Several Requests

ok, if you're questioning yourself on these issues, then you know it's time for change. And that's what this is: your daughter is growing up & it is time to transition to the next stage of development. I think your ideas are already a step in the right direction.

1. If ignoring her doesn't work, then take it a step further & make her do the clean-up with you. She may be only one, but she is fully capable of tearing off the paper towels, placing the soiled laundry in a bag & carrying it to the washer. Make her responsible for her mess. Don't make it a game though!

2. Stand firm on the milk issue & don't let her yell at you. You are the parent, you are in charge. Find an additive (yogurt, choc syrup) that will aid in the transition. If she doesn't drink when you give her the cup, then store it in the frig & keep offering it...eventually she'll get the picture. Lots of parents go thru this.

3. Begin the weaning process by using water only in the bottle. It's better for her teeth anyway!

4. Start promoting the "big girl" thing. Use soft/low lights, soft music, a fav blankie....& allow her to learn how to self-soothe. It may take quite a few nights of crying, but if you stand firm...then the transition will go easier. And the thing is: you will have to face this battle at some point...& it's much easier to do it when she's younger! & I guess my ?? would be - how does she go down for naps?? Is she independent with naps?? If not, please allow her to learn how to self-soothe! It will bring peace to your lives.

Closing comment: one of the most important skills we have to learn as parents is to BE the parent. It's an integral part of the package we signed on for when we chose to raise children. And there's a huge difference between being a parent & being your child's friend & companion. Parenting should always take precedent. If we don't teach our children how we want them to behave, then who will? The next important thing to remember would be that we have to follow our own instincts, & not that of others! It truly sounds as if you're on the right track....I wish you peace!

L....as far as the gagging is concerned...I would make it a "non-issue" don't react to it...even when she makes herself throw up...don't comment...just clean her up and set her down and let her go on her way. The more you react the more she is going to do it. Don't talk about it, don't let her see that it upsets you...just act like it didn't even happen.
AS far as the formula/milk problem. I am not sure that you really need to be breaking her from the bottle AND the formula at the same time. I would do one step at a time. if you are going to go with getting her off the formula first...start mixing more and more milk with the formula each time...and if she doesnt drink it....don't worry about it. As long as she is healthy...and within normal weight limits....I am sure that she is eating enough other food that she doesn't need the formula for her nutrition. Again...don't make an issue of it..if she tosses the bottle at you...just pick it up and put it in the fridge until the next time. If she cries...offer her a drink of water to quench her thirst. Just be matter of fact about it. She is being the "boss" because you allow her to be the boss.
As far as the bed situation is concerned...if you are going to move her to her own bed...be prepared for several nights of lost sleep as you convince her that is her new spot. My oldest daughter has an 18 month old who has always slept in their bed with them...I often wonder how old he will be when they finally decide that is it time for him to move to his own room.
All this being said...trust your own instincts...no one knows your daughter as well as you do....just do everything with love...enjoy every moment with her and it will be fine!!
R. Ann

Hi L.,
As a mom that went through very similar circumstances as you, I have to say that your best bet is going to be Sue H's advice. You enter a whole new ballgame when you start having her clean up her own messes. She'll learn real quick that it's not a game & hopefully you see a change there.

With the milk issue, my daughter did not show any interest whatsoever in milk until she was 2. I tried to wean her from the formula and she just wouldn't. I did get her to drink the milk on occasion when I added the syrup so that might actually work best.

One last thing because you've gotten great advice on all of your questions...if you allow your child to sleep with you now, you will have an even harder time when they get older to have them sleep in their own bed. I actually have a very close friend who let her first born son sleep with her when he was young & he's now 5 years old & calls her room his room. She's tried SEVERAL times to get him to go to his own room only to fail every time. Now is the time to act. It's so hard to turn them away when they're so snuggly and sweet so I definitely see your point. Do try soothing music & favorite pillows & blankets. Also the baby gate in the doorway really works in helping them feel like they're not cut off from you completely like a door being closed, but it also keeps the little one from crawling into bed with you.

You're doing a wonderful job & it sounds like she's a happy baby. Good luck with the new transitions!

