So Lazy

Do you feel you might have depression? If so, definitely talk to your doctor about it.

Otherwise, it sounds like you need to put yourself "back on the list" as do many of us moms.

Start small. Make a hair appt. A nail appt. Start taking a little walk every day.

You didn't get like this overnight and it's not going to change overnight!

Moms take care of everyone else and everything else but we all know, if momma ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy.
When YOU are happy, you are a better wife AND mother.
Good luck!

First of all you are a good person and a good mom! Of course you quit jobs to be with your kids, you are their mommy. You know that you are supposed to be the ones raising them, not a daycare. If you don't absolutely HAVE to work, then don't!
Many people turn to food, I know I have and I don't have to deal with having a deployed husband. Its understandable to not bother getting a manicure or doing your hair when your husband is away. I know I don't get out of my pjs when my hubby's gone for a day, so I can certainly see how that would carry over into months.
So don't beat yourself up! You aren't lazy. If you want to change then start. Get up and do 1 thing differently. Take you little guy for a walk outside. Then you'll be exercising while being a mom. When its nap time go give yourself a facial and paint your toes. Then make a list of healthy food you'll buy next time you're at the store. Small changes add up and make you feel great.
Don't worry, your hubby will home soon. God bless you

Hi there Mama!!!! First of all kids take tons of energy!!! Do not feel bad. It does sound like you need to make some MAJOR CHANGES!! Don't beat yourself up at least you are admitting this and it is the first step. Have you been tested for Adult ADD??? Also, are you on any medication? Any depression/anxiety issues? These different things contribute to losing focus, procrastination etc...You are not lazy but need some motiviation. I would suggest the next step is to not change all at once or you'll fall into the same pattern. While I am not at that weight I have much to lose and joined weight watchers. I am on medication because as a result of pregnancies I developed anxiety and would lose focus etc...How is your Thyroid? Go to your doctor and get a good recommendation for a nutritionist or join weight watchers where you can have accountability. Then perhaps incorporate excercise into your routine. Walk outside and take the boys with you. If you think this is too hard see a counselor as well. I've done that. Makes a world of difference. Then get goals on paper and start slowly!!!! I don't know where you are spiritually but what helps me is to all pray and ask God to help me get a clearer picture to focus on what is really important.

I think many Moms including myself are where you're at, you just need encouragement, tangible goals, and accountability.

Lot's of Mom's have trouble doing for themselves. I am much older than you and just in recent years have been learning to take care of me. We put our children first, which we should to some degree, but we can do this without losing ourselves. It sends a strong message to our kids that they should know how to take care of themselves.

Plus, you have been raising your children alone. Your husband is serving us all, which probably makes you feel even further that if he can make that sacrifice that your life should be a sacrifice.

That you are writing this tells me you are ready to make a change. So go for it! But don't be h*** o* yourself and throw some of those expectations out the window. Be realistic.

I have a great weight loss program. If you would like a link to it let me know.
I have a wonderful book suggestion that will guide you emotionally. If you would like that let me know too.

Pick something that resonates with you to get going. Make yourself a plan. Write it down, and start. Be careful to make your plan reasonable for your life style. Baby steps! For example, start by exercising 10 minutes a day. Something you can manage with plans to increase. Have a written plan. 10 minutes the first week. 15 minutes week two, etc.... And if you don't make your commitments on time be kind to yourself. Start over if it helps.

Most important. Don't be h*** o* yourself! This is Day #1! Forget about the past. You have goals. All you need is a plan to implement.

Okay first things first your not lazy! Your care for your children and you do it alone, that does not speak lazy to me. It's easy to get caught up in everything around you and forget yourself? Here is a quick snippet that I try to tell myself so that I don't loose my self. When your on a plane the flight attendents always say that in the event of an emergency and if you have to put your oxygen mask on always, always put your's on first. You need to save yourself if you are going to save someone else. So I tell myself at least once a month do for me so that I can continue to do for other's. Maybe you should speak to your family physican about your feelings you may need to go therapy, I mean not having your partner with you and worrying about them all the time is bound to add a tremendous amount of stress to anyone. Even if you start with something really small you really need to take back some time and invest it in yourself. Start today don't wait another minute. Maybe just start with a walk, or a shopping trip, or a nail salon visit. My pedicures always always make me feel better. Good luck!

