Someone Please Tell Me It's a Phase.....

It IS a phase!! He's old enough to start testing his limits with you, but not really old enough to "get" the punishment. My daughter did the same thing--she would bite, hit, and pinch (mostly me, but sometimes my husband) and laugh when I got angry. I thought, "Oh my gosh, I have an awful kid!", but she's 18 months and now she listens when I say no and actually feels bad when I'm mad at her. She can express herself better too, which probably helps. I found that not making a big deal out of the behavior helped more than yelling or making a big reaction. I would just say a firm, but not loud, "no" and walk away from her. Eventually it clicked. I thought that those few months 13-16 months-ish were kind of difficult--hang in there--he'll get with the program soon!

Sounds like he's acting like a 14mo. old! Don't worry, this is a normal phase. Keep responding with firm/kindness. Let him know that you won't allow him to hit you, but don't waste too much breath on long conversations. At 14 mos. he's likely to tune out after a few words, and especially a few sentences. Just be consistent in letting him know that it isn't ok to hit. Model positive responses. This will pass!! Then it will be a whole new phase:)

It's Daycare. He has to be learning hitting from somewhere and if he's not learning it from you, it must be from there. I would talk with his teachers at daycare and see what they say. I have an 19 month old that has no idea what hitting is, due to the fact shes never seen it.

www.loveandlogic.com is a wonderful way to parent. WE love it!

Now, what I would do is give him attention when he is good and not when he isn't so good. I would say/do upon him immediately doing this is (say this really sad like with great empathy "uh oh or oh no, we don't hit mommy" and then put him in his crib or room or play pen (whatever you want to use and walk away...be close, but don't pay attention to him) Sure he'll most likely cry, but walk away until he calms down and wait a minute or 30 seconds after he has completely calmed down and then go and pick him up and hug him. Be consistent. Good luck!

Boy, I've been there! It IS a phase and, unfortunately, the more you react to it, the longer it will last! He is now sure of your response, so it will take a little while to change his expectation of what you will do when he hits.

He is looking for 100% of your attention however he can get it, esp since he is not with you all day. He will take positive attention or negative attention, just as long as it is your FULL attention.

If his behavior is bad, take his hand and gently rub the spot that he hit (on you) and repeat "gentle and soft" over and over and then move away until his mood improves. I mean far away. Close yourself in another room if you have to, but don't let him get close to you until he can be kind. I guess, what I am trying to say is, don't "let" him hit you more. He will see that he only gets to be within arms reach of you if he is acting nicely.

It will probably take a few days, sorry to tell you! It stinks to "waste" any of those precious two hours, but he will get it. Promise!

I would say that you need to find out how the person in charge of the child when you are at work handles the situation. If that person allows it, the child will be confused about why it's ok to hit some and not others. I would take two fingers and pop my children on the backs of their hands if they hit anyone. Neither of my children had any problems grasping the "I'm the bigger monkey" concept and I've never had any real problems with either's behavior. I have a wonderful 10 year old daughter and a blessing in the form of a 5 year old little boy.

Discipline is a MUST! If you allow him to get away with it, it will NOT get any better. Discipline is required of a parent. Discipline is love.
Proverbs 13:24 says, He who withholds his rod hates his son,
But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.
Proverbs 19:18 says, Discipline your son while there is hope. Hebrews 12:6 says, For those whom the Lord loves he disciplines.
Discipline is never easy, but it will make you and your son better.
May God bless you and your little boy.

Of course you love him, it is ok to get irritated! If you did not, you would never be able to mold your children into the great humans they are going to be. You would just take the valium and let them raise themselves!

