Heartbroken and Depressed

Updated on June 02, 2008
C.M. asks from Texas City, TX
114 answers

My husband and I have been married for 4 years and have 2 children together. We each have a child from a previous relationship also. We got married when I was pregnant with our daughter, and 4 months after she was born, I got pregnant with our son. He is 2 1/2 now and I have yet to lose the weight from these pregnancies. I am about 70 lbs over weight according to Dr's. I have tried diets and exercise, but the most I have lost is 15 lbs. I have struggled with this and hate the way I look, despite what my husband always says to me. He has been so supportive and says he loves the way I look, and I do not need to lose wight. He is also over weight. He is constantly complimenting me and has been wonderful. Well, in a private moment, he told me I was fat, but he loved it. This just killed me. I have been depressed since he said it, and I don't know why. He didn't mean for it to be taken badly. I am not sure why he said it, but has been apologizing ever since. I just can't seem to snap out of it. I have been in bed most of the day for 2 days now, crying mostly. I have had depression once when I was 21 or so, but it ended quickly. I am not sure if this is what it is. I haven't eaten anything since, and I have no appetite. I feel bad because I am a stay at home mom and my husband is having to do everything for the kids including cooking. My kids need me I know they do, but I do not want them to see me like this. They are too young to understand. My husband took off work today to stay home and make sure I was okay and we can't afford for him to miss a day. How do I get back to life? Why did this hit me so hard? Why can't I stop crying? My entire body aches, and I don't want to take painkillers, not sure why. I am not mad at him, just heartbroken. Has anyone ever battled depression or experienced anything like this? I know I need to lose weight. I am trying hard. Help!

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So What Happened?

This isn't exactly a "What happened" yet, but I wanted to add some things. Well, last night when my husband got home from my 8 year old's baseball practice, he brought me a Quizno's sandwich on wheat bread (the way I love it) and bought himself the same one (minus the veggies...he hated them). He knew I wouldn't eat what he made for the kids (fajitas). We ate together, got the kid in bed and had a talk. I cried, he cried. I think we are on the right track.
As for the weight loss thing, we are going to give it a try again. Last November I put our family on a strict diet, even the kids. I found it on line, it is called Spark People. It really worked for me. I lost 15 lbs and he lost like 25 even though he didn't work as hard as I did). I was given a treadmill but have yet to use it. Today marks the rest of my life...that treadmill will become part of my busy day. I cannot get out and walk during the day because my children will not stay with me. I only have a stroller for one because my friend had twins and I gave her the double stroller. Neither one knows how to ride a bike yet. This is why my very good friend gave me her treadmill. I am tired of being 200lbs. I am only 5ft5. I want to drop at least 50 more lbs. I have converted to the water only thing. I no longer drink coke or tea, or juice. I started this in November, and I think that is why I dropped the 15lbs. However, I do have my 1 cup of coffee a day with fat free creamer and no sugar. I will go back to counting calories and maybe this will work.
We do not have insurance right now, so going to any Dr. will have to wait. I have a friend who sees a Dr and gets some kind of diet pills that give her energy and she has lost tons of weight. (even though she is too thin now) I originally wanted to go to this Dr even if I had to pay him but right now we are broke. My husband is the only one working, and money is pretty tight right now.
I do have people t talk to that want to lose weight also. My sister in law is probably 270lbs or so. She is one of my best friends. I love her, but she will not exercise or at right. Her stressful life style has caused her to lose about 50lbs in the past 5 years or so, but I don't want to do it that way. She always says she will walk with me or diet, but never follows through. I have another sister in law who is into diet and nutrition. She weighed 200lb 10 years ago, but is now 115 or so. She is only 5 ft tall. She teaches a yoga and pilates class, but I never feel like going because I am way bigger than everyone there. I need to find a medium here right? haha.
I appreciate everyone's help in this. I do not live close enough to most of you to exercise with you. I am in Texas City, Texas. But, I am amazed at how many caring people there are out there. I love this site. You women come out of your own shells to help others and it is a wonderful thing! I will continue to update on this, and I want to thank every one of you!!

PS. The closest weight watchers is about 30 minutes away, and once again, I am broke. I want to try this so bad. Maybe when money is better, I will sign up! Thank you all again!!!

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A.M.

answers from Austin on

Oh, I am so truly sorry for the way you feel....I once felt the way you do about 5yrs. ago. I was in the same boat until I decided to take care of my self on the inside to help with the way I looked on the outside. I discovered a truly remarkable business and vitamins that helped me focus on how I felt emotionally and physically. I am healthier, happier and I even lost weight. If you would like to hear more please contact me I could help you just like someone helped me.

I never look back; just keep moving forward
A.

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M.V.

answers from Houston on

Hi, C.,
Perhaps you have a blood sugar issue: sometimes low blood sugar can lead to depression. If you do have LBS, losing weight won't be easy if you're just doing the traditional approach. A diet based on low glycemic index foods can make the weight drop off if you are insulin resistant. I've never been able to lose weight any other way.

Being prone to depression myself, I was amazed at how my depression lifted and I felt on top of the world when I lost 20 pounds or so. I felt like I was once again in charge of my life.

Best wishes,
M.

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G.K.

answers from College Station on

I found this GREAT diet (man, I swear i'm gonna sound like a commercial!) its at www.genetixprogram.com . it's awesome, and I lost 70 pounds on it the 1st go round (that was from jan 07 to aug 07)I have not gained any of the weight back (I was actually about 100# overweight) I had quite a bit of strife in my life from may until up to the last 2 months but I still kept all that weight off. I'm starting the diet over again (started yesterday) and I'm going to lose my last 30-40 pounds (depends on what I look like when I get there) it's super easy, it's all grocery store food (not like some places) and its more of a 1 on 1 (not like weight watchers) I have a co-worker I told about the diet, she started in jan this year, and is down 78 pounds so far (she felt she had over 140 to lose). it is quite a rapid weight loss program, but like i said, it's all grocery store food, and it's super easy. look it over.

Good luck - let me know how it goes! ([email protected]____.com)

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C.B.

answers from Austin on

Oh C., I am so that you are going through this. We all do. First, when you go to your mate with a problem, he is going to want to solve it for you. He said that because he thought it would make you feel better. He thinks that you think that your being overweight bothers him. He doesn't understand how important it is to us to look in the mirror and like what WE see. He wanted you to know he is ok with YOU, not your body image, but YOU! How wonderful! He loves you for you, not because you look a certain way. That is so refreshing! I know it still hurt you when he said it but it sounds like he was just being a goofy man and trying to "fix" it the only way he knew how. Second, I know it is depressing but the only way to pull yourself out of the hole is to get up. Put one foot in front of the other, baby steps. Go look at yourself in the mirror and say "I am loved for who I am, I am a great Mom and wife. I can do this because I am a woman." Women are stronger than we give ourselves credit for...You can do it. I spent 12 years of my life with a man that did nothing but tear me down and tried to beat the life out of me. I finally found what I like to call my "inner Amazon." Between God and "inner Amazon" I may not have been strong enough to take charge of my life. God helps those who help themselves. You have to take the first step. He will help you along, hold your hand but you have to show a willingness to fix it too. Be strong sister! I know that this will pass. Make an appointment with your doctor if you haven't started feeling better in two weeks. Sunshine, exercise and your children's laughter should do the trick though! God bless!

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C.H.

answers from Austin on

C., It does sound to me like you may be experiencing some clinical depression. I really suggest that you see a professional about it though since I do not have a medical degree. There are certain areas of our lives where we feel out of control and unable to change the present situation. Not eating will not make you lose weight. Most "diets" will not make you lose weight. It is being proven daily that it is more important to be healthy and active than what the scale says. I do not have any children, but am overweight. I understand that you are wanting to be a role model for them, but at the ages that they are at, I do not know that they can understand why you are "away" from them. My experience with my friends' children has been that they understand "away" but not the reasons behind it and there is a possibility that the child or children blame themselves. It is very important that you spend time with your children. It is very important that you spend time with your husband. It is important for you to focus on life and living a long and healthy one rather than worrying about your physical appearance. Please understand, these ideas are just my point of view. I hope that you find what you are looking for.

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V.D.

answers from Austin on

C....first let me say you are so not alone in all of this. I am 48 years old and battled this issue all of my adult life. Unfortunately my first husband was not as kind as yours and treated me terribly because I was overweight. While your husband has made a comment that has hurt you I do not believe that he meant to hurt you. He may have been agreeing with you. Regardless, please forgive him for the comment.

I have struggled through life as an overweight person. In June of 2007 made a decision that I was going to get rid of the excess weight. At that time I was 300 lbs. At this point in the game I am 230. I have lost 70 lbs. It has not been easy but I did it and am still doing it as I still have 85 lbs left to lose. What you need to come to grips with is that this is a lifestyle change not only for you but your entire family. EVERYONE must join in and get health. It can be done and many families do it. Since your children are young you are in a very good place to start making changes.

Many people ask me how I am losing all of this weight and the answer is often unexpected. I am not following a diet but just basic good food sense. I go to Weight Watchers for the accountability and support. I follow what I call the "Dr. Fung Diet". Simply put, I asked my doctor about all of those diets and which one I should follow and he chuckled and stated simply, "Eat less food and exercise more." I had a very difficult time with that since I thought I was not eating a lot of food. Boy was I wrong.

If you are unsure of how to eat, start reading. I would suggest that your visit some websites that are not specifically diets but centered more around eating for health. Some of them are American Heart Assn, American Diabetic Assn, and the Food Pyramid. Even if you do not have any heart problems or diabetes, these two sites are full of extremely good information. I can tell you that generally speaking if you can cut out processed foods, foods made with high fructose syrup, sugar, white bread, and margarine you will be on the right track. Once you have a plan of action that includes cleaning out your pantry and refrigerator of all the unhealthy foods the next step is a conference with your husband. After all, if he is not on board, this won't work.

What I would suggest is that you find someone who will watch all of your children for a couple of hours where you and your husband can go away from your home and talk about the lifestyle of your household. As I read, your husband is also overweight and probably has some of the same feelings about himself that you do about yourself. Get a feeling for where your husband is with all of this weight stuff and how supportive he will be to this whole family lifestyle change. You do not want your children to grow up with poor eating habits and end up in the same situation you and your husband are. Don't forget a plan to include exercise in your life. With the number of young children you have a walk will have to be a family affair.

Please do not hesitate to contact me.

V.

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C.V.

answers from Houston on

Cinnamon and honey mixture for weight loss

--------------------------------------------------------------

This is what I found on the net and thought I would share it. Of course, I'm starting on it tonight. There are a whole list of benefits to the cinnamon/honey mixture. But here's the one for weight loss. I don't believe in fad diets, only homeopathic or good ol exercise and eating right.

Weight Loss
Daily in the morning, 1/2 hour before breakfast on an empty stomach and at night before sleeping, drink honey and cinnamon powder boiled in one cup water. If taken regularly it reduces the weight of even the most obese person. Also drinking of this mixture regularly does not allow the fat to accumulate in the body even though the person may eat a high calorie diet.

Good Luck and your in my prayers...............

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P.W.

answers from Houston on

Hi C., My daughter was depressed and I took her to the doctor and he put her on meds and she is doing wonderful. I also have her call me and we talk about happy things and this also helps. Find a freind besides your husband who you can call to help you through your rough times. Good luck and God bless you.

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M.S.

answers from San Antonio on

C.,

I am so very sorry you are feeling this way. I would like to quote something you said." My husband is the best daddy and husband in the world. He works, is in 2 bands, and still makes time for me and the kids. My life is where it should be, and I am happy!" All I can say is WOW! It sounds like you have a great outlook on things most of the time. You sound like a great mom with a great family. I think that if you start each day with a heartfelt prayer to God for strength and courage then the rest is going to fall into place. Your husband loves you and I am positive your kids do to. Now you need to love you. Take care of yourself physically, and who cares if your body changed due to pregnancy. Look at what you have to show for it. God bless and snap out of it!!! lol

M.

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L.M.

answers from Longview on

C.,
I have batteled depression several times since I was 15. This sounds like an extreme case of depression if you can't get out of bed. I've never been that bad, but I have done the whole crying thing. Sweetie you really need to go talk to your doctor about this. He can prescribe something that can help you get over this. With help out there there is no reason for you to be living your life depressed. While you are at the doctor talk to him about how you feel about your weight and what you have tried. He may be able to suggest something or maybe test you for a gladual (not sure how to spell it) problem. I have heard that this type of problem can make you retain weight. But, the most important thing here is that you talk to someone asap before it gets worst. Good luck sweetie,
Lace

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K.L.

answers from Austin on

C. - just a quick question.......have you had your thyroid tested in a while?? I was diagnosed at 9 mos post-partum w/ PPD b/c I was depressed & couldn't lose the weight.

Come to find out 3 years later.......during the hormonal shift of pregnancy I developed Hashimoto's Disease. A thyroid condition/auto-immune disorder that "mimics" PPD. It was such a HUGE burden lifted off my shoulders once all of my doctors finally figured it out. My OB-GYN feels really bad she so quickly dismissed me w/ a prescription 3 years ago for an anti-depressant.

I am now on medication for my thyroid, cleaned up my diet (I was depressed.....so I was eating comfort food to try to feel better - a sick cycle) - lots of protein & veggies/fruit, reduced STRESS.......and in the last 6 mos have b/c a TOTALLY different person. The weight is slowly coming off, I am off the anti-depressant, and feel so much better knowing what it really going on.

That being said - it's really hard on the hubbies too when we are "not ourselves". Mine never says the right thing - even though he has the best intentions :). He would be the type to say, "Yea you're fat, but I love you anyway." And not get that is devastating. We have become huge "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" fans - it's at least opened up the lines of communication w/ a little humor & made touchy subjects a little easier to broach.

Hope this helps & get into your doc to do a FULL bloodwork panel if you haven't done so in a few years.