Hi 2BU7, it's probably hypocritical of me to respond since I am in the same boat, but here goes!

We both KNOW already the things we need to do to SNAP OUT OF IT! (Manicures, excersize, kid-free girlfriend time, etc)

I think many people think of depression as sadness, when in fact it can be an accumulation of little things you notice about yourself that have changed.

For me it's NOT sadness at all, I am always thinking, loving, appreciating all the good all around me.

But I've noticed I lack motivation to do the things I love that I used to cheat, lie, and steal time for.

What difference does it make if it doesn't benefit anyone but me, right? Why do it?

It pleases me very much that all the people I love and care for everyday have a wonderful life, are SOOO loved, SOOO happy, well adjusted (this includes kids, man, family, neighbors, check out guy at the grocery store, you name it, I am ALWAYS speadin' it around), and this should be enough to keep me full and happy myself, right? It does not.

I think, like me, you are mildly depressed, and like me, you need to see a doc you feel comfortable with sobbing on a cold steel table about your miserable wonderful life, and get yourself a anti-depressant. It can alter our manner of thinking when we cannot do so ourselves. It can motivate you to do the things for yourself that make YOU happy, when you cannot find your own motivation. Most times, you won't need to stay on them for long (I mean, WE won't have to stay on them for long, tehehe).

Anyway, not much advice, just a nod and a big I Hear Ya Sista!

:)

I can relate to where you are right now, after I had my second son I went into a deep depression. It was all I could do to get out of bed let alone get in the shower actually put on something besides sweats and slippers. It took a toll on my life, my marriage and my self confidence. My husband finally decided enough was enough I really couldnt see the issue myself so he took pictures of me every day for a week wearing the same sweats or pajamas all day every day. I do the opposite of you I stress starve I think this was on a Friday he finally sat me down and I couldnt remember the last thing I ate besides coffee or water or maybe some crackers all week. He made me call the doctor and get an appointment for the next week made me eat something The doctor gave me some pills for depression and a diet to follow it is not an overnight cure but it does give you some hope and in a few days you might just want to get dressed, do your hair and call your friends. hang in there it does get better but you need a little help up the the hill. take care

You may be suffering from depression. Schedule an appointment with your primary care physician and tell him/her exactly what you have said here and ask for a referral to a good therapist.

Call a friend who is also looking to shape-up and workout together. Start small- 20 minute walk 3 times a week and increase it as you feel more comfortable. The conversation and companionship will help too!

Throw out all "junk food" in the house and stock-up on healthy treats. Put those treats in portioned ziplocs so you can grab a "bag" of pretzels w/o eating the "whole bag".

As for keeping up with your appearance... you could wake up 15 minutes earlier and do your hair and a basic makeup application. I'm not talking "going out face", just foundation, blush, mascara and gloss.

Depression is a weird thing, you can have it and not realize you have it.

At times I suffer in depression as we recently moved out of state, away from loved ones and I REALLY miss them. I feel like this place has nothing to offer me and I miss my home so bad.

Your actions follow your emotions which follow your thoughts. SO, in order to change how you feel, you are going to have to change what you are thinking.
Reading the Bible is always helpful to me. It tells me I am dearly loved, and that there is hope in tomorrow.
No matter what way you find it, find a way to focus on better thoughts. You need to reprogram your mind.
Whenever i get real down I try to think of all the positive things I have. I have all my limbs (some people dont) I can see (some people are blind) I have three kids (some people have lost their kids to death or cant conceive) I have a home (the people in Africa live in huts) I am still married (some are divorced) I have the Lord (and have eternal life, an abundant life PROMISED to me ) These thoughts lift me out of the funk that I can so easily sink into when I listen to the lies of Satan.

You too, must not listen to his lies. YOU ARE WORTHY. You are so worthy, in fact, that God sent his only son to die for you! So believe it in your heart, that you are important, worthy, lovable, and special. Satan wants us to destroy ourselves, and he temps us with many things to do so: food, drugs, sex, money, etc. Don't fall for his lies.

Hi, 2 boys:
First of all, awareness is the 1st step in recovery.
Second of all, Check out Dr. Phil's website about the 17 day diet.
People at home can participate.

Get you an appointment book with columns for each one of you.
Check on line for one like docs use.

