I was wondering if anyone had any experience with the "month long" visit that my husband is supposed to get during the summer. Problem is that his paycheck is garnished and sent directly to the Ex. So the month that we are supposed to have his son, she still gets paid. We do not make enough money to pay her, and to pay childcare for the month that he is with us... Is there ever a way for the courts to "withhold" the month that we are supposed to have him so we can use that money to get childcare for the month?
I am facing this issue as well. I would love to hear what you find out. Would you mind letting me know if there is any way to get that changed for those month long visits? I tried to get an amendment to my divorce papers, but will have to consult an attorney to fight for that one. I would appreciate the info! Thanks!
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Have him get ahold of Father's for Equal Rights. The time the child is with his father, the funds don't need to go to the mother since the father's expenses for the month are higher due to his care of his son. Keep reciepts. Is she spending as much on back to school and clothing? sounds like the father is doing all of that. Should be half/half.
I don't know about the legality of gettin the support for the month, and I don't want to sound nasty, but I think a week of 80% father and son time would probably be better for the boy then a month of nights and weekends.
I hope you do get something worked out so that you can hava a good summer visit.
We (meaning my husband and I) are on both sides of the equation. The answer to your question though is NO! Texas doesn't consider that to me an exception but rather a priveledge that you get to keep him that long. If you'd like some relief from it though you could always request him two weeks at a time. That's what my ex-spouse does.
Consider this though: I know you know by law you're required to pay his health insurance and I never could understand why the non-custodial parent complained about this. But remember that child support is used to house, clothe, feed the child. While your step-son is there his ex-wife is still paying rent/mortgage, electricity, water ...you get the idea. Another this you might consider is take a look at your own daughter. Take a pen and paper, and for one month look at what you spend on her...then cut that in half. Is what your husband is sending even comparable to that?
In my case my husband pays $789 per month for ONE child. We have permenant custody of his son and we still pay her support for the daughter. If we were to go back to court she would get nothing...but we want his daughter taken care of. I get for my two girls $550 a month. He pays a substantial amount more for one child than I get for two!
I know it's hard watching your income go to an ex-wife, but I assure you it's not even a drop in the bucket to what she spends on him monthly. If she takes him to school, picks him up...the gas prices are outrageous and I don't see anyone raising the minimum child support percentages to reflect the cost of living? School lunches go up every year.
I never complain about my husband paying his child support even when his daughter is here. She stays extra weekends with us because her mom is single and we take her every opportunity we get.
I feel as though I can give an unbiased oppinion on the simple fact that I'm on both sides of the child support issue. It's his child and his duty and he gets him for a solid month I think that's terrific!
The custodial parents bills still continue during those summer months. They still pay for health insurance, braces payments, payments on Dr bills, the cost of maintaining the home, credit card payments for those glasses he needed, the clothes he needed, the sports he plays, etc. (obviously the situation is different for everyone, but you get the gist) So unless there is a mutual agreement between the custodial parent and the non-custodial parent - nope nothing can be done.
I am sorry you are in pain and anguish about this. Parenting, marriage and making it all work is hard, especially with an ex involoved. I agree with most of the advice seen here today. The one thing that is really getting to me as I read your post is the about me....you haven't even acknowledge that boy with even the title of "step-child". You and your husband should be excited to have this little person ,if only for a month, for him to be able to bond with his sister. Blessings to those little people that have to put up with us big people.
I have been in both places and understand. I was married to a man with a child and then I divorced him and had a child. There is no way to stop the month worth of payment. It is standard in the state. She should set it aside or send some with him for extra spending. We never used the entire month either. On the other hand it is standard in any divorce that he is responsible for the health insurance, child support, and 1/2 of any medical expenses not paid by the insurance. Also, it is great he takes that week off. Gives them some much needed time together and bonding time. He is a very lucky little boy to get that time with his dad. My husband does that now to spend some time with the kids just him and I go to work. They love having that daddy time. Having an ex who did nothing even though it was court ordered was very frustrating. So, you are lucky to be married to a man who understands he legal and moral responsibilies to take care of his child. He should also pay for part of his activities if he can. Children should not suffer because their parents are idiots and can't get a long. It is obvious you are resentful of his obligations. These are all standard court orders in any divorce, they come along with marrying a man with a child. I just hope your feelings over them do not come across when his child is around. It's not his fault. My ex and his new wife did, and it got so bad his rights were terminated.
Child support is for exactly that- the suport of the child. Even while the child is visiting you the custodial parent still has to maintain a home (pay rent/mortg.,Electricity,Water, Sewer). All those items are considered support for the child.
I know it doesn't seem fair, but that is just the way that the courts see it. We went thru that for 4 yrs. Now we have had custody for 11 yrs.... Whoo Hoooo one more yr and then we will not be getting CS anymore. We are actually looking forward to the day when we can cut that bond with the ex.
ON another note....
Wow the exsouse in your situatin is lucky. We only get $200 a month for two teenagers, WE pay the insurance, WE buy school supplies, WE buy school clothes, WE pay for any extras that come up. WE also pay for auto insurance (they are drivers now), and WE paid for 1/2 of their firt car (our children paid the other half). I WAS a stay at home mom, but had to become a Work at hom mom to make up for the ex's child support that we can't count on being her on time. She is sometimes 2 to 6 months behind. By the way... our teenage Son eats more than $200 in groceries in one week!
