OK so I am sure some of you may think that is harsh but it is how I feel. I am the mother of a beautiful 16 month old who 2 weeks ago was happy all the time, agreeable to whatever we were doing and very loving,. It seems like overnight someone has switched out my baby for a new one. She tuns her head when we try to kiss her, she is crying whenever she doesn't get her way. She is suddenly a much pickier eater, she is hitting, and yelling back if you can imagine that in babytalk. I am so deflated and overwhelmed. This really did seem to happen overnight. She is not sick at all and does not show signs of teething. I am firm with her and tell her no 1000 times but she immediately does the same thing. When I reinforce "good girl" she will do the opposite of the behavior I am praising. So if she is standing on a chair I will say sit down. She will and I say good girl, then she smiles and stands up. Then I will take her down and she runs back and does it again. She totally knows what she is doing, it's a game. I h am a stay at home so she gets plenty of attention. I have also done time outs for 1 minute but with no success. PLEASE HELP!! I get that some of this is normal but all of it can't be and I need an effective form of discipline before I end up in real trouble. I have also considered that she has limited communication but she does communicate needs such as milk, hot, diaper, more, all done and no. I am a student and busy mom with several commitments so taking on a book isn't ideal for me but I will take any suggestions you have. Thank you and blessings.
Hi C.,
I wanted to follow up on what the other mom said about Love and Logic. I teach Love and Logic both privately and in group classes and I believe it would help trememdously. The next class starts next Sunday, the 15th in Rio Rancho at the Unitarian center on Abrazo. I would invite you to come to the first class and see if it is a good fit for you. Please call me if you would like more info. E. at ###-###-####.
Hi there,
You are not crazy, you have a child who is in the 18 month old developmental cycle. Things turn dramatically at this age. I'm a parent educator and have dealt with this for a long time. This is a huge TESTING age. She wants to know what happens if I do ...
Her independence is king now, no matter what you say, and that doesn't make her bad it makes her strong willed, which is a drag now but a blessing in an adult.
Her testing is trying to find out how much control she has in every thing that you say NO too. The child is willing to risk being told NO so she can find out what happens after the NO.
Time out doesn't work at this age. And as you say reading a book is too much. However on my website the most popular AUDIO seminar I offer is "Correcting Toddlers. In that seminar is a great understanding of the age and a beautiful, respectful yet very firm way to correct them. You will use this method until she's almost 3.
The beauty of the audio seminar is you can listen to it on an MP3 player anywhere you are and when ever you have time and as often as you like.
Go to www.proactiveparenting dot net and read all about it. Read the philosophy page and then see the produce under Seminar Store.
I think it will address all of your concerns.
Good luck,
S. @ ProActive Parenting
Your daughter is acting exactly like she should be right now :) Hard to hear, but oh so true! I have 4 kids aging from 10 years old-18 months and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM turned from a sweet toddling baby to a holy terror right around 16 months old. It was like another child came and stole my babies overnight. 18 months-2 1/2 years old is a really challenging age because they can not communicate with you. But I think age 3 is the hardest because then they get smart and can manipulate you! Just be firm with your daughter and CONSISTENT! You are raising a strong-willed girl, which is hard to parent, but will serve her well as she gets older!! God Bless!
Sounds like she's normal, but that doesn't help you much. Sorry :( I will say this - PICK YOUR BATTLES. She wants some independence. Some girls like to pick out their own clothes as young as your daughter. She DOES have to get dressed, but you can ask her would she rather wear this shirt or this shirt - or just let her pick anything - who cares if it's not perfect or doesn't match? (This was just one example I've thought of)
But really, I think people end up having more problems with tantrums, etc when they are constantly saying No, and not letting some things go. (And yes, I know you have to say "No" a lot too - I have 3 boys!) She is learning her limits and to make her own decisions. The more choices you give her, the happier she will be that she has some of her own choice. (ex: snack time: You can have an apple or a piece of cheese, etc etc.) While sticking firm to the important things (You have to buckle in your car seat. Would you like to do the top buckle? etc.)
Just my thoughts on what has made it easier to get through 3 toddlers (still getting through it with my 1 year old and 2 year old :)
Welcome to the terrible two's. Next is the trying 3's and the f'ing 4's. As my friend so eloquently warned us. The terrible two's begin near the age of 1.5. Time out is a concept that your daughter cannot understand at her age. The best course is to redirect and use a very authoritative voice. Remember that you are the mom and you are in charge. If she continues to stand on her chair, remove her from the table. Be consistent and she will eventually get the idea. Consistency is the key!
I understand a lot of what you're going through right now as I am experiencing the same behaviors with my 18-month old. When she continues 2 or 3 times to do what I just asked her not to do I simply re-direct her attention to something else, i.e. when she won't stay seated I remove her from the setting and put her somewhere else where she can walk around and play. I don't force foods on her, but I do encourage her throughout the day to eat different things, and most of the time by the end of the day she has had a pretty well-rounded diet. Sometimes she's too tired or too distracted to eat. They like to stay busy at this age, but they won't starve themselves. I have replaced most of my "good girl" responses with "thank you" when she does what I ask. I don't know if it helps, but I think I'm setting her up to know that I appreciate it when she responds appropriately. And as far as the crying when she doesn't get what she wants - I simply tell her crying won't work in her favor & let her continue. Most of the time she stops on her own & finds something else that will please her. God bless you! It's a lot of work, and, like you, I'm hoping it will all pay off soon!
Read "Parent Effectiveness training"
I know you said a book isn't ideal for you, but I think it is the most effective way for you to learn an effective discipline plan. I would recommend reading Love and Logic by Jim Fay. It is an amazing book that will help you throughout the years and is best if you start early. It sounds like your daughter is testing the limits and seeing what she can get away with. She is seeing how much she is control of her world. Jim Fay talks about giving our children choices that we can deal with either option so our children feel they are in control of their world. For instance, with the chair incident you were talking about, say to your daughter, "Uh oh, would you like to sit down on the chair or would you like me to take it away?" If she choses not to sit down or to stand up again, you would say, "Bummer, looks like you chose to have me take the chair away." You would then put all the chairs in another room that she can't enter or up on top of your table. I know it sounds like a pain, but soon she will learn that as soon as you say "Uh oh", you mean business and she better stop doing what it is that she is doing or she will suffer the natural consequence.
I highly recommend these books. I have followed them for years and they made a tremendous difference in my children. It will be worth your time to sit down and read them. They are an easy read. I hope that helps and good luck in your efforts.