As I have told other moms on this site regarding behavior that frequently is out of order, I have a very different stance than most everyone, but my kids, my 2 nephews, and my goddaughter all did about faces with their behavior when the food was changed. You can try all the behavior modification consistencies and I am sure they will either work some or all. Your son is showing low impulse control if the consistent discipline does not work. Hitting is a outward display of lack of control or power. It is not ok to hit and you need to be clear with him about that, however, you also need to look for what is he struggling with as to why he responds consistently with aggression instead of attempted words or non-verbal gestures as to what he is trying to do. Even a 14 month old should be able to do that do that. If he does not gesture or use non-verbal communication by this age, I would see one of the specialist at www.floortimeatlanta.com for an evaluation.

If you want another take, assume your son, like many kids I know, are responding to their bodies not being regulated and their tummies are out of sorts. Food sensitivities and allergies will cause big problems for their level of tolerance. No, they don't tell you that either. Futher, they often crave the foods that are the most problematic.

Removing foods that naturally are hard to digest and thus can cause inflamation is the first step to see if the behaviors improve.

First, remove milk (substitute rice or almond) and all milk products. Two weeks later, begin phasing out wheat. Usually, this behavior is more related to the wheat, but milk is the first and easiest step. Be sure to notice what frequency the behavior occurs now and what frequency happens within 2 weeks of the removal of milk and 1 month from the time wheat is removed. No calcium is not a problem, rice milk is equal to cows milk in the health regard.

There is lots more health work you can do to improve behavior, but usually, you will see an very nice improvement in behaviors with just this. Do not tie the change of foods to the behavior, though, it will back lash on you. Just say it is to get her tummy better.

Just my 2 cents, J.

It sounds like your son is copying behavior that he has seen or experienced directly whether it is from his parents, grandparents, daycare or friends. This is his way of having control over his world and express himself. Find out where he is learning this from and try to remove this example so that he knows it is not okay to hit. They only do what they are taught.

It is a phase. But it is also a learning experience. Children this age do not understand morals. It is your job to instill morals. But the way they are wired, they can't really understand anything but attention, negative or positive. Use every time your child swats as an opportunity to teach. Don't give too much reaction. Just say "You may not hit, it hurts."
Be very calm, but firm, and to the point. Then let it go.
And then say "Let's find something else to do." I don't believe you should ever teach a child not to be violent with violence, they will have plenty of opportunity in this life to feel pain. You should meet their pain with compassion as you would hope they will eventually have with you and everyone else. I am sure you are a wonderful mother and this phase will pass. Good luck!

Hi Kyrie,

Yes, it is a phase! Be consistent with your discipline and try and let her know you are serious and it will go away. My little girl bit and hit but she no longer does and she is turning 3 next week. Hang in there. He would be doing it all day if you were with him so don't beat yourself up over that. Maybe try and have a special activity with him when you get home to distract away from the hitting. Talk to him, he does understand what you are saying and ask him how he feels. Good luck!
K.

My daughter went through that too, right around 13-14 months. Whenever she would get mad or frustrated, she was pinch us really hard or scratch us. We would just immediately grab her hands, hold them tight and stick her in her crib for a couple of minutes. "Popping" her on the hands never worked, but isolating her works great for us. I believe she did it because she was frustrated about not being able to communicate what she wanted. Now, she is 16 1/2 months. She is able to sign several words and say about 6 or 7 words. Even just that little bit of communication has helped so much. She can tell me what she needs/wants and she doesn't get frustrated or stressed as much. She hasn't tried to hurt us in well over a month now. Rest assured, I think it will pass. It is cute that he kisses the boo-boos though.

I know you only have a couple of hours at night with him, but the more consistent you are with disciplining, the quicker it will catch on and it will get easier. I think it's just this age where you feel like you're constantly disciplining. Good luck.