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C.A.

answers from Houston on

Hi C.,
I'm so sorry that you feel this way hun. You can make it through this. You just need some motivation. I've had to deal with the same issue. Just take it day by day.

I suggest to start off walking. It will get you out of the house, get you exercise, and hopefully boost your energy. If you switch up your daily activites it may help as well.

Set a weekly goal like maybe 2 lbs a week until you reach your weight goal. I'm actually just starting this for myself since I feel like I need to lose some weight. Just have confidence.

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J.C.

answers from Austin on

C.,
You are not alone. It's also okay to get down but if you feel like it's bigger issue. Go talk to someone! There is nothing wrong with that. In fact when I was 27 I went through a blue stage and talking to a professional really helpped get my life on track.

It's hard to have extra weight. It's even harder to lose it with three kids. I am sturggling with my " baby weight" with one so I understand. I highly recommend weight watchers. You can get in person support and they have a great online program. It's actually fun putting in stuff and seeing how much you can eat. SOunds odd but I loved it and am ssigning up again.

Also the YMCA past the lakeline mall has a great program for watching kids. It's free and the membership dues are reasonable. Might be a great fit for you.

I think your hubby was trying to be honest and tell you he loves you know matter what. It sounds like he is a great hubby and just put his foot in his mouth. As a famiy you can make a change to get healthy. Check out the YMCA by you. They all have programs and some of finacial assistance.

Good luck

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D.M.

answers from Houston on

Well C.,
i have been there and done that and still do some days. Prozac and church keep me up. I just found a very small church that i love the ladies and some are just a screwed up as i am. I am at work, i teach school, so i really can't write everything i would like but e-mail me at [email protected]____.com when you feel like it. But girl you have got to get out of that bed and to a doctor, you are depressed and only medicine will help. I have been on prozac for 11 years and i could not have done life with out it.

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A.C.

answers from Waco on

I may be repeating a few things others had to say, but I just didn't have time to read all of the replies...First off, yes, I have battled depression a few times myself. My children and being there for them is what helps me get past it. As for weight, that has been an ongoing battle for me too. I am not too over weight, but I can't afford to run out and buy new cloths every time I add on a few pounds. Cutting your cokes out of your diet was a very good step ahead, it helped me lose the first several pounds. I do drink tea because I do need that boost during the day. I will start walking again soon as the mornings warm back up again..Just a few suggestions: See if someone can sit with your children in the evening so that you or you and your husband can go take a walk, go to your sister-in-law's classes, more than likely the other women came there in the first place because they were having the very same problems you are having, you just may inspire other women, leave the children with your husband when he gets home and take a walk or find someone in your neighborhood that would like to walk with you. What ever you do, don't give up and hold your head high. I wish I was just a little closer and we could walk together, but I am quite further up the interstate. Best wishes to you.

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S.B.

answers from Houston on

C.:

My heart goes out to you. I am going to tell you my story in hopes that it helps you. I had depression after my second child. I also had a lot of weight that I just couldn't seem to shake. And, I was a stay at home mom. First, I sought counseling. This was the best thing I ever did for myself. After seeing my counselor for some time, I actually even participated in a women's group that was all summer long and really taught you to explore yourself inside and out. I am not kidding when I tell you that counseling was single-handedly the most important part because my counselor helped me look at my life and see it from a different perspective.

Now, as for the weight, this is what I did: I woke up one morning and said, "Ok, God. I guess you just want me to be this size. Fine, the least I can do for you is be healthy at this size." So, my first step was to quit sodas and caffeine -- all sodas and all caffeine -- and I mean instantly, cold turkey! Now, I didn't deprive myself of anything else. I replaced it with water. Now, I knew I had to get that water in me, so if I got hungry, I would brush my teeth or chew REALLY strong minty gum.....this served two purposes: 1) to make me thirsty, and 2) anything I was going to eat after brushing my teeth or chewing that gum was pretty much not going to give me as much pleasure. I also started walking my daughter to school every day. I only lived right down the street so this might not be possible for you; however, the kids would LOVE a stroller ride on a nice day! Soon, my neighbor began noticing even before I did that I had lost weight, so I weighed myself and I had actually lost 5 pounds! Now, you might think no big deal, but that's how I did it.....I would say, "Hmmm....I wonder if I could lose 5 more" and go from there.....Small goals give you time to feel accomplished.....I also bought a digital scale that measured in 2/10 of a pound increments and I allowed myself to feel proud of even so much as a loss of 1/2 a pound. And, once I started seeing the pounds come off, I began to do other things that I knew would help....like portion control -- when you take the kids to McDonalds, get a kids meal instead and forego the fries or just have a few. Yes, I said McDonald's -- the hardest part is working around your family - but every little thing helps and you will feel better about yourself. And, if you eat out, skip the chips and salsa. These are the things I did and I lost 47 lbs. You CAN do this.....I want you to know that if you have any questions, or would like any information, or just need to vent, you feel free to message me. I have been where you are. And, if you need a number to a good counselor, I will be happy to give you one. Your husband is great to help with your children, but it's time to get out of bed and get more help! You are loved! And, you are worth it! And, your family is worth it too!

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Z.B.

answers from McAllen on

Hopefully you have health insurance. Please call your doctor and get on an antidepressant that works for you. Not only does your husband and children need you, the world needs you in it!! You are on this earth for a good reason. I understand how you feel right now, please eon't let yourself slide down that horrible path of depression any further.

Keep writing...keep reaching out.

Z.

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D.G.

answers from Austin on

C. -

You must take care of yourself - this means getting professional help - for your sake and the sake of your family! Depression is a medical condition that can be treated with therapy and medication - so many women suffer from it and that's just it - suffer and don't get help. You MUST go to your doctor first and go from there - get a referal to a psychologist and get the help you need. Tell your husband you need his help - make an appointment and GO. Depression doesn't go away on it's own typically and can stay with you for years if you don't seek treament. Good news - there is help out there!
God Bless!

D.

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P.Y.

answers from Houston on

C.,

I can't really comment on the depression part because I haven't gone through it but I think others have given some great comments. I think a nutrition counselor would be great. I would try everything natural before prescription medication myself. Please give yourself credit for losing the 15 lbs that you have lost! That's great. Have you ever joined the YMCA? They have classes that can get you motivated and there are people of all ages (and sizes) as members. The instructors are very helpful. I believe they do have a nutritionist on staff and the child care is free when you are working out. I hope this helps.

P.

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C.S.

answers from Victoria on

I know you got lots of advise and have a plan of action, but I wanted to throw my 2 cents in too. I have a 2 & 3 year old too. They go to day care and get to take nature walks at school. The ratio is about 6-7 kids to 1 teacher. she takes them by using a brightly colored rope. They tie the rope to each kids belt loop or wrist. This is to prevent them from getting in the street or in someones yard. They march in a line and the teacher does it too. She talks about how by marching it has toned her legs, plus the kids get outside and can learn about nature. Another plus is you get out and get sun light each day and that helps brighten your moods. Also, I bought a small trampoline for the house. $30.00 max and I jump for 45 seconds. Then each kid gets a 45 second turn. They love the one on one attention and having me solely watch them jump and I get excersize too. I teach them about stretching etc... I also have my kids help in cleaning the house. They love to gather the trash. They hold the bag open while I pour it in. They also hand me clothes as I hang them. I let them smear shaving cream on the mirrors. Then I wipe it off. This prevents the mirrors from fogging when someone takes a shower. Get involved with your kids and see the world from their eyes. Move your body and slowly your will feel better. While you are going through this rough time and feel awful, just remember that your hubby is too; only his spouse isn't available for support. Need time an the treadmill, but kids won't leave you alone? Pour out some cheap raw noodles on a table or hard floor and give them some cups. This keeps mine entertained for at least 30 minutes and it is easy clean up later. Best of luck to you.

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N.P.

answers from Austin on

C.,
Please let me encourage you. This is going to pass. You will survive and overcome this. The depression is real. It is not just "in your head" and it doesn't sound like it's just that your feelings are hurt. You need to see a doctor right away. I would recommend getting on an anti-depressant right away. It's important to start sooner rather than later because it can take up to 14 days for the medicine to have its desired effect. It is obviously not healthy to hate yourself or your body. First please focus on getting your mind to a stable place. Later, when you are ready, you can tackle any body image issues or take on a new program for weight loss, but it will be very important to take on that effort from a healthy mental state.
Your kids do need you. Your husband needs you. And they love you. The people in your life love you immensely.

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M.B.

answers from Austin on

Hi C.! :)

Sounds like you're on the right track! Keep it up--you CAN do it! :) I jsut started my diet again yesterday. This is actually the first time I've started a diet without it STARTING with major depression over my weight. Maybe that's a good sign! But I wanted you to know that the depression is normal and often a good "kick-start" to beginning a change.

I also wanted to mention an alternative to calorie counting that might work for you, especially considering that it's great for someone on a tight budget. I invented it years ago and lost almost all my pre-baby weight on it. I've just started it up again yesterday after my move ot Texas.
I call it "the midievil diet." Think about the food sources that were available to people around the year 1200 AD. Allow yourself ot eat only foods available during that time.
This means avoiding additives, preservatives, artificial colors and flavors, and trans fats. Make your own bread or buy it at a bread store, but go easy on it, allowing yourself only 1-2 slices a day. Eat lots of fruits, veggies and beans. Milk and cheese are ok but in very small amounts. Replace deserts with fruit.
Don't worry about over-eating. with the quality food you'll be eating, you'll be able to eat whenever you want and always be loosing :)

Best of luck!
M.

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A.

answers from Houston on

C., I don't know anything about depression, but I know about being fat. So I will share from that angle and describe my feelings and excuses and if you want to draw something positive from that you should. Or you can continue in this self loathing mode. First off, I'm thinking that getting your hb's approval all along has been your savor that you were not fat. But you've got to face it, 70lbs over, you know you are fat and until you face the facts you are going to continue to self destruct. One of the things that got me to determine that I was not going to be fat anymore, is that I had a dt. I refuse to be the mom that goes to the school for my kids or do activities at the school and be the fat mom. The obese mom that has difficult walking. No that's not fair to my children. They get riducul for so many other things why should I help to contribute to what others will riducul them for. Oh look at her fat mom, or oh your obese mother is here. Also, I refuse to have my dt have a fat mother as a role model. What kind of life will she have if she grows up fat as an adolesese and especially as a teenager. If you think long and hard, if they have a bad early child hood and onto their teenage year, it will not help to build their self esteem and the lower self esteem the lower their grades may be, which may lead to not wanting to go to college, which may lead to them working at a Walmart the rest of their lives. No this is not the life I want for my kids. What you do now, have so much to do with how their lives will be. So that was my initial motivation, and its one of the things that keeps me going.

Take a nake picture of yourself or at least one in a swimming suit, take a good look at yourself in the mirror when you get out of the shower, get up on that scale and own your weight. So many of us overweigth people disallution ourselves thinking that we are not that over weight. But until you face reality, you will never over come it. You have no bench mark to go off of. Take a good measurement of all your body. The best would be that you do it with your hb, but that may be a bigger issue. But take ownership. Put the date and all the data on notebook. Write it all down. Stick on that picture of yourself in the swim suit and face your reality. Stop sugar coating it. Stop looking for people to make you feel good about your body. Only you can do that. If you don't like what you are looking at then do something about it. You are effecting your health which will eventually effect your family. Get rid of all the junk food in the house, stop drinking all the sodas. Even the diet sodas are bad bc they make you think that you have not put on any calories so you will eat more food bc you think you have the calories in your calorie food bank. Diet sodas also stimulate your tastebuds and it will encourage you to want to eat something to go along with the drink. Just stick to water for a short period of time. Go in short spurts. Say, I will give up sodas, juice, sugar infested drinks, for just one month. Stop the eating after 7:30pm, period, no exception. If there is a YMCA that you can join, I would highly recommend it. It is family friendly, the child care facilities are awesome (well where I go it is), and you can get a fitness attendant to help you get started for free. You do not need to be skinny to go to the gym. Get yourself there at least 45 mins a day. And make the most of your workout, don't get on the treadmill and read a book, get moving, get that heartrate up. Get on the weight machines its a better workout than too much cardio, the more muscle you built the more weight you will loose. No more mac n' chees for the kids or pbj, get the entire family to eat healthier.

OK, long enough, if you are serious and are facing the truth, you can send me an email and I will be glad to communicate with you and be your online support and soundboard. But if you want to just look for excuses then, I will pray for you. There is no quick mericle to looseing weight, the only mericle is to face the truth, bc when the weight starts to come off, you will be so glad that you had all those stats to comepare with. A. @ [email protected]____.com. I look forward to hearing from you and to help you through your struggle. A.

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S.D.

answers from McAllen on

C.,
I treat moms with similar stories everyday. All the exercise, diet plans, and food avoidance in the world will not help if hormones are out of balance. Sugar metabolism is largely to blame but there are other hormones that play a role. We test these hormones and get women back on track. We offer a 21 Day Purification Program, average weight loss 25-30lbs, husband and wives are doing the cleanse together. Visit www.duvewellnesscenter.com. I would be honored to help you. Dr. Duve

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T.L.

answers from Austin on

Hello C.,
I'm sure you've gotten alot of responses on your issue.
Losing weight can be the hardest thing to do for some people.A small trick about loosing weight that i've found out is eating constantly through out the day in small portions that way your metabolisium gets reved up.Eat about 4oz of fish,turkey,beef or chicken in each meal.small amount of vegies and fruit.Youll eat smaller portions and snack on vegies in between.you may get hungry sooner but you use the portion control through out the whole day.Eat slower and stop eating when your full.You'll feel hungry sooner but thats because your eating small portions all day.So you eat again and stop when your full and pay attention to that fullness feeling.It'll feel like your eating all day and you probably will be but you'll be doing it in smaller portions.If you starve your body w/only liquids your body will shut down and not burn the fat that sits in us.All the small portions trigger your metabolism to work harder.Cut out all the sodas even the diet ones sub/w tea if you must have caffiene no potatoes,white rice,corn and many things that have sugar like sweets,and No fast foods.There are pastas like no yolk noodles good for spagetti and things that read the word grain or whole wheat that are pretty good in taste not all healthy foods taste bad.
You change your eating habits and meals you cook for the family and youll see in no time your or yalls body image change and the confidence will start to come back.NO eating pass 7.you need to go to bed on an empy stomach,and PLENTY of water and moderate excercise atleast 3 to 4 times a week.This can be accomplished by the next holidays that come around at the end of this year that make most people pig out.We just have to make consious decisions in what we put in our mouths its so easy to put comfort food in ourselves but if we really want to see results we have to discipline ourselves to make consious decisions.We may slip up from time to time but get back on your good eating habits and don't quit its not an over night thing we wish would disappear.It has to be a lifestyle .ONLY we are the will for our bodies.Your kids need you to be healthy so you run and play w/them for years to come. I hope you atleast try this and youll see results.

