Son Reads Too Much?

V.:

There can be a compromise - my husband was like this as a child too - his parents told him he HAD to go outside for AT LEAST 15 minutes or something like that WITHOUT a book and PLAY before he could sit down to read a book.

I would seriously consider counseling for him to find out WHY he doesn't want to participate in life and only wants to escape in books....if he won't answer you why - he needs to answer to SOMEONE why....

best of luck!

You might want to research hyperlexia . . .

I was very similar as a kid and it is not always a good thing. The irony is I have two children who detest reading LOL.

It can be just as dysfunctional as any other addiction (as counter-intuitive as that sounds to all the moms on here begging their kids to read).

I wouldn't worry myself sick over it but I would implement some non-reading times in the day (I liked Sara B.'s suggestions).

I think it would be a good idea to talk to his pediatrician about it. He does sound like he's trying to escape and is having difficulty coping with something. Does he have any friends? I would imagine he's not socializing much if he's reading that much. If it were my son, I'd look into counseling for him- someone who specializes in anxiety disorders.
Best wishes =o)

I was a reader. (still am!) and there were rules that I still have to enforce on myself or I will just read all day.

1. No books at the dinner table
2. No books until homework/chores are done
3. No books during "family" time

I was the kid who would race through their homework and read during the rest of class, or read during lunch, if a teacher put the homework on the board before class, I would not listen to them, I would just do the homework while they talked so I could read during homework time.

Part of my problem, is that if I'm reading, I'm really into it and I don't hear what's going on around me. My husband is constantly getting mad at me for not hearing him when he talks, because I'm reading. I get mad at him for getting mad when he could plainly see that I was reading.

This sounds like me as a child (even now as an adult...my husband teases he will start rationing my books).

My mom just made rules about when reading was appropriate. After school I had to have a snack and do homework then chores...then I could read until dinner. After dinner dishes, bath and jammies I could read until lights out. She would sometimes take my current book at lights out...but honestly I usually was reading more than one at a time and would get another and a flashlight when she left. (I know bad me!!)

There were consequences if I was caught reading at inappropriate times at school...like during math class instead of doing my problems/homework. I had horrible asthma and allergies as a child and so more often than not I was sitting out during PE...and so I arranged to spend that time in the library helping the librarian. (I cherished those times I loved being around books...and the librarian introduced me to so much great literature). I lived with chronic bronchitis than moved into pneumonia at the drop of a hat...so physical activities were very limited for me.

My mother did have to make sure I was looking at her when she told me something because I could tune out the world as well.

My suggestion is to limit reading time to appropriate times...set up a schedule. And be firm and have consequences. It is the same if it was a video game or playing outside (soccer, etc).

The funniest thing my mom ever said to me in high school was, "Would you please put down than darn book and come watch tv with me!!" I laugh about it to this day.

Seems like the issue is less about actually READING and more about the appropriate social interaction he's NOT HAVING.

Since you've already tried taking the books away (which to him probably feels like punishment and a loss of control), perhaps the two of you can talk about what you WANT him to be doing that he isn't doing.

Make him a checklist, or a job chart and let him work toward doing more of those things. Decide on an appropriate reward (maybe a trip to the library?) when, but only when, he completes the tasks on his chart.

Ideas might be.
*Talk to mom about your day.
*Play a board-game with _____________.
*Help prepare a meal.
*Go for a bike ride.
*Play a card game with _________.
*Walk to get ice cream.
*Invite a friend to go bowling/swimming/movies

Good luck with this.

T.

I disagree with the posters that say you are wrong to worry about this. I would be just as concerned about this as a TV or video game habit that consumes my children's lives. While of course reading is great for kids having it be your only activity is NOT! It tells me that he is probably a pretty unhappy kid who prefers the 'life' in books to his own. He is living the book instead of his own life. I say start regulating him. Take the book away at home and give him set times to read.

I am going to completely disagree with you. As long as his chores and school work are done and his grades aren't suffering there is no such thing as too much reading. I was an voracious reader as a child and I still am. Reading has probably been one of my greatest skills. Loving to read meant I learnt to read quickly, with good comprehension which greatly benifited me in school, university and work. Encourage this love and channel it and it will return exponentially.

