So what is the proper way of dealing with surgery. Do you wait for the person to get out or do you drop them off and come back when it is over? Is their like a diffrent way for freinds then family. I would expect freind or family to wait for me I mean I asked them to come with me so I must trust them. I have a surgery before and I don't like to be left and wake up to nobody.
My good freinds mother is having sugery on her kidneys or bladder one of those. Her boss told her that she didn't need to be their all day just drop her mother off come back to work and go back after work. The drive to the hospital is like an hour away so like two to get their and come back. Her mother will be their in the hospital for five days after the surgery and sounds like she isn't happy about that either.
I wasn't sure what to tell her women are more worried If the cancer is opened and it touches anything else it is bad then it is spread, if they cut a little bit into it and urine gets anywhere it is bad infection, I guess but the risks and other stuff I am sure are I would rather be their at the hospital no matter how long. On top of this their is a chance her mom might be on dialysis after this (I think its the kidneys). But it bothered me that her boss is being so insesitive to her. For men is it diffrent? I know her boss a man had sugery on a body part a few months ago and that was his point "so and so dropped me off". Well she has a family kids and her spouse is taking time off for this operation to. Cancer is scary and I feel he is being a hugs butt, So i was just wondering if maybe our feelings for this situation is crazy maybe we should eas up or not.
For minor surgery, I'd be happy to be dropped off.
But, your friend's boss has no business telling your friend to drop off her mom and go to work. This surgery sounds a bit more difficult, and your friend should be able to stay at the hospital for it. If your friend has a HR representative, she should talk to them, not the boss.
For major surgery, I think the hospital generally wants to have a family member present during the surgery in case there are complications, etc. A minor surgery is different, but this is obviously a major surgery where someone should be available.
If her boss is not cooperative, your friend should talk to HR. Under FMLA, a child can take time off (unpaid in most states) to care for a sick parent. It'd be ridiculous to have to do FMLA for a one day surgery, but it is an option if her boss is uncooperative. Plus, if her mother will need after-care from her during work hours, it may be a necessity. If she's been on the job for 1 year, hasn't had FMLA during the past year and works for a company that is large enough to be required by law, then this is an option per Federal law.
What a jerk this boss is! He is about "do for me and not for your mother". If she has time off, she should say "I'm taking a personal day" and to heck with him!
A family member needs to be there for the staff and surgeon to have access to in case something goes wrong. They need to stay in the waiting room so that the staff knows where they are. This selfish boss is lucky that he didn't have complications and need a family member to advocate on his behalf.
No, it's not different for men on a general basis. This guy in particular just doesn't "get it". It's one thing to think that way for himself. It's quite another to think that his staff have to have the same thought process.
Like I said, to heck with him!
Dawn
The boss is being beyond rude and tackless. Besides the sensitivity of the issue, and the travel time, how much work would she be able to get done anyway?? Her mind would be on her mom.
What kind of work does your friend do that would make that big of a difference if she were gone for a day???
I have had five knee surgeries and I have always ran the driver off. Generally there is > < this much time it will always take. Go away for that! Boring as heck to just sit around a lobby reading old magazines. That way they can come back and maybe have to wait a little bit and be there when I woke up.
Seems like a win win, that way I don't wake up to this bored grumpy face that ran out of things to do 20 minutes into the surgery.
Sure any surgery is scary but the person getting it is out cold, they aren't afraid, they are sleeping. So I guess to me it is insensitive to the people who are awake to leave them nothing to do but worry about me. Make sense?
So I guess it isn't a man thing.
Now the travel time? That is just silly to spend two hours driving to get in maybe an hour or two of work.
I think it really depends on the operation. If it is in patient under general anesthesia (which is sounds like this is) then yes, I think someone should stay throughout the procedure. If it is a routine out patient thing then a drop off and pick up is probably ok.
I've had many surgeries - from knee surgeries, to tonsillectomy and hysterectomy...
When I had my knee surgeries, my husband took me and went over to the Starbucks and got a coffee while he waited. It was done at a surgical center that was not close to our home.
When I had my hysterectomy - my sister took me. She came home (we are 1 mile from the hospital) and came back when they told her I was in recovery (we had to be at the hospital at 0600 and she came home to help get my boys off to school, etc.).
