Update re:Bonderies W/ Needy Ex & Bratty Step Daughter Originally Posted 10/11 - Los Angeles,CA

I would strongly suggest that you put your finances into gaining custody of your step daughter b/c the mother is not able to provide her with basic needs. She may be bratty, but the ex can't provide for her.

I would contact an attorney and have the ex evicted and petition to have the SD live with you until the mother can find sustainable housing.

This is actually a CPS issue. He shouldn't be paying for "extras" like nails and hair- these are luxuries, not necessities. Furthermore, if she's accessing FB, she has $$ from somewhere.

You can acknowledge your husband's feelings by offering to have his daughter live with you (at least short term), but you have no obligation toward the ex-wife.

I would offer the SD to come live with you until her mom gets it together, then shut off the utilities to the house. you're in LA, so she wont freeze to death.

I agree with Krista--talk to an attorney to make sure that have all the i's dotted and t's crossed in order to legally evict the Ex, and do this before the meeting.

Do let CPS know of the situation, and perhaps even the family lawyer/court re: custody of the stepdaughter. The step daughter should not be in a situation like this, where her mom cannot provide her a place to live (without freeloading); if the Ex cant provide a place for the SD to live, then the SD should live with you.

And definitely cut off all other $ going to the Ex that is not court mandated. Hair, nails, etc.??? No. If she needs more monetary assistance, she needs to get a job and/or contact family services for assistance for her _necessities_ not her luxuries.

Stay united with your husband--it sounds like he does want this resolved. Focus on the SD: let him know that you want to see her taken care, absolutely, 100% and you are right there with him on that. And that means that she should come live with you guys until the Ex is on her own two feet again with a decent place to live and the ability to support her all of her kids.

I know its probably incredibly frustrating when you could see this coming a mile away, but absolutely avoid the "I told you so" and the "it's your problem, you fix it." Focus on your husband's willing to fix this, and remember that once you let yourselves get divided a couple, it's really easy for that division to turn into a canyon too wide to cross back over...

I am so sorry your family is going through this, on top of all the other really difficult things you're dealing with....

Well....just to put a little perspective...your hubby doesn't have a gun to his head. This is really HIS matter because he agreed to it in the first place. He needs to get you ALL out of this situation, even if it means taking his daughter FT if he boots them out. You're really just along for this wild ride, Toad!
And it sounds to me like there is something else going on with the mother--can't get/hold/keep a job--with a child to support? Really?
Happily it seems some good has come from it with regard to you & your SD.

It seems like there is no legal contract on her living there - so has she gained rights in CA by just living there? Maybe SD would come live there if it was an option - and the utilites shut off at the house as was suggested as well as changing the locks!

I can only imagine how hard this is on your stepdaughter. It's not easy on the adults but as a young girl it can't be easy living with possible eviction from her own dad. Whatever you end up doing, I think that your husband did the right thing by putting his daughter first. What kind of a father could knowingly let his daughter live on the streets? Not your husband and I think that's admirable. The fact that his ex takes advantage of the situation is terrible but her and her craziness are part of the deal you entered into when you married a divorced man with a child. When your stepdaughter is older she can turn out like her mom or her dad. Let's hope she'll remember this moment as a time her dad went above and beyond for her well being. Let's hope she remembers that he was motivated out of love and let's hope she turns out like him. So be careful how you guys proceed as your husband's relationship with his daughter will be forever and you don't want him to resent you if she ends up resenting him.

uh, let's hire an attorney, and OBVIOUSLY prove that she is not stable, and get custody of the child and kick her happy rear out on the curb. i can understand not wanting to kick baby on the curb WITH mom but seriously, paying child support AND mtg....maybe you can have that taken to court and all living expenses you guys paid to her deducted from cs and go a few months without paying her a DIME.

REALLY? isn't the point in a divorce is because 2 married GROWN ADULTS cannot co habit ne more??

it'd totally flip on my husband if he EVER brought that idea up to me...let the kids stay here YES but not the EX!! and yes if either my or dh's ex couldn't provide for the kids and co habited with someone OTHER THAN grandparents, YOU BET i'd be after custody!!!

stand your ground girl, now that she's passed the 30 day mark, you HAVE to give her legal written evection before you can make her leave (in oklahoma law)

now i have a question for you.........how long REALLY are you willing to put up with this?