Son Hung up on Me!!!!

I really wouldn't do anything, nor would it upset me as a one-time incident.
At most, remind him that a quick "Bye" before hanging up is appropriate, but don't make it into an Issue. It isn't one.

In MY house? He'd be without his phone for the next week.
Personality conflict my a$$. His life will be full of working with people he doesn't care for. Suck it up buttercup!

Oh hell NO!!! Went through this with my son. He lost his phone and was not allowed to go anywhere, translation he was grounded.

We do NOT hang up on people.

As for tutoring, he needs to learn that there will be people in this world you don't like. Too bad. Suck it up buttercup.

I think you need to talk. Talk about what is going on that he feels like he ought to be excused from tutoring (is it helping? is he struggling?), and talk about how you felt when he hung up on you. Also, talk about how important it is that we respect others, whether on the phone or in person.

If, after the discussion, his attitude and responses lead you to believe that he ought to be disciplined, I would say, "Son, this isn't the first time we've had issues with disrespect. I appreciate your apology, but I also feel like your behavior requires consequences to ensure that this isn't an reoccurring problem. Please go to your room (or go do a chore) and I will think of what we're going to do."

Whatever consequence you choose, ensure it actually fits the situation. And give him opportunities SOON to do that same situation correctly (talking with you on the phone respectfully and kindly). Above all, be mindful that respect is caught, not taught. You can demand respect, but you have to model it for your child to know what it means.

Even at the grand old age of seven my son has heard me tell him, on several occasions: "Part of the reason you go to school is to learn how to deal with all sorts of people."

It doesn't get any easier as we get older. Practicing working with others is something that kids learn through experience. Some teachers ARE tough or unpleasant. Life is like that.

If he's having a rough time and hates tutoring, he may have hung up because he felt disappointed and had nothing more to say. Sometimes it's easy to feel we are being disrespected when it's really about them learning how to deal with disappointment and their emotions. So if you are really reading these to your son this is what I hope he comes away with:

Sometimes life is really, really hard and you are going to have to learn how to deal with people after they don't do what you want them to do. What you did was upsetting to your mom just as it would have been upsetting to anyone else--no one likes being disregarded and hung up on. What you did was immature and you can learn from this.

And then, re-read Christy Lee's excellent advice. You can come down h*** o* him or you can talk with him like he's a person who disappointed you and with whom you need to restate expectations. Just punishing out of hand as a reaction won't really solve the bigger problems-- modeling rational and measured reasoning and choosing a consequence with that in mind-- will be more likely to make this a learning experience and not a power struggle.

i would have a conversation about the rudeness, and then i'd drop it.
he had a pissy moment. it happens.
if he's doing it habitually that's another matter.
but this is a pretty small offense if it's a one-timer, and he did apologize already.
khairete
S.

Did you ask him why he wanted it cancelled? It sounds like you just said no without any discussion.

So, maybe he was short with you because you were short with him. Doesn't make it right in either case, but something for you to consider - that you set the tone of the conversation.

He apologized. There's nothing else to do.

Since your son is going to read this: Hey J.'s son, what is a "personality conflict" with your teachers? You need to do your schoolwork and put forth effort in it, regardless of whether you like your teachers or not. A "personality conflict" is not an excuse. Your schoolwork is YOUR business -- don't blame it on your teachers.

Don't hang up on your mom. It's rude. Bye.

Hmmmm consequence is double up on tutoring time!!!

Take that Julias son

I've always told my kids, it is their job to make their teacher like them. Teachers generally like kids who do what they are told, are good listeners, do their homework and try their best doing neat quality work all of the time.

Maybe I shouldn't be posting this here because you are going to let him read the responses, but have you considered that he really does have a personality conflict with his teachers? I was an Honor Student in Jr High and HS. I graduated with an Honors Diploma in school. But, yes, there were teachers that I had a personality conflict with. I made do, but I didn't want to go to that class, I didn't want to have my work graded less than it should have been or would have been if someone else had done it. (I KNOW this happened!) Moving from elementary school to middle school is hard. The work is harder and social skills are needed to work through the school and people and passing time, and moving to lockers and organization and there is just a lot to deal with.

I have taught 6th grade and so I have seen kids become overwhelmed with just being in a bigger school. I also want to ask if he is capable of getting a B in 6th grade math or is it too much for him? Is a C really what he can do with the position he is in? In my experience kids seem to do better in 7th and 8th grades when they are able to navigate a little better. I am wondering if your pressure on him to get a B is weighing so heavily on him that he feels like giving up or what he does doesn't matter anyway because even if he tries hard, he still might fail, so he would rather not go and it is safer to not try at all? Just food for thought.

But, NO he should not have hung up on you. He should have at least said goodbye, even if he was unhappy about it.

That would not have hit my radar though my kids will say a quick bye and then hang up. They have around 2 seconds to make a call like that and if the answer is no, they move on so they don't get in trouble for being late to whatever they were trying to get out of.

A 6th grader is old enough to remember to use manners. Phone etiquette is part of manners. Young man, if you aren't sure of what phone etiquette is, ask your mom to role play with you. That way you will know what is expected of EVERYONE who talks on the phone.