I have been where you are years ago, only with more than one child and 2 exes.....so consider yourself lucky in a way, only one ex and one child. It's an honorable thing your husband chose to do in taking good care and providing for his 1st child......that doesn't get negated because he chose to have another child. Please remember that your not "paying" or "giving" money to his ex-wife, he is merely providing some support for his child, that will help you if you can change your thought process, he's just providing for his child, which is only right. HE has 3 options 1) go back to court to change the order for his "month" 2) discuss this with his child's mother and see if she will agree to return partial payments for that month. or the most logical to me would be to just continue to take him to his normal daycare, which she most likely will have to pay 1/2 for to keep his spot anyway.
The whole idea of the father having an entire summer month with his child is so that they have adequate time to bond and live together and really spend time together, it's important for fathers to really be with their children. I would advise you to remember that the ex and her child came first and hopefully swallow some of your bitterness, it sounds like your husband is doing his best to provide for his child which is only right! Remember you'd want to be cared for also if it ever happens to you, and please don't say "oh, no never" because you just don't know what life has in store.
This is just my opinion. I am on the receiving end of child support and I don't agree with you on some points.
I receive 25% of my ex's pay to care for our two daughters. Yes, in numbers it does look like a lot, but lets be realistic here... IF we were still together, he would be putting 100% of his pay towards them just as I do now. I don't see how anyone has the right to complain about the low amount requested for support.
Now, as for the summer month that the girls go to their dad's, he was complaining about the same thing. How it didn't even out that he had to pay child support and also pay the daycare for that month. I explained it like this... Just because the girls are not staying with me doesn't mean that I don't have to pay the same bills while they are gone. I still have to pay all of the living expenses that I normally would. I also told him that on a normal basis I do receive his support, but I have to pay for 100% of their care, daycare expenses and ALL the extra things. I just don't understand how some parents think that the child support is helping the ex out that much.
Anyway, sorry to get all involved, but I think the way the courts have it set up is good for everyone, especially the children.
Unless your husband is paying thousands of dollars to his ex-wife she probably is not rolling in the dough from child support.Does she not have to pay rent or a house payment when your step-son comes to visit?
You can see the difference in understanding the situation from both points of view. Actually Ithink you are getting of pretty good by not paying for his daycare for the rest of the year. My court orders are that the boys dad pays their insurance, childsupport and 1/2 of daycare and meical expenses. Why shouldnt he? Just because he doesnt live with us anymore doesnt mean the exoense of the 11 months of the year they lived with me were somehow offset the exense of 1 stinkin month they spent with him. I jsut say suck it up.
If you know you are going to have to shell out some cash for 1 month in daycare in the summer, why can you not save that money for the other 11 months? Why do people think that just because someone gets childsupport they are rich?
My sons are now 13 & 15 and let me tell you, the big ol $300 a month I get goes really far..... I pay $160 just for their lunch at school. So maybe its not such a bad idea for you guys to get a little understanding of the tricky ways mothers have to budget while actually raising these kids on one income.
Your husband's child support goes for the support of his child. For the entire time his child is under the age of 18. There are more than just the monthly bills involved. As far as insurance and all the rest. Of course, your husband has to pay half. The child is half his. Their agreement does not sound any different than any others that I have heard of. My husband and I were in the same boat for many years. You do a disservice to his child by only keeping him for a week. The only thing that this is doing is hurting the child by saying "this is all about money, not time with you." The courts will not allow you to stop paying support for the month that you are supposed to have him. I understand the issues with money, but this needs to be about the child. Save up the money through the rest of the year or get a neighbor, or make some other arrangement to make sure that you guys get the full time with his son. Trust me, it is really important that you make this happen now for the future. By the way you are not a "First time mom to a beautiful and vibrant baby girl" you are also a mother to a son. My husband told me to put that in since it seems that you are forgetting him.
Okay,I wil try not to be too harsh as I am on the flip side and recieve the court garnished child support. I do not know what your husbands court ordered child support is but trust me it is never enough! You are complaining about just one month! And the Dad is only taking him for a week because he can't afford child care?? I think that is very sad. I would advise yall to save up for added exspenses when you know the child will be coming to visit for the Summer. I also think it's sad that in your "about me" there is no mention of your step-son.. Okay maybe I am being too harsh but this little boy did not ask for the situation that he is in. And Money should never be a factor as to why a parent CAN"t parent.
Is he going to the same day care that she uses? if yes - she should continue to pay the day care. If he is not - maybe she would agree to help - as she would have to pay a portion at his normal day care to keep his spot - they usually don't hold spots if you don't pay.
she does still have her normal bills - for housing & utilities - because ideally child support helps with those bills. so her need for child support is still there.
It's great that dad takes time off to spend with his son.
Do you possibly have a friend that is a SAHM that would agree to watch him during your month.
Well AG I am a mom and I am one who receives child support. What the non-custodial parents fail to realize is that one month out of the summer is nothing. Save up for the month and make arrangements for your husbands son to come and stay the entire month with his dad. People need to realize when you marry some one who has children the children's needs do not go away. What about that mom who has to make things stretch with the "child support" the non-custodial parents gives. I am sorry but I get a little razzled with people who make excuses why they can not take care of a child for 4 weeks. If your income does not support that then apply for scholarships for the time that he is there. They are out there. YMCA, Boys and Girls Club etc. Child-support is used for the support of the child, the child still has to have a place to live when he returns after the ONE MONTH he is with his dad. The child still has to have clothing and food when he returns. You do not know how the mother uses those funds and frankly a it is not you or your husbands business that is why it is call child support, and it is to assist the custodial parents with the care and needs of the child does not mean it is spent on tangle items for your to see. To complain about the extra your husband does for HIS child is very ascinine and you need to hope you are never in the other women shoes.