Put each one's name at the top and activities that are routine.

Put yourself in to get things done for yourself.

Join a moms group in your area.

This is a start.
Good luck.
You are very brave to admit your challenges.
D.

Hi there. First of all, I don't think you're crazy for wanting to stay at home w/your kids until they are older. I'm doing the same thing. Don't let anyone tear you down because of your choices or how you feel about your kids. Frankly, it's none of their business. Second, you've gotten a lot of good advice here, so I won't repeat it. I will say that my hubby deployed in 2007 and I did what you did, lost myself. Eighteen months and another baby later I finally got on Zoloft and went to counseling. Both did me a world of good and I'm done w/both now. Finally, I'd like to recommend a website I use called www.SparkPeople.com. It's free, and it's billed as a weight loss website but it is so much more. You can join groups there for depression, emotional eating, mom's of preschoolers, etc. I really like it and find that it's a great source of support. You can always delete your profile if you don't like it. If you do decide to try it out, I'm listed on there as NuttySnoopyFan. Best wishes to you and I do hope you get to feeling better soon. C.

It seems to me that a disturbance in your life such as your husband being deployed is enough to set you way off balance. It also sounds like you do a ton and you need to really look at all you do and do well. I think you are being h*** o* yourself. But as a person that has suffered from depression and is also related to and friends with a lot of people that suffer from depression, it sounds like this is something you need to look at, too. If you look at the medical description of clinical depression, I bet you'll recognize a lot of these traits. And we are not bad people, those that need help with our depression, either through therapy alone or with medication.
Please talk to your Dr (if they are a good Dr, they will recommend someone to help you). If therapy doesn't feel right to you after you go a time or two, then stop but at least you've made a forward step.
Good luck!

It doesn't sound like you're lazy at all. You are very motivated when it comes to everyone but yourself. Would it be possible to talk to a counselor to find out why you do not feel worthy and sell yourself short? It sounds like you are capable of many wonderful things. You just need to believe it and let yourself achieve them whether it is school, weight loss, or whatever you can dream! I think you need to get to the root of the problem first and that's why I suggested the counselor. I hope you do it because you deserve it.

YOU ARE NOT LAZY!!!! You love do things for your kids. Always remind yourself, that taking care of yourself is very important for your kids. They need you to be a confident self disciplined, healthy woman to look up to. Focus on what it does for them. I'm a SAHM and my husband travels all the time. It's easy to slack off on the gym when I know he'll be gone for months, but it's a great motivation for me to crack down for the dew weeks before he returns too. I have a gym with a daycare and though I'd rather die than go, I know I have to work out, and I do it for the kids. They remind me to work out and go the the gym. I've also taught them about healthy food and stuff. Same with your clothes and make up etc. Even on a micro budget, you need a couple of basic items, and some make up, earrings etc.

When I'm really in a rut, seeing other people working out and getting smaller week after week motivates me.

Meet new people. Be a happy good friend to them. I don't dislike anyone for being overweight, my closest and most fun friend is very overweight. She told me that the fact that I "always look great" (who knew?) makes her keep closer tabs on her diet than she would otherwise. I help her when she asks and bak off when I know she doesn't want to hear it. You will find support where you seek it, and people who like you for you.

Right now you're in a rut of depression so take baby steps. Start with a few new healthy snacks and some make up. I never have mani/pedi money. I have very few clothes. But I do my own nails, get dressed if the hubs is home or if I go out, and keep in shape for the kids. Staying home for your kids does not mean you have to lose yourself. On the contrary, you should be enjoying his temporary time with them and setting a good example.

Do NOT feel guilty for getting off track, just seek help turning it around and readjust your thinking and eating. Great job admitting you're "lazy" rather than blaming others, but DON'T BE HARD ON YOURSELF! Repeating the negatives keeps programming yourself negatively. Focus on the present and the future. Blessings to you, it's VERY difficult, if it was easy, every mom would look like a super model TV star.

I know when you get into a rut it can seem impossible to break out of it. I've been depressed in the past, and am a class A procrastinator when it comes to doing things for myself.

Apart from finding a great therapist you can talk to to work on why you can take care of others but not yourself (and yes, it does sound like you are depressed), I would try the following: pick something you want to change, and then set small, simple and scheduled steps for yourself to get to your goal. The key is baby steps, but every day. It took you years to gain the weight, a lifetime to develop other habits. Things don't change overnight either...but you'll be surprised how by just doing little things each day can help bring you back. So...Small, Simple, Scheduled.