I"m so glad you posted this because it made me take a look at my own son. He reads all the time too. I joke that i have to tell him to put the book down when he is walking across the parkign lot.
Reading is a great thing and i think you recognize that, or he wouldn't be reading so well at such a young age.

But there does need to be a balance and there needs to be exercise and friends. I can get obsessive about books myself and escapism is what it is pure and simple, I don't want to deal with my own life and teh crarzy people in it.

I think you have a couple of ways of approachign your son. If he is reasonable and logic oriented, you could explain to him that he needs tohave more balance in his life, and ask him how many hours a day does he think he should spend outdoors/excersicing, how much with friends, how much on chores etc.

If he is less logical, try distracting him, Have him go to the store and buy a board game or card game and start spending some family time together. 15 mins a day.

try arranging some playdates or ask your neighbors that you trust if he could do a small job for them like walkign the dog and earn a little bit of money.
i'm not sure if this would help or make it worse but I have heard of book groups for kids familyfun.com probably has hints for how to run it, or how to host a book swap somethign that would get him in contact with others while supporting is love of books.

Is there an older cousin or neighbor again that you trust that could be a mentor to him if you are going through a tough time??

Hey good luck with this he sounds like a great kid what is just hiding a bit right now.

I was that kid.

My Mom would send me outside to play and I would sneak a book out with me and read under a tree - or up in the tree so she would not see me.

But, I manged to have friends in school, and spend the night with others, and do the normal kid stuff also - I just always had a book with me.

Fast forward 30+ years, and I still most likely have a book with me, am on a first name basis with my local librarians, but work,and socialize and do all the normal adult stuff that most adults do.

What reading did for me was help me experience other worlds, people and places - I was a highly imaginative kid - and reading fed right into that. I read far beyond my grade level at an early age. My favored career is now one where I use my love of words.

My son is a reader also - not as avid as me - too many other distractions for today's teens - but when he was younger, he would have a book and I would have a book, and we would both curl up on the sofa and read. Many times I read his books before he did so we could talk about them as he read them. We spent many hours together with books.

He was also the kid last year who read through lunch and he always carries a book in his backpack during the school year - he says he never knows when he will bored and need it. Oh, he is also on a first name basis with the local librarians.

So, my suggestion is to get your own book, settle down on the bed next to your son and read together. Read his books and talk to him about them. I learned a lot about how my son thinks and feels by doing this.

try what we do with electronics: he has to go outside & do something before he can pick up a book.

for our son, he has to take a bike ride, walk the dogs, etc before he can turn on any electronic. This method works to the point that sometimes he doesn't touch his game system!

I don't think a child can "read too much" but I do think there are times when they shouldn't be reading. At meal times, he should eat and interact with those around him (especially during family mealtimes). At school, I think he should interact w/ his classmates (as that is about the only free time the kids tend to have) but see nothing wrong w/ letting him read after he is finished with his meal (that way he can't "forget to eat".

I definately think reading rather than sitting in front of the tv, computer, or video game is a much better use of his time. The more you read, the better you get at it and the more you learn.

Be very careful not to discourage reading. You would regret that later.

To encourage family activity, could you maybe read a book together...take turns reading out loud or each read the book and later discuss it or act it out (something fun)? Sounds like he prefers to read rather than the other activities so maybe your family could try to be a part of his reading. He would most likely start feeling more inclined to join in your activities when he feels you are joining in his.

I agree with the posters who say that although everyone seems to think that wanting to read is a good thing, really your son is using it as an escape from other real-life scenarios he needs to experience (friendship, social interaction, etc). So I love all of the suggestions below about just setting some ground-rules.

My question - is he reading fiction or non-fiction? That might make a little bit of a difference, imo. Fiction to me is more of an escape to a different reality, a different world .... while Non-fiction would tell me that he is interested in learning and learning and more learning and can't get enough info. Maybe a trip to the museum would be his type of thing.

Sounds like me, growing up. I was diagnosed with AS as an adult, which explained a lot.

However, my mom set one ground rule...no reading at the table. If you set a rule that he cannot read at the table, and then share all three meals with him sitting down (and make a nice meal that will take a bit to get through) you've got a few hours guaranteed with him. He's 9...

...and if I were you, I would be SOOOOO thankful this is how he wants to spend his time!! I turned out okay, and I LOVE to read, still. :) Of course, as an adult with two children, I don't have that kind of time anymore, but I wish I did.