All I can say is...join the club of second wives who disagree with the system! My husband has twins from his first marriage, so we pay $1,500 per month (which is equal to our house payment). We also pay half medical, half for braces, etc. And while we're entitiled to have them 6 weeks in the summer, we're lucky to get maybe 1 or 2. And yes, my husband has to take his vacation at the same time.
I understand where you're coming from - it's not fair. But I've been through this (8 years now) with enough lawyers to tell you that they will not lower or deduct the child support during summer visitation. The courts view it like this - the custodial parent still has to pay for the child's clothes, home, school enrollment, etc. we
There are 2 things you can do. First - stop buying them clothes. This is what the child support is for. Second, since your husband has a new child to support (your daughter) you can go back to the court and get a reduction on the support to his first child.
See, with twins , we would normally be required to pay $1,875 each month. But since my husband now has 2 additional kids (ours), we get a 20.63% discount. So we only pay $1,500.
Here's some law offices that advertise on Mamssource that are usually willing to offer a bit of free advice:
The Wright Firm
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Toll-Free: (877) 353 4600
McCurley Orsinger McCurley Nelson & Downing L.L.P.
Attorneys and Counselors at Law
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Dallas, Texas 75225
The child support is meant to "averaged" out over the year so that we don't have the administrative mess of figuring out when to "withhhold" support. The guidelines take into account a month in the summer will be with the paying dad. Health insurance is an additional part of support and also considered when setting it under the guidelines. I can only assume he is paying the right amount of support, and health insurance premiums which is what the family code is set up to do.
Try to change your thinking on this and know that you probably have a much nicer standard of living, your husband is a great wage earner, and the kids don't have to feel bad about either parent's living conditions. If things change to make the support too high, your hubby can go back and modify it. J. D., family law attorney, wife and mom
Everything you're paying is "standand" for child support orders. He is responsible for continuing to pay even when you have child for extended times. The only thing you are NOT required to do is overindulge him with clothes and shopping when you have him. Also, I would check his Divorce Decree because I've never seen child support state that you have to pay for "extra activities." That should be coming out of his "support payments." Don't be in the dark. Read the decree. Father's guilt could be putting an undo strain on your finances.
No. It would not be a good thing if non custodial spouses got to pick and choose when they paid. What you have listed is normal in Texas and fair although as pointed out by others it does not come close to the actualy costs of raising a child. I wish people could look at visits as a wonderful chance to have a relationship with the child and I wish they did not view child support and 'giving to the ex'. I am single with two teens and received nothing until 'dad' passed away and now the kids get survivor's benefits.....hope you can get past the financial aspect of having your hubby's son in your home and enjoy the time you have with him....he needs his dad.....
CS is intentionally calculate based on a 12 month period. So, if you want to get around not paying CS for a month, you need to compensate and pay more the 11 other months. ;) Obviously, you don't want to do that either.
I suggest that you put aside $30-$40 a month throughout the year to help pay for these costs.
It is standard in TX to pay for health insurance and half of all medical/dental/eye dr bills, so you don't get credit for any of that either.
I understand what you're saying because my step-daughter lives 1200 miles away and we have to spend about $1300 just in AIRFARE to get her here and that's not including the child care cost while we work and such. So, yes you double pay for the time that your step-child is with you, but CS is spread out over a 12 month period on purpose, so there's no way getting around it. You just need to learn how to budget around the situation.
What you have to remember is that her bills don't stop. Even though you have the child for a month, she can't very well tell whoever she pays rent to "sorry" I can't pay you this month. Child support is not just for buying clothes and food, but also for putting a roof over his head and making sure he has electricity. As far as I know the courts won't "withhold" that month. Maybe you could look into a different type of childcare, like in someones home? Sorry if this is not the answer you wanted to hear, sometimes it is hard to look at it from a different point of view!
Been there...in your shoes...my two stepsons are now 16 and 12. My husband and I have three of our own (5,2,1). When we got married we went directly into a two year lawyer frenzy and we got custody of the boys. Their mom was unstable with living arrangements and boyfriends and lifestyle. This was a case were child support did not support the children. We wanted our children to be in a stable environment which is why we fought. Just recently, God burdened me to truly build a relationship with their mother, I did and it has made a huge difference.
I know that you have gotten more responses from the ex receiving child support than the other way. I do know that you do love your stepchild. I do know that you did not write this to disallow him, but you are frustrated and went to a source that you thought we be supportive (not always agreeing, but supportive for a mother) They should have read your words of frustration and understood what you were trying to say and not criticize so much what you didn't say. I am sorry. Yes, there are many cases were child support is used correctly, but there are more and more true dads who are trying to fight a system that knocks them down at every turn and tells them that the mother will get the kids no matter how bad her situation is or how good the dads is. It is frustrating and I pray these women who accept child support understand how lucky they truly are and quit bashing. No matter what anyone says - it is always about the money unless no child support is paid either way!!!!
