Sharing - Bismarck,ND

You might focus more on "taking turns." Whoever has the toy is currently taking the turn, and after that child is done, the other kid gets to play with it. If needed, especially for the 2yo, you could set a timer so he knows when it's his turn.

If the 2yo is taking toys away from your daugther, he needs to be corrected and/or distracted--he is the one that is doing something wrong (although he doesn't really get it that it's wrong, probably).

Putting toys that are particular favorites into "timeout" can be effective, if they are both at fault, or if it's just too much for the 2yo and he can't deal with it.

Or, if he's being really bad about it, putting him in timeout can also help (if you have a pack n play, you try that to safely contain him).

Unfortunately, this is not something that will get fixed overnight--it takes a long time to learn the concept of sharing. And kids don't really play together interactively at this age (they can do something called "parallel play" where they play nicely next to each, but don't really interact in the sense of "lets play cars and we'll build a road together" kind of thing for quite a while).

teach the 2-year-old the skill of "trading." Set a ground rule: grabbing (hitting, pushing, etc) is totally off limits. The person who does the grabbing (hitting, pushing) loses whatever they're grabbing (and the other kid gets to play with it.) (Although you need to refrain from "grabbing" the toy as well, instead patiently but firmly repeatedly asking for it until it is surrendered.)

The rule is, if you want something, you need to offer a trade, so the thing you want is given freely. Next time the two year old comes over, set the ground rule ahead of time (a two year old can totally understand this) and tell him (ahead of time, before an incident) that he can find another toy, and "trade" it with your daughter for the one he wants. You and he can sit down and do a dry run. You hold a toy that he really likes, and say, if you would like this toy, bring me something else to play with. When he brings it back, say the word "trade", accept the toy he gives you, and give him the one you had. Really guide him through this, talk him through it. See if you can "practice" with him a few times throughout the time you're with him. Your daughter is young enough she's likely to not care much about which toy she's playing with, as long as she has something. However, it must be voluntary on her part, if she doesn't want the toy offered, he has to find something that she does want (really help him with this, too, suggest "she really likes this one", etc.) The same rule applies for the 3-month-old, too - he has to trade if the baby has something he wants.

Be gentle but firm, stay firm on your ground rule, offer him lots of praise when he trades (thank you for trading so nicely; oh, that's a great toy, she loves that one; you did that very gently, thank you; etc.) Your daughter will also learn this skill very quickly, just by watching the 2-year-old - encourage her similarly!

This is a really common and really tough challenge, but you can do it. You'll be teaching all three kids a really valuable life skill. Good luck!

Sharing is a pain in the butt.

I had two a year and a half apart... so You KNOW I had to deal with this. What I always did is I wouldn't let one steal from the other. Whoever had it in their hands first got the toy and got it given back to them and I'd say wait your turn. No matter what one child always had it first and they always got it back. After awhile I would take the toy and tell them now it's time to share with my other. Sure they'd protest but they'd learn. They are now 6 and 8 and RARELY fight over such things when I listen to friends of mine who's children fight over everything I'm so proud of them.

Now my mother had 7 of us. 4 right within a few years of each other. Her answer was to get that many of the same toy. Just one doll would have red, another blonde and another black. You know it still wasn't the perfect answer. The grass was always greener on the other side.

My rule is: if you can't share it, then no one gets to play with it.
So if I see that going on, I take the toy away.

My son's best buddy went through a big phase of this, where my son wasn't allowed to touch anything, ever. So I started taking away toys. And if he threw a tantrum (which he frequently did, as a result) I would completely ignore him.

Didn't take long for that behavior to stop...in my house, that is. Now, all it takes is a reminder, if I see things like that start.

it's natural to want to 'defend' your daughter, but remember that sharing is learned and kids learn at different speeds. soon it will be your daughter doing the 'defending' of her own toys and then you will have to 'defend' other children from her.
it's a good term to lose.
:)
set a firm rule of no pushing or hitting first and foremost.
set a timer so each child has time with the toy.
if that doesn't work put the toy in time-out so no one can play with it.
do not bend. once everyone understands the rules, everyone relaxes.
and remember, spats and snarling are part of how kids learn to operate in a herd. intervene only if it gets ugly.
good luck!
:) khairete
S.

Obviouly you understand that the tendency to not share is developmentally normal at these ages and nor should you expect them to engate in play with one another. Unfortunately you need to be on top of them and keep them seperate to some degree. The older child in particular should know by now tha thitting/pushing is not acceptable and I would certainly have higher expectations for him. However, the interaction shoudl be the same. You can't take toys out of someone else's hands. You can't hit. You can't push. If you do, you get removed from the situation or lose the object of your desire. It sound slike a hard job, but there is not much more you can do.

Don't feel bad about defending your daughter - you must! But also treat them equally. You have to defend the little boy too when your daughter acts up. Even with the difference in ages the way you have to treat them is basically the same. Also try to do activitie with them that don't involve so much sharing, like arts and crafts, playdough, or playing in the yard.