I know you are unhappy with your teachers, from what your mom has said here. It's good that you tell your mom how you are feeling about that. Have you thought of talking to your guidance counselor about how you feel? You could even ask her if she could help you talk to your teachers about the problem. She could sit in meetings with you and your teachers. (Separate meetings, by the way.) You need to understand that you have to meet your teachers halfway. Don't just expect them to do all the changing. You have to try, too.

Be happy that your mom is willing to pay for a tutor. Get caught up and then SOAR in your classes!!! It will make you feel better about yourself, it will go a long way towards helping your relationship with your teachers, and school will be a ton easier. I promise!

Good luck, and now, go give your mom a hug!

Our daughter attends Kumon (that's an option for him). She has lagged behind and says, "It's too hard". The very strict, but sensitive Kumon teacher has felt bad for her and reduced her work load to 3 pages.

Her dad reached out to the teacher and shared with her that our daughter is pulling her leg. The teacher moved her back to the beginning of her multiplication and increased the work load. Now she will just be really fast at multiplication because she has to repeat it and increase her work load, which means, work faster or sit there all night!

To the student/son: You can thank your mother later in life when you have a well paying job, a family, and a pension. My mother allowed me to go to school when I wanted to, isn't that cool. I didn't have to call her and ask if she would get me out...I just said I'm not going today, I still have absences. Today, I am old and have not completed that last couple of classes for my BA. Recently, I applied for a management position that opened, where I can exchange experience for education. These positions are rare and often exceptions. I have worked 17 years in the same office and can do the work, but can't get paid (properly) for it. So far, I have interviewed and I hope I get the job, as it would be a great opportunity for my family. Cut your mom some slack, sit down and do your work like you are suppose to. She wants this for you and your future. Bla, Bla, Bla, right? She loves you and cares.

If he apologized let it go. He had a bad moment and we all do.

I am feeling his math pain!! My son is going through real struggles right now in math. He CAN do it but doesn't want to slow down enough to do it. Also, he has to use a "strategy" from a learned list of ways to add, subtract, multiply and divide. When I check his work and ask him why he did it the way he did it (which ended up wrong) he says he was trying to use "fill in the blank strategy" and couldn't remember it exactly. When I write it for him in "old fashioned" typical format, stacking the numbers he can do it and get the right answer. But in class he says he can't do it that way and will get told to do use a different strategy.

So anyways...off my math soap box...take his apology and let it go. Oh and good luck with the math!!

for me it all goes back to honoring your parents: disobedience, disrespect, talking back, hanging up the phone.... He dishonored you. My kids are little and the conversation is dumbed down, but when my kids dishonor me the conversation is generally about how God made it my job to raise them, and when they are older they get to make all their own decisions... yadda yadda, and here is where i paint a very positive picture that someday they will be the parent, I describe a few of those responsibilities and I see how suddenly they don't mind the status they have in life so bad after all. But that I'm their parent and the title deserves respect.
Does he need a punishment? I don't know, maybe he needs mercy. Especially if he initiated the apology. But I'd advise you focus on the principle that was violated instead of the incidental that a phone was involved.

Don't read him the responses - that means you're parenting my majority vote, and that opens you up to having defend your parenting & rules when he says< "But all the parents of my friends do X"!!

Hung up on you - he loses the phone for a week. He also loses TV time, and any computer time not related to homework. And that means you are looking over his shoulder to see what he's doing.

You don't say why he's in tutoring - did the teacher recommend it? Does he need to develop skills in math? Then tutoring is indicated. Is he lazy and defiant and just a moody tween who doesn't feel like working? Then tutoring isn't the answer - discipline is. Personality conflict? Sometimes that happens - we don't get to choose our teachers just like we don't choose our relatives or our bosses. Sometimes you have to get along with people you're thrown into the pool with. It's a skill that's essential in playing on a team, going to camp, being in a classroom, getting a job, functioning cooperatively with neighbors, etc. It's a measure of maturity and leadership too. And it's a chicken-or-egg thing - does he have a personality conflict and therefore isn't doing the work, or is he slacking off on the work and therefore not the most-favored child in the class?

An apology is a good start, but it doesn't mean anything if the behavior doesn't change. If he's showing his teachers the same moodiness and defiance that he's showing you, you've got a pattern going here that needs to be redefined.

I'd get a jump on it because the teen years are even more difficult if you let kids get out of line at 11 and 12. But some of this is totally normal - hormones and the start of becoming more independent. But let him know that not liking a teacher and therefore not doing your work in school is a lot like you deciding you don't want to cooperate with your tween because he's a pain. So if he wants grown up privileges (phone, screen time, independent activities, going to the movies with just friends, etc.) then he needs to show some maturity and be willing to do some stuff he doesn't love.

For us, he would have lost phone privileges for a bit. I consider that consequences to the action of using a phone to be rude to your parents.

I would be wanting to know why he was using his phone during school time. That was a big no-no when my daughter was in school. Using her phone during school hours for anything other than a flaming, bleeding emergency was grounds for having the phone confiscated, if not by the school, by me.