Taking Away the Binkey............................

You're probably going to get a lot of opinions with this question. I personally think if the binkie is only to sleep, then there really isn't a problem with it. My daughter used it until about 1 week after her 3rd birthday. She never went in public with it, she ONLY got it for nap time and bed time. I thought it was going to be awful taking it away, which is why I waited so long to do it. We told her that her new cousin Natalia needed her binkie becuase she didn't have one. So one day we went to her house, my daughter put the binkie in Natalia's crib with her, and we left it there. The first night was rocky, but after that, she didn't even miss it. She was too happy to give it to the baby.

Stick to it, you are doing great. My daughter was 2 1/2 when we took hers away, it took only a few times for her to ask and be reminded that the other babies need her binkies more than her. If you give it back you will be taking a huge step backwards. Eventually she will take naps again if she needs them. Maybe you could cuddle her a little in the afternoon, she will probably fall asleep with the comfort of you.

Good Luck

Sam
Mother of 3
Devin 7, Donovan 6, Mya 4

Hi S.,

I went through something similar when I took the pacifier away from my son. He started to have difficulty at nap time and he cried himself to sleep for 3 nights before nights were fine after the pacifier was taken away.

I found that if I lay with him at nap and rubbed his back while listening to soothing quiet music, he was soon off to sleep. I could then get up and do my normal routine that I did when he napped.

I believe you will be setting up a vicious cycle if you give her back a pacifier now which may play into other areas where you say no then give in if she keeps up a fuss.
L.

If you give in now and give it back ... she has won. Why would you want to do that? You have already talked to her about it. She will go back to napping. Do you put her down for a nap and make her stay in bed for an hour? It is only Sunday and you did this just on Friday, so give it another few days. It takes a while to break a habit. It is easier to have her get rid of it now than later.

As far as nap time, she certainly needs a rest time during the day, where she can lie quietly and be read to, or she can read to her new bear, and maybe she'll fall asleep too...as far as the paci, that's up to you and your husband, to give it back or not, but if you do give it back, don't do the fairy gift again, but maybe with your daughter, decide on the 'I don't need it anymore' time (later, not right away), and she can be in charge of the disposal ceremony. Our little ones have excellent memories, and I'm sure many years from now, she can tell you all abut this time!
good luck. W. Huff

S.,
Ask yourself a simple question...Am I doing this because It is really important to me, or am I doing it because of pressure to do things the "right" way?
I have four kids. My 8 year old had his bink until he was 3.5 and he is a very bright 2nd grader who does not have any dental problems. My almost 4 year old was never really a binky baby and he is currently in speech therapy. My 8 year old just stopped wetting the bed last year, my five year old was potty trained at 2.5 and after the first week was dry through the night. He hasn't had an accident at night in about 2 years. THEY ARE ALL DIFFERENT! They all have different needs and they all develop at a different pace. If she really wants her binky and she needs it to nap, then why deny her? Is it really going to keep her from getting into Harvard someday?? Lol! With my oldest I had a rule of after 2-years old he had to keep the binky at home. He agreed very easily. Besides, I see kids in my son's kindergarten class still sucking their thumb. Can you imagine the germs they are picking up? Yuck! A binky at nap is not going to make a difference in their life. If people judge you for it, don't hang out with them :)

I just wanted to say thank you for asking this question. I've been debating whether or not to take my sons binkey away (he's almost 20 months and only uses it for naps and bedtime). I think based on your responses I might hold off a little longer. I'm scared of losing the nap, esp with #2 coming in August! Thanks again and good luck. I'm sure whatever you decide to do will be the right decision.

Hi

Sorry to overload you with yet another response. My daughter had hers until she was 3. She LOVED it! (she's 6+ now) My son who is 8 now never used one past 10 months and my baby 17 months also did not want his past about 6 months. My feelings are that they are OK if they are not using them around the clock or in public. For naps or bed time I don't see a problem. They are soothing to them - what's wrong with that. It did break my heart to take it away when she was 3 (we went to Walmart and purchased a pony with it) and then went cold turkey. She got over it pretty quick . I say let the little ones enjoy their comforts a bit longer - they grow up too fast as it is.

Hi S.,
We also used the "Paci-Fairy" to get rid of the binky with our daughter. We talked about it for a long long time - that it would happen at some point - we had a new baby in the house at that point and didn't want to rock the boat too much. My daughter was 3 and 2 months when she was finally ready. She announced at dinner that the "paci-fairy" was coming tonight. We reminded her that this meant that her pacifier was going to all the babies that needed them and that she wasn't going to have it anymore. She was fine with it and it went great - no issues. I think because she was older and we let her make the decision on her own. On another note, she did have a small overbite because of the pacifier use but the dentist told us not to worry. It's now been 7 months and at our last dentist appointment last month her teeth had already corrected on their own!!
My experience with my first daughter is to coach her in the right direction and then let her help make the right decisions. We'll see if this works with our second daughter!!! Who knows....
Hope this helps!
C.