I am one of those "ex's" and not to be mean a lot of "new" wives have this problem. Thank god my ex's "new" wife gets along with me. Does your husband owe accrued money that he did not pay before paternity testing? Is the "ex" a single parent, or has another man supported your husband's child? My husband of five years supported my youngest since he was 6 mo. old while his "biological" father has yet to make a steady payment. And no the courts will not withold the month that you have the child. My child is six and is going for the month and I will still receive payments. And I am glad so that even though my "ex" and I are best friends and his wife as well, I want them to see what I have to sacrifice when his paltry sum of money is not really enough for one child to survive on. My husband pays not only insurance for a family of four but also supports both boys. You kind of sound petty, are you saying that this poor woman does not deserve to get the money because of one cruddy month. Your arrogance is a slap in the face to all mothers who have to put up with women like you who don't try to co-operate for the sake of the child. You're making it about yourself, stop now or the child will resent you.
Coming from the other side of the fence, as a single parent with custody, I'm almost certain you won't want to hear what I have to say, but...
The court will not suspend child support during visitation. My ex tried. Consider the fact that 99% of all daycares charge daycare fees even if absent to maintain the space. The rare exception is when they have a policy in place to allow "vacation" time away from the daycare and even then, it's usually only 2 weeks allowed per year.
It doesn't seem terribly fair but your husband is responsible for paying support and for child care during the visitation. My suggestion is asking the child's mother if she would consider helping with the daycare costs (provided HER daycare does not charge her regardless of attendance, she just might) You and your husband would be a better judge of whether she might consider it.
Unless that is stipulated in the child support agreement, then you have to pay an attorney to get an injuction to go back before the judge. Typically this is spelled out in the intial agreement and when changes are to be paid they are typically at the expense of the dad to the benefit of the mom. If you can't afford the entire month, then continue to work with the week that you have been sacrificing and tell your husband to possible "CONSULT" an attorney on the best action or contact the local Attorney General's office and speak to one of their attorneys. They get paid with taxpayer funds and should probably be able to give you guys a consultation. Good Luck!
I don't think there is any way for the court to not to the support for one month. Read his divorce decrea, we have to give a notice by April 15th to not keep the children for the month during the summer. I bet it does not say you have to pay the child care either, read the divorce papers. We have agreed to pay 1/2 of the day care during that month.
Some thing that I have learned these men feel guilty and the X plays on that. Help as much as you can but don't agree to pay for every thing that is what the child support is for.
Hi! I can totally relate...my husband has an 8yr old son who lives 10 hrs away (car drive) so when he comes to see us we have to pay for plane ticket and child care, and child support and usually clothes because his mother sends him with hardly nothing! The mother does not work, she goes to school and has been off and on for the past 5 yrs, and yet has nothing to show for it. She lives with her parents, and lives off Financial Aid from the school and child support that we pay. It makes me so mad that we have all these extra expenses to get the child here and have him with us for a week or longer and she is still getting the child support during this time. I asked my husband if there was a way to change that, and he said yes, that he has looked in to it and that he'd have to travel to the city where the child lives (where the court order was filed) and make the request to a judge in person. He said that is not something they allow by mail, or teleconference, it has to be done in person...my husband is very active about calling the attorney general and asking questions and staying involved and current on whats going on. So perhaps your husband should call the local Attorney Generals office in the area where his court ordered child support agreement was filed and ask them what it would take to revise his agreement for summer visits. My husband refered to it as a "Skip a month" plan. Hope this helps!!! Good luck!
When my ex used to get my boys in the summer he would just notify the child support people that he was having kids and they would reimburse the money that was garnished from his check onto a card for him as well. I would make sure that all that you input into his welfare was computed into the divorce papers and if it hasn't been then I would be refiling for child support change.
As a single mom i'm not going to get on to you that the child support is owed to the custodial parent. My ex husband takes our daughter one month in the summer and he and his girlfriend never complain about the money. They are not rich either. They have a child of their own plus she has a son. They are just grateful that our daughter spends time there. You have to look at this little boy as your son. If i was in your shoes i would just be happy i got to see him for a month. I know its hard and money is tight for e v e r y o n e!!! It is not about the money it is about the child. Its so hard nowadays with exes and stepchildren but the ones who suffer are the kids. I'm sure if you got on the ex's good side she would be willing to help. You have to understand that even though they are not married she is still part of the family because of that child. I hope it works out. If money is still an issue then stop buying the clothes in the summer and in the fall. You are not required to do that. Save that money for the childcare in the summer. Good luck and just keep being a loving caring stepmother that this little boy is lucky to have.
I have no help for you as I am in the same boat, I read the responses hoping that someone had some good advice. I really shouldn't have. Cause now I am really angry. I want to know what in the world the moms with custody who want to complain "that our bills dont go away in summer" think happen to our bills the rest of the 11 months of the year. We pay for a bigger house with more bills so that my stepson has his own space here, those extra bills don't go away either. When also have him a good portion of other months with dinner nights weekend visitation, holidays, and extra things, who is helping us out with those added bills. My husband says that its like paying for a car payment and only driving it 4 days a month. You get the car the rest of the month to enjoy, you can pay for the upkeep. We would be more than happy to have his son full time, and we would be more than happy to absorb the "extra cost" to enjoy that that time.
A.G. You just dont even worry about bitching, there are plenty of us out there who hear you, those that dont, don't have any idea. But some of them will one day when its their son who is getting taking to the cleaners.
All good advice. I know that you can't stop child support for one month although you technically have custody of the child for that month. The cost of healthcare is actually deducted from the calculation of child support so if the ex was paying the child support than your husband would be paying more. I'm actually a single mom who has a court order for child support and I receive nothing! I also am the one cover the health insurance and I receive nothing for reimbursement. I applaud those that pay child support and don't complain because they see it for what it truly is for - support of the child not the ex! When I got the AG involved my ex systematically alienated me from my oldest two. I currently have one that refuses to talk to me. All because he didn't feel like paying his "ex" his money. In fact he has told my children that I was stealing his money.
