Should She See a Counseler?

No just sit down and try to explain to her that every guy isn't like her dad and that some guys will not walk out on her. My dad and mom were never married and my dad basically walked out on me but I found a terrific guy who loves me very much.

I think it wouldn't hurt. It would probably help her deal with alot, if she was willing to go. She might be more open to the counseler. I have a friend and she is a single mom, she has three kids and her girl is 9. She is dealing with her dad never being around. She is going to counseling. It is actally helping her. It wont hurt to just try it out. But it is probably real h*** o* her because he choose to leave at age 15 which isn't fair. Good Luck and best wishes to you both.

You both should read a book called The Family by Bradshaw. It will help her deal with having this situation and realize she should separate herself from it. Trust me, it is a fantastic must read for anyone with family problems!

God bless!
B. :)

Besides getting her the counseling, I would try to find out what is going on in the father's life that has suddenly caused his lack of communication with her. Maybe it is that since she is growing up, he thinks he isn't needed. He might need some reasuring as well. You never know.

I have a 16 year old who has only seen her father at most, 6 times. He tries to say it was my fault, but we all know that you can't keep a father from seeing his kids if he Really wants to.

Hang in there. She will get through and she will see that it is His loss!

i know what she is felling my dad walked out on me and i did go to a counseler i do think you should ask her frist if she wants to go then tack her and tell her not eveyoune will leave her she will find that someoune that will love her and that you will be thear for her

Dear T.-

Just wanted to try to send some warm thoughts and a little advice that worked for us for a time. I am on the other side of this situation, being married to the dad and the mom won't let us see the 15 yo dd. She wants to abide by the part of the decree that says, pay the support, which we have always done and even try to add in more than the amount when we can. However, what we did at one point was to get family counseling. I went, alone, my husband went, alone, daughter, went alone and then the ex just refused to go. But then we all went once a month together. It seemed to help with everyone being able to talk seperately, but then the counselor was able to come together w/all of us, without infringing on daughters trust, and help us all work things out. It not only helped us understand what was going on with her, but helped her understand what was going on in the family as a whole (we had just had our first baby, which was a very happy, but rocky time for us, her and the ex). You might start out w/your daughter and then maybe suggest to the dad that he could participate also. Has she tried to write him a letter w/o you being involved? I know that sometimes emotions(anger) tend to get in the way when we believe that our children are being wronged. And, SHE is being wronged. I am so thankful that my husband does take care of his daughter, as I would have it no other way. I hope all works out for you, but especially for her. I am from a divorced family and I thank God that while, my mom, was the one who walked out on us, I have been able to move past all of the hurt and resentment that I had. Let you daughter know that what she tells the counselor, is just between her and the couselor. It seemed to help our 15 yr old to know that it was ok to have those feelings and it taught her to trust someone that would not betray her. It is not so easy to talk to mom about everything. She may also be reluctent to talk to you about all of the issues because she may have seen you upset about the situation in the past, and rightfully so, and just may not want to see you upset again-Hang in there!

Sweetheart, suggest that the two of you find someone she can confide everything into and that it won't matter what she says b/c it might help her get through his anger problems and feelings of abandonment.

T.:

Your 15 year old daughter has been abandoned by her father, and most likely she is internalizing that it is her fault. Yes, it is time to seek therapy. Is she showing any other signs, that you are concerned about?

A. L

Hi T..
I was seven when my parents got divorced, and I wish I would have had the opportunity to see someone about it. I find that girls are so more affected about their dads leaving. I didnt realize that at the age of seven that it was about another woman, but later in life it has caused problems with my ability to trust men. I dont say anything to my husband or show my jealousy, but it is always in the back of my mind, wondering if there is someone else and could he come home anyday and just say its over. It is hurtful to hear friends talk about their parents who are still together. I am so envious of them. So I do believe that she will benifit from pro. help. She probably wont open up at first, but it will be well worth the try.

Yes, take her to see a counseler or therapist. I suffered through a very deep depressions that stareted when I was about 8 or 9 and lasted until I finally got help when I was 15. If she is getting depressed it can really snowball fast. You will probally have to try several counselers before she finds one she likes and is comfortable with. The most important part is that she finds someone she is comfortable with and can talk to. Often just talking to someone and telling someone how you really feel can help. And that person can be someone she can "bounce" ideas off of and figure out why she feels that way and face her problems instead of holding it all in. Good luck and Blessed Be. Remember, never forget to smile :-)

well i few things you should recognize is when she tells you she hates her life it is a big cry for help. I no i use to do the same thing when i was her age i didnt how to deal with being a teenager. If she does refuse seeing a counselor and she is to scared to talk to you does she have another lady in her life like an aunt or grandma that she can relive some of the stress with a good talk and a good cry always helped me. SHe probably was pushing the boy away because she is scared of getting hurt. I really do think that she needs someone to talk to if not a therapist someone. I hope she sees that life aint really all that bad but when they feel regected that is when it gets tough. So in an honest opinion it is time for you to interven get her some help. One way or another. My parents had my aunt talk to me and it always helped and even some times i went to the school nurse or counselor. I hope that helps

yea, she needs a counselor, a psych for kids. she's got a lot to get off her chest and she doesn't want to talk to you or Dad. I wish I could talk with her, mostly she neds s omeone to listen and help her, not tell her what might work with getting along with everyone. Don't let her see your disagreements with Dd either, she'll feel it's her fault. 15 is a weird age and sometimes they just need positive attention from everyone and not arguments

queen

Hi T.,
Yes, take her to see someone. No matter how well you think you can communicate with your daughter sometimes it helps to have someone that is not involved in the situation to talk to. A counselor will help her deal with her issues with her dad and how to deal with her friends. My daughter is 13 and I took her to see a therapist because she was so shy but in reality she has anxiety and I thank god every day that I took her to see someone because she has really turned her life around. If you need someone to see I have a great thereapist and I will give you her name.

D.

It sure sounds like it couldn't hurt for her to have someone to talk to that isn't a part of this situation. I can't imagine what it would be like to be a teenager and feel like your dad just doesn't love you enough to even bother to talk to you anymore. Even as an adult I think it would be hard to go through something like that, so I would be shocked if your daughter wasn't having trouble coping. And even if you're willing and able to talk about it with her, she might feel like you're not able to be objective about the situation or that she can't say some of the things she wants to say to you because you're the only parent she has left, and she doesn't want you mad at her, too. If cost is an issue, you might talk to someone at a church...there is a counseling service that meets patients at local churches and charges based on a sliding scale. Even if she says she doesn't want to talk to anyone about it, you should still have her give it a try. It sounds like she needs someone to listen to her right now.

maybe counseling wouldn't be so bad after all...it'll give her a chance to express herself to a neutral party...and that counselor could help her work through those situations...probably could even find a suppport group for her to be apart of...thanks for reading

T., I felt the same way at that age... My dad left and my mother passed in October of 93 (I was 13) I didn’t want to get close to anyone for the fear of them leaving me as well. I started seeing a counselor in May of 94 (I was 14 then) and it did help. It took a while for the people in my life to get me help but they did when my teachers started noticing my work wasn’t as good as it was or that I just wasn’t my self (what kid really is after they lose both parents? One not by choice and the other leaves you…) but yes I do think it is time. Whether it is a counselor through the school; (I had one of those too.) Or a professional I think it is time and will do her good.
Hope this helps…

My experience says yes. Make her an appointment. It won't hurt anything and would probably help her in the long run. Good luck.