Our pediatric dentist said there was no harm to the mouth/teeth until about 4yo. I would think there is more harm (to you,especially) if she will not nap. We waited until about 2 yrs 9 months, and this was after I had forgotten once of twice on an overnight trip, and I knew she no longer NEEDED it. There will come a time over this next year when you see a window and she will be ready. Then, I just did not have it at nap and bedtime and said it was gone (I was not even creative with a story). It was rough for 2 days and then never spoke of again. 2 months later our next arrived, and he uses a paci, and she has NEVER mentioned hers. I would give her a little more time.

I wouldn't give it back now that you've gone through this whole binkey fairy thing. That would be too confusing. I personally would have started with only at sleep times and then taken it away at nap at first and then bed instead of cold turkey like that, but now that you've done it this way (and there's nothing wrong with doing it this way) there's no going back. You could set a tone for all things forward if you go back on this now. So stick it out. How has she been acting without the nap? Is she acting tired? Could you move up her bedtime? Would she sleep in later without the nap? My two oldest stopped having naps at 2 or there about. They wouldn't go to bed at a decent time at night if they had a nap during the day. As they get older they need a little less sleep. If she's sleeping 12 hours a night at the age of 2 then she is getting enough sleep for her age. So if she's not acting tired by say dinner time or something then I think she's fine.

You are doing great! Don't give in now...

I think you should think about giving it back. She's still so little and clearly she wasn't ready to give it up. I would simply give it back to her and tell her the fairy had a change of heart and decided she still needed it for a little longer. It's not you giving in, it's the fairy. None of my 3 children ever used binkies, but my oldest sucked his thumb until he was 5 and my 9 month old sucks 2 of her fingers. I couldn't and still can't take away the fingers. They just decide on their own, with a little encouragement from their parents when to give it up. But, it really comes down to what you feel is right for your child and for your sanity. Good luck

If you haven't yet caved, then please don't!! I think it'll be better if the binkies are just gone - that's it. If she still needs to nap, she'll get back to them soon. But at this age, a lot of kids are ready to give up naps anyway.

I will say that I haven't yet taken away the binkies from my 2.5-year-old twins, and that's exactly why - because I'm not ready for them to give up their naps!! However, I also think that going cold turkey with the binky is really the best approach. Once you take them away, throw them all away and DON'T LOOK BACK - she'll adjust very soon. Good luck!!

Hi S.- I enjoyed reading this thread because I have an almost 2 year old who I swear is never going to give up her bink! i haven't pushed it b/c we just welcomed baby no. 2 three mos ago and I thought it would be too much- the way I see it, I'm going to wait to see as she progresses towards 3. I feel like we beat ourselves up on trying to do things when we are "supposed" to do them, and then our kids seem to show us the window of opportunity when they are ready...

I would give it another day or two since you have come this far, but I forgive you ahead of time if you decide to give it back to her (maybe just at nap time?)!! Will it be slightly confusing, probably. Will she really remember that it was confusing, probably not- she'll just be happy to have it back for a time...

I know lots of kids who have napped until 3+. I wouldn't be ready to have my daughter give up naps if she seemed to be doing that well with them!

I hate to respond...b/c you're already gotten so many and after awhile I know it just gets annoying...but I have to say something. My 18 month daughter just had her regular check up and the doctor said get rid of it...NOW. The consequences - $4000 in braces and possibly jaw surgeries down the road. He said he doesn't think there's anything wrong with a baby with a binkey, psychologically or whatever, but research shows, binkeys cause the upper jaw to grow bigger or something crazy. Keep at it. Don't go backwards, unless you've got money to burn. Hope that helps. : )

She's over 2 already so she probably won't be napping much longer anyway maybe to make for the naps you could put her to bed earlier. You could also give her a binky if her speech is fine and she's not using it during the day only to sleep whats the harm its better then wanting to suck on a bottle all night. My oldest never used a binky and he will be needing braces and my youngest used one but gave it up on his own before he turned 1 he just lost interest in it. Sometimes its best to let them do things when they are ready.

My son had a binkey only to sleep since he was 10 months old and it "disappeared" when he turned 2 1/2. We had had his first dentist visit a couple of months before and the dentist (specialist for children) STRONGLY SUGGESTED that we get rid of it as soon as we could as its the worst thing for their mouth (teeth may seem OK now, but the mouth structure can be affected in the long run), even if they only use it to sleep.

It was a difficult 7 to 10 days but once you start, you NEVER go back. The fairy took it so its gone! Once you give in, it will make it that much harder the next time.