I hope that your husband isn't as frustrated as you sound. Relax and enjoy the month that you have with your step-son. I hope you husband is. Raising children in a divorce situation isn't easy but when they have two loving parents who put the childs needs first then the child truly does win in the end. And that is what is important.
Most daycares do not give any vacation or if they do you still have to pay 1/2 of the normal rate, so the Ex will still be paying childcare. If you are able to continue at the same daycare for that month that is the best option, if not maybe taking part of the time off as vacation time from work would help. I can't speak to child support payments because I'm not divorced, but I do know that my sons daycares do not have paid vacation time. You could find out your stepsons daycare policy on paying while on vacation by just calling the daycare and asking. Maybe you wouldn't feel so taken advantage of if you had this information? At least both sides would have all the facts on the daycare costs. Good luck and hope your stepsons visit with you and his dad is still a happy one.
The same situation happened to us. Unless you can work out an agreement with the Ex to offer to reimburse you the money for the month that the son stays with you there is really nothing you can do. Child support is based on a percentage of what your husband makes per year and can not be altered due to weekend or summer visits. If the Ex is understanding and fair and you have a good relationship with her then I dont see a problem with you and her coming to an agreement on the money issue, we did and it worked out great for all involved. I dont think money should ever be an issue when it comes to the well being of the children and family time. Like you, I was a stepmom and we paid for new clothes (for the summer, winter and even new clothes for the new school year). Not to mention shoes, activities and 1/2 of all healthcare needs, etc., Back when my husband had his wages garnished it seemed like lots of money taken out of his check, but somehow God took care of our needs. We did not get to go out to eat much, drive fancy cars nor live in the best of areas... but we did what we had to to make ends meet. Good Luck and I hope you can work out the money situation. There is no amount of money that can take the place of spending time with family.
I've been on both sides of this situation. I married a man with 2 young daughters. There were plenty of times when I didn't think their mother was spending the child support we sent her like she should but it really wasn't our decision how she chose to spend that money. What really mattered was that the girls were being cared for. My youngest step daughter came to live with us when she was a sophmore in high school. We were very excited about this. We told her mother that she didn't have to pay us child support..partly because she made it sound like she had no money and partly because we wanted to have my husbands daughter living with us. So she wouldn't have to pay child support, we didn't take her to court to have the support reversed. We sent her a check for those 3 yrs and she mailed it back to us. Even though the ex threatened to take my husband back to court to get more money all the years the girls lived with her (we paid more than was court ordered for yrs), we didn't want to act that way when the tables were turned. His daughter being with us was more important. We took on the responsibility of caring for her, provided her with a car and insurance when she learned how to drive, and medical insurance. Those were 3 great years and brought us closer to my stepdaughter than we had ever been.
Unfortunately, my husband and I divorced after 16 1/2 yrs of marriage...and now he pays me child support for the 2 kids we had together. We had an agreed divorce and agreed on what his financial obligation should be. I believe this was better for our kids and better for our relationship (this is a must since we're both still raising our kids even if we're not in the same home). I use that child support and he doesn't ask me how. He knows the kids are being taken care of because he lives close and can see them almost anytime he wants. We did have an issue last fall when he wanted me to pay more than we had agreed for something for our youngest. I admit I got angry and told him there were a lot of things that I paid for during the year that I never asked him to help with. I listed things off so he would realize what "extras" I had to pay for that he didn't seem to think about. He might have been disappointed that I didn't cave and just pay him more, but now maybe he realizes what some of the extras that I have to pay for are. In the end, we both want the kids to be happy, healthy and have everything they need.
One more thing, I also noticed that you didn't list you stepson in the "something about me" section. It might have been an oversight, but for a long time, I had 2 sons and 2 stepdaughters. Since the divorce, I have 2 sons and 2 friends. I'm a lot closer to the one who lived with us as she was growing up. Something to keep in mind as you're raising your family.
We are in the same boat. My husband has two sons from a previous marriage. Last year we took the boys for the whole month while the ex got the child support. Luckily I teach, so I was able to keep the boys, however, we didn't have any extra money to do any extra curricular activities. My husband and I decided this year that we would only get the boys on the weekends during July, and this worked out better financially. I don't know about the courts withholding child support from the ex during your month long visitation. Any time you go to court there are lawyer fees so it would be better to work this out with the ex like we did.
Sounds like you have gotten a lot of advice, and a lawyer is telling you to call them. I'm a paralegal and basically yes, you still have to pay the court ordered child support, no matter when and how long you have them unless their are stipulations in the Orders or you go back to court. It is great that you guys are paying half of clothes and all that. The fact is you don't have to. You usually have to pay 1/2 of medical copays, prescriptions, etc., but I'm sure you already know that. Yes, also you are entitled to that month off, and you will have to figure out how it is best for you to keep that child for the month (or only the week if that is how you choose to do it). Sometimes there are Kids College camps and the like that run through the summer from 8-5pm or various different times. My advice, give that lawyer a call, and let a legal person tell you all this, and this way you can ask questions back and forth.
First of all its nice that you would have concerns for that. But, there is no way a court order is going to change that. Your husband is that childs father, and he's suppose to do those things for his child. Doing half is fair. He's already not there full time, so he would want to contribute somewhere. By law he get the summer month automatically with his kid regardless. Now, if you can't afford him during that month, that is not his mothers problem. They are not going to say you stop paying for this one full month that he's with you. "NOT GOING TO HAPPEN". Why don't your husband go to court and reguest a change in his visitation and opt out his summer month visitation. But, regardless he's still going to have to pay the spport. Sorry. H. it works out for you.