As he gets older, he'll learn to moderate. In the meantime, realize he is in the GOLDEN YEARS for reading...where the books are the most exciting, etc. Please don't ever take it away as punishment, and try to realize how fortunate you really are.

***Oh, and btw, I devoured comic books as well as regular books, and I'm serious. I have a collection of over a 1000 comics, and now they're worth a lot of money, and I'm saving them for my children. Depending on what comics he's reading, they can be educational, but if that's ALL he's reading, you need to get him to books.

I did that the year I was twelve one book after another. Of course my family took us places. We could not read in the car. We took Sunday day trips and also talked at dinner time so no reading unless we were talking about a book one of us had read.
Oh one thing I almost forgot to tell you I grew up to become a famous author.

Well, he can certainly clean up on Accelerated Reader points this way.
We encourage reading over tv/computer games BUT we tell our son the quickest way to fun is to get the work done - meaning recreational reading can happen once chores, homework, clarinet practice, etc is done.
At elementary school, students could go to the library to read at lunch but they HAD to finish eating lunch in the cafeteria first.
My son still reads on the bus or in the car when we are driving any where.
He's earned an actual trophy for most AR points accumulated in the shortest amount of time and tickets to the science museum, and pizza parties every quarter with other AR point highest earners - his reading habits are earning him some really nice rewards.
If he is escaping from something, you need to get at the root of it.
Some counseling might help him.
He needs to strike a healthy balance.
If he's really just into the reading, you should try getting interested in what he's reading.
Talk about the stories he's read with him, read some to him or have him read them to you as a trade off.
He'll be writing book reports/reviews and dioramas in school about what he reads and there's nothing that says he can't do some of that on his own at home - some kids really enjoy making dioramas.
There are worse things to be addicted to than reading, but you can work with him so it doesn't take over his whole life in some kind of obsessive way.

Maybe he is/will become a writer. What you are describing sounds very much like myself as a child. I found reading very exciting had to have a book with me at all times. Like others here who also identify with your son's love of reading, I also had a very active imagination. I excelled in school though and still did all my chores. I also agree with those who are concerned that he possible needs to escape because while as much as I loved reading I did also use it as an escape to deal with the loss of my mother. I hope there's is nothing going on with your son, but if there is I certainly hope he gets the help and compassion he'll need. Best wishes.

Your son was ME when I was that age! Seriously, some kids just like to read more than others. Make sure he gets exercise and fresh air and spends time with friends, but let him read. Boys especially fall so far behind in reading as they get older- you're lucky your son enjoys it so much.

Personally I would NEVER take a book away as 'punishment' because of the message it sends. If he is reading for escapism, find out why? Is he being bullied? Does he have friends to play with? Would you rather have him playing video games or watching cartoons for hours on end?

Talk to him and make a compromise if it is bothering you- tell him he will have to do one non-reading related activity (a sport or other team, a craft project, whatever) and that he can choose it, but he needs to commit to one other thing as well. Make sure he can help choose it and make that your condition.

Try taking him to the library and sign him up for a reading club or book discussion or other reading related SOCIAL activity as well. He might make some other friends who are readers and have things in common with him.

I understand that you just want to keep his life well balanced- but ask yourself- if your son was obsessed with a sport and only wanted to play or do activities related to that sport, would you be concerned or would you just feel like that is how boys are? I was just like your son and I grew up fine, got good grades, went to college and had good friends my entire life. Love your son for who he is and cherish and foster his natural gifts and abilities. :)

Do you know what I did at 9? I sat behind my dad's Lazy Boy and read encyclopedias and Audubon bird, Fish, Mammal books for fun.
I devoured every word.
My daughters do the same.

Enroll him in a sport like soccer so he has to do something active.
Make him come down for dinner.
Ask him about his book choices. Involve yourself in his life of books.

Please don't take them away. If he is using them to escape find out why, what is going on that he is afraid of.
Get books that tackle his fears where the main character overcomes them.

you could limit reading time.

It sounds like you are doing the right thing. Reading is great but too much reading is an avoidance behavior and escapism into the non reality world. Yes limit his reading time and keep him in other activities. Maybe a martial arts program would also be good as soccer is seasonal. Good luck

I was a reading nerd when I was younger (I guess I still am!).