Little ones are very smart and catch on quickly to who is in control and it looks like he's in control of this situation. When he hits, tap him on the hand, hard enough that he knows you're not playing, when he tries to kiss you, refuse, tell him you love him, but that you're upset with him right now and do not want the kiss. After about 15 or 20 minutes go to him and hug him, but tell him you do not like to be hit.
This may take a few times, but he will begin to understand, it's done in love, but with a firm hand. You control the actions and when something is done and completed. Children get a security from knowing the adult is in control, it can be hard at times, but must begin now while he is young. You'll be amazed that these little rules will help him in his future relationships with others, it will also teach him not to be abusive to girls and others, etc. animals. If a boy is gentle with his mom, more than likely he will be with all girls. It is important how you and your husband repond to each other on a daily bases around your child, he will begin to watch your husband and will pick up on how he is with you, but be real, no faking! Children pick up on this very quickly as I said before, they are very smart and see things we as adults look over.

Hi Kyrie,
I think we as humans we underestimate the intellligence of our children at that young age. It is clear that your 14 months old son is aware of his behavior. There is no way, you should feel like "you are getting tired of being hit" by a 14 months of child. I think you want to change your way of thinking first, by stating you don't want to spend every night disciplining him. This might sounds wierd, but children needs and love to be discipline. Constructive discipline is a reflects of love, because it creates balance and structure (until they become a teenager) :-).. Ask yourself if your method of discipline working? When you discipline remind him that you love him but that behavior is not tolerated. It might get worse for a minute, because his nature is to challenge your command, but stay strong and firm in your decision. Trust me, after difficutly comes eases. LJB

Hello Kyrie' A
Yes this is a phase. However, I am not a spanker, but I have a 6yr old and a 5yr old and they both went through this. The advise i was given when my children went through this was when they hit you pop their hand, if he hits you back, repeat but a little harder. Eventually he will get the hint that it is not a pleasant thing to do and he will not like being hit and will get the hint. Hitting is a big NO NO. It worked for mine. Hope this helps, good luck

I agree with Donna. I just finished reading Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years (by Jim Fay, Charles Fay). I highly recommend it because this will not be the first or last time issues come up with your son. It's fabulous and gives so many specific examples for very young children. It's also a really fun read.

time-out in crib for 1.4 minutes

It is definately a phase. My son went through the same thing and it drove me crazy. Just be consistant with how you discipline him and be stern. He definately trying to see what he can get away with. Hang in there! This too shall pass!

Take care,
S.

Hey Kyrie'
Your son is just looking for attention from you and your husband. It's funny to think they would do things that are bad for attention but don't you spend time with him correcting his behavior? He's looking for a way to spend time with you no matter how the time is spent. Ignoring him until his behavior changes or putting in his crib until he calms down may be your best bet. You say you only have two hours with him when you come home to spend with him. Do something the first half hour with him that does not involve talking on the phone or getting on the computer or watching television. Devote that entire half hour to him and then explain it's time to cook dinner and have him come with you and try to get him involved. And Kyrie'... kids mimic. You might want to look at where he may have learned the behavior. Good Luck.

Oh yes! I'm living it too with my 22 month old son. I sit back and think okay now what can we do to stop this...really what is going on is he is trying to either get your attention (negative or positive doesn't matter which) and testing the boundaries. I watch SuperNanny religiously and the best advice I can give you is continue to be consistent and keep it simple. A simple thing to say is "hitting hurts" or "no hit" and then sit him somewhere else for one minute (a step, a stair, a mat) and always always follow this routine. He has to connect the behavior with the consequence. You may have to sit with him for a while to get the "time out" started. Another thing I've been working on is catching him being sweet. Gentle hugs on a baby doll, petting the dog gently...praise praise praise!! Good luck and I hope that helps:)

