Ideas for Helping My 12 Yr Old Son with School Grades!!

Updated on August 27, 2008
T.G. asks from Eagleville, MO
37 answers

My 12 yr old son loses interest with school and doing good after the 2nd quarter has started. He hates to read and they have a lot of requirements for Reading. They have what is called "AR" and they have to meet certain goals. At the end of his 5th grade yr he was reading right where he was supposed to (5 yrs 9 months). He was comprehending @ a 7th grade level. He just finished 6th grade and is reading at a 5 yr 4th month. I know he can do it....but I can not get him to do it. He has had everything taken away and grounded from going anywhere and doing anything for almost half a yr. We sat him down and lectured him at every 2 week midgrade check. This never worked...we were real optimistic and hard at the same time trying to still encourage him. ANy suggestions?????

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K.W.

answers from Kansas City on

My daughter went through a phase like that, although she was a bit younger. Sometimes it's hard for kids (and even grownups) to get into a story. Let him pick his own books. Also, even though this is a bit time-consuming, when my daughter would start a new book, I might read the first chapter to her, or we might trade-off reading pages: I would take one and then she would do the next. It gets them engaged to the point where they're interested enough in the story to take off on their own.

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B.S.

answers from Joplin on

Well, you've done real well with the punishments for NOT doing the work. Now what are you doing for the REWARDS for DOING the work ? We all respond better to rewards, than to punishment with no rewards.

Remember "discipline" does not mean "punishment", it means "to teach".
And "consequences" are not only bad things happening, it includes the good things that happen for a job well done, also.
I wish you well.

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K.I.

answers from St. Louis on

My now 23 year old was the same way at that age. I actually sat down with a book with him and I would read one page, then he would read the next page. At first, not very long, just a few pages. Then we would read a whole chapter and I would increase the pages for him to read. It seems kind of doing it for him, but eventually, he started reading more. I would also try to find books for him, about stuff he was into at that time. Hope this helps!

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A.K.

answers from St. Louis on

What a familiar story. My son stopped reading when he transfered to a school that did AR. Why, because they had taken something he had previously enjoyed doing and mad it something he HAD to do. The other problem was the book selection. Boys like to read different things. If you gave my son the manual to a video game, he'd read it cover to cover, give him some touch feely piece of "literature" and he was turned off. He spent 3 hours researching Asian weapons for a story he was writing, but that didn't count for the 3 hours of reading he was suppose to do ON HIS OWN at home. Teacher don't like to count that kind of reading. I had a knocked out drag out argument with his 2nd grade teacher because she insisted he read some fiction, all he read was non-fiction. I about flipped! He was a) reading, and b) reading way above grade level, but he wasn't doing well because it was all non-fiction?????????

What worked for us was, first acknowledging that these were books he wouldn't normally pick to read. We went over the list and picked a couple that were closest to something he would like. There were a few and luckily they were worth a lot of "points" I had him try a few short books that were outside his comfort zone, and he found that they weren't that bad.Remind him when he gets to high school, he will have NO choice of the books they cover. It's part of learning about a lot of things.

He's in middle school, that's tough in an of itself. All I can tell you is, my son is 17 years old now. He spends his free time WRITING a book that would never make it on a AR list. He's a great student, really nice kid, and now he's back to reading what he likes.

Good luck, keep your focus on his enjoying reading, that's what going to last him in upper grades and the rest of life, not making an AR goal.

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C.R.

answers from Knoxville on

Have you tried setting a reading time. A certain time during when a parent will always be there, all TV, radio, games anything that will distract him are turned off. We had to do this with our oldest son. At first he said he didn't want to read. We said okay, but this is reading time and everything gets turned off. The first week I don't think he read one word. Then when he realized that we were serious he came and asked if we could go to the library and get some books that he was interested in. We did and giving him the opportunity to read what he chose was more willing to read. When it came time to read school things we just explained that you just have to do it. Its like (whatever other part of school that he does not care for, math, dissecting sentence structures, whatever will fit for your child) You just have to take a deep breath and get the job done. Hope this helps. The key is setting it up and sticking to it.