Sending blessings for you in this New Year!

It’s too bad that it’s called “depression” because that really doesn’t describe most people’s symptoms.

Most often, people experience:

just not feeling like myself
no energy
not interested in things I used to like doing
would rather take care of others than myself

For me, some of the things that I didn’t even realize were symptoms were:

feeling like every word out of my husband’s mouth was a personal attack
feeling like I wasn’t doing a good enough job at work even though I was
thinking I was a “bad mom”
obsessing about things that I really can’t change
feeling like things were a big deal, when really they aren’t

None of these things are being “sad” or “depressed” but they ARE all things that can be from a chemical imbalance and/or lack of coping skills that is labeled “depression”. You may hesitate to be willing to use the word “depression” because you don’t feel sad and you wouldn’t want your family to think that you aren’t happy with them.

I see that you live in Philly. This woman is in north Wilmington (just outside of Philly/Chester) and she is amazing. She works mostly with moms and really helps put things in perspective: http://www.lnzconsulting.com/ It’s not counseling, it’s consulting. Companies need consultants all the time to help them make the right decisions--- moms do too!

You are not lazy at all - you are a great mother who has made lots of sacrifices for what is best for her kids. And you are shouldering all the parenting responsibilities on your own since your husband has been away so long. I think it is normal for a mom to put herself on the backburner when it comes to the kids. Everything you are doing is because you are thinking of your kids. It's a new year, start with a clean slate. Forget everything you did in the past with the classes, etc (even though you did nothing wrong anyway!) but wipe it away and start the new year with a fresh outlook. I am similar to you in that when my husband is away I don't take much care of myself as far as dressing up, makeup, etc. He went way for two days and I stayed in my pajamas for those two days (similar to another poster). Even when he is here, I rarely put on makeup or put in my contact lenses when I get up in the morning. I am so exhausted and I often take a nap when my two year old goes down (I am 28 weeks pregnant and get tired in the afternoon) so I figure why bother putting on makeup if I'm just going to take it off halfway through the day. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be one of those women who gets up and puts on makeup and gets dressed up and I probably would feel better if I did, but I don't sweat about it. I know someday when I am caught up on sleep I will be better. I don't consider myself depressed at all (I love my daughter with all my heart and am grateful for every day with her), I just consider myself a realist with time, energy, etc. It sounds like you may be in a similar boat. And I can't remember the last time I had a pedicure/manicure - I think for my wedding three years ago. As for the weight gain, maybe you could start with one small change. What I have been doing the past couple weeks is every time I go grocery shopping I buy a few apples. Then when I want to snack on something, instead of grabbing the Oreos (which has been my weakness lately), I grab an apple. If I want to splurge, I'll slice it up and put on a little peanut butter. A small step, but when I finish it, I feel better about myself for doing something good for me (and my unborn child). I think making a seemingly small step is really a huge thing.

Also, maybe the friends you haven't seen in a couple of years could help you. If they are true friends, they won't judge you or think any less of you because of how you look. Maybe you are not giving them enough credit? Maybe if you reconnected with them they might help you get out of this rut?

Also I don't know if this is possible but can you get away for a couple hours a week? Can someone watch the kids while you just take time to chill out or do something nice for yourself, even just taking a walk or watching a funny movie or something? It could do wonders.

But stop calling yourself lazy because you are not! You are doing the hardest thing - raising two children and is sounds like you're doing a great job! We all get in ruts and hopefully you can see yourself for the great mother and person that you are and just make a couple small steps in a healthier direction. A healthy happy mom is what is best for your kids! Good luck mama!

My guess is you aren't lazy, you're depressed. There's no shame in that, and the best thing you can do, not only for yourself, but for your family, is to get help. It may be as easy as a therapist. It might require medication. The problem with depression is it's really, really hard to get moving and motivated to do everything. EVERYTHING is a freakin' mountain. So set the bar really basic - make a dr's appointment and get a physical. Ask about depression and get checked out for your ability to work out. If he/she says you aren't depressed, then at least you'll have cleared the way for yourself to exercise.

That's it, one step. After that you can decide what comes next.