Recently, my 20 momth old started banging his head when he doesn't get his way. He'll even look around for the best option of where to bang. If a vertical surface isn't readily available, he'll use the floor. Tonight, he hit his head so hard, he developed a pretty good sized bump. Afterward, he always comes to me for comforting.
Is this a phase? It started before his baby brother was born...could it still be a reaction to the new addition to our family? How can my husband and I put a stop to this?
Thanks for your help!
The head banging has lessened greatly after mixing all of your advice. On the way to "time-out" in the playpen, we talk to him about how he can tell us he's upset or mad. I've also noticed that distracting him with a snack will get him in better spirits and forget about hitting his head...No, he's not fat from snacking. :)
He has found what works. I had a little guy start that. He would do it with those that it worked with. When he did it in front of me I would pick him up and take him into an empty room and place him in a playpen. Then I would shut of the light and walk out. He did it twice for me. Someone allowed him to do it on the concrete floor once. He had a big ole knot on his forehead. Good luck!
My son did the same thing. He threw his head into the kitchen floor and it hurt, so then he would literally move to the carpet and bang his head. I can look back now and laugh, but it wasn't funny to me then. I would pick him up and say "time out" and put him in his room or time out spot for 1 - 2 minutes. Once I stopped reacting to this by jumping up and hugging him - he stopped doing it. I also made sure to let his doc know what was happening (both to make sure it was normal - which she said it was, and to make sure that she knew it wasn't me hurting him). Good Luck, welcome to the terrible twos : )
It's a ploy to get your attention and for you to let him have his way. Yes, it's a communtication barrier, but the child that is stuck inside his head is a very smart one. My son did the very same thing when he was about that age and I have seen many others try it at my daycare. I ignore it and I won't comfort them for inflicting pain on themselves. Usually I will just go for a distraction. I will say I'm sorry that we can't do what you want to do right now, but we can do this. If they don't follow I just start doing it by myself. Comforting him just after he banged his head intentionally is just reinforcing the behavior. Give him positive solutions. Don't just always give him a no answer. They understand a lot more than they can communicate.
J.,
I have read from several sources that this is indeed a phase, and that some toddlers do this to soothe themselves, even just to fall asleep in a perfectly calm scenario. The fact that he is consciously pausing to look for a good surface could be an indicator that this soothes him somehow. It could also be a way he communicates to you that he is angry or frustrated, since he doesn't understand emotions yet and couldn't communicate them if he did. It will help him if you provide the language for him for what he seems to be feeling, such as "You are frustrated!" or, "You want to show us that you're angry!" As his language develops, he'll be able to [yell] his feelings at you. He seems to be in control of the choice to do it, just maybe not in control of how HARD he does it. Hopefully, this last incident will help him learn about force! If he still does it at about 2 1/2 or gets more aggressive, you may want to talk to his pediatrician about testing him for a sensory disorder, but at this age, its perfectly normal!
My son did the same thing and it has slowly gone away over his 3 years. Very deliberate and very planned. We called it "bonking" and would say "no bonking". Basically like hitting, we gave a time out. At the time out, we would tell him that it wasn't ok to hurt himself and at the end he had to apologise to himself. Odd but it worked for the most part. Also really worked on modeling and giving him other ways to express frustration and how to use words instead of hurts. Good luck.
My 22 month old son hits his head and sometimes pulls at his hair (which actually is fairly amusing because we basically keep him in a crew cut and he can't really pull at it but he still tries) when he gets frustrated. Same story - he can't verbalize well what's frustrating/angering him.
I don't recall if my oldest did this (he's 22 now, hard to remember that far back ;-)) but he did hit himself at around 7-10 when he got too frustrated/angry and couldn't seem to talk about it. My granddaughter also hits herself when she gets frustrated (she's 17 months old) and she isn't verbalizing well either yet.
I believe it's just a phase.
I'm not really sure if its a phase or not, I haven't dealt with it much through working in child care. I did have one little boy around a year and a half/two years old who did that. He did it for the same reasons, he wasn't getting what he wanted and couldn't verbalize.
Perhaps you could look into something called a feelings box? Google it and read up on it. Don't feel like you have to purchase one if you like the idea of it, you can definitely make your own. Might help validate feelings and give him a way to express basic feelings.
My now 12 year old son did this too from the time he was crawling around. We figured it was because he was frustrated about something and because he couldn't verbalize it yet, he banged his head instead. He did this for a long time, until he could talk fairly well. He is still easily frustrated and gets emotional when he can't do something the way he thinks it should be done, and he can get intense when he gets frustrated. I think a fairly bad temper lurks beneath the surface. His dad had a really bad temper when he was younger and into adulthood. He is much better now. I never did have that action analyzed by a doctor, we just came up with it on our own. I will be interested to see what the other moms say. He will eventually outgrow it once he learns to verbalize his frustrations.