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K.P.

answers from Wichita on

Agree with others: rewards when he reads not punishment when he doesn't. Have you ever had him read out loud to you? If he reads something out loud to you, then you can get an idea of how he's reading... is he skipping words, misreading words, able to sound out words, etc. It's very common for dyslexic children to "hit a wall" and your son's wall seems to be at the 5th grade reading level. It's possible he could have some other learning difficulty and not dyslexia. I live in Wichita KS, and there is a facility called FUNdamental Learning Center that can test reading skills for about $100. They do not diagnose, only a clinical psychologist can do that, but the testing can tell them if a person exhibits the usual symptoms of dyslexia. Don't know what you have in your area. I work with dyslexic kiddos and the average age of diagnosis is 9.

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C.P.

answers from Topeka on

I have a dyslexic daughter that has gotten past her dislike to read for the most part but we did that by orally reading as a family together. We chose historical narratives or mysteries that would engage her thinking. I would read in an animated way to make the stories more interesting, too. Letting them choose during the summer is best and when you find a good author, stick with them through the series. My daughter is 14 now and still likes to read together. It is a special time for us. Blessings.

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A.C.

answers from Wichita on

Hi T.,
I'm a homeschooling mom and have dealt with the same kinds of issues with my sons. All the suggestions that the other moms mentioned sound good to me, but I guess more than anything I've found that the books our sons read need to be interesting to them. Unfortunately a lot of reading books are really boring or just plain stupid. I remember reading with my middle son one day and finally got up and put the book away completely! He hated reading it and I couldn't stand listening to it any longer. I decided that I would rather sit down with him and help him read lots of hard words that were above his reading level rather than have to struggle through another dull reading book. It has helped a lot!
Your son is old enough that he might not respond to this very well, but I started making reading a daily time to sit down with each child and read together. I would put my arm around their shoulder and we would just enjoy reading together. I might get a snack for us and we would talk about the book. It made a huge difference.
All three of my children have varying degrees of dyslexia and it is pretty easy for all of us to become discouraged. What they would be doing good on for a while suddenly they couldn't seem to read at all. Taking the pressure off them and just encouraging them and letting them know that I was proud of them and enjoyed being with them and enjoyed listening to them read has made everything better.
CBD (Christian Book Distributers) has lists of classic childrens books that are divided in age appropriate levels. I've also been able to find lots of inexpensive paperback book for kids on the Dover website.
God bless your family,
A.

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P.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I don't know what school your son goes to but a lot of schools seem to put A LOT of emphasis on the AR scores/points/levels etc.

Honestly, there are some concerns with AR = and its ability to motivate readers...In part it is a restrictive program---- not all books are AR books.

My dd just finished 5th grade - she made her AR goals most months - but honestly I didn't make it a priority -- but she was doing her other work and reading other books.

On thing you might do - since it is summer is encourage your son to read anything HE WANTS. ----My dd did really improve after a summer of 100% self selected books. In fact between 3rd and 4th grade she read To Kill A Mockingbird - which she asked about. (And incidentally a book that isn't on the AR list at my kids' school!)

You might also want to look into having his reading evaluated outside the school if you have the means. In our school district they only use the AR leveling, STAR (which I htink is the test that determines the AR level) and DIBELS...DIBELS measursed different reading skills - in ONE MINUTE segments. (Which I don't always think is enough time to assess a kid's ability comprehensively)

My reading philosophy is that when kids are reading -- if they enjoy what they are reading (usually b/c it is something they want to read rather than 'have to') - then the 'reward' is enjoying the book.

I think some kids take longer to get to that point.

My dd never used to want to read the school stuff- she only did the 'required' stuff - and then only with some prodding. Her 4th grade teacher had them doing NO required reading at home- they were to read at home, but could self select. (They did all their AR reading at school) After 4th
grade we finally reached the point where we had to get after her for not going to sleep b/c she was up finishing books.

I hope that with the pressure of school and all their goals that maybe your son can relax and find something he WANTS to read.

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C.C.

answers from Columbia on

Hi T.,
Have you checked out the 37 Common Characteristics of Dyslexia? One of the main characteristics is: “Appears bright, highly intelligent, and articulate but unable to read, write, or spell at grade level.”