I agree with the poster who said that if his chores, schoolwork etc is getting done, then you really can't constitute what behavior makes it "Like you do have a kid".

I was like this! He'll come out of his shell on his own time. Please don't punish a wonderful habit and obsession. You know, we're not all meant to be alike or social or outgoing. Some of us become those very things, but not until our later teen years or adulthood. Some people are always quieter and more shy or reserved. At least he's supplementing his knowledge and building his intelligence with his "habit."

The only thing I would look at would be -how's the home life and the school life? Was he once outgoing and really social but now he's reserved with a book all the time -or has he always pretty much been this way? Is anything new or different at home, even positively, that maybe he's out of sorts about? Ask him if he feels down or bothered by anything. He could be using it as escapism from something he finds unpleasant that you have no clue about. Tell him your desires and let him know you just want to interact with him and talk to him, so he needs to put the books away once in awhile to do that. Ask him about school -is anyone picking on him or bothering him? Is he using books as an escape from that?

I can relate...during the school year my son was reading a book series that he could not put down. It actually became an issue at school...his teacher emailed me that my son couldn't bring in the books anymore for free reading time because it distracted him throughout the day. The teacher said, "I know this is completely opposite what you would think a teacher would say!" But he was right...because of his obsession with the books, he was forgetting homework assignments and his in school work also suffered. So he was not able to finish those books until summer. He is a big reader but similar to your son, not tons of friends, but likeable, he chooses to be on his own a lot. He too plays soccer and basketball and enjoys those, but nothing compares to reading for him. And he's a happy kid. I used to worry about him, but I think it's just his personality. If he was unhappy, that would be a different story.

Let him read. Show him how to prop the book so he can read while eating.

I was a reader like this, too. I ended up graduating from HS and University with high honors. I'm happily married with a beautiful family. And I still read all the time.

Don't force him to be the kid you want him to be. Let him be himself.

I would allow reading at bedtime or in the car only.
He needs to socialize.
He needs to be part of the family.
He needs to participate in life.
LBC

Like everything in life, there needs to be a balance. If he is so engrossed in his books that he won't even eat or respond when spoken to, yes, I do think that is a problem.

I think you can lay out your expectations of times when reading is not appropriate. Mealtimes, an hour of outside play time, etc., should all be book-free periods. Maybe enroll him in some team sports just to get him outside and exercising. But I would let him have this as his primary leisure time activity.

I personally wouldn't take away his books as a punishment, though, because I think one of two things will happen: He will either start sneaking around to read, or he will find something more objectionable to fill his time, like TV or computer games.

Reading is wonderful, of course. But I would say that you should try to harness his love of reading to help him do other things. If there are certain stories he likes, see if he can find other ways to explore the themes or activities discussed in those books. Could he draw a picture of his favorite scene? Build a model of one of the books settings? Recreate some of the actions sequences with his toys? Try to make some of the foods that the books characters eat?

I would also encourage you to maybe institute family reading time. Pick up a book and sit on the couch next to him while he reads. Maybe you and he can read the some of the same books at the same time so you can talk about the stories together? That way, you can use his favorite activity to also address his other needs (e.g., play, socialization, exercise).

My son reads a lot...not that much...but when he was close to your son's age he would take his book to lunch at school and read the whole lunch period...not socialize. I then refused to let him take a book to lunch. I told him that I wanted him to talk with friends. He still took a book to school for when they had down time, but no book at lunch or on the playground. And I spot-checked for compliance and asked who he sat by at lunch.

There has to be something offered that gets his attention I guess? It may just be a phase, maybe let him keep going till it passes. Is he reading a series and is just really hooked on it? I guess you just have to do what everyone else does when their kids get addicted to vid games and such. He's only 9, you are the adult, you can over power him and force him to do other things during the day. You are the one that buys the books, right?
Added after looking at you past posts:
Maybe your son is unhappy that you and dad arent together and IS escaping reality through books. Maybe some counseling sessions would do you both some good? Did the dry patch on your sons head ever go away?
Sounds like stress related problems.

I was like this when I was younger, although reading fiction, not comic books. I think getting him to read new things (like the imaginative books you mentioned) would be a good step. I also think that watching carefully what he reads to determine what his interests are might help you find another hobby or activity he would like to do that would help get him focusing on other things every once in a while.