So, keep at it, comfort her A LOT and help to soothe her and eventually she'll learn to sleep without it - she has her blankie and other things so she'll eventually be fine. She learned to sleep one way once, she'll learn this way too.

I have a 4.5 year old who also stopped napping when I took her pacifier away at the age of 2. She hasn't napped since. It made for very long days and grumpy dinners. I now have a 22 month old also. After experiencing that with my first I am probably going to let her keep hers longer, maybe until she is 3? She only uses it for naps and bed. Everything I have read makes it seem like that's okay. Maybe you could try a "Nap Nuk" and only use it at nap time?? Not sure if that would work but may be worth a try?? It's so difficult when they don't nap. I feel your pain! Good luck!

My 3 1/2 yo still has his 'paci' at nighttime & at naptime (naptime on the weekends only, no paci at school)... He's been to the dentist twice and everything looks good already. We talk about the paci fairy too, and he knows that there will come a time when the fairy takes the paci & leaves a gift. I am figuring by the time his 4th bday rolls around, we'll make the move. I'm not pushing it. It really has been his one comfort. In your case, since you've already taken it away, I'm not sure about giving it back. I wouldn't say she's 'won' as was suggest, my goodness she's only 2!! Just do whatever YOU think it right and will work for you. Don't worry about what anyone else says or does. I promise she won't have that paci when she's a teenager :)

Dear S.,

Sounds like it's been a rough weekend for you. I will just chime in that this is obviously you & your husband's decision, and I don't think you should feel bad whichever way you decide to go in the end. I don't see the harm in leaving her have the binkie just at nap and bedtime. A couple of posts said that babies don't need as much sleep at 2 and that simply isn't true. Many if not most babies don't get enough sleep - a 12 hour night PLUS a nap is critical for many - getting more sleep allows their brains to develop better so you want to encourage sleep as must as possible. With this in mind, I can't imagine any harm in getting her a binkie for nap time if that's what she needs.

Please post and let us know what you ended up doing. Best of luck!

My son is 3 and still uses a binky when he sleeps (and he holds two in his fists as well!). We told him a while ago that binkies were only for sleeping, and he was fine with that. At first we took them away all together, but his sleeping definitely suffered, and we decided it just wasn't worth it.

Now that you've already gone through the binky fairy thing, it does get trickier, as others have said. If you try a few more days and still are not getting her to nap and have decided you'd like to do a small reversal, maybe you could say that because the binky fairy took the other binky, you'll have to go buy another one; she clearly isn't quite ready for the binky fairy to visit. I don't think there's any harm in changing your mind, as long as you're not giving in during a tantrum and as long as you don't make a habit of making decisions and not sticking with them. Afterall, that nap is really important to you!

I've seen that some people are telling you to give it back and others are telling you not to. Really, I think at this point it is up to your personal comfort level. Are you okay with letting her not nap or crying when you put her down for a nap? If you're okay with it now, how long will you be okay with it for? If you can't tolerate it and maintain your sanity, give her the binky back! You can always try again later. However, if you feel that this is important to you and you are willing to stick it out despite the fuss, don't give it back.

Kids are really flexible. You're creating a relationship with her, which means that both of you have to learn to adjust to meet each other's needs and desires. That means her, too! If you don't give her the binky back, she will learn that this is an important issue to mommy and she will adjust to it. And she will learn to nap if she is tired without it. If you do give it back, she will learn that this is not an important issue to mommy and that it's okay to ask for the binky if she wants it. Either choice will be fine for her development. You just have to decide what message you want to send her.

In sum, I think she'll be just fine no matter what you decide on this issue.

I don't have advice, but I wanted to say I feel your pain. My son turned 2 in March. He was very attached to his pacifiers for sleeping. We took them cold turkey and he is fine (meaning he doesn't cry for them or tantrum or anything), but he just didn't know how to nap without them. Before we could get him over the hump and into a new nap routine, his 3 year old brother taught him to climb out of his crib. Now if we can coax him into a nap (rarely) in his new toddler bed, he only naps for an hour or 1.5 hours instead of the three he was doing before.
Oh well. I hope your daughter works through it!

Hi S.. Okay DO NOT GIVE IT BACK. It will make it harder to get it away from her. I know it is hard to see her like that trust me went through the same thing with my daughter. I wanted to give it back to her so many times. It has been a year with out it and she is fine. It will just take some time for her to adjust to not having it. The first three months I think are the hardest. She and you need to re-adjust your whole thinking and movements on using that binky. She will soon forget about it and start taking naps again. She maybe reminded of naps and binky's as the same thing. But once she forgets about the binky she will nap. Have faith you will get there in time. I sending out some big hugs to you I know what you are going through. Good luck to you.

J.