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V.H.

answers from Austin on

C., I would like to invite you to one of our bible study groups on Friday 18 April. We are focused on enriching womens lives through a group of women who love God and is working with each other to keep each other lifted up. We have a wonderful time with each other and we help each other through difficult times. I know some people donot believe in the Lord but I do and I know He is the one who guided me through my rough times. I don't want to scare you away but if you would like to join us please let me know.

I am also a nut about exercise and is presently taken yoga/palauties classes and would love for you to join me.

V. H

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A.H.

answers from Houston on

Hi C.,
I hope that this will help you. I've been married for 7years and I believe sometimes our husband say things that they really don't mean or we understand totally opposite of what they are saying. By the way you speak of your husband you can tell that he loves and cares for you very much, that's why he is there helping you do what you should be doing. You are a blessed woman of God, with a good man and family, may the strength of God help you rise up to be the wife, mother that you want to be.

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M.F.

answers from Austin on

You are a mom of three, your body is amazing!!! Go to the doctor and treat the depression first! Maybe you need to join a program like Weight Watchers with your husband! Do something to make yourself feel prettier like get a pedicure or get a makeover at a makeup counter (I love Bobbie Brown).

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L.C.

answers from Austin on

I felt the same way by the time my son was 4 months old. I was heavy, sad, bored, and depressed, mourning for my past life. My mom convinced me to join Weight Watchers and it pulled me out of my funk. Just losing the first 10 pounds got me energized enough to take my little boy for walks. Now we walk one hour to one and and half hours almost everyday. I have lost almost 45 pounds since August and still have about 25 to go but I feel fantastic. I don't want to sound like an ad but it really worked for me and I have been overweight since childhood. Weight Watchers works on your perception of food not just counting calories and the group support approach is vital for me. Go to a meeting and check it out. They also have online support, although that hasn't been as helpful to me as the meetings.

Good Luck.

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M.K.

answers from Houston on

Dear C.,

Your story is close to my heart. So much so that I can't think of what to write other than I understand. What you can do is start saying the good things about yourself and get rid of those ugly thoughts or "stinkin thinkin" as fly lady puts it. www.Flylady.net is a good site. It helps you to get back on top. There are those days that feel so horrible that you want to just stay in bed and hide, but there is always tomrrow. Get through one day at a time. Ask God for the stregnth and grace to get through your duldrum. Sometimes it feels useless to pray, but those are the times we need to pray the most. I have been praying an awful lot lately:-)

Hang in there all the moms are rooting for you.
Love and Prayers,
M. K

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D.S.

answers from Houston on

My first thought is your hormones may be out of balance is why the weight is not dropping off and for the mood. It sounds like you are generally happy with your life, but have fallen into a temporary pit. If you can get in to see a non traditional doc that can check for hormonal imbalance, they can get you balanced. A natural doctor is your best bet.

For the moment, you must get out of bed and get moving. The weather is beautiful these days and not too hot to get outside. Take the kids to the playground and let them run around. Or go for a walk around the block. It's easier said than done but you must get up. Your kids need you. Find something YOU like to do and do that for YOU. Take a bath with essential oils. It will do wonders.

Be easy on yourself. Love yourself. And let others love you. Sounds like you have a wonderful husband. Mine has never appologized for anything as long as we have been married (12 yrs). He says he never does anything to have to appologize for. In other words, he is perfect........NOT.

I hope things get better for you sweetie. (smile) Big hugs for you!!!!!

Deborah

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S.H.

answers from Austin on

Hi C.,
I have done over the phone counseling for my church for the last 8 years (a free service) with really great results (within 30 mins. to an hour). You can PM me if you're interested.

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R.W.

answers from Austin on

I feel you sweetheart! I am 32 and not over wight but I am always feeling like I am over wight. I have battled depression in a big way in my life, many times, and I have had allot of things to be depressed about. The bottom line for me was realizing that the only way that I can be depressed is by focusing on myself; my fears, my hurts, my disappointments (in others and in myself).
For me realizing that my life was purposefully established and that; what happens to me really matters to my Creator and that He never leaves me (but I do leave Him) or makes mistakes. He only allows us to make mistakes because he wants us all to have free will, because without freewill we would not have the ability to love, or hate. This is true about what other people do to us as well, He allows it because He allows everyone to have freewill. I suspect that there are things that have happened to you in your life, that have nothing to do with your appearance, that are underlying your depression. It is good to uncover the pains of the past acknowledge what happened was bad but then we have to move on, move past the hurts we have caused and move past the hurts that others have caused us. I have found that the only way to do this is to find someone to help. I absolutely cannot be depressed if I make myself help someone else. It can be someone in your family or outside of your family. There are neighbors who have no friends and no one to talk to, there are tanagers who need someone to value them for who they are because all they hear is criticism at home or at school from their pears, there are our husbands who are constantly criticized by their pears for all kinds of things, there are homeless people in need of help and the amazing thing is that you or I may be the only person who will care enough to help, to talk or to notice that person who is in need.
My advice : don't think about your weight! Think about your life, You are very very very blessed to have a husband who is happy with your body, if you aren't (which I can totally relate to) just live your life. Make the other parts of who you are, the best they can possibly be. Don't focus on the one thing that you can't seem to change, that is meaningless and a waste of your talents. I hope I've helped! I will be praying for you.

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L.B.

answers from Odessa on

My thought is your hormones are out of whack. From everything I've read, exercise is one of the number one controllers of hormones as well as diet. Ironically, that's one of the number one controllers of weight as well.

Pull yourself out of bed and take a stroll around the block. Up your vitamins and start eating all the foods God gave us for good health.

As much as we value our husband's opinion, your opinion of you is what matters the most.

Don't focus on getting rid of bad things in our diets, but focus on the addition of. Fruits and veggies can burn more fat than exercise sometimes. Don't starve yourself, you'll end up gaining weight and throwing your metabolism for a loop.

I don't know if you drink sodas or not, but I've had weight literally melt off at giving up Dr. Peppers.

Good luck!!

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D.P.

answers from Houston on

Please go to the doctor immediately! I suffer from major depression and that is what your symptoms sound like to me. With my first child my hormones never went back to normal and this made the depression worse. Also you might ask to have your thyroid tested, my thyroid levels are only one point into the normal range and it makes it difficult for me to lose weight. I also take a B complex vitamin so my brain has what it needs. Also maybe get your husband to join you in Weight Watchers, since it uses real food you can feed the whole family in a new and healthy way. I like including my children in my exercise too. So they can learn good lifelong habits. I am a 37 year old stay at home mom, who is struggling with my weight even though my husband says he loves me the way I am. I have a 18 year old daughter and a 6 month old son

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R.C.

answers from San Antonio on

Please don't let your size stop you from attending your sister-in-law's yoga/pilates class. These are wonderful forms of exercise, and they are low impact, which is good for someone just starting to workout.

Also, it does sound like you need to be on an antidepressant. I have battled depression since I quit breastfeeding my son 3 years ago. I should be on something right now, but my husband and I are trying to have another child, and there just aren't enough studies to show that there is a safe antidepressant to be on while pregnant. The doctor that I see says that there is a strong family link with the success of antidepressants. Meaning that if you have a blood relative that has seen great results from a particular antidepressant, you should see great results on the same med.

I know that in your follow-up you said that money is tight, but you should do your best to see a doctor that can put you on an antidepressant. They made a world of difference for me, and I am sure that they can help you too. Once on them, you probably won't feel a need to take a diet pill. The antidepressant should help you stay motivated enough to diet and exercise on your own. Also, finding the right med for you will give you more energy. In the meantime, until you can afford to get on a antidepressant, exercising regularly and eating right will help your mood.

I hope this helps!

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M.E.

answers from Austin on

Hi C.,

I totally understand where you're coming from...
I just want you to know that I battled depression for quite some time before I got help. The crazy thing is that I didn't know I was depressed! What happened was that I went back to school and was having a hard time concentrating...got diagnosed with Adult ADD, and was put on Wellbutrin, of all things, which is a mild anti-depressant that had been shown to help with ADD. I had to go to counseling since I was on a prescription anti-depressant, and ended up finding the source of my depression, and consequently, my weight issues. I also found out through this 2-year process that I didn't have ADD at all...it's a wheat allergy. Wellbutrin has also been used to help kick smoking as well as lose weight. The best thing about it was that it made my head so clear and made me want to get up and go every morning (but not crazy or jittery), and I was seeing results faster than I normally would have due to the combination of moving more and the weight-loss benefits of the medication. I took advantage of that and started a routine of exercise, and the healthy eating habits just naturally followed because I didn't want to eat junk that made me feel bad when I was feeling so good. I am happy to say that I am no longer on it, and was able to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Listen to your body and honor what it is saying. Sometimes we just need a little help - but make sure you seek counseling too (being on Wellbutrin definitely helped me "cope" with the issues I needed to deal with) - that's what really saved me. I didn't think anything was wrong, but ended up getting to the root of the problem, which set me free!

Good luck!
M.

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V.B.

answers from San Antonio on

Sorry, but you don't seem happy!! Your husband certainly didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I don't believe. I mean, if he truly is as great as you make him out to be. However, he may have unconsciously or consciously been trying to motivate you to do something about your weight problem: i.e. exercise and/or eat less. He may want to follow suit, as you mentioned, he too is overweight! It does seem like you're falling into depression. I would recommend counseling or at the very least, ask your physician their prognosis and they may even recommend anti-depressants. You're probably feeling physical pain due to your weight or it could be coinciding with your depression. You are NOT alone in your struggles. It's alot easier said than done but, "keep focused on your health and everything else should fall into place". Not only for your sake, but for your family's. Also, if you finish your schooling and go to back to work, you'll probably feel a lot better about yourself and feel like your are contributing to your family. Good luck!

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M.B.

answers from Austin on

Maybe you should check into post partum depression. It sounds like that may be part of the problem. Having kids so close together is hard in itself. Depression is also helped by exercise. Many counselors and doctors I've spoken to says the first thing they prescribe in cases of depression is exercise. Exercise will help you feel you are working towards getting healthy as well as the depression. Losing weight it hard. I have always been really thin till I was about 30 and then a little at a time began to gain weight. I love exercise but I don't eat right. I don't eat the right foods and I often eat only once a day so I am sabotaging myself. I have heard of great success with the home delivery diets like Nutri System although they do cost.

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S.G.

answers from Houston on

The 1st thing is this...........EAT! Food is the body's fuel and without fuel our bodies don't function properly. Like a car needs gasoline so do our bodies......Now the trick is that people miss something very important about weight loss. It is based upon 2 very simple thing. Those 2 things are calories in vs. calories out and portion control. If you eat a 2000 calorie a day diet but only burn off 1600 calories the result is 500 calories everyday that becomes storage fat because it is NOT burned for fuel. After 1 week of this you end up with 3500 extra calories of storage fat. there are 3500 calories that make up 1 pound. so the result is 1 pound gained.

The second is portion control as I mentioned before. Look at the food pyramid and see the portion sizes for a serving. The most important thing is that protein (meat) portions are only 2 oz. for 1 serving, something many people don't get. Animal products are bad for the body as they are filled with the bad kind of fat which causes many diseases such as cardio vascular disease. I became a vegetarian 2 years ago and lost nearly 50 pounds when I did. Now I am not saying to you "Become a vegetarian", but I do know that the body was designed to burn and eliminate plant foods much more efficiently that animal food. This is one reason that the food pyramid limits the size of meat portions to merely 2 oz. Dr.s have known this for years but people have not fully understood this yet.

Go to www.myfoodpyamid.gov and print out the food pyramid and study it.Then get moving. Go to the park (if there is one nearby) and strap on that mp3 player filled with your favorite tunes and walk walk walk!!! You will be amazed at how quickly you see results. If I can help, please let me know.

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K.C.

answers from Houston on

It hit you so hard because of the way you think you feel. It hurt you because you are so down on yourself thinking you are fat. Well honey the way your body works after having 2 kids back to back is different from haveing one then waiting awhile and having another. Also for some people (like myself)never do lose the weight- I am 120lbs more since I had all my kids. Each birth I gained 40lbs each and I have never lost the weight.Ive kept my weight on for 12 years now, and really not by my chose. Ive tried the doctors, diet pills, exercise, and everything else minus surgery). Im not saying that this can happen to you too so dont you be worrying about that lets get you on the right track...

Go talk to your doctor about ways you can lose weight, ask him about med's you can take to help if you think that is needed to get you started. You can also take the kids to the park and run jump and have fun with them and lose weight. Take the cereal challange eating 2 bowls of it for breakfast and lunch then eat a regular meal for dinner(I lost 10lbs on this!!!!)

Dont be so hard on yourself and since your husband said that make him help you by being by your side with everything, if you do it have him do it too. This way you have your closest friend helping you along the way and you can be there for him while he is losing the weight too.