The fact that your husband's paycheck is "garnished and sent to the ex" is a blessing for the child. You should not look at the situation as "paying her." Your husband is supporting his child. While the boy is with you, his mother's expenses are still the child's expenses, too. That's still his home, and the rent, electric, water, etc. are still due whether he is there or not in order for him to have a home to which to return. Medical expenses are required by the court to be the father's expense and therefore a mute point.
It's good that his father provides clothing and other things. Often, the minimum paid in child support just isn't enough for many single parents. Some dads do nothing to help. I'm proud of your husband's responsibility to his child. I hope he did everything he could to make his previous marriage work.
Your situation is just a sad fact of divorce.
I feel your pain nothing you can do with the courts we get my step boys for 6 weeks during the summer and we still have to pay the support! Unless she is willing to send you guys maybe half of the support back then there is nothing else you can do! SORRY!!!
I'm recently divorced, but on the other side of the situation than you. It's my understanding that there's no way to 'freeze' support, nor would I want it done that way. Because the kids are with me the majority of the time, that money is really to pay for not just their child care, but shelter (i.e. I now own a smaller home that we had when married, but I'm providing a stable home environment), food, clothes, most other things that kids need (cost for the gifts to bday parties, fees to go to kids play places, fees for their extra-cirricular activites, swimming lesson, etc...).
I'm not sure if the Ex lives in the same city as you guys, but often I've heard of couples still enrolling the children in a day camp / child care and splitting the costs. Maybe she would be willing to do that? Mine are enrolled in a summer program at their current pre-school/day care and I'm not expecting my Ex to pay for that during the summer. I'm just paying for it like I usually do.
Good luck! I hope something can be worked out where it's a win/win for everyone!!
Sorry we have tried to fight this. The courts say Mommy dearest needs the money for monthly expenses like rent that do not change even when the child is gone. We have been in the same boat before. We are lucky that my husband works at home now, so he can watch his children for his visit. I wish I can be more helpful, but the courts are stacked against caring helpful non custodial parents.
I know it may seem like you guys are paying alot but if you were to cut his exspenses in half you would find your coming out on top. Also you have to remember that having a child also changes where you can live. If you dont have a child you can live in places less exspensive, smaller and the area can be less nice because it will only affect you. The courts will not stop the payment of support for that month and if you were to put yourself in her place then you might understand why a little better. I'm not trying to be rude I just want to give you the side from a single mother who is owed over 26K for a blind 4 yr old. Children change everything and child support from a father is a must. Most women dont come out on top either with child support. I'm sure your daughter may also get a bit more than the son if you were to really look at it things. I now have a step daughter of "bonus daughter" as I like to call her (i'm no longer a single mother, but I was for years) so i'm not just being one sided. I have seen this from both sides. I hope things get better though. Have you talked to the ex about the child care part and maybe you guys can come up with a solution so the boy can stay longer? God bless you all! I know its hard being a step mother, and your entitled to have resentments if you feel you do. However you sound like a very loving and caring women. The world needs more step mothers like yourself. Remember that. I would think the ex would want her son to get to see you guys longer so maybe she would be willing to help.
That's totally not going to happen. I had a friend who tried to have that happen with her husband's kids and it didnt work. And really, I don't think it should. I think that is just a silly idea.
I'm not divorced or married to someone with kids, so I don't know exactly what you're going through. But my kids and I spend one month every summer out of state with my parents. Our bills do NOT decrease that month. I don't pay for food or a lot of activities that month, but I have NO extra money that month. It's not like a vacation from bills. I still pay rent and utilities and HOA fees and make payments on medical bills, etc.
I know it's not the same thing as what you're experiencing, but really....being a parent costs money. You can't nickel and dime the time you get to spend with him.
All you can do is budget your money better during the year, so that you can afford to have a great month with him during the summer. Surely, you could find a gal from your church or playgroup who could help tend him inexpensively that month. Or even a responsible teenager you know.
You have 11 months to plan for his visit. I think you could do it if you wanted to. Just imagine what you would want your child to experience if you and your husband ever get divorced and he's married to someone new. Try to create the experience for your stepson that you would want your child to have.
Wow, I just read the other responses. Lots of angry women. Wow. Women mad at women, and taking it out on children. Amazing. This is the stuff therapists are made for. Poor kids.
According to the law of the divorce they automatically take out child support no matter what I know this because it is happening to me and they are taking 1/2 of my paychecks. The only thing I know to do as a start is to get ahold of the atterny general and see what they say, you will probably have to get a lawyer and see if you can change the divorce papers so that you don't have to pay during the month that you get the kids. Good luck. :)
Are you in Texas? We were required to keep paying child support for my DH's 2 kids even in the summer. We were supposed to only have them for 42 days, but ended up having them for the whole summer and his ex got $800 a month for us having them. It stinks! I know, but in Texas, that is the way it is. We also paid for 1/2 of EVERYTHING!
Good luck! It does get better. I never thought it would. My oldest step child is 21 and my youngest just moved in with us and now her mom has to pay us!