Most dyslexics have about 10 of 37 common characteristics; some have more, others a few less. You can get more information at www.onpointlearning.org/2.html.

Dyslexics have a rapid ability, which can be called a visual-spatial ability, to think in pictures. Their brains work up to 2,000 times faster than the brains of people who are more auditory-sequential learners or those who think more with the sound of words.

Research based information can be found at www.rene-engelbrecht.co.za

C.

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A.H.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi T.,

I am sorry to hear he is having difficulty. An idea I would like to share with you has come to mind. When I was his age, I too lost interest in reading. It turns out that it wasn't that I couldn't do it, it was the fact I needed glasses but didn't think to tell anyone about my difficulty seeing the the board or seeing the words on the pages. Instead I became troublesome like refusing to read, not doing my homework and I began to fall behind. They tried to put me in special ed classes and my mom was furious because she didn't believe that was the problem. On a hunch she took me to the eye doctor. Turns out she was correct. I think deep down I didn't want anyone to know becuase I was afraid of being teased. If this isn't the case for your son, it maybe that he is borde beacuse he is actually at a much higher level than anyone realises. An example would be in such cases as my husband. He was surpasing all of the other students in his class and became disinterested in his studies because he already understood it much faster that the others. Kids who have a higher intellegence tend to become bored so they behave much in the way that your son is. so it wouldn't hurt to look into that as well. Punishment for not doing your schoolwork isn't a bad thing. When I was little my parents did many of the same things you are with your son. There just maybe an underlying issue with your son that you are not yet aware of and that is why punishing him isn't working. He is old enought now to discuss it with him. Try encouragment techniques and praises. This behavior could be something as simple as rebellion, however it wouldn't hurt to sit down with him, just you him and your husband and have a heart to heart talk. Something could really be bothering him and because he isn't sure how to express it, he is using his refusing to read as as away to deal with it. Since I am not there and can not evaluate your situation to the full extent, I can only offer ideas that come to mind. I hope this has been helpful to you. Good luck and hope things improve for you and your son. Take care.

A. H.

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H.J.

answers from Kansas City on

I think the whole losing interest with school half way through is an age thing my 12 year old son is the same way. He also used to hate to read and was not very good at it. He on the other hand loved video games and would sit and play them for hours on end if allowed to. My husband and I got a program going with him where we would take him to the library and he could pick out the books he thought looked good and then once he read he could play video games for the same amount of time. When he realized there were "cool" books he could read he actually became more interested in reading than the video games. We started this in 3rd grade, but it may work for you too. He is now an avid reader and a master at video games. It has helped with his overall school work to, even though it all seems to bore him after winter break. Good luck and I hope that you are able to get him into reading.

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J.S.

answers from Memphis on

WOW...that brings back memories. My younger sister was just like this in school. She could do the work, she just didn't-and it all started in middle school. My parents started grounding her and taking away privelages-they continued that through high school and it didn't work!! It made life miserable for the whole family the entire 6 years. She really didn't care she was grounded-she always was grounded, so she lied and snuck out and did what she wanted. There's definately still a huge rift between her and my parents to this day (she's 30 now). So my advice would be to stop the grounding.
What about just sitting him down and talking to him about why he's getting the grades he's is at school. I know at that age, they don't talk much to mom and dad, but if you keep talking to him over the summer, maybe he'll let on to why he's letting his grades slide. Well after high school, my parents actually talked to my sister and found out that she was bored at school. She is a very smart person, and because of her grades, she was placed in easier/basic classes, when she probably should have been in honors/challenge classes.
That's a very challenging age..maybe look at his friends-are they making good grades/trying hard in school or deciding school isn't that important anymore? Try this summer encouraging him to read some magazines about something he's really interested in, reading simple books to a younger sibling or "teaching" a younger sibling to read (with the premise that the younger one has to hear stories for school). I'm not a huge fan of bribing, but maybe you could create something close to the AR tests at home and if he can read and pass a certain number of tests, he can earn something new--a video game, movie, pizza night with friends, for completing a certain number of books/tests.
Anything you could do to show him that reading is enjoyable. We have a "reading time" at our house...everyone (including Dad) sits down and reads something-doesn't matter what (magazines, video game directions, books). I've really noticed that when the kids see both my husband and I reading, they see that reading is something that can be done for fun, not just something you have to do for school.
Not sure if any of that will help... hopefully you'll find something that works for him.