I wish you the best of luck.

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J.K.

answers from Austin on

First of all, I want you to know that it is wonderful that you are aware of your feelings of depression and upset over your weight. I think you do need counseling, not drugs to deal with your feelings. I also think that the weight gain is a symptom, not a cause. You are unhappy about staying at home and you feel guilty about wanting to work outside the home. I can tell you not to feel guilty, but you have to come to this conclusion yoursef. Psychologists do counseling and psychiatrists usually prescribe drugs for depression. There are alternative methods to deal with depression including yoga, biofeedback, re-evalation co-counseling, massage, acupuncture and chiropractic. Weight wathchers is a good support group too.One more thing that I want to add for you. I have started going back to the Niaspace studio for the "ecstatic dance" class on thursday nights. It is wonderful and very liberating with the bonus of being good exercise without any real effort. This class is basically a creative movement class where you just move to the music and choreograph your own moves along with other women. It is on south Congress in Austin and only costs $10.00 per class. I think you would enjoy it. J. K.

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H.M.

answers from Sherman on

Hi, I am hoping to send you some hope and advice. I am a stay at home mom of 5. We homeschool. I am about 40 lbs heavier than I ought to be. I was diagnosed with depression a few months ago. I am taking medication. It helps tremendously. YET-- I am sure that it is just helping me cope with the issues that were depressing me in the firt place. I am able to look at things and figure them out better though. I know so many people assume that it is the kids and schooling that are overwhelming, but honestly it is my marriage and feeling so misunderstood there. I would try natural ways of dealing first(I can't do herbs and stuff because of an immune disorder). But do not be ashamed or nervous about getting help. I am thinking of therapy for me as well. Though WHEN!? Your children do need you. But they need a healthy you. You need to be able to take care of yourself first then your kids. Your marriage may need some building too. I can't tell you how much more hope I had when I started taking action with my marriage. DEALING with issues. And Making HIM deal too.Take something for the pain-- it doesn't help the emotional issues but it helps you to figure those out. It is harder to figure life out when you are blinded with pain all over. I understand. But be careful it is easy to numb yourself with painkillers and get addicted or miss out on the life of your children. The goal is to get yourself comfortable enough to see your issues and begin to deal with them. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

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P.B.

answers from Houston on

Hi, C.

I have gone through temporary chronic depressions or what it is officialy called chemical imbalance. I am currently taking medication - Lexapro. During my depression crisis I couldn't stop crying. I have a wonderful life and people would wonder why I was so depressed, well, that's what chemical imbalances do. Anyway, I couldn't function so, I went to the doctor before it got worst. I suggest for you to check with a professional, maybe you need to get on a antidepresive medication. I just want to tell you to be careful, some antidepressants tend to promote gain weight. Paxil is one of them. Wellbutrin is an antidepressant that promotes lost weight but not sure if your body will like it, you just have to see. During my depression crisis I couldn't eat either, I lost 6 pounds in one week (not good though) but I made sure that at least I drank Ensure milk to make sure my body got enough nutrients. I understand perfectly what you are going through but, it is up to you to get out of it. And don't worry, this disease is very common, just take the right medication for it and you will be back to normal again. Be strong and remember you are not alone.

Oh, make sure you take care of your mental state before you take care of your weight problem. Exercise is the key! Burn more calories than you consume and do not eat heavy meals after 6 p.m. Avoid bad carbs and make sure to eat plenty fruits and vegetables - it works! Drink water with every meal.

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N.M.

answers from Houston on

Depression is nothing to take lightly. My son has been battling it now for about two years. I took him to see a child psychologist and am very happy that I did. He is now on Zoloft and is doing much better. Zoloft is non addicting and helps to restore the Serotonin in the brain. This is the same chemical that your body produces when in sunlight. It is very natural. The only side affects have been a little bit of diarrhea until your stomach gets use to it. I have since discovered many others on Zoloft. It is nothing to be ashamed of and talking to a counselor may help with changing your attitude with your weight. If you are a happier person I believe you can handle any other situation easier. I wish you lots of luck!!

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B.B.

answers from Austin on

C.,

Regardless of what anyone else says or thinks, the problem is you see yourself in a negative light. You were feeling this way prior to your husband saying what he did..........though I am sure it hurt badly, maybe it was the wake up call you needed. Could we have chosen a million other wake up calls, YES! But it is, what it is. As far as weight loss you are in total control. You need to choose foods wisely and begin a workout program. But not just to lose weight, but to change your life. Set small goals for example: I will workout 3 days this week for 30-45 minutes etc etc.........not so much setting your goals on the lost pounds alone. Eat 4-5 small, protein and carb balanced meals a day, with vitamin C and fiber as well. In your workouts try to keep your heart rate up for 3-4 minutes at a time, then stabilize the following 3-4 minutes and repeat this for about 40 minutes. This is a weight loss workout and if you stick with it you'll see results.
You have to believe in yourself to do achieve any goal.......and to do that you need to recognize you are worthy of great things and love yourself.
So get out of bed, set your goals and focus on a better way. Don't think of the 70lbs...........take this day by day by day.
Good luck and I hope this helps!!
B.

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N.H.

answers from Houston on

Hi! I had the same thing happen to me. I was physically fit & in pretty good shape before baby. During the last month & a half before my baby was born, I started just GAINING rapidly. I didn't really gain hardly any, maybe a pound or two per month up til that point. Then after the birth, I ballooned up to 229 from 155! (I'm tall so this was a good weight for me being 155). I've only lost down to 190 but gained bk up to 215! I found out I had developed hypothyroidism due to pregnancy & birth! I was DEVISTATED! This is THE hardest type of weight to lose. You might have the same thing. You should first check w/your doctor & get the blood test to see if that's what causing your problem then go from there. Just keep in mind, from what I've researched if this IS the problem, you may only lose 30 or 40lbs. I'm not saying that you CAN'T lose more but that's only what I've read so far about it. WebMD.com has good info about it, you can ck the symptoms & see if you're experiencing any of them & bring it to the doctor's attention or just get checked anyway. Also, food can be a factor. Food you once COULD eat w/o gaining may be affecting you differently now. Giving birth does a real number on some women's bodies. I haven't given up. I'm more depressed than ever over this but more determined NOT to give up. A relative developed the same thing BEFORE giving birth so it CAN run in the family too. She went on the Medifast diet & lost all of her weight. She only needed to lose 25 or so but still. I tried it & it worked for me too but it can be expensive. I'm still trying so don't give up! Just be glad your hubby accepts you & supports you. Mine did too!

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G.A.

answers from Austin on

C.,

I'm so sorry you are going through depression. I also have struggled with weight gain since my 20s and only last year I found out I had Thyroid problems, my progesterone was completely off and others. I felt really bad because I assume that people thought I was lazy, ate to much, etc. To an extend I probably did, but I also was very active and losing the battle was so hard. I also was depressed in and out with the same problem.

Long story short, after I found out my health problems and started taking the medication I needed I'm feeling better and losing weight.

I also have a very supportive husband and I understand what you mean, that doesn't change our feelings.

I recommend you to talk to a doctor. I know Dr. Roby here in Austin, does all hormones test and treatments, with bio-identical hormones. They are better for no side effects. I promise that if that's your problem, you'll see HUGE differences.

You need to do something fast because this does not get better by itself. You have 3 little kids that depends on you and a healthy mother is what you deserve to be. I hope you get better soon. Contact me any moment if you have questions or need to talk!

A.

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J.H.

answers from Houston on

Hi.there C. my name is J. im 29 and i know how you feel about things im about 115pounds over weight i have type2db.and other health problems and its not so easy to lose a pound for me and i will sit and cry alot wishing i could lose something even a pound would be nice.but you have to keep going for your babys i have a 12&13yearolds and a great husband they help me alot no matter what your kids will always love you and need you so keep your head up and keep trying.do alot of praying i do and theres days it seems to help i will be praying for you take care in gods eyes you are always pretty.have faith god loves you no matter what

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W.R.

answers from San Antonio on

Hello C.,
From everything I've read so far, you are getting great advice and now you know that you are not alone!!! Which is important. I started watching this program quite by accident, it is called "I Can Make You Thin" by Paul Mckenna. Excellent program. He works with your mind to give you the strategy you need to break the cycle you are in. He has a website as well....www.mckenna.com He has really helped me with PAYING ATTENTION to what I eat and how I eat it. His program was on TLC and ran for 4-5 weeks I think. I don't know if it will be rerunning, but you can go to the website and check out his techniques. I tell ya, it works and no diet pills, (and I took the ones you mentioned and it made me feel really weird, then I found out they were addicting), no doctors appts. no special foods, just common sense techniques that put you in control. So give it a try, you have nothing to lose but extra weight!!!

W.

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A.P.

answers from Austin on

I've not read other responses, but I encourage you to call a mental health professional ASAP. What you're dealing with, you can't fix by yourself. You need to talk to a therapist and possibly explore the option of medications for depression. Please call one today. I deal with this, too. You can send me an email for more information.

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V.A.

answers from Sherman on

Hi C.,

I, too, am overweight and sometimes depressed by it. It seems the more I think about my "problem" the worse I feel. The good news is, we are women. We are strong, and if we are fat and strong, then we are fat and strong. We have the ability to pull ourselves up and be there for our family, our kids, our spouse. You can do that, C., God has made you the person you are for a reason, to be loved, unconditionally, by your family. A lot of people tell me that I am the same inside whether I am big or small. I know I am not. I know I feel different as a large person, I feel ashamed of my size, I feel like people are constantly judging me. My husband used to ridicule large people and now I am one of them, so I used to wonder how he felt about having to be with one. Then one day I decided I am making my life the hell it was and I chose that moment to get up, kiss my husband and thank him for being there for me. I hugged my kids and snuggled with them in their bed at bedtime and loved the fact that they loved me. I went to bed with my husband and told him that I loved him unconditionally and hoped he felt the same about me. I care about my body and I don't think I am fat due to "overeating" or eating junk food. I think I am a victim of circumstance, hormones, genes and not enough excersise. I can deal with it. So can you, you are woman, you are very special and your family recognizes this in you! So get up, do what I did, and you will instantly feel yourself lighten up, and in time, you will heal. If you don't, then do not feel ashamed to seek medical help. Depression is a chemical imbalance and you need to get help for it. IT IS NOT due to you being overweight. If you can't fix it yourself, then your weight is not the real issue, your health is at risk, and you need to get a doctor involved. Do not be ashamed if that is the case. Like I said, it is a chemical imbalance, not a mental state. Be strong, We love you and you can do it!!!!!

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A.B.

answers from San Antonio on

Dear Chrystal,

I am so touched by your mail... I have never responded but you are a precious person. I have also battled depression most of my life. I have found that when I get so down about my looks or comments etc. the only thing that seems to work without meds is my faith and focusing on the people and things around me. I will think deliberatly about what to do today: take the kids out to the park for a picknick, open all my windows and clean (that tends to make me feel better :D). I put on praise music... don't know if you are a praying woman but God is there and available to help you. Sadly depression is so hard to get out of sometimes but there is hope. But I do understand and know you are not alone. I also have 3 children ages 11, 7 and 5. And have been married for 12 years. Hang in there dear sister. Men don't think before they speak sometimes, I was told yesterday "you look exhausted" I replied "just haven't looked in the mirror today" Poor guy felt pretty awful. I run a daycare from my home and that was one of the fathers... I will be thinking of you and praying for you today and for days to come.
God bless you
A.

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C.H.

answers from Austin on

C.,

First of all WOW - your plate is FULL with lots of sweet babies!!! What blessings you have, and it sounds like you have a wonderful hubby, too. Don't be hard on yourself.... the fact that you know that you are depressed is a good sign!! I am a mom of 3 kids and have had my share of depressed moments! My advice is to pull yourself up and be the Mommy that you know you are.

You have to eat!!! You'll feel more depressed without fuel in your body. Try veggies and fish, some contains Omega-3 fatty acids, which helps to increase your brain's levels of "happy" hormones. You can also take the Omega-3's in vitamin form. Do you exercise? That can help get you out of your depression, too.

There is a new program on TLC channel (you can probably access on-line also) called "I Can Make You Thin." Check in to that philosophy. Basically eat whatever you want, stop when you are full, very motivational program!

Hang in there!! I promise it gets easier.... your kids are SO young and depend on you so much, I'm sure that you are not getting any "you" time. Do you have anyone to keep them so that you can catch your breath? If anything, put them to bed early at night and have some time for you!

Good Luck Sweetie!!
C.

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M.S.

answers from Honolulu on

C.,
I am in the exact same situation as you, same weight and height and I also gained 70 lbs during pregnancy. The only difference is that my husband is skinny and couldn't gain 10 lbs if he tried! Makes it a little tougher when he reminds me that I should be going to the gym!

I have found that it isn't the number on the scale that matters so much...it's how I feel about myself. I don't really care what size I am if I feel good about the way I look. Don't get my wrong, I have a goal of 50 lbs to loose (8 gone, 42 to go!). But I have found that some days I put on an outfit and I feel GREAT, others I HATE the way I am!

I also can't afford to join a club like weight watchers(single military income doesn't pay great!) I have started only drinking water, with the exception of my morning milk(it's my coffee!) I eat a whole wheat something with jam or cereal for breakfast, and for lunch I eat a lean cuisine or progresso soup. That lets me know that at least one meal I know exaclty how many calories I am getting. I fix a regular dinner and just eat a smaller portion. I never eat within an hour of going to bed.

It has really made a difference! I had to work hard for the 1st 4 lbs to come off and it took about a month...but since I have started my "diet" I lost 4 lbs in 1 1/2 weeks.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope maybe I have helped a little. Just know that you are not alone and there are tons of us with the same problem! I know that you can do it!
M.