AG - I'm sorry for the situation you're in and I totally understand, although in my situation I'm the one that receives the child support (but I work with my ex-husband for the benefit of my boys). My only suggestion to you would be to stop providing the clothing for his son throughout the year. Don't get me wrong, I think it's wonderful that you do but his mother should be providing that with the child support your husband pays. Instead, you should set up an account and save that money to pay for his expenses for the time he is with you, especially during the summer. Best of luck to you.
Unfortunately I don't believe you can take the month off. We had the same situation when we were early in our marriage. We were lucky to find a teenager at church willing to keep out kids for an amount we could afford.
I do have to say your husband is doing the right thing by paying his child support and providing all the other things that you both are providing for his son. It should be up to the mother to give the father the money back so you guys can put him in child care while he is with you. But you know how that will turn out. You will somehow just have to dish out that other money for child care and then claim it on your taxes. Just always makesure you as the new Wife always have a good relationship with your step son.
My son is now 18 and his father was never in his life. But now wants to cut off the child support $100 a month. He never paid for years so he owes back support and thats why they are still taking it from him. What is $100 a month going to pay for. When you want the best for your children.
I hope you care for your step child as much as your own child.
The reason she gets child support during the month that you have the child is simply because they take your husbands annual income and divide it by 12, giving her a small portion each month of what it takes to raise a child over the year. You or your husband might try reasoning with her. Explain that since she will not have to incur any expenses on the child's behalf that month that the money needs T. used for his childcare while he is with you. I would not mention that the only other alternative is the child only being able T. with you for a week... I am sure the ex will jump right on that. How old is the child? Is the amount of child support going to cover his childcare??
It is difficult to pay child support when the child is with you, however, many of the expenses remain whether the child is with you or with mom. The law is set up so that "first child first". I am a mom with custody. My daughter's dad chose to only see her on the regular weekend schedule and never took her during summer for exactly the reason you give, however, I think my daughter and her dad missed out on a great deal for not having daily contact for extended periods. Her dad died two years ago and now the time will never be spent together. There are many low cost ways of keeping a child. Have you considered letting grandmother keep the child or another trusted adult? Many of the community day camps are minimal cost. You should do your very best, including cutting out "things" to keep this child a part of his dad's daily life.
I am recently married to a wonderful man that has two sons from a previous marriage. I also have two children that are not his. Up until my oldest stepson graduated, we were paying child support for both the boys despite the fact that he was living with us and my youngest stepson was still living with his mom. My husbands ex wouldn't let my husband see the boys for 3 years while my husband was paying child support. My two children have different fathers. I have always had problems getting any support from their fathers. Until recently I was only getting $170 a month for my 7 year old. That's not enough. While my youngest stepson spent as much time with us as possible, we had to fly him from Dallas to Amarillo and it had to be on his mom's schedule. We had to pay for the plane tickets and for everything else while he was here and she refused to allow him to bring a bag with him so we had to make sure we bought him clothes every time he came to us. My husband was also paying her child support during those months. Despite all of that we were just happy to have him here. We barely got thru those months because we would have had no extra money to do extra things while he was here, but we put back some each month (which stretched us further) because we wanted to make sure he had a wonderful time. You and your husband need to think of the fact that the "ex" still has bills while your stepson is with you. Yes you have more bills to, but you have a full 11 months to plan for that. My husband and I would get gift cards every month and put money on them to use during the month that my stepson was here. He always had a wonderful time and we never had a lack of funds due to our saving and planning. I see it from both sides since I am a stepmom and a birth mom. As a stepmom I kind of see what your saying, but as a birth mom, I feel you are being very selfish.
It sounds like your husband is a good and invloved dad. As you have seen from the repsonses previous to mine, it would be very difficult to get a month off on child support. I have a daughter from a previous marriage and we have gone through 9 summers now. My ex and I live about 30 min. apart. I am now a stay at home mom. When she was in day care, he would just take her to her normal day care. When I started being home full time, I get to see her during the day most of the time or she goes to work with him. I have a suggestion that may seem harsh but it is practical so that you have your time in the summer. Your husband covers child support and insurance like he is supposed to. The child support sent to the ex is money allocated to take care of the child's needs. Your husband could cut back on the extra he does through the year to save for child care during his month in the summer. I know it is tough to reglue things that just never should have been broken. Hang in there. The most important thing is loving and takig care of your step-son.
I don't know how it is in their papers, but my ex is required to pay insurance (including half of co-pay, meds, etc.), clothes for his house, and child support. He also pays for half of her activities, but that is not court mandated. That is something that we agreed to, because we both want her in activities such as ballet, etc, and I only receive $200 per month. This does not even completely cover my child care costs - let alone food, house, etc. Although he does have my daughter for 30 days out of the summer, they figured that into the support. Infact, if he does not keep her for the entire 30 days, he is required to pay me $100 more during one month of the summer. I usually don't ask for that extra, as he is in summer school, and I know he doesn't get the 30 days he would like to spend with her. You may look into the finalized papers to see if there are specs on this - as it does seems like she may be getting a little much Have a good day!
I am a single mother who has never received a single penny in child support. (My ex never holds a job long enough to have wages garnished). I have always made sure that his kids could see him though because it is about THEM, not MONEY. I feel really bad for your step son because you can't get past the money issue. Believe me, I know how hard it can be financially. I never got my kids involved,and never mentioned child support to them or around them, but kids are smarter than we give them credit for. They are now 22 and 15, and they appreciate how I was able to manage. They have both pointed out that they know dad never helped out, and thanked me for being the "responsible" one. Your step son sees what is going on whether you realize it or not just like my kids did. Mom's bills don't stop any more than yours do. You aren't obligated to buy all the extras for him, just pay what is due and give him extra love and affection. He needs time with his dad more than shoes or clothes. Please don't think I'm being harsh - I just lived the other side of your situation and don't want him to grow up resentful of you and his father. It breaks my heart when I hear my kids say how dad didn't care about them.
