Torn - Jamaica,NY

Get out of your marriage and don't sleep with your boss. You need time to figure out who you are and what you want in life. Once you get on your feet and feel strong and confident then you can think about a relationship.

In the meantime, stop responding to flirting from your boss. It's unprofessional and coworkers are probably noticing and will gossip even if nothing happens.

Does anyone have the illiterate-troll-to-English-dictionary?

Take your child and leave. Separate your finances. You're not in love with your boss and he's not in love with you. Being treated with kindness is not the same as flirting, and it doesn't mean he loves you. It just means he's a normal human being. Except you're so desperate to be treated with kindness that you can't tell the difference.

C.:

Welcome to mamapedia!

I could have sworn someone posted about this before from Jamaica, New York...left her husband and then went back....yeah...and was falling in love with the boss...

There is NOTHING to be torn about.

1. Rigid education and/or upbringing does not allow for abusive marriages. At least not in my book. So you need to GET OUT of your marriage. Divorce him. Find a W.'s shelter if you need help.

2. DO NOT mess with the boss. EVER. Stop and think for a second. I don't know your relationship with your boss - however - it could be that he respects what you bring to the table at work and is NOT trying to "hit on you". You could be reading more into it because you WANT and DESIRE love and attention.

So to reiterate:

First and foremost you need to leave your husband and divorce him. Get a custody arrangement set up ONLY deal with him in regards to child custody and child situations. If he hits you again - call the police and file charges.

If you see yourself having a future at this company? Then you had better keep your legs closed and your demeanor professional in the office. Divorced or not. You do NOT mess in the company ink.

If you are "well-paid"? You don't need to be financially dependent upon your husband.

I just don't get how grown women don't know what to do in cases like this? What would you tell your best friend to do? Would you tell her to stay? I don't think so!! So if you are well-paid - LEAVE. Get a divorce. Get a counselor so you don't fall into the same patterns again. You should NEVER feel weak enough to allow a man to mistreat you - I know it happens. However, you CAN avoid it. Learn how to defend yourself. Take Martial Arts classes....get counseling so you can feel better about yourself. You have to love yourself and your child enough to leave and NEVER return. You both deserve better.

Good luck!

Leave your husband, find a counselor who deals with domestic violence, find out what you want in life, ------- then and only then decide if you really want a relationship with this man.

If you are in an abusive relationship you need to get out. Not only do you need to get out of that relationship, you also need to press Pause on any future relationships. You need to be able examine (probably with a counselor) why you have allowed yourself to be treated like this by someone so that you never again enter into an unhealthy relationship.

If your husband is abusive, you must leave, especially since you have a child. Don't look at your boss as your savior. I am not suggesting that he is a bad person, but you are not ready to enter into another relationship right now. Keep your job, but make it clear to your boss that you must be professional and that you aren't in a position to be dating anyone.

Why do I feel like I have read a trilogy with this same plot line.

Tedious first question....

C., you have two separate things going on.

1. You are in an abusive relationship.

2. There is some (probably) mutual attraction going on with your boss.

I know they feel connected to you, but they're not.

When you're in an abusive (or even just unhappy) relationship, the natural, almost universal thing to do is to be attracted to someone else, and to dream that that person will "rescue" you. That's normal and understandable, but it never, EVER works in real life.

What you need to do is very clear and simple. Get OUT of this relationship. Stay in a shelter if you need to, but leave today and do not go back.

And then, quite simply, do not have an affair with your boss. Forgive me for being a bit blunt on this last one, but there's a name for people who have affairs with their bosses. You know what it is? Unemployed.

You need this job. You need this income. It's fine to THINK about your boss. But you have to be really brave and strong right now. And that means getting away from your husband -- fast -- and not acting on these attractions, not even a little bit.

First off if your husband is abusive LEAVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!! You should not stay in a relationship like that. That does not mean you run to your boss. You need to get some couciling and take care of you and you child. Once you do that and you want to see where things going with your boss if your job does not have rules about employees dateing then at that time go for it. You don't want to just jump from one disfunctional relationship into another. You need to know who you are alone with your child.

Your boss knows you are married. If you can stay with the company and transfer to a different department so he is not your boss and you don't have to deal with this, do it. Or start looking for a new job because he is breaking ALL kinds of sexual harassment rules, I believe. Any man who moves on a married woman, regardless of how "nice" and "wonderful" he PRETENDS to be, is a dirtbag. He is making a choice to mess with you in this situation - he is NOT respectful.

If you are in an abusive relationship, contact a woman's shelter. They can help you with counseling and preparation.

The LAST thing you need is a relationship for a LONG time. You need to take care of you and your child. If you do not do this, your child will either learn how to be a VICTIM or an ABUSER. Do not put your child in this situation.

Welcome to Mamapedia!

I would definitely dotheaffare.

You are right.... it is not right on many levels.

First off, you need to leave your abusive husband. There is no reason why you should put up with treatment like that. Do you want your toddler to think that is the way to treat a person in a marriage, or to be treated that way when he/she grows up? If you stay in a marriage like that, you are telling your child that that is what marriage is all about.

Then, once you have left your husband, DO NOT continue to do anything with your boss in a personal way. Having an affair with your boss is SO WRONG in so many ways. I like the analogy of "crapping where you eat" ..... yes, that is a good description of what you are doing when you have an affair with your boss at work. If something goes wrong, guess who gets canned or gets in trouble? You will......

Wow. I'm having déjà vu...

Anyway, the most important thing is that if you decide to leave an abusive man, you must do it SAFELY.
A woman's center can instruct you in the best strategy to do so.
This is when women DIE--when they initially leave. So do it right. Needs to be planned.

That said, you can see that the "boss" and the "affair" should be at the bottom of your "to do" list.

You love your job? Great! Them you don't NEED to depend on a man.
Support yourself and your child: the two most important things, right?

I agree with Gamma G, and everyone else who tells you to stand on your own two feet and dispense with these men.

Yes, if your boss knows you are married, he only wants an affair.

If it doesn't feel right it isn't. Temptation always comes at the perfect moment when everything may not be going right in your marriage. But remember he got divorced from his wife for a reason if he was such a great catch and so sweat to his own wife he would still be married to her! Whatever caused his marriage to break up could cause u to break up with him down the road and they'll be damaging two relationships your own and a new one with him. Getting attention from him is nice and all but that is not what a lasting relationship is based on. A true relationship has it's ups and downs but the commitment is still there. If your husband is committed to making this marriage work then u should seek out counseling and spend as much time as u do talking to this other man talking to your husband instead. What causes spouses to look to others for attention? When their not getting that attention from their spouse. If only your boss would have made his ex feel as wanted he may have still been with her now. And if only your husband would give you the attention you desire you would have no need to entertain anything with another man. I don't think God would send someone to try to break your marriage up but he will help you put it back together if you both want to fix it. God bless!