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M.W.

answers from San Antonio on

C., I'm sorry that you are going through this. I know how bad it can be; I have fought depression my whole life. The best thing I did for myself is to find a doctor. Go see a psychologist, please. He/she can really help. You can't do anything about the weight until you do something about how you are feeling. Your kids are your greatest responsibility and they need you. After you are back to normal you can take on your weight issue. Two ideas on that by the way; Weight Watchers and Curves. Both are very supportive and can really help you reach your goal. Your family is where your focus needs to be and you can't take care of them the way you want to until you take care of yourself first.

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A.N.

answers from Austin on

C. you are such a sweetheart! I know what you are feeling. I have felt the same way - had a "surprise" pregnancy at age 40 and never had a weight problem before but do now. It is no fun and I have had moments where I just look at myself wondering who this is, seeing fatty areas, etc... I get very depressed and it is hard to lose, just as you have found out too. I get depressed over this and then it passes.

Just because you feel awful about this please do not let anyone talk you into anti-depressants. You don't need those, as you said you are happy. What you are unhappy and depressed about is your weight and so many of us feel this way. It's normal, not abnormal. And, when you have little ones it is just near impossible to lose the weight like you'd be able to otherwise.

So really take out some time for you - and think on this. Think about how you feel and why and what you can do about this. Take time for you - to get really clear on this. My husband is the same - and whether he is fine with me being overweight, I am just not.

You have to be comfortable. And, you also need to accept yourself. Try to find a way for both C.. Know also that this is temporary - you are young and to tell you the truth, I was at my thinnest weight when I was in my mid-thirties - my boys were older and I was very active and lost the weight easy - I went from a size 12 to a size 6-8 and stayed at that weight for years until I got pregnant again later!

When you are at home with young ones, sometimes you eat when you are bored, etc... Know that this too shall pass and just focus on loosing 5-lbs. If it takes a month great, if it takes two months, fine. Then focus on another 5 lbs. - If you accept this and be patient it will help. Just know in your heart that you will get your thinner self back eventually and DON'T give up on that. Know this privately! It will come and you'll be looking back on this happy that you got through it!

Hang in there sweetie!
Alli

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A.B.

answers from Austin on

Hi there,
I am recently pregnant and have no children yet but battled a similar depression when I was fired from a job I loved. You are extremely lucky to have a supportive husband that is not harshly critical of your weight. It seems you have great self esteem and know where you should be weight-wise to feel your best.

The recipe to get out of the dumps is this: Find some way you can get immediate satisfaction from helping others. This may be difficult to do with 3 little people needing your full attention, but a friend of mine turned me on to http://www.dreamjobsinc.com/ which if you are a good fit aligns you with temporary contract work. This is a great way to bring in extra income and do something that elevates your self-worth at the same time.

I hope this is helpful

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P.W.

answers from Austin on

Hi C.,

My name is P., I'm a wellness consultant. I help people with their nutritional needs and to gain, loose or maintain weight safely.

Please give me a call ###-###-####, I would love to help you. My shop is in Bee Caves. I offer consultation and a body analysis free of charge. This is a simple prossess and takes a couple of minutes. It tells us how much protien you need in your diet and so many other things to help guide you to a healthy you.

Remember, you are a wonderful mother and wife. It is awesome that you are earning your bachelors.

Hope to hear from you,

P.

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N.F.

answers from Houston on

I have experienced depression and this does sound like some of the symptoms. You hormones could be out of wack and contributing to your feelings.

Being overweight is difficult and trying to lose 90 lbs. is overwhelming especially as a stay at home mom. If you are trying to lose weight you will reach a plateau every 15lbs. You will stay at that plateau until something drastic changes in your diet or exercise again. Once you get beyond that plateau then you will lose another 15 lbs.

But, part of the problem could be that you are wrapping your self worth up in your looks. Our society encourages us to have a certain image and if we don't we aren't beautiful. What you are failing to understand is that we are not made from cookie cutters. Your extra weight can be beautiful! You husband loves you just as you are. He doesn't love you less, he doesn't even think you are less beautiful. Your children do not love you less. They just want and need a mom who is there for them and love them unconditionally. The average size of all women is a 14/16 dress size. That means half of all women are larger than that, including me. Don't let your size define you. Let your character show you beauty. There is a book titled "Do you think I'm Beautiful" by Angela Thomas it is an excellent help in the idea of self image and how God sees us.

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K.B.

answers from San Antonio on

C. ~

I am truly sorry that you are having a rough time right now. I think that all women have some form of depression in their lives at one time or another. I think in this situation you need to really evaluate what is making you so troubled. Is it just your weight that you are worried about or is it something else? I would also say don't bottle it up inside. Talk to people about how you feel, like you did here on Mamasource, and everyone's well wishes and prayers will help you through this. You will be surprised how many people are experiencing the same feelings you are. You are not alone!

You are blessed with a very supportive husband. Lean on him right now because he is your source of strength. Talk to him often about how you are feeling and you both will get through this rough patch.

Your children are a blessing from God. Staying home with them is also a blessing. Focus on these positive things every day and give your children hugs and kisses whenever possible. This will surely brighten your day!

Get out of the house once or twice a week and go to the park or have lunch with a friend. I find this very comforting when I am feeling down and out. I also suggest that you go on regular dates with your husband. This will give you both time to talk and be husband and wife instead of just Mom and Dad. My husband and I try to go on a date at least once a month and it has been really good for our marriage.

I don't know if this will help you...but, my husband and I were watching a show on TLC called "I can make you thin" by Paul McKenna. He has books out with a no diet approach to losing weight. His 5 week show on TLC was very informative. He made losing weight so simple. He also had a few guests that have lost alot of weight and are still losing with his weight loss plan. This common sense approach to losing weight will change your eating habits forever! I encourage you to check it out!

On yet another note, have you ever thought about having your own business? I have been an Independent Representative for Silpada Designs Jewelry for a year now and love it! Silpada Designs was my silver lining for many different reasons and I would love to talk to you about it when you are interested.

Blessings,

K. Beck
Independent Representative
Silpada Designs Jewelry
www.mysilpada.com/K..beck

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K.B.

answers from Odessa on

Yes those babies and that man need you, but until you get it together and feel good about yourself you will be no good to them. Have you tried weightwatchers? My pediatrician says it is the best and he wants my son who is overweight on this program. The other plans that are awesome are expensive, but when calculated up they come out to what you would spend to eat three meals a day. My boss is doing Jenny Craig, she has lost 26 pounds in 2 months. There are so many options. I have been there and the older you get the harder it is. Make sure you cut out all snacks. You will get there keep your head up and be there for those babies.

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D.G.

answers from Corpus Christi on

You need to take some deep breaths and understand that all humans make mistakes....men especially! They dont think the words they say are harsh, but in our mind it is the worst to hear that from someone that sees us naked...and you need to realize, he is more worried about your health than your look. I know how it feels and when I was told I was big(by my husband) and that I could stand to lose a couple of pounds, At first I was shattered, but then I sued it as a pushing....I got up and started telling myself I was going to eat healthy and drink lots of water! I would take my little boy for walks and clean house with a speed to get my heartrate up. Eating is not the enemy and neither are you. You sound like you still have the baby blues, I can totally relate. I had the baby blues until my little boy was almost 1. You need to tell yourself you are Pretty Hot And Tempting. PHAT is a good PHAT! I am almost 6 foot tall and my weight was close to 275, but I lost around 30 lbs and I feel better about myself because I set my mind to it and did it...your husband loves you for who you are, not what you are. Staying at home can also depress you to no end. I decided to go back to work and that help me pull off 15 more pounds. I have 2 jobs now and love what I do...keep your head up, God has a plan for you....he is just making you stronger with a few small obstacles...I still come across obstacles, but I look at them as a challenge and I find the light at the end of the tunnel....love me

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M.V.

answers from Austin on

Hi C.. I would absolutely ask my doctor for a referal to see a counselor asap. Your babies need you.
In the meantime, the best way to fight depression naturally is to exercise. It's a catch 22 because it's hard to get out and do it when you're depressed, but if you can just talk yourself into getting out there and walkimg around the block 2 or 3 times to start with it releases endorphines and makes you feel better.
As far as diets go, they don't work. You'll just put the weight back on when you stop, I know, I've done it several times. you have to change the way you eat. 5 or 6 small meals all day long. A carb and a protien for every meal and 2 of the meals should contain a veggie as well. Once you get used to it it's not that hard. If your on the go take a little insulated lunch box with apple slices, cheese and crackers etc.
Let us know how you're doing.

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M.S.

answers from Houston on

Have you seen a doctor yet? Your hormones or thyroid might have problems. Second are you working out? You need to be everyday you will start to feel better about yourself whether you have started losing weight or not. Most places provide child care. I know it is expensive but maybe you can invest in a personal trainer. It will give you motivation, you will have an appt. so you have to get to the gym, and they will show you how to work out. My hubby is a personal trainer. You also need to learn how to eat. Like balanced meals, what foods are the best and worst for you, staying full things like that. That means no more fast food. I can get you in touch with him if you want not for training since we are conroe, but for advice via-email, he knows what he preaches. I have never been through depression like you have described, but I do know how its feels to feel badly about yourself about having a child. My husband was not as nice as yours was and would tell me you either do something about it or quite wining about it. It was what I needed to hear. For a body to maintain being overweight it has to have calories/fat to sustain that weight, without that weight being burned off. You can do it, if you feel bad about yourself start taking steps now to change your body. Good luck

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E.L.

answers from Corpus Christi on

I totally understand what you are going through. I was diagnosed with post partum Depression a year ago, after my first and only baby. I was a mess, I cried for everything and anything, I did not want to care for the baby or myself or get out of the house, i liked my room and i wanted no one in there with me. I talked to my dr and she prescribed Welbuterin that has worked wonders not only has it taken care of the darkness but it has also made me shed some pounds it seems to work as a dietary supplement as well as a depression medication. Of course not all meds are the same but as soon as you take care of your self and your feelings you will be able to start taking care of the physical part of yourself. Please feel free to email me anytime talking will help some, email when you need to vent to some one besides your hubby. ANYTIME

E.

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K.G.

answers from San Antonio on

Hey C. I don't know how to message you in private and if you live in my area we could go exercising with each other and the kids. I need to lose 60 pounds. . . let me know!

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S.B.

answers from Houston on

Hi C.,
I know you have tons of responses here, but I just wanted to see if you have checked out the Biggest Loser website (from the show on NBC) it doesn't cost anything (unless you join the club and want the books), but you can go on there and get recipes, weight loss tips and inspirational stories. I've watched the show for awhile now (and even auditioned for the show...) so I really like the site. Hope you find something to get you motivated. Best of luck w/ your weight loss success and if you don't mind I will add one more tip...pray about it. Ask God to give you the strength to get you out of bed first of all, but to also give you the strength to be successful in your goals and to be happy w/ whatever the outcome is.

I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength. Phillipians 4:13
Be Blessed,
S.

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T.K.

answers from Corpus Christi on

Dear C.,

I'm so sorry that you're going through this right now. Here are a couple things I want to say that may help a bit.

First off - you are not your body. God blesses us with these vessels to use for a while and if they're healthy, we have to be grateful for that. There are many mommies with serious health problems who cannot run around and play with their kiddos at all. My best friend has a severe genetic liver disease and it reminds me to be thankful for my excellent health, even when all my "body issues" get to me.

That being said (sorry if it seemed like tough love), I know how hard it is to eat when you're depressed, but remember that not eating slows your metabolism down and will make things worse. Starvation mode, if you will.

It's so beautiful out and you need to load the kids in the stroller and go for a great walk. the sunshine and the endorphines will help. Another thing that helps a lot of people with depression (and can sometimes help with weight loss) is a natural supplement called 5-HTP. it helps with serotonin levels in the brain. Many people have good results from this supplement derived from Griffonia Seed and you can get it at a health food store or maybe GNC.

If you cannot get to a point of feeling better soon, you need to go see your doctor. You're better off on an antidepressent then trying to function this way, but I would give it some effort and time first.

Also, if your insurance covers it, you may want to get referred to work with a nutritionist. All of us could benefit from the help of a professional who can see the the downfalls in our dietary habits!! I know people who have benefited greatly from working with a nutrtionist - it's a positive thing, and a great way to show your body love rather then all these negative feelings. You're beautiful. You've just kind of forgotten that right now. Baby steps, C.. Just be sure they're steps forward. Get moving again and make a choice to take care of yourself. You'll be just fine and you're going to be a wonderful example to your children as you embrace a healthy active lifestyle and become more confident in yourself!!

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S.R.

answers from Austin on

Wouldn't be so nice if we could just tell ourselves "Snap out of it" and actually be able to do it? Our society puts such an emphasis on "thin" and has done much to damage our self perception. Having children so close together I would not rule out either a hormone imbalance and/or a thyroid imbalance, which can trigger bouts of depression. So get to a Doctor and get a hormone panel and a thyroid panel done. Starving never works -- but taking positive steps can --- walk everyday, get some sunshine, focus on working on a more "HEALTHY" lifestyle and you will find your spirits soaring. Do some volunteer service - for a neighbor, a friend, anything -- stop hyper-focusing on yourself and engage yourself in a greater good. It is awesome you are taking classes, but take care to not get so stressed out - that causes your cortisol levels to rise and that is not healthy. Every morning before the kids rise - step outside and do some deep breathing and stretching and take a few moments to pray, do some positive affirmations, "I am blessed to be alive, I am grateful for a beautiful family, I am excited to meet the day, I will walk today for my heart, etc..." Embrace life and get in the moment and life --- be active --- and be honest with yourself, is the picture you have in your head of what you want to look like take into account -- what is actually possible, given the inherited factors and body type? Get a more accurate vision of the "real" you and just start one thing today - love yourself - you may not be able to lose 20 pounds in a week, but you can update a hairdo, freshen up the makeup, pick a beautiful color to wear - eat more healthy -- one step at a time - but just be consistent and never give up!