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P.F.

answers from Wichita on

Lots of good advice but one thing I didn't see mentioned, that I've heard works well, is to read the beginning of a book that they are interested in, and then hand them the book to finish reading. Just make sure they are involved.
Also, I've noticed with mine that the more I read books to my kids the more they pick up books on their own. Find good books with a message or a good story line and they will discover the joy of adventure, learning, and moral teachings that help them with life.
Another important thing is that they have to see that reading is important to you too. Does he see you reading books or do you spend that time watching t.v.?
I hope these ideas help. One other thing. The bigger the issue you make this the bigger the battle. Just start reading with your kids, to your kids, and for yourself, and I think he will follow the lead.
P.

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K.H.

answers from Columbia on

Hi T.:

A few suggestions for you to try - first of all, make sure he is choosing books that are interesting to him! The school should be able to supply you with an AR list of books for his reading level. Next, you or your husband read the book WITH him. This has worked for 2 of my kids who weren't crazy about reading. Decide how many pages a day the two of you will read, and then you read a page, he reads a page, and so on. Try to end at a "cliff-hanger, then get him excited about continuing by saying something like "Wow, I wonder what so-and-so is going to do now?" Make sure you discuss the pages you just read. Reading should be fun, not a chore!

Another thing you might try is check out your local library or bookstores to see if any children or young adult authors are doing a book signing. Take your son to meet the author and perhaps get an autographed copy of the book.

Good luck!

K.

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C.F.

answers from Topeka on

Does your son have any interests? Example, sports, camping, bugs etc. Then I would go to a book store, or library together, and find some books that would go with his interests. Make it a FUN event, and maybe do this as a family outing. Do you and/or your husband read? Make sure that you are reading in front of him, also you could read together...pick out a book and read aloud together as well. After you have read a book, maybe reward at the end as a family....ie if he likes to camp...then set up a tent in the back yard and have a sleep over with friends! Personally, I don't think scolding him, or taking away things will help the situation. C./____@____.com

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K.J.

answers from Kansas City on

Hi, T. -

Try setting up a system of rewards, rather than focusing on taking things away. Start with easily obtainable goals and reward for effort, so say, reading for 10 minutes a day for a week earns a reward (my favorite these days are cell phone minutes!). Increase up slowly over time when he has had success with the easier tasks to rewarding for performance.

You've probably done this already, but I'd ask him what's going on and listen carefully to what he tells you. Is the work getting harder (often the first quarter of school is full of review that is easier), is something else happening at that time? Is there a problem with peers?

Has he ever had any testing done to see if there is any issue with learning or attention? I'm a psychologist specializing in learning and attention disorders, and your story is actually a fairly common one I hear in my office. I'm happy to talk with you more about it.

Good luck!
Dr. K. Jordan
###-###-####
www.drjordan.org

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D.H.

answers from Kansas City on

Wonderful name, our daughter is T.! I agree with getting his eyes checked. Our son Micah didn't need glasses but went through "training" his eyes cause they were not tracking right. He would skip a line and lose his place.
I also agree with stopping the negatives. Reward him for doing well.
We also started him in counseling. Basically just talking through his life with someone other than his parents. It's hard to get boys to open up and talk about what's really going on, and this has helped. He too can do the school, but has chosen to shut down instead.

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D.H.

answers from Kansas City on

I have a daughter in same situation. She doesn't like to read. We have both of our girls read for 30 minutes just before bed each night, except Friday and Saturday.
Have you thought of trying an insentive program for him? Like after each book he reads and takes the AR test for, he gets something he likes. You can make it however many books. Try finding books for him that he has an interest in. Like science fiction, or mysteries, or adventure, or whatever he's interested in. As for him reading the books he is supposed to for school, make that insentive more appealing. Gift cards or whatever. Reading is just something you either love or hate. I personally love it and my husband hated it. He just recently (in the last few years) found that he really likes it, notice I didn't say loves it, just likes it. He reads to make himself a better person. I read because I love it, my older daughter loves to read. My youngest, well, comic books are more her speed. We let her read them on her own time, not her 30 min reading time.
If you've already thought of some of this, please accept my apologies and if you haven't, well why not try. Good Luck and God Bless. This to shall pass.