I had to rewrite this, but wanted to add to this discussion. I agree with you, there should be away to help the parents that have the child for the summer to give them some relief. After all, the ex-spouse, would still have to pay her own rent, utilities,etc... and has not got the extra mouth to feed while the little boy is with you. Insurance coverage does not stop because the child support stops for the month. So many mothers are bitter though because of absentee dads, because they have the day to day stress of dealing with childrearing problems all alone, if they are not remarried. They are a parent 24/7 all alone. That being said, it sounds like because you are having money problems you are focusing on the child support, but that was always there from the time you married and this was known going in, or it should have been. People have got to stop getting married and having children just because they can and then being dismayed with the cost of bringing them up. The only way I can see to help you understand the seriousness of makeing this little boy feel welcome in your home(they know and feel more than you think) is to imagine having to send your precious precious baby to stay with someone that was having a hard time justifying paying childsupport the month she was with them. You are going to have to do some soul searching or there will be scars. There are so many step families out there that do not let the child go happily back and fourth between families, you don't know it now maybe but you should be grateful for another sibling in your daughters life. It will be a blessing one day. Please nuture this little boy while you have him and try to put aside the money difficulties.
I am sorry to say, but ther is nothing you can do but pay the child support. I understand, because we go through the exact same thing. The courts look at as she still needs to be able to pay the utilities and housing so the child will have a place to go back to. I hate that, because I know in our case the mom does not use the child support for the child, she gets plastic surgery and anything else she wants for herself. I feel your pain!
I probably shouldnt have read all the responses either because it makes me angry as well. You were asking for advice and not to be lectured about child support. There is a Fathers for Equal Rights organization that help with these types of issues. My boyfriend and I have a son and he has three other kids for which he pays support. He pays practically a house payment so all the bills fall on me to pay. I love all the kids and treat them as well as I do my own.
I'm on the other end of the child support issue. I pay child support and I get the 1-month summer visitation in July. Like your SP I also pay for everything else too. My daughter is 2 and I admit that it is hard for a single parent of two to make it this day and age. I shop for clothes that my daughter uses at my home, we don't share. She has things at her father's home and I have different things at my home. I don't understand why your SP is paying for 1/2 of the extras activities, that is not required by the decree. The custodial parent is accountable for expenses that he or she opts for the child. My daughter goes to a summer festival with her sister and I pay for it not him.
Every parent that is on CP has to make that summer payment regardless if the visitation is taken or not. I was told that the court expects you (non-custodial parent) to maintain the lifestyle of the child. I have taken on a second job and I save for daycare expense in the month of July. That is always an option... Make a little extra money for the month of July... See if some of your family can help out, friends, check with those that are close to you.
BTW, your SP should get the full month visit no matter what. That is standard in the decree. Talk to him, fight for his right. You can message me anytime; this is my 2nd year being divorced and enduring child support. Congrats on the baby girl! Take care, T..
There is a form that you can fill out ONLY if the ex-wife agrees to it and it has to be notarized and give to whoever is over your child support. My child support goes thru Guardian Ad Litem and they accept this form. I let my son live with his dad for one year, and I didn't make him pay me. I only did it out of the goodness of my heart, but the court said I didn't have to because it was his choice to have him live with him. Remember, even though you may not have him for the month, child support is still child support any way you cut it. And if it's garnished, it probably more of a hassle to get it suspended than it is just to pay it. If the ex agrees to it, just ask her to pay you in cash and still let it be taken out of his check. Keep it simple.
Unfortunately, you cannot change the CS for that month. I feel your pain. We were in the same boat for many summers where we had my husband's two sons for the month and still had to pay $1500+ (plus all the other expenses you mentioned) to the ex-wife. Doesn't seem fair, does it?
I understand that some of that money should go to the other parent but the whole support check when we soley had the kids? That was always my biggest complaint with system.
They might if you have the right lawyer. Also does the EX have childcare in place. If so there is no reason why the child can't continue to go there while you are keeping him. It actually would probably be better not to take him out of his regular schedule.
My husband had the standard posession with his son and now has custody. Child support is still taken over the summer unless that is in your paperwork not to (which hardly ever happens). My step-sons mother owes us over $20,000 in child support and we would still have to send him on his summer vacation. Another thing you can do: Explain to the ex that you can not do child support and child care and state that you will have him for one week and all the weekends but will return him for the Monday-Friday part. Maybe still get him on the Wednesday or Thursday night if he is close. Now since this was not stated before April 1st, as in most decrees, the ex can say no and come up with her own plan so be prepared. Good Luck.
As for the lady below complaining that you are concerned about money, we need to be respectful. I can understand that the child care expence and the child support expences TOGETHER can be A LOT and the TOGETHER seemed to be the issue.
NO way NO how, she needs to get a life and realize the support is for the child and not her! get an attorney to go to court and get an adjustment, because if the child is with you the money needs to be with you to take care of the child.
Those with negative responses must be on the receiving end of the CHILD support and probably spend the money on everything except for the child.
Be strong, be steadfast, get an attorney and stay encouraged.
It makes me really angry when adults do not do what is in the best interest of the child especially BABY MAMA's with a grudge!
God Bless, I am also a step mother with a similar situation.