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R.R.

answers from Austin on

First of all a great big hug. I've struggled with depression and weight issues are an ongoing struggle. It's huge that you are reaching out for help. Know that you are not alone and you are incredibly blessed to be loved unconditionally by your husband. I was married before and my exhusband was very cruel with his comments about my weight. It can be worse and it can be better but only you can make it better. Think of things you've overcome and draw strength to get you over this painful experience and moving in the right direction. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope to see you post when you are feeling better. r

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S.O.

answers from Houston on

I'm so sorry about this. Depression is hard but the best thing to make yourself feel better is drag yourself out of bed and get moving and that always helps me. Treadmill can be great but sometimes getting outside is my ticket of feeling better when I'm stressed. Maybe your husband can watch the kids in the evenings and you walk outside. Slowly work your way up to 3 miles in 20 minutes at least 3 times a week. It will take like 2 months to get to that goal but try and start with one mile in 30 minutes. I used to make me a star chart for some goofy reason when I would reach a goal and give myself a start it motivated me. Hey to get you metabolism moving you can get your thyroid more effective by taking KELP tabs,FLAX from flaxseed in a tab, calcium tabs, organic iodine but you may want to check your temp in the morning if its below 98.6 this maybe very beneficial news for you. Good luck and I hope your depression leaves very soon. You may even be able to get the kids out with you when you get through this. I don't know when I was depressed after my divorce I didn't have the esteem or the energy to get my kids to mind me when we were out. Good luck and I hope you pull through soon. Bye the way the water and cutting back on sugar with the walking is going to bring you great results.

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J.C.

answers from Austin on

You've got a ton of great responses here, so I'll just emphasize what means the most to me. You need to love yourself more. Be the doting, caring mother to yourself that you are to your kids. Ask yourself, 'self, what can I do for you today?' Self, what do you want today?' 'Self, how do you feel today?'
Be able to identify your feelings and then act on them appropriately- it's harder than it sounds! Be at least as nice to yourself as you are to your kids and things will start to fall into place.
Enerything in your life (and all of our lives) stems from how we care for ourselves- and I'm not talking about what you eat or how much you exercise. How do you care for yourself- when and what do you do that's just for you?
When you love yourself as your 'ideal' mother would love you you replace/renew so many aspects of yourSELF that you just might be very surprised at all that can come forth. you be your own best advocate and friend. I suggest you read your post and ask yourself what you would say to you. I'm betting you would be nice to you and say that you deserve to feel good, to feel loved, to feel happy. What would it take to make you feel good, happy, loved- what can You do for You.
It's not something anyone else in this world can supply- not matter how much they love you- only you can do this for you.
This obviously comes from a person who's had some issues! You're not alone- stay strong and love yourself first, everything else is second, Everything! Teach your kids to love themselves first by being the example- you'll do wonders for them if you teach them that early.
Once you go there the possibilities are limitless! You go girl! You're going to get better, happier, and more involved with your own life.
May light overcome darkness for you, friend
J.

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M.T.

answers from Austin on

My response below was before I saw your update and whereabouts you're located. If you are interested I will send you the information I had gotten on nutrition when I first started losing my weight. It may help you in your quest. I was right at about 200 when I first started actually 205. I was told you can count calories but it's easier to count servings. The nutritionist at the gym I got with broke my calories down to servings where I still ate everything my body needed and I was actually not hungry after I started following that meal plan. With the weight that you are at you would probably follow at least close to what I was following. You'd be surprised at what you are allowed to eat and everything you can get at any regular grocery store. If you would like me to send it to you to try let me know. Either through here or my email is [email protected]____.com.

I went through something similar to this after my son was born. Mine wasn't to this stage but I don't think I was too far from it. I gained 100 lbs with the pregnancy of my son. It didn't help that I was in an abusive relationship. Luckily my family helped me to leave him but there was still the weight left behind. I tried diets and excercise and some would come off then I would gain it right back. I was eventually talked in to join Lifetime gym and got with their nutritionist. I found out that I wasn't eating right. I had been practically starving myself which was the complete opposite of what I should have been doing. Just changing what I ate started dropping pounds and then they had me take a map test, may be spelled wrong, which tells you exactly what heart rate you burn the most calories. I never had a personal trainer but did do their team weightloss class they have and lost 20 lbs. I also toned quite a bit and lost body fat. I ended up dropping 4 sizes. It was great because you were held accountable and there were a lot of other people in similar situations so we were all able to lose weight together. Today I slack off sometimes but still try to stick to the meal plan and have been able to keep the weight off. I also still go work out with others from the class which helps to have someone to work out with. When I start to feel down my workout buddy makes me join her at the gym and I do lose more weight and feel a lot better. I highly suggest this gym. I had tried others and would go for about 2 or 3 months then quit. This one has so many different activities not only for you but for the kids too that it makes it enjoyable to go. The trainers are very helpful even when you aren't paying them. They also have water classes if you have trouble walking alot or doing classes. They are very family oriented. If you all decide to join let me know and I am more than willing to be a workout buddy and an encourager. I hope this helps.

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D.R.

answers from Houston on

Hopeful you have already found the help you need. if not please contact me. My daughter was on so many different meds from the Dr. and they really did not help. If you need to contact me and I will let you know what works for her. I am also a health and wellness couch and Pilate's instructor so I can also help you out with your weight issues.
D.

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S.P.

answers from Austin on

Talk with your doctor asap! If you are suffering from depression, and it sounds like you are, he or she can recommend excellent medicine. Anti-depressants and Anti-anxiety medicine are sometime needed as our bodies lose the ability to produce seratonin when we are stressed out and extremely tired. You are a busy, busy mom and it sounds like the weight issue is just a part of the picture.
Medicine does NOT have be taken forever, it is often needed for a just a few months until your body functions better.
Worry about how you feel inside and THEN focus on the outside. It sounds like you have a wonderful family and you WILL get through this.
Talk to your doctor!!

S.

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T.W.

answers from Longview on

Ok C.,
What might help you to get out of this slump os to get a netwrok of friends together and all of you walk during your lunch breaks (if you go back to work) or just whenever your husband gets home. then he can watch the little ones for an hour and you can go walking. this will not only help you lose weight but it will make you feel better about yourself. I know you say that your husband didnt mean for the phrase to come out in a negative way and that is good that you recognize that. always remember that he loves you for who you are...not what you look like. If you need any support please feel free to contact me and I will listen and help in any way that I can. I also am a larger woman. I am 27 and I have been battling weight for some time now. I have tried all the diet pills and counting calories but I found that the best thing that makes me feel good and lose weight is walking. Remember, losing weight too quickly is never healthy. Try to keep it at a steady speed. I wish you luck.

T.
[email protected]____.com

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T.V.

answers from Houston on

C.,

I am so sorry that you are going through this right now! It definately sounds like you have depression. You should probably go to the doctor, and I don't say this lightly, but try a light dose of antidepressants. I used Wellbutrin for about 6 months and it was really the boost I needed to get on a level emotional field so I could get my life in order. I would never suggest medicines lightly, I try not to take any unless I HAVE to, but they can help. Depression can cause the body aches you seem to be having too.

I think you took what your husband said so hard, because you know it's true. That's a really hard truth to face, he's been saying nice things and now the truth you knew is out.

Maybe you could start having a family stroll after dinner. Put the kids in their carriages and you and your husband push them. Add in a few stroller fit moves and you both will be getting a workout while enjoying time together. The endorphines your body will be making are going to help you a lot.

Best wishes, send me a message if you want to talk more,
T.

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J.W.

answers from Houston on

Dear C.
My guess is that you have post-natal depression. You have a lot on your plate and you are being much too hard on yourself (as we usually are). If this was happening to your best friend, what advice would you give her? You wouldn't be half as hard on her, would you now? Don't underestimate what you do by being a stay-at-home mum. Staying at home I have found is harder than going out to work - you have all those emotional pressures and you have to be sweet, kind, patient and nurturing when you sometimes feel like tearing out your hair!! You work just as hard as anyone who goes out to work and your work is about the most important work in the whole world!
If I were you, I would definitely see the doctor. He may want to prescribe a trial of anti-depressants for you just to lift your spirits again...you probably have a chemical imbalance from the two pregnancies so close together (this happened to me).
If you don't have the energy to get out of bed, that is a sure sign of deep depression and I would have it seen to sooner than later. Don't worry about being overweight right now - that happens too when you have two pregnancies one after the other - and you'll find that depression either causes one to become underweight or overweight. With a course of anti-depressants your weight will probably equalise and only then would I think about going to a slimming clinic..but for now put it on hold.
All the best! Jewel xx

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S.T.

answers from Houston on

I need to loose 100 lbs, so I know how you feel. I am absolutely disgusted with the way I look. On top of that I have had four c-sections (the naval to pubic line kind) so my belly is lopsided and has a terrible scar. And my house is a mess and I go through periods of depression.

If you can qualify for WIC, they have a nutritionist for free you can talk to. The nutritionist said she doesn't understand why I'm having trouble loosing weight. I rarely drink sodas. I recently found some Special K water mix that flavors the water without many calories and that's great for when I just have to have something flavored. LOL It also has protein and is supposed to help you stay full longer. I try not to buy snacks and candy as I WILL eat it. heh We eat very low fat fresh foods. We are on a gluten-free diet which eliminates most pre-packaged foods. But I don't exercise much. With four little ones it's hard to get the exercise I need. I can't even take them for regular walks (I don't have a van during the day right now and we live on a busy street.)

I know what you mean about not being able to get the kids to stay with you. You should post on freecycle www.freecycle.org or look on www.craigslist.org for a double stroller.

Well, definitely make that treadmill part of your day, even if it means only ten minutes at a time during nap time or while the kids are watching tv. Right now getting your weight under control is more important then the housework or other things. Use that time on the treadmill to meditate, pray, sing, do whatever makes you feel centered and at peace.

S., 28 year old SAHM with a 5 YO 4 YO 3 YO and 12 month old

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C.H.

answers from Houston on

Gosh your story broke my heart. Working together with your husband is a great way to motivate yourself, run a contest with him to see who can loose the most and then reward the winner. It can be something small like a summer dress! or a therapudic massage, pedicure (since you'll be the winner)...your hubby sounds very loving and understanding! you're young enough to bump up your metaboliim, with age and birth giving your metabolism slow down. There are many exercise videos you can do even with the kids. The best thing you can do for deppression is exercise. You'll loose weight with calorie cutback but you can loose more if you combine the exercise with it. Take control, this is something that is fixable, remember that it takes 9 months for a child to grow inside the womb and all kinds of things happen in your body so be patience, expect results but don't quit when you don't loose pounds for the week. Muscle weighs more than fat, fat will never convert into muscle, it takes about 6 weeks to see significant muscle tone and change around your workouts, add 5 more minutes to your walk everyday, look for things that work for you! keep at it and you'll see a big difference.

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K.K.

answers from Killeen on

I have never battled depression, but my best friend has and, from what she has told me, it sounds like you might need to get some counseling. I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but I am a Christian and definitely believe in the Bible and prayer. When I feel "blue", I open the Bible and can always find something to lift me up. I will pray for you for certain. Sorry if this doesn't help.

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L.S.

answers from Sherman on

I have battled depression since I was 15 and at 21 I finally went on medication for it. To be considered depression, I think it's supposed to go on for 2 or more weeks.
For the weight, I joined an awesome program called Baby Boot Camp. You work out with other moms and bring your babies in the stroller. It's helped me tone up, lose some weight, and get out of the house to be social. You make friends there because it's a small group of the same women each time. To know they're expecting you and looking for you really keeps you accountable. I truly look foward to going to work out!!! You can do the first class free; I go to the one in Denton and, like I said, it's great! www.babybootcamp.com
If the depression lasts more than two weeks, call the doc and maybe they'll want to get you on meds.
Good luck!

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C.W.

answers from Austin on

Dear C.. My heart goes out to you because I know where you are. I am 53 years old and I am happily married with grown 3 kids. I have had a wonderful life and my kids are fantastic. I also was a stay at home wife--though I worked also in support of my husband in many other ways. ( He is a Pastor) I have always had trouble with my weight and have gained through the years. My husband has been supportive and always loved me no matter what but I know that I did not look my best. I hated getting my pictures taken etc....My kids are all grown and doing well in jobs and school. I have a rewarding job now and beautiful home. I have recently lost about 40 pounds but I know that I have to make good choices at each meal. One day I was praying ( I am a Christian) and
I realized that I was getting old and that if I was going to loose weight that I should not wait any longer. That day I found a book (Southbeach diet) and I started it. It was good for me because it has a lot of choices. For me it is not the particular plan but that I get started and keep going. I know that I could have done this sooner. I just kept thinking that I can do it tomorrow. I will enjoy this food today. I still enjoy eating --just not so much of it and not as often! I know what foods are best and I do eat 3 times a day. I know that one day I will be where I want to be. I can do anything I want to do. If I want to do it enough. I think you can to! Dont wait till you are 53. The clothes for us old folks are not near as nice. Put your tissues up and go buy the foods you need to help you on your way. Make sure you buy what you like that you CAN eat. It might be a little more costly in the beginning but by and by it will be worth it. I will be praying for you.C.

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K.L.

answers from Houston on

I was in your shoes after I had my fourth baby. I felt so lousy, had no energy, my body ached, I even thought life would be better for my family if I wasn't around. A dear friend made an appointment for me and drove me to the Doctor's visit- I didn't even have enough energy to do that for myself. I went to several doctors and finally found one who took me seriously. My thyroid and hormone levels were off. These affect a person's emotional state, not just their physical state. If I miss taking my thyroid for a few days it starts all over again- the way I felt after having the baby. I strongly suggest you find a doctor who listens to you and the way you feel, not just blood tests. I found it very helpful too, to have a support group of friends who knew my struggles and were there to check on me and offer encouragement. You can get through this!