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F.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I agree with the other ladies that rewards are better. And, this may sound crazy, but my father paid me to read classics from the time I could read well, which for me was 3rd grade. That was quite motivating. LOL I am not advocating paying for grades, cause I would have to get a job to do that with all my kids, and then we couldn't homeschool. But, my 13 yo son reads classics for his grandfather now, and it gets him into larger books that he wouldn't normally think of reading himself.

He also did that anti-school thing about 11-12yo. So, I do think it is a stage, whereas now he is very excited about doing HS work.

So, if you are all stuck, perhaps tell him that for now he could earn some spending money (this only works if YOU don't spend extra money on him), or that he can save it for a bigger item that you will match his funds, or whatever. Make it fun and encouraging, and goal oriented. But, THIS is only for reading, you still expect him to do well in the other subjects.

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S.G.

answers from St. Louis on

Reading, we tend to see it as something that I child has to learn in order to succeed in life. They either learn to love it or tolerate it, there is not magic. He sees an activity that requires him to sit still and concentrate on a subject that holds no interest to him, sounds like work to me. I love to read and I have 2 kids who also love to read and one who doesnt. Punishing him does not and will not create a love for reading, it reinforces the fact that it is something that he does not like and is being forced to do.

I know that not everyone may agree with this suggestion, all I can say is it worked for us. We chose to treat it like it was job, or work. His job was to gain understanding for a need to read and see how it applied to his life now and in the future. For every page he read he was paid. For a book with 6o pages he may have been paid 5 cents a page, that came to $3 per book. He not only had to read it but had to also tell us about what he read. It was his job. Earning his own money, with no limit placed on how much he could gave him a reason to read. We were surprised when he began choosing his own books at the library and soon found that he had favorite subjects that he liked read on.

We continued this program for him until paying him began to eat into our weekly budget a little too much. By that time he had gained a better use for reading and we all felt like he no longer needed that encouragement. I hope this helps. There is no easy answer, but there can be many creative ways to get the end result.

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K.B.

answers from Wichita on

Good Morning T., Reading and learning need to be fun for kids who Know how but get bored easily. Libraries have summer reading programs with story times, activities etc. for all age groups. I wish they had them when I was young. I was made to sit every Friday evening and read to my mom as she ironed. I didn't like it very much either.

I read constantly now, when I have the chance. I found something I was really interested in and just kept going.

I don't think lecturing him is going to work T., it's like he is thinking Ok Here we go again and he can tune out.

There is the Silvan (?) learning centers also who also work with kids with reading and math etc through the summer months. They claim the kids enjoy the attention and will excel in school after this course.

Hopefully you will receive better advice and information.
K.

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K.B.

answers from Kansas City on

HI, T.. ARe there any kinds of books your son enjoys- even magazines or comic books? A great way to encourage reading is to find a book that follows their interests. If he reads more of what he likes in the summer, he might be able to tolerate reading during school. Unfortunately, the AR program may choose books he is not interested in. At this age, he may just have decided reading is not one of his favorite things. Pressuring him to read will not foster any enjoyment, so it is best to let him know you don't expect him to be a book worm, but an average book reader. Let him know about your experiences in reading- things you had to read, but did not enjoy. Help him to understand that there is a lot of reading involved in learning and not all of it will interest him. He may be pulling away even more with all the attention he is getting. If he is truly struggling, he may need a tutor. But, he may just need some easing up. He may have not done well on the testing for his reading level. Testing is not always the most accurate form of evaluating a child's progress. My son is 8 and does not enjoy reading, so I feel what you are going through, and I anticipate the same struggle when he is 12. We just keep plugging away at keeping him interested in reading, even if it involves reading a book about video games. Good Luck!

