Was It the Right Choice for You to Get Married a Second Time?

I believe in most cases the grass is not greener and although I have remarried and am married almost seventeen years to second husband I still think in most cases things should be worked out. Children are so affected by divorce. Had I been able to I would have stayed married. I was madly in love with my first husband who unfortunately suffers from mental illness that it actually became very very sad to remain married to him and try to take care of my children. I couldn't do it. Even with counseling. He was too needy and my priority had to become caring for the children. My second husband has helped raise them.And I am still in love with him like I was when we first met!

I only have an opinion from the child point of view (I was a teen). It was not a good choice for my mom to get remarried.

I personally believe that in first marriages, the marriage needs to be priority. I know some might say that the children should be the priority, but you keep the marriage a priority BECAUSE of how important your children are and you want to keep the family together. I put a lot of effort into my marriage because I want to have a strong family for my children. I don't want to deal with divorce.

When divorce happens, then the marriage is obviously no longer the priority (since there is no marriage). The children are the sole focus and the priority (in my opinion). I believe that the children should remain the priority. I don't think it's time to start looking for love because it rarely benefits the children. When there is a second marriage, the new spouse is the husband/wife of the parent - he/she is NOT the parent of the children too. It creates a very complicated situation.

So, where should the priorities lie then? Are the children priority over the marriage? If so, how will the marriage survive then? Or, is the new spouse the priority? If so, how is that fair on any level to the children?

I am pretty tired, and I feel like I'm speaking gibberish. I hope I'm making the point I mean to be making. From my experience, my mom got divorced from my dad. She should have. And she put us as her priority. It was a very bonding time.

Then she got remarried in less than a year. She put her marriage as priority. She thought it was for our sake that she did that. For some reason she thought HER husband was our father now...somehow. (our dad had left) It didn't work that way. In the end, we felt like she chose him over us - she sided with him on so many things and changed the way she parented. It was quite the struggle for many of us to deal with everything that happened. It's a big complicated story that I won't go into, but there's much more than I'm sharing here...

But no, I am SO AGAINST getting remarried, at least for me. With what I went through, unless God sends an angel to tell me otherwise, I will NOT get remarried should I end up single again. I refuse to put my children through what I went through (my step-dad was an awful person). And, my mom just barely got divorced from him! (he is 58 and he fell in love with an 18 year old) So, it made it all seem pointless that we went through everything we did, just for it to not work out.

I think I'd consider remarrying once my kids were out of the house, but before that...no. My priority is to them. It's too complicated when you add another marriage in there.

I got remarried and it was a great decision. My kids now have a father figure in their lives that I don't worry they will emulate. I hope they will.

After my divorce I did a lot of soul searching, a lot of healing. There are reasons I ended up with someone so incompatible the first go around. I needed to heal from that. If you look at my dating between my divorce and my husband you could almost chart that healing. :)

The worst thing people can do is get married for the sake of getting married. Ya know, I don't want to be alone. You should be perfectly able to be alone and only want to be with someone before you even date. Desperation colors your perception of reality. Plus if you just start dating you are going to make the same mistake over and over and over.

I would love for that second marriage stat to be broken down into percentage who filed and was filed against. In my flawed but personal data, those that filed tend to go on to healthy relationships, but not when cheating is involved, go figure. Those that were filed against tend to play the victim. They did nothing wrong it was the other person and because of this mentality tend not to get therapy, tend not to figure out what went wrong. They tend to have failed second and in one case third marriages.

I haven't been there in any capacity, but my husband and I recently separated. The idea of dating terrifies me, especially because I have a daughter. There are a lot of creeps in the world.

First marriage of 5 years was not good. I wasn't in love with him. I should have never of gotten married. Second marriage was years later to someone I love. We've been together 11years and just had our first child. It has NOT been easy! We've been to counseling several times. We've had our fair share of arguments and have proclaimed divorce on occasion. But marriage is a mutual commitment and both persons have to work at it. It's not easy by any means but if it's truly your desire you somehow make it work. But there are no guarantees. I guess that's the way I see it. It's even more important now since we have our child. I want him to grow up with a strong understanding for family unity. For me family IS life. Good luck

Absolutely the right choice. My first husband and I got married kind of young (I was 23, he was 22). We were together 3 years before we got married, and then separated a little before our 8th anniversary. The marriage was not a mistake -- we were very happy for a long time. However, 2 years of fertility treatments put a tremendous strain on the marriage that we didn't handle well. There were some problems going in, that would have been totally manageable under normal circumstances, but the combination completely destroyed the relationship. He decided he wanted out, and that was that. You can't force someone to stay married to you. And, in retrospect, it was the right decision.

I have remarried. My husband is someone I had known for about 10 years before, and suddenly we were both available at the same time, and sparks flew. We've been together 7 years now, have 2 children together, in addition to my son from my first marriage (he spends half his time in each household.) Things are wonderful. My oldest was just under 3 when my 2nd husband moved in, and they adore each other. He has a great relationship with all 4 of his parental figures (me, his dad, and both stepparents) and is very happy. We've all worked very hard to be able to co-parent successfully.

Yes, it is possible to find love a second time. I am still head-over-heels in love with my husband. He lights up my life and completes me in a way I didn't know I needed. With him here beside me, the good times are spectacular, and the bad times aren't really all that bad. I have never been as happy as I am now.

Learn from your first marriage. Figure out what went wrong -- what your mistakes were -- and don't make the same mistakes again. Know what you're looking for. Know yourself. And most of all -- open your heart. Yes, it's terrifying -- opening up yourself to being hurt again. And yes, you might get hurt, but finding love again is worth the risk, at least in my opinion. It makes life so much more than it was.

i heard that but most people in second marriages I know stay married, but resign themselves to accept things are not ideal. too many people get remarried too soon and seem to have exactly the same problems.
i have different problems(crazy inlaws) and such.
i guarantee i will not marry a 3rd time should something happen to hubby.
the inlaws, the disagreement of how to raise a child, ...grrrr...stressful.

I got remarried too soon after my first marriage to a man who had 1 child. I had two. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone. We have stuck it out throught lots of good times and bad times but it's NOT easy. If I had to do it over again, I would probably have stayed single and raised my kids on my own. It just would have been easier than dealing with your own marital baggage, ex's, step-kids etc... The grass is not greener on the other side, it has weeds too!

My first marriage we knew each other for 3 years before getting married and after 5 years of being married we divorced. We are better now as friends than husband and wife. I use the terms friends lightly! 2 years after being divorced I met my husband now. 9 monthes later we got married. That was 5 years ago. Our love for each other is so strong. Im amazingly happy over all. With my first marraige the 5 years was a life time!! The past 5 years with my husband now it seems like a blink of an eye. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him!

With hubby #1 he adopted my oldest ( I had him when I was 18), we had two kiddo's together. hubby #2 has taken my 3 kids in and loves them as much as he loves our 2.

We have our ups and downs don't get me wrong... everyone does. But the up's are so much higher than I could imagine happiness should be. The downs don't last long and doesn't even touch the tip of the iceberg of the downs I had with #1.

In my case even with 3 kids, the grass is greener on the other side! Good luck, just remember you deserve to be happy! If your happy the kids will pick up on it and give them time but they will be happy also!