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S.B.

answers from Austin on

C.,

You sound so hurt and overwhelmed - please know that a lot of us moms have been there. It also sounds like things have been accumulating for a while and it may help to have someone to help you sort them out. You are taking care of 3 children, probably not getting enough sleep, do not have much time for yourself, may have hormonal changes.

I am a therapist and there are some simple things I try with clients before going for medications (assuming the symptoms are bearable). Several people mentioned exercise - this is the #1 thing you can do for both your mood and your weight. Remember that anything is better than nothing. A simple walk around the block or in the park with your children 3-4 times a week may help. I recommend the park because nature is also a great healer. Also, deep breathing exercises and some cognitive techniques that help with the negative self-talk are things I try.

Feel free to e-mail me directly and I would be glad to help you find someone if you are interested in counseling.

Try to remember that things will not always be this way!

S.

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L.S.

answers from Houston on

Hello, C.. I am a Certified Personal Trainer and I see first hand how being overweight can deeply effect people's lives, self esteem, self worth and families. I am 38 weeks pregnant now and I cannot say that I have ever been in your position, but I do have a little advice based on my experience wiht others in your situation.
The people I've worked with who are able to stick to a program, make it to the finish line and change their lives.. are the people who are not only doing it for themselves, but for the people they love. Often times when they take the focus off of themselves and start focusing on how they are effecting those around them, they have a new found motivation.
You should think about all those wonderful things you said about your husband and really think about how this is making him feel. Your depression is probably making him miserable now... is that what you want?
The next time you feel like crying just say to yourself, "My actions affect everyone around me, and if I can't pull it together for myself, then pull it together for them!" Give yourself some tough love, and start on a program. Stick with it, and before you know it, you will be 20lbs. lighter with a new attitude about life. We are not on this planet by ourselves or for ourselves. So, sometimes when we do things for others, it motivates us more. YOU CAN DO IT! I've seen it happen many times.

Blessings,
L.
www.inspiredbylondon.com

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E.W.

answers from Odessa on

Hi C.,

I really feel for you. I know that depression can cause you to hurt all over and cause actual physical pain. I think you should see your doctor and maybe a therapist, but you definitely need professional help. I bet if you went on a good antidepressant it would turn your life around. I was so depressed at one point I could barely function and I had a 1 year old baby to take care of at the time (she's 2 1/2 now). I bet you would start feeling so much better that you would actually feel like being active and the weight will come right off. I took Lexapro and it was great. I started on a small dose and worked up to a little higher of a dose once my body got used to it. I felt so much better and I hope you too will find something that works for you. I'm glad you are reaching out to other moms for help. I know you'll get through this. I will pray for you. You are lucky you have such a wonderful husband. You'll get through this.
Take care,
liz

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M.A.

answers from Houston on

C.,

First and foremost, you have to want to make changes for yourself-not your husband or children. Take a look at yourself in the mirror (naked) and see what it is you don't like about yourself. List the things you do like and then take it from there.

You have the power to change yourself-from the inside out. I know, I struggled with the same 70# and since January 1 through March 21, I have lost 25#. How? I decided I had to do this for myself-no one else and it worked. Once I got out of the mindset of pleasing everyone else, things started falling into place. I now take the time out of my day-I schedule my day around my gym time or walking time. It is my time to do what i want for at least one hour. It's the same as if you were scheduling a doctor's appointment.

Talk to your husband. If he needs to lose weight also, try walking together after dinner or on the weekends. Make that time for the two of you. I can share some great recipes with you. I have had to do some research and play with recipes-my husband is a diabetic and I was borderline. I control mine with diet and exercise. You will feel more energetic and full of life.

Put your trust and faith in God and remember you CAN do all things through HIM!!!! Yes, even lose weight. I know it has worked for me.

Please feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to and help you through this. YOu can do it. Remember, diet and exercise go hand in hand. Also think about your children and what an example you would be setting for them, so they don't experience the same issues you are.

Blessings!

M.

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B.C.

answers from El Paso on

Dear C.
When I married my husband I weighed 100lbs. I'm 5'3" I had my children in my 20's and even though I gained over 50lbs with both of my pregnancies. I always managed to lose the weight within a few months. When I was 29 I became pregnant for the 3rd time and after having my child I gained 60lbs. I was a size 5 before I got pregnant. Something happened in my 30's with my body, I don't know if it was age but it became very difficult to retain any weight I had lost. It was a constant yo-yo and I was always down on myself. Like your husband, my husband has always shown me love and support. He has always made me feel wanted and attractive no matter what. He would on occasion make comments about my rearend (it's large) but I never felt he was being mean or condasending. I'm confident no matter how large my behind gets I know my husband still loves me. Now I am 44 and still struggling with my weight (I'm about 40 lbs overweight 158lbs and flabby to boot!) I had to come to a decision to love myself, no matter what I look like. I was always considered an attractive person. But now not only am I overweight but I'm 44! Age is creeping in. I don't get half of the attention I used to get. And no matter how vain or frivolous that sounds, it does do a number on your self esteem! I feel I wasted some of my 30's struggling with the diappoint and negativity of my weight. Now at 44 I decided, I'm the one with the power of how I handle things, and the way I handle things, life goes by so quickly. I've decided to love myself just as I am. I went out and got me a great new hair cut. I went to a discount department store and got me some updated outfits, shoes, handbags, jewelry. "I look great; awesome; hot mama" is what a lot of people are telling me. I'm overweight and middle aged. And people are telling me I look great, and where did I get my outfit and where did I get my hair done. I feel so wonderful about myself that I joined a line dance/salsa dance class at a local community center. I love my class and I'm having a great time and the greatest thing about it is I joined for fun and now my body is starting to tone up and shape up! I don't know if this will help you because I've never battled depression. And I know depression is something serious. If I can say anything to you at all it would be don't give up, fight! I'm rooting for you. Wishing you joy and happiness and believe me when I tell you. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

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K.D.

answers from Houston on

Bless your heart, you have designed a lifestyle filled with stress, physical and mental...One thing I hope your know is that the depression is not an indication of weakness on your part but an indication that your body is not chemically working well. "Just decide to be happy" cannot work. You need repair.

Regarding your body,you must realize you've mistreated it. Do you know that it takes three years to replace in your body, repair what's been taken physically while you're pregnant? Lots of stress here.....Best way to lose weight is 1.Be sure you are on a good health food store vitamin and mineral supplement. Take also chromium picolinate 2.Stay away from sugar and white flour(bread, pasta, tortillas, all) and white rice. This is hard with children around, as we tend to "quiet them" or "reward them" with cookies and ice cream. (Remember that you're teaching them life patterns that will result in better health. And teaching your husband as well.)No prepared food, canned food. Lots of fresh vegetables, no soft drinks, no fruit juice. 3.Exercise every day........When the weight starts reducing, the probability is that the depression will get better.

For the depression, you might try St. John's Wort from a good health food store, preferably not GNC Takes a while to work, so don't give up on it. It's prescribed in England and much of Europe as an anti-depressant and doesn't have the toxicity of pharmaceuticals....Best of luck

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J.K.

answers from Austin on

C. - I can tell you are a very wonderful and insightful woman; your husband loves you very much and would never want to hurt you! You are just smarting from some truth being spoken, and it reverberated within your soul. Even said in a loving way, it still hurts - only because somewhere deep down we know we weren't meant to live like this. Our bodies ache, we are tired all the time, and we don't feel like playing hard with the kids cause it's all too much to bear. I know, because I struggle daily with it, too. But there is hope; hope to get off this rollercoaster; go - right now - to www.weighdown.com and look around on their site. Watch the orientation video; it will amaze you and your heart will leap with hope as you see all these beautiful, sharp women (and men!)that have done nothing more than take this class, and their lives have changed forever! I will take an online class with you if you like! I KNOW this is the way thin people think, and all the coordinators have lost all their weight and have kept it off for years - with NO STRUGGLE to maintain. This is real; this is different. There are no special foods; in fact, the whole goal is to get the mind OFF food and only eat when the body calls for it, which is, when the STOMACH GROWLS. Then, stopping when JUST SATISFIED is the other half of the equation. Pizza? SURE! As long as the body is calling for the food! Then, when you have an uncontrollable urges to eat - and the body is NOT really hungry, get to where you can pray and ask God to take the cravings away. Usually within 15 minutes it works! Really! And then go and get your Bible out and build yourself up with the WORD and fill up on LOVE, pure LOVE! You are just starving for being filled up! There are THOUSANDS of people who have lost all their weight just by those facts alone! In fact, you will start losing weight tonight just by implementing this! I just want to give you a big {hug} and tell you you are great and have not failed! "You will know the truth and the truth will set you free!" Feel free to contact me anytime - really! [email protected]____.com-

A little about me:

I am a 36 yr.old stay at home mom of 4 great kids, ages Allison (14),Jonathan (12),Sarah (9) and Evelyn (4)! I am happily married to a great guy who loves us more than we will ever know, and have great fun and joy being on our church's worship team, singing and playing keyboard.

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S.F.

answers from Odessa on

Just as others have said, you are not alone in this. I had a very difficult, almost fatal birth with my son. Afterward I was so tired, sick, etc. that I fell into a very, very bad depression. In fact, it sounds a lot like yours. I let it go on way to long, and as a nurse I should have known better. But, just like you, I have a very loving and supportive husband who stood by me through it all. Let me tell you, when I finally sought help it was such a relief. I am now on a medication called Zoloft, and it has worked wonders. I am not a zombie, I feel like my old self again. Don't believe all the bad stuff you hear about antidepressants, I am living proof they work. Your OB/Gyn would be great to talk to about this, it's sounds a lot like post partum depression, a very common occurance by the way. You can pull yourself out of this, but you can't do it on your own. It sounds like you have some great support around you, use it, God gave you that support for a reason. I'll pray for you because God is the rock you can rise up on. God Bless!

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A.A.

answers from Corpus Christi on

My husband just told me the same thing not to long ago and i was depressed for two weeks with the same crying, cleaning, i just decided to lose weight for myself, your the only person you have to convience. Can't you see your the one in conrtol here, it took me years to see this. You just have to ask yourself; do you want it bad enough? I am about 100lbs overweight according to me, so believe me when i say i know what you are going through. I am on week three with my own created program, i'm doing a 30 min walking program and weighing in only once a week and its always first thing in the morning before i jump in the shower so that i get an accurate number. I have decided to eat more veggies while my whole family eats meat and potatoes, its extremely hard, but like i said you have to want it more that anything and only then with you make things happen for you. I'm happy to report i'm down 10lbs in two weeks of practily starving my self with lettus and veggies, but i'm sticking with it for me so i know you can aswell. Its hard work sister, but get out of bed and just walk 30 min a day and see how you feel in a week!! Best of luck to you.
A.

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C.S.

answers from Houston on

C.,

My husband suffers from depression. It started several years ago with him waking me up in the middle of the night sobbing. Please go see a psychiatrist. Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance and medication is usually needed to get your body and mind back to where you are supposed to be. It is unhealthy for your children for you to be in such a fragile state. You will be in my prayers.
Peace,
C.

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M.Y.

answers from Odessa on

You do sound as if you have a blessed life. I think the stresses of being a M. sometime overwhelm us but you may have a bit of depression which is no shame at all, just a chemical imbalance like many illnesses. Also, you may be suffering from an underactive thyroid condition or some other physical condition that is causing the depression. Basically, what I would do if I were in your shoes is to, first go to medical doctor and get a good checkup (blood work, etc.) If you don't have one, ask around to find a good one. Don't hold anything back. Tell the doctor how you have been feeling, but make sure he tests you for more than depression. As far as the weight is concerned, I, too have battled weight since I was in my thirties. I have lost and gained and lost and gained. But the very best weight control that I discovered was Weight Watchers, not very expensive and keeps you accountable. You sound, too, as if you have your hands so full that there is no time for you. Take a little time each week to go do something you enjoy, a movie with a friend, shopping without the kids, or just walking.
Every mother goes through periods of time like what you are describing. So, relax and get your checkup. Hope this helps.

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P.K.

answers from Houston on

Take a walk! Seriously, if you can get up and just leave your house that sunshine and fresh air will clear your head. Hanging out in bed just keeps it going. Take a stand and refuse it. If you don't want it in your life then take a step outside. :)

If you have a dog it would be a great excuse to leave the house alone and get some time to yourself. Most likely it hurts because the word "fat" usually has a negative meaning. Show me a woman that isn't self conscious about her weight. Pray for strength and set an example for your children. Remember they watch and hear everything you do. You are always a role model.

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K.L.

answers from Houston on

first and foremost - go see your primary care doctor. Explain to him or her that you are in a major depression and need something to help you get over this period. There are lots of products out there they can give you to get your emotions back on an even track. Second, find a great counselor, your insurance should be able to recommend some counselors in your area that are in on your insurance plan. Next sit down and seriously talk to your husband and find out if he really meant the comment or if just said it to help you motivate yourself. You might also look into Curves - and while you are the doctors - talk to them about weight loss. You have a lot on your plate right now and it's hard to loose weight with all that you have going on and feeling horrible about yourself. The first thing you have to do is believe in yourself. My gosh girl, your going back to school and that's alone is something to be proud of. You have a beautiful family and you have been able to stay home with the kids with in my personal opinion is very important. Be proud of what you've done and just realize you are valuable - regardless of your size. And yes i've been exactly where you are before. I lost my weight by walking about 3 miles a day and didn't have the inner strength to go back to school. For what it's worth - I'm proud of you and I don't know you. You can do this. K.

