter). The number one thing to stress is acceptance of differences but just because a child is autistic does NOT mean it is okay to hurt another child. I know that they are not always aware of what they are doing so constant reinforcement is necessary but if you can let your daughter know that sometimes autistic children love tooo much and they dont realize that they may squeeze too hard or accidentally pinch and encourage her to come talk to you if that happens and just explain to the autistic child that we have to be gentle, he may not really understand but constant reinforcement is how they learn.

Some kids are different....some kids with autism (well its a neurological disorder)which means you think differently then other kids your age.It effects the brain and how you think and how your emotions get filtered through....It means that some smells,textures,or environments may make you feel uncomfortable or closed in....sensory piece.But autism is also a gift (I know P....but....)kids with autism teach other kids and adults how to have more patience, how to be a better person and how other people can learn from being around a person with autism/disability.God chose certain kids/people to remind us daily why we do what we do for our kids and what our purpose in life is.

Kids with disabilities are gifts and that we should cherish them.Therfore, if you didn't have autism....I would'nt be fortunate enough to have the people in my life that I do because of you...you being the most important one.Because of you I am a better person and I am very thankful I had you to remind me everyday how lucky and fortunate I am.

shes old enough to comprehend that god (if thats your belief) made him differently than her, and this is why...explain autism and how it "works" in the simplest terms, 5 year olds understand alot more then we give them credit for. And for the boy, well I hope he is being told not to pinch etc, for Im positive he understand more then most people think!

First of all you have to accept, your child with autism and you have to decide you want to explain or not. But it you can't hide it from your friends. It is one type of disorder and you have to take care of your baby. Autistic disorder is also known as autism and begins in childhood. Autism is a disorder of the neural development characterized by impaired social interaction and communication. Treatments for autism include behavior therapy and medication.
http://www.disorderscentral.com/autistic-disorder-know-it...

Hi L., I don't think a book is necessary. I would just tell your daughter that his brain works differently than hers, which makes him do things differently than she would. This is basically what we told our younger daughter once she became old enough to notice her older sister's difficulties. This is also what we tell our younger daughter's friends who have contact with our older daughter during rides, playdates, etc.

I wouldn't get into a long discussion about it; that would highlight the differences in a way that might make your daughter uncomfortable to be around him. Short and simple--like it's no big deal--seems to work best with the younger kids in my experience. That way they don't get all worried about and wary of their friend or nervous about their own behavior around him; they just take it in stride.

It is absolutely not ok for him to be pinching her, however, or allowing him to do anything physically that makes her uncomfortable--I would ask the parents how they or his therapists/teachers respond to this type of behavior so you can make sure to respond the same way when it happens with your daughter--constant AND consistent reinforcement really is key.

Hello! I actually work with kids with Autism...and have done lots of home therapy with these kids. I used to take my (now) 6 year old with me to give the kids some positive social interaction. He was about 2 when I first introduced him to the disorder.
Even though your daughter is 5, she may not fully understand what 'autistic' means. You can explain that the boy is 'special' and learns things differently. Maybe describe some of the things he's doing and why he does them. For example, if he has some hand-flapping or repetitive movement, it's for self-regulation...just as you or I would tap our foot or twirl our hair. He just doesn't know 'socially appropriate' ways to self-regulate. If she doesn't like the hugging, she can still use her words and tell him 'I don't like when you do that' and maybe just move her seat. Unfortunately, until he is older and is taught that this is not okay (which could take until his teenage years depending upon his functioning level), she just needs to understand that he isn't doing it to bug her or make her feel uncomfortable. His brain just works differently.
Another idea is to show her a movie or some clips on the computer of how people act differently (specifically with Autism). Once she learns a little bit about the disorder, she may be more comfortable with it. I'd recommend it anyways, because chances are, she'll be running into someone else with ASD in her life since it is increasing so rapidly.

Hope some of this info helps...
K.

Hi L.,

I had a similar experience with my first son when he was in first grade. One of the students in his class was autistic and had "focused" mainly on my son. He was chasing him around the playground and pretty much on him the entire school day. At first my son was a little frightened so I met briefly with the teacher. I explained to my son that he was special and that he had autism. I explained that he learned things a little differently, but he was still looking to be his friend. I also took a moment to explain that although my son and his brother joke around and call each other names at times, that his new friend at school would have a difficult time with something like that and could be a little more sensitive to joking. A few weeks later I met with his teacher for parent/teacher conferences. She told me that because of my son's attitude towards this child, the entire class had watched and learned. They were no longer afraid of him and befriended him. The child had gone from having several seizures a day to having none. She said the class had a completely different vibe and attributed it to my son and his patience with his new friend. One of my best mom moments to date. I found that it was an excellent situation to show my child that everyone is different in some way, but we all want pretty much the same thing.....a good friend. Children are very innocent and nonjudgemental and its the perfect age to show them acceptance. Good luck.

Hi L....though I don't have any personal experience with any particular book, there are a number of children's books available that deal with accepting and understanding others with autism. I went briefly to amazon.com and saw quite a few. There was even a coloring book. Books may be a good way to stimulate conversations with your children. Best of luck! J. B

Hi L.,
I have read a couple of books that are pretty good at explaining Autism to young children, but it depends on the type of autism, the severity of it. One is Looking after Louis by Lesley Ely. My son loves that one. Then there is another one I read at barnesnnoble.com (they had the whole thing available - not sure if they still do) called Since We're Friends. I really liked it. This one I have not shared with my son. Then there is one called I am Utterly Unique. It's an alphabet book about kids with Asperger's. I think that sounds really neat and the cover illustrations catch my eye though I have not yet read it. Good luck!