Don't give up Kyrie!!! As a mom of 3 boys I have been there and you will survive. I think you may have a strong willed child which is not a bad thing. What makes him strong willed will also make him a wonderful human being. He will be strong, confident and a great friend.
I would like to suggest that you read Strong Willed Child by James Dobson also bringing up boys by the same author. Both helped me understand my child better as well as to remind me I was not losing my mind. That I had not inherited the alien child. When he exhibits anger that is what he relates to! Hitting is the only way he knows to show how he feels because he can't verbally tell you what is bothering him. Reaffirm the proper behavior but do not allow him to hurt you or your husband. Discuss with him that its ok to be angry but you will not hit mom or dad. Then after you discipline him love him. Let him know that certain behaviors are more favorable than others. He kisses and hugs because he knows that you are unhappy with him and that is how you show your happiness with him. Don't give up this will pass and other phases will come. Know that you are not alone and that others have walked in your shoes. I am proud to say that I am the mother of a 15yr., 12yr. and wonderful 2yr.old boy. All have been different and each strong willed. I have cried many a tear over what was right or not but thank God all are happy, outgoing and loving.
Also it is alright to just cry when you feel overwhelmed sometimes it helps just to shed a tear or two. You know even Jesus wept!!!!

God Bless!!!
W. W.

My sons did the same thing. If he has not been spanked or popped on the leg, then he has no idea that he is hurting you. You might want to try swatting his leg the next time he does it only to the extreme of maybe swatting a mosquito. You want him to see that it is uncomfortable. One other thing we did that helped was when they hit we would grab their hands and restrain them to where they couldn't move them for a couple of minutes. That way they get the idea that when they hit they aren't in control. You are not hurting them, but they don't get to do what they want to for a few minutes while you are holding their wrists. You will have to be the judge for the amount of time you do this. We had to increase their time little by little over the course of a few weeks until they stopped. Most of all remember to not take it personally. He is NOT trying to hurt you. Also this kind of behavior is not someones fault. I know for a fact that mine had not seen that type of behavior anywhere when they started it. I was a sahm and kept them during church as well. They were under 2 years old as well and television watching was very restricted. It will take time and diligence, but it will get better.

The Baby Book by Dr. Sears has always been a good resource for me. It covers these types of issues.

Consistency is the key. It is a phase but how you react to it is going to determine how long it lasts and what he learns from it. Based on his actions to what he is doing, it reads like he is trying to understand the emotions that go with the action. I say this because he goes between the "apology" to the "punishment" after he does it.
Kids are tough... it is frustrating trying to learn how to help them learn sometimes. My son is 3 and sometimes he amazes me with what he can come up with. I am in the AF and a single mom so I relate to the not wanting that short time each day to be spent disciplining but it is better to do that than let him learn it is ok to hit/walk all over you.

C.
www.purelybalanced.com

Its a phase but one that will only get worse if you let it continue.My baby who is 21 months tried starting this and I stopped him cold in his tracts.I pop him on his hand anytime he hit,if he hits again I do it until he decided that it hurts enough to make him stop.Might sound mean but it stopped him.Now he just looks at me like he's thinking of hitting someone so I give him a stern look and he just sits down and cries.Then I go pick him up and love on him.I find that stern dicipline with a mix of love at the right times does the trick for me.Only took me doing that a few times before he caught on.No more hitting on my end.

Hi Kyrie,

My son, whom I dearly love as well, is also 14 months old and has started the hitting-then-loving game. What I've been doing and it seems to be working well, is removing the response from the hitting, because that is what was motivating him. So after he hits me, which is never hard anyways, I tell him in a very firm voice, "No," and then immediately put him down and go about my business. After a few minutes, I go back to playing with him and offer him verbal praise when he's touching nicely. "Mommy likes it when you touch her face softly." (Basically, I turned the bad hitting game in to something that wasn't fun for him and made the good game of touching people appropriately much more enjoyable for him.)

Best of luck with you and hope this helps. I used to teach grade school so I have quite a bit of experience in modifying children's behaviors.
J.

My best suggestion is to just be consistent in your discipline. Time-outs worked with my kids. Hitting was an automatic time-out as well as throwing. One minute for each year of age. You may think it is not working just because of his age but he will get it as he gets older. My son is now 5. I just start at "1" and usually stops what he is not supposed to be doing. My 2 year old daughter on the other hand will allow me to get to "3" before she stops. However, she still gets put in a time-out because I got to "3". "1,2,3 Magic" is the book I have used. I know some parents do not agree with it but it has worked for me. Consistency is the key.