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R.F.

answers from St. Joseph on

What worked for my son was encouragement not punishment. Find books about topics he will enjoy reading, and talk to his teacher if the books on the AR list are not books he likes to read. My sons teacher ended up letting him read some sports books not on the AR list just so he could have something to read that he liked. You need to make reading enjoyable for him.

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L.K.

answers from Kansas City on

T.,

First get his eyes checked. Our son, at about that age, had a problem and sorry I can't remember the specifics but he wore glasses about a year to strengthen his eyes and it helped some.
If you haven't aready, have him tested for any learning disabilities. Again, our son doesn't have a diagnosed problem, but definately has difficulty reading and then articulating back what he just read. He is much more of an auditory learner, he absorbs more of what he hears.

Find something he likes to read. One of ours son's teachers in middle school got him interested in Cirque de Freak books. Something about vampires, but he LOVED them.
Does he like sports? We started getting our son a subscription to Sports Illustrated, (your husband can keep the swimsuit edition :) and ESPN magazine just to get him to read. I realize he is not getting the exposure to the different genres of books nor is he getting the vocabulary, but he is reading!

Some kids just don't like to read and trust me, no amount of grounding, taking away electronics is going to foster that love if it's not there. Been there, done that! We too tried everything from taking away electronics, grounding, bribery, if he doens't like to read it's not going to happen.

Genetics are a funny thing. Both my husband and I are avid readers. I've always got a couple of books going so I'm not sure where I got this kid who doesn't like to read. I wonder if sometimes our pushing him so hard and being so h*** o* him, in a way made him feel like he couldn't do it so why try?
The good news is our son graduated high school this spring and actually ended up doing just fine in English/Literature. He's just not going to pick a novel and read for pleasure.
I'm sure your son will do just fine too.

Good Luck and in good health.

Lori K

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K.O.

answers from Wichita on

I am sorry that it has taken me so long to write back to you. I also have four boys and my oldest is also twelve. He doesn't like to read a whole lot either though he is very capable and reads and comprehends well above grade level. If he chooses to read for pleasure (very rarely), he selects books WAY below his reading level. I love to read so this is very bewildering to me.
My son also starts the year off great and then tends to "give up" as the year goes along. My husband and I had him undergo a variety of tests. He was diagnoses with ADD and once we had him on the right medication, he became very successful! He is currently in 7th grade and doing very well. He still likes to read very little, but I am beginning to accept that reading for pleasure may never be his thing. He keeps up in school now and loves his newer independence (switching classes, riding his bike to school, etc.). Hang in there. If I can be of any support, write to me anytime at ____@____.com and I'll write back (hopefully this time it won't take me two months to respond!). Good Luck! Have a great day! Kati

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R.K.

answers from St. Louis on

I understand where you are coming from but I think you need to motivate him rather than punish him. Right now he is equating reading with ugliness and it's even less interesting than it would have otherwise been.

My youngest daughter hated reading, with a passion, which was difficult for us since we are both writers! My niece, who loves to read, goes to Barnes & Noble and just relaxes there for a few hours, enjoying the atmosphere the world of books for her to browse. My youngest daughter, out of boredom, and the desire to go do something without an adult (niece is 16) she went along. My niece showed her some books she thought she'd like. Now my youngest is a turned on reader. She is involved in a series, loves the author, and even asked if she and her friends (who like to read) could go stand in line at midnight to await the new book's arrival.

So, what worked for my anti-reader was for a peer who loved to read to help her find a good book. I really believe that everyone loves a good story - it's just a matter of find what moves you.

Maybe, if your son has a friend or brother who is a reader, offer to take them to the bookstore and set them free. Ask the friend to help your son find something interesting - even if it's not on the AR list. Finding the right book could spark an interest in reading. B&N is so relaxing, and they have delicious hot chocolate and desserts - which perhaps he could have if he finds a book and starts reading it. If this works, take him to B&N a few times a week and let him hang out there reading. My niece usually gathers a stack of 5 - 6 books, reads the first few pages of each, then has to make the painful decision of which one to buy - the rest have to be left behind. Sometimes she and my daughter read entire books there. The staff doesn't mind, the books that become their "friends" usually end up being purchased.