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S.Y.

answers from Austin on

I am not sure you ever snapped out of your depression, once you have it you have it. The crying and not wanting to get out of bed and not eating is not good for you or your family. It would be good to go to your health care provider and talk to him about it. It sounds like you will probably need a antidepressant. You must get back on track to treat your depression before you can start on your weight loss. It would be helpful to take walks at least 30 minutes everyday. Cut out the sweets,chips, fried foods,cookies, cake.Eat healthy foods like whole wheat cereals and breads. Baked chicken, ham, meat loaf. only eat lean meats and fruits and vegetables and yogarts and salads. It will take time but you will feel better especiallly eating healthy stuff and taking walks and that will help with your metabolism in losing weight. Good luck, remember the ones who fail never try or they give up before their goal. Good luck C. I will pray for you.

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T.C.

answers from Houston on

I know that you have probably read enough advice, but hear me out. I am 26 from Seabrook. I have lost 33 pounds in 3 months, because of a diet pill from a doctor called Adipex. I understand that you don't have money now. The doctor is 85 for the first visit and 30 for the prescription. The other thing is that I am a work at home mom of 2. I am a supplier of thousands of fast selling products. You could make some extra money with catalog sales or even better home parties. there is no quota. You sell how you want and as much as you want. you get all your profit up front, I don't take a percentage of your sales and you don't wait for a check or anything like that...if your interested go ahead and e-mail me and I can go further into detail. It's ok if your not interested, I just like helping other moms who are where I too have been. I will pray for you and hope that everything works out.
Many Blessings, T.

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R.D.

answers from College Station on

I had an extremely similar expereince...I found that I was a mess emotionally because my hormones were not level...as I've gotten that in line the mood is better and so is the weight loss. There are natural ways to work on this, or medical ways. But you may just be dealing with what I like to call...liar emotions! I have gotten a lot of help from a naturalpathic doctor, but I know there are other options out there. Try not to take those feelings too seriously. Your husband obviously loves you...try to hold on to the really important facts...and move on if you can. Get a nice hot bath, go on a walk in the warm sun...this will pass!!!

-R.

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S.L.

answers from Houston on

I would love to assist you in achieving your goal. Please view www.presentation4women.com after you view this presentation please read my story and what can happen for [email protected]____.com me if you are would like my assistance.

Blessings,
S.

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N.T.

answers from Sherman on

Im sorry that you feel depressed, it does get the best of us some times! But if it bothers you that much you need to look foward at what you are going to do to fix the problem. I know easier said than done, right?? Well I have a friend who has taken alli for about 6 months and has successfully lost 70lbs. So many of our co-workers have seen her success that they have started taking alli as well. Its a lil expensive. I think between 49-59 dollars, but well worth the investment. I would highly recommend this to anyone just of of my her experience. I hope this helped.
tash

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S.G.

answers from Houston on

C.,
This isn't just a matter of losing weight; this should be to become a healthier person. To become healthier people, our bodies need exercise as well as a healthy meal plan.

For exercise, you might consider starting with walking. There are plenty of DVDs available that can help you do this in your own home. I am partial to Leslie Sansone but thre are many others out there. Consider starting with something that is only 1 mile and then work your way up to longer walks. You don't need a gym membership; you aren't dependent on weather or buying extra gear (just good walking shoes); and you can work this into your own schedule.

As far as healthy eating (I personally reject the word diet), I would recommend that you set up a healthy meal plan for the week. Write yourself a grocery list and go shopping when you are not hungry. Try to stick to your list and only buy what you have on the list such that you avoid buying the 'snack' foods that are less healthy. Do try to buy fresh fruits and vegetables for snacking on in between meals. I have never kept a journal but I have heard others say that keeping a journal of what you eat can also be beneficial.

As another resource, I have heard a lot of ladies talk about www.sparkpeople.com. I have not used this website either but many of them have and have found it helpful in determining calorie intake, meal plans, etc. I believe the membership is free.

Do discuss your plan with your husband and tell him you want his support. Remember that he may not want to expend the energy required to lose weight and this may be causing him to hold you back as well. Do not let him sabotage your plan. If he is a supportive husband, he loves you no matter how you look. But he should also want what is best for you and that is good health.

You need your good health to take care of your family. Being overweight can lead to diabetes, acid reflux syndrome, knee problems, and so many more health issues. You will enjoy your children far more when you feel better about yourself. You should also find that getting exercise is a good prescription for battling the depression you wrote about.

I wish you luck and hope you let us know through Mamasource how you are doing.

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G.G.

answers from San Antonio on

C., you need to seek help from a doctor. I too have battled with depression for many years off and on. I got to where I could recognize the symptoms and knew when to seek a doctors help. Antidepressants don't have to be a life long prescription, I only take them when it comes on and once I am feeling well again the doctor slowly brings me off of them. I too have been overweight for years, and with extra weight and depression you usually will have aches and pain, but antidepressants will also help with those symptoms too. You could have thyroid problems or other endocrine problems which makes it impossible for you to lose the weight, so seek a doctor who is willing to get to the reason you can't seem to lose the weight, it may be something beyond your control. You can feel better, but only you can make it happen. I found that no one can do that for you, only you can do it. You don't know how lucky you are to have wonderful, healthy children, and most of all a loving and supportive husband. Many women who are petite and perfect in every superficial way, don't have those things you do. Be thankful and seek help, it isn't showing weakness to ask for help, it is showing strength and how much you love your family and how much you want to be there for them. You will get back to yourself again, even better and be happier than ever, but don't wait another day and don't waste another precious moment of your children's young lives lying in bed crying, get up, get dressed and go get medication and get back to enjoying every moment God gives you, because every moment lost can't be reclaimed. Good luck and start living!

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C.W.

answers from Houston on

Dear C.,
First of all, I want you to know I understand exactly what you're going through. I've dealt with depression myself for probably 13 years now and it runs in my mothers side of the family too. Not alot of people ut there can really understand how it is for people that have gone through it or are going through it. It's a disease and many don't realize that either. I've been on meds in the past but have been off for a little over 4 years now. Don't get me wrong, it's hard each and every day-I have 4 children myself. But the one thing that has gotten me through all of it and has given me the strength to get by is having a strong faith in God and my wonderful church family and my family here at home too, such as my husband and my children.

I know it's hard, but you have to be strong for them-THEY NEED YOU!! Someone at my church told me this a couple of months ago when I was struggling, and just being told that lifted me back up. It gave me the courage to stand up and be who I neeeded to be for my family. Trust me, I want to just hide in my room and cry alot of the time, but i've come to realize that it doesn't help anything, it only makes things worse for my kids and for my husband.

Do you have a support system you can go to like your family or a church family too? Counseling helps too-either with a counselor or with a pastor. I've struggled with my weight too after my 4th baby who is now 1, but I realized my husband loves me just the way I am. I also have started eating alot healthier and don't eat past a certain time too. I've lost 15 pounds in 3 weeks, and I'm planning on losing hopefully 15 more. If you want you can send me a message back and let me know if you want to talk or anything or I know someone too you could talk to that has helped me tremendously.

Just be strong and keep your chin up-you WILL get through this. Just remember what you have to live for-3 children and a husband that love you..

Take care and God Bless,
C.

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S.J.

answers from Houston on

C.,

There are many organizations -- one is The United Way -- that offer counseling on a "what you can afford" basis. Weight is an issue most women struggle with at some time or another, but your desperation seems severe, which seems to point to a deeper issue. Talking to someone can help so very much! Your husband obviously loves you unconditionally -- as you said yourself -- you are 70 lbs. overweight. Try to think about losing weight for the health benefits rather than "not being fat". This becomes a gift you are then giving to yourself. Try to make small changes each day for the better. Get out and walk with the kids, get some sunshine -- go to the park with the kids and socialize with other Mom's there. Focus on yourself and remember that you deserve happiness and to make yourself feel special too. Counseling might be the best gift you would ever give yourself and your family. Depression can be overcome!!!! I also have to recommend -- "The Power of a Praying Woman" by Stormie O'Martian. Good Luck -- and God Bless!!!!

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M.K.

answers from San Antonio on

First, I commend you for taking classes on line and looking after a house and children! You are amazing in so many ways! You may benefit from a short term stint with depression meds. if you seriously can't get out of bed. If you are against that, the only advice I have for you is to literally force yourself to get out of bed and get moving. The best cure for depression is proper sleep, diet, and exercise. Your husband must really love you and that is great you have his support, even if he doesn't always say the right thing. Many wives do not have supportive husband, especially if they are overweight. You may be over weight but I don't think it is something you have to settle with. Do you think that your husband pointing this out made it more of a reality and that triggered move severe depression?

I just started following and diet and exercise plan that is actually doable and produces slow but sure results. I am sure you have heard of Body For Life with Bill Phillips. Dr. Pam Peeke has a book out called Body for Life for Women and deals with the unique issues us women face. I challenge you to get this book and read it.

The diet is not very restrictive but I think you will have to get the whole family on board. It will test your will power at first, especially if you are used to eating processed foods or foods with a lot of fats and sugar. Basically anything that comes in a box. I have been eating all lean meats, whole grains, veg. and fruit, and low fat dairy. I measure everything and plan ahead. Diet is a major contributor to so many mental and physical ailments from depression to high blood pressure.

Start going on a family walk every night after dinner. Even if it is just for 15 minutes the time together will be beneficial and it will be great to just get out and enjoy the weather.

I see you made this post a month ago so I hope things have improved since then.

Oh, I keep track of my calories also using a site called www.fitday.com. It is awesome but somewhat labor intensive at first. It makes it so much easier to keep track of what I consume in a day. I also think it is beneficial to keep a journal. Jot down when you eat, how you felt after, when you get tired or hungry. If you always seem to get tired at 3pm, like me, maybe there is something behind that that is worth exploring.

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L.D.

answers from Houston on

You must seek help immediately and get on some meds that will bring you back up. Life is too short. If possible, try not to obcess over your issues and get yourself up and out of the house. Feel blessed you have a wonderful husband who loves you no matter what you look like or how you feel. You have to push yourself for your kids and mostly for yourself. Please go to a doctor and get help. It will take a few weeks for any kind of medicine to kick in and sometimes you may need to try a few before the right one works.

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D.E.

answers from Houston on

I too have battled depression and being overweight. I know how hard and discouraging it is when you try so hard to loose a few pounds only to gain it back again. Then starts the cycle, we over eat because the food comforts us, and then eat again because we feel defeated. Have you tried Weight Watchers? It's an awesome program. I had the adjustable gastric Lap-Band. It has been a wonderful tool in helping with my weight loss. It gave me some discipline that I lacked, and hope. Don't feel bad about being depressed and needing help. You're not weak because you need help, you're strong because you recognize that you do. I tend to get depressed when major changes happen in my life, college,marriage and pregnancy. My Doctor says that's normal for some people. Talking to someone may do the trick, but if your bloodwork shows chemical imbalances you may need medication. If you're avoiding things and people you love you may be depressed. Hope this was helpful, keep in touch.

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H.T.

answers from Victoria on

Hello I am not sure if this will help or not but my sister in law had my nephew and he did not make it and she got very depressed and then she got pregnant with my neice and she gained alot of weight and she struggled to get it off for 2 years after my neice was born.She is about 5'2" and weighed about 200lbs and she was very depressed.Her dr put her on fastin 30mg a day and she has lost 65lbs in 5 months.She tryed everything to take the weight off too and nothing worked for her either.I watched her struggle and I know she was really trying but nothing seemed to work,but she is doing great.Good luck

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S.A.

answers from Houston on

You poor thing! I feel for you so. I know what it feels like to be depressed. It is a horrible feeling. Start taking baby steps. See your doctor, either General Practioner or GYN. Maybe they can give you something to help you. I fought the fact for so many years that I didnt want to take any "drugs" but now take Effexor and feel that it is easier to function. It is not a magic cure but it helps. Then try to go to Weight Watchers. They have a great support group. It is a way to change the way you eat. Get out and get some exercise, do you have a friend to walk with? Get the kids in the stroller and take a walk. (if you are in the Woodlands) The Woodlands have so many nice paths and sidewalks. Join the Y. They have some great classes and the child care is helpful. You have alot on your plate with 3/4 kids and such a age they are difficult where they need you for EVERYTHING. Dont be so hard on yourself. I know that I felt the same way you do when my kids were younger.(mine are 9 and 6)I always wondered what was wrong with me, I have the perfect life, A wonderful husband, great kids, beautiful house, ect ect but always felt like something is missing.I still feel that sometimes but blame it on PMS. My mom had the same issues and took Paxil for the longest time, it really helped her. I have always struggled with weight too. No fun. It is a daily battle. Just get up and keep plugging along! You can Do It!
Do you have a friend or sister someone that you can talk to?
Take one step at a time.
Hope some of this helps you. Hang in there!

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M.B.

answers from Austin on

I have experience with depression and I would be glad to meet with you at a coffee place so we can talk! I am a RN and one of my missions in life is to help people stop hurting! I will have some suggestions for you!
Let me know if you would be interested email me: [email protected]____.com!

M. B

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K.M.

answers from Beaumont on

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. Have you seen a doctor? Are you taking any medication? I can relate to some of your problem. I have had some depression but my BIG problem is Panic Attacks. I used to have only very mild ones before my second child was born. Then while I was still in the hospital after her birth I had a major panic attack. They gave me a sleeping pill and Wellbutrin XR. The sleep helped a little. It took about a week on the wellbutrin before I started feeling better. Two weeks before I could actually function. My husband had to miss some work because I was afraid to be left at home with the baby by myself that first week. Also, I am a large woman. I have been for the majority of my life. I am at the largest I have ever been and I hate it. But my husband is also supportive and loves me the way I am. The best advice I can give on that is to love yourself. I still struggle with this and I know it's difficult. If you want to change, try and get all your family to participate. Change eating habits. I do know advice is easy and change is hard. Believe your husband, if he is supportive then take his support. I can tell you I have friends who's husband who can be very cruel about weight issues. But definitely talk to your doctor. Depression let unchecked can get very bad. I hope this helps.

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