The boss is wrong in this case. I wouldn't drive an hour back and forth. I would wait. That's me.
Her boss is very unreasonable, and really, I think she divulged too much information to him. He doesn't need to know the scope of the surgery and her mother's health history. Actually, if he probed to get her to tell him more about it, he might be in violation of HIPPA laws. She doesn't have to explain everything to him, just that she must be there for her parent and is taking the day off.
There are a lot of things going on in this post so I'm going to try to address them all.
My mom has had numerous surgeries over the last few years - intense caridac surgery (repair of ballooned heart wall, then 10 yrs later aortic valve replaced),, hip replacement (both hips), ovarian & uterine cancer surgery (hysterectomy) and eye surgery, etc. My husband had spinal surgery behind his neck becuase his hands were not properly working due to spinal damage from a car accident. From what I've lived through, the more intense the surgery, the less chance that the patient has any idea or recollection that you're there or not. For my mom's latest heart surgery (3 years ago) we did not stay at the hospital - you can't go in to see the patient for many hours afterwards and even then the patient is completely blotto and doesn't know or remember that you were there. A few days later when my mom was a little more with it - but still in bad shape she said "I thought they said I wouldn't be awake right after the surgery?" she had lost a day and was certain that the afternoon & evening the day after the surgery was the same day of the surgery. (They kept her really snowed that day.) When my husband had spinal surgery (in the city) (NY) and he wanted me to sit in the family waiting room all day. Knowing what I knew about how long surgeries take and how many hours it would be before they'd let me see him, I waited about a half hour then went for a walk along the river promenade, then went for breakfast. When I got back to the family waiting room I still had time to read a book and scan a few magazines before I was able to go see him in recovery - for 5 minutes. They had him up and actually moving around - he talked to me, told me he had feeling in his hands, again, then fell back asleep. The next day he had no recollection that I had been there.
Waiting at the hospital is more about the family members than the patient. The doctor can come out and talk to you in the waiting room or he can give you a call. Assume the very worse thing happens - what will the difference be if you're an hour away or in the waiting room? Can you do anything to change the outcome? Of course, not. In one of the large university hospitals around here the doctors don't even come down and talk to you - they call the family waiting room and talk to you over the phone. It would work just as well as if I was at home.
I've waited at the hospital and I've gone to work and I've also gone shopping during love ones' surgeries. It was way worse waiting at the hospital. The chairs are uncomfortable, there's nothing to do, there's no benefit to the patient, there's too much time to worry instead of being distracted, etc. BUT - if it makes you feel better and puts you at ease, why not?
As for the boss, maybe he's been there like I have and thinks sitting at the hospital is just counter-productive. But - if your friend has days off that she can take why doesn't she just take those days off?
Also you asked about cancer, and opening up the patient, if it makes the cancer spread. There's nothing about the air, or the surgery that makes cancer spread. Assuming the cancer is going to spread, usually by the time the cancer is detected and surgery is required the cancer has begun to spread any way. If there's anything it could be argued that the healing process after surgery makes a person's metabolism speed up to heal, which could, maybe, perhaps, cause the cancer to grow more quickly - but there's nothing to really prove that. If an oncologist want to do the surgery it's becuase the cancer must come out. If it's in the lymph nodes the cancer has already begun to spread. The good news, however, is that cancer treatment has imroved so very, very much that people who used to perish now go on to live quite a while. My mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer more than 6 years ago - and she's still with us. It use dto be a death sentence - now it's chronic care. A person's outlook has alot to do with how well they do after a cancer diagnosis
Yeah, that's not a small surgery and if the boss can't understand that she's the one responsible for the person having the surgery, then he has bigger issues...
She has every right to take the day off to go sit at the hospital.
For a major surgery, there should be at least one person at the hospital. Absolutely. I dropped my husband off for Lasik, and picked him back up. But he stayed with me and took the morning off from a very important job when I had to go under general anesthesia for a minor surgery that did not require hospitalization.
I would take the whole day off and stay there. It sounds like a pretty serious surgery and what if the doctors need to ask questions or anything? I'm sure her mom would feel better knowing she was there even if she can't be in the surgery room. He must be insensitive! I would not want to work for him.