As far as reading at home goes, you could set aside a time where everyone reads, and it can be as little as 20 minutes. For a non-reader, it's really hard to sit down with a book when someone else is watching TV or doing something more fun. But if you all just plop down after dinner and read, that's what's going on in your house and everyone is doing it.

Hope that helps.

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K.G.

answers from St. Louis on

He actually sounds a lot like my husband, who only in the last few years discovered that reading is pretty cool.
When he was growing up, he just wasn't interested in the things he was made to read. He saw it as a chore, something he could do but really didn't want to. His little brother (now 15) was the same way. That changed when his mom saw how much he loved WWII video games. She bought him a few books about that time period, and now he has really blossomed into a reader. Yes, some books are more of a chore, but he is much more open to it now than he used to be.
What are some of your son's interests? Could you try to find something along those lines that would appeal to him?

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K.B.

answers from Kansas City on

I have a 14 year old who has always struggled with doing his schoolwork. He also has ADD. Punishment (grounding and taking away things) has not been effective at all. What has worked is micromanaging and setting up personal goals (rewards). He chooses an activity or object (usually one that has been taken away) that he has a passion for. This becomes his goal. He writes it down and then proceeds to write down the desired result to reach the goal. For reading it would be # of pgs/books read and/or high grade on book reports. Below the desired result he writes down the actions he must take to achieve such a result such as read 15-30 minutes every night before bed (record # of pages). My son now understands what it takes to reach his goal. If he doesn't reach it, he knows he did not meet the required actions along the way. My son's situation is that he does have the ability (intelligence) to achieve good school performance but doesn't know how to since he cannot focus on it long enough. It has been very difficult to motivate him to do anything in terms of schoolwork.
The biggest reward was not that he got back something that was taken away but he made it on the honor roll by the end of the 4th quarter- something he had not been able to achieve all school year until we went to the written goal plan for him.
Over the years, I feel like I have tried so many different things and this was the only one that has worked for my son.
Good luck and hopefully you see improvement soon!

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P.H.

answers from Wichita on

man, this sounds like a replay of my son's year this last year. He does have a reading disorder and has to be pulled out of class to go to his special ed reading teacher. He's reading on gradelevel for 6th grade, but getting him to do his AR reading for goal was a year long struggle. He did finish the year with A's and ended up with a certificate in reading for reaching his goal.

How did we do it? We made him read. Every night. If he "forgot" his AR book, he would be made to read one we picked out for him here at home. EVERY NIGHT, one of us, usually me, would sit and listen to him read.

When he read a home book and not an AR, he had the option of reading for 30 minutes by himself or 45 minutes with me alternating pages. That made it more fun because I could do "voices" for the characters, and explained what some of the things meant. We then talk about the book, why did that character do that thing? What do you think will happen if he does that? etc.

It is a demanding grueling thing to have to do, because often we were exhausted by the time dinner rolled around from work and all the demands of being parents, employees, spouses....you know the life. But I guarantee that encouragement worked much better than grounding. We tried that and he just didn't improve at all. I might add that my 12 year old son, also has A.D.D., so that only makes things like sitting still to read more uninteresting for him.
Find subjects that interest him. Keep him engaged. He can do it, Mom!
One thing I found out that he likes to read are comic books! I learned to read by reading comic books so I am not opposed to him doing that. So when we aren't doing AR, I sometimes send him to his room to read a comic for awhile.

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S.W.

answers from St. Louis on

I asked this of a mom before, I usually think that this is the answer:) It sounds to me like boredom. Does your school have a gifted child program, if so was he tested for it? If not,maybe you could come up with some challenges with his teacher to keep it interesting. My daughter is EXTREMELY smart and has done well in every grade EXCEPT one. The one year, she had a very unmotivated, boring, drone of a teacher. She did not excel or feel motivated. WE took it to the principal whom did nothing. She just said NO to moving her. My daughter never said she didn't like the teacher, it was reasons why she didn't like the class. Bored, boring books, teacher is wrong and gets offended when my daughter would point out an incorrect answer. The teacher was not very understanding, but in 6th grade she had the most wonderful caring and best teacher who challenged her beyond her means. To this day he is her favorite. Anyway, this could be the problem. Challenges above his grade level could make it all better. My daughter is going to be in 8th and was tested at grade 13 in seventh. Let me know if you do this and if it worked:)

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L.B.

answers from St. Louis on

I know it's tough after working all day but have him read a chapter out loud to you or your husband and then you (or husband) read one outloud to him.

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B.B.

answers from Kansas City on

Is that the only area he is having trouble? From personal experience, when I got to Jr. High my grades slipped. It was a hard transition for me. Math (algebra) was the hardest class for me, but because I was doing poorly in that class I did poorly even in the classes I was great at. Once my mom got me a tutor in math and I understood what I was doing then I did better in my other classes too. Just a suggestion, hope it helps.

A.R.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi T.!
I see you already have pretty good advices H.!
My 8 yr old son had AR at school as well. He is a very good reader and he also likes no fiction books. His teacher let him pick those books because is what he is interested in, and is the way he will keep reading. I think you can talk to his teacher and see the results, just insist on this...Non fiction books are pretty interesting and they have a lot of vocabulary. I asked my son what he would say to a kid who does not like reading, and he tells me that it would be very nice if he has the chance to read just one paragraph of another kind of book than non fiction books with his mom or other friend who read to him, just one paragraph! Read together with a friend or a cousin or dad or mom and then do something he likes (swimming, computer) but AFTER the reading. We do that all the time! My kid gets bored also even when he is a very good reader. Make a plan together, every single day at the same time, let him pick it up the time, and read no more than 10 minutes I know the school asks for 15 min) but starts little by little may be 5 and then 10 and, then 15 min only after you see improvement. Please do not punish him, or be mad at him, just encourage him and let lots of books in the house at reach (including the bath!) different books, make the thing FUN. Go with him to the library and read something. We all of us, read a lot in our house, even my 2 yr old toddler. We do this a family thing and we read whatever is in front of us. Let your kid read newspapers, magazines. If your teacher does not let him pick non fiction books, that not right, talk to her, or talk to the principal. On other hand, do not sweat with the AR books and do not worry about all these school performance measurements, they are very good to know where your son's level is, BUT do no let that your kid loses interest in reading or any other subject, relax and plan together with your son, get ideas from himself.
Good Luck!
Alejandra

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M.T.

answers from Springfield on

I know exactly what you're talking about. They have AR at my daughter's school too. I think that by the 3rd grade my daughter had read more books than I have in my whole life and by the 5th grade it was like pulling teeth to get her to reach her goal. I think it's an awful thing. She used to love to read and now she hates it. It seems that all of the books she wants to read don't have an AR test for. Luckily she got into the Harry Potter books and reached easier this past year. She got 310% of her goal by the 3rd quarter. They still made her get her 4th quarter goal. I thought it was ridiculous. So I figured out she shouldn't take the tests until the following quarter. Good luck. I hope your son will find a series that he can really get into as well.

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B.K.

answers from Kansas City on

Dear T.
Hi! I have a son who hates to read he just finished 10th grade and was not reading at his level I worked with him
and I would get discouraged and he would too. so one day he ask if we could try Sylvan Learning Center so I called
and went and they tested him told uas what need to be done
he is doing get he has accomplished alot in a month and
half I'm proud of him. You can go to www.sylvansuccess.com
and see how their program works. the thing I had too do
is swallow my pride and let someone else help him.
I hope this will help your family. B. K.

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M.B.

answers from Topeka on

Hi T., they have the AR reading program at my children's school as well and I'm not fond of it. It totally makes reading a competition for the kids and they are soley responsible for picking out a book suitable for them and reading and taking a test to gain points for class. Whatever happened to reading as a class?? I have a 13 almost 14 yr. old stepson who would rather cut off his own arm than read so I know how you feel,and the AR program didn't help. I haven't found any solutions myself either and it frustrates me because I love to read and so does my husband and our other kids like it too, some more than others. I am worried because my stepson uses the dislike for reading as an excuse to not do his homework because he actually has to READ to find the answers. I don't have any solutions for you because I'm still working on this problem myself but I wish you luck and just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your frustration. :)
M. (mom of 6 kids-- Two are my own, three are my hubby's and one is ours)Most of ours are boys too, I feel your pain. :)

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