L., i am having some issues myself so your request kinda left my head spinning! lol...but my issue is related to your co-sleeping question, so that i can comment on. first of all think long and h*** o* whether you're okay with her sleeping with you. as a single mom i know it can be a comfort to have her little body there with you, but think to the future when you may meet someone, maybe get married, etc...if you're still absolutely sure that's what you want to do, then don't look back. it can be a wonderful feeling and i LOVE cuddlng up with my little man. it's the best feeling in the world! but if you think there will be times when you won't want her in the bed (remember kids get in a routine so their "normal" is what they'll expect - every night!) and you want her in her own bed, do it NOW. when she's small. and again...don't look back. see my request about what happens when you waffle back and forth. my son was sick for a week and he slept in our bed so now i'm having the battle of a lifetime trying to get him to get back in his own bed...it sucks! just my two cents...good luck...it sounds like you're a great mom with your heart in the right place, and you'll get lots of good advice here for sure!

Hi L., I commend you for being a single mom, it cannot be easy.
As for the finger thing, I would pop her hand after you take it out and tell her no. She'll soon associate the pain of the pop with sticking her fingers in her mouth and won't do it anymore. Be consistant.
Then the milk issue...when both my daughters were to be weened off of formula I started first by putting it in a sippy cup and let her drink the formula from that...take the bottle away completely...milk and bottle and sleeping is not good and the milk can stay in her mouth and cause her teeth to rot. Yes, she will lose them but having a healthy mouth at any age is good for your body and overall health. After a few days put an ounce of milk with 5 ounces of formula...three or four days later or even a week put 2 oz of milk and 4 oz of formula...keep doing that for several weeks until it is all milk. It worked great for our girls. They didn't realize the change because it was so gradual. But it has to be gradual though.
Now if you want to ween her from the bottle you just have to do it cold turkey. If it is anything other than water, then change it now. Again, not good for the teeth. It is more of a sucking thing than a drinking thing..try a pacifier. If she doesn't like pacies then stop cold turkey.
As for the sleeping issue...if it doesn't bother you right now then don't worry about it. Wait a while, like when you have her sleeping without the bottle and taking her milk and not formula. In a few months when everything has calmed down, have her fall asleep with you and then after she is asleep move her to her crib or bed. If you wait until she is 18 months you can even move her to a toddler bed or her mattress on the floor. Our girls slept with their mattress on the floor to transition and not be scared of rolling off the bed. She may be fine since she is sleeping with you in a bed already. But start moving her after she is sound asleep and won't wake up if you move her.
I hope some of this helps and take care of your self and your little girl...good luck and God Bless.

2. try mixing a tablespoon of flavored yogurt with the whole milk. Then you can wean from the yogurt later.
3. When I weaned my kids from nursing I rocked instead at naps or bed. They would cry while I rocked but I felt better that I was trying something. Mine didn't want a blankie or any other comfort item. First two days were rough but got better each day after. I will do it the same with the next one. Oh and I just went cold turkey.
4. If you like it I wouldn't change it. Just be prepared that the longer she sleeps there the harder it will be to change it. If you want her out pick a strict routine and stick to it. Every time you give in and let her come to your bed or give her a bottle, the longer she will scream the next time. I would suggest bath, books, rock, bed. And lay down while still awake. There are several sleep books out there, it all depends on your personality and how you parent.

Inform yourself and then trust your decisions. That's the best you can do. Best of Luck.

1. Ignore it - I know she will vomit & it's gross, but she's getting your attention & in a very bad / threatening way. don't even get excited when you clena her up. Just simply do it & put her back to whatever she was doing. Yes some kids do this.

2. Just keep introducing her to it. Maybe even start out mixing formula with skim & then slowly to 2%, then whole milk. They need the fat of the whole milk, but skim has a much less flavor (almost watery) & won't overtake the formula as much at first. Maybe even start off with a soy milk.

4. Yes, you need to get her to her own bed if you ever want to sleep alone again..LOL I know it's sweet now, but it's a bad habit that is nearly impossible to break. I'll leave suggestions on how to get that done (easily;) to the others as I have never accomplished it. I would get her to her own room/bed before I broke her of the bottle.

3. Are you breaking her of the bottle because she's a year or because you really feel it's necessary? I am an advocate for people still breastfeed their kids at a year so why do bottlefed babies have to be broke of a bottle at exactly a year. One way is to put less and less in it each night. (It sounds to me like she may be one to throw it & holler at you if she doesn't have enough in it:) Make sure she's had a snack & drink before you lay her down. I don't know of any real right way / easy way of doing it. I can give you a thousand suggestions, but who knows what will work. You can try switching over to water. Many people just flat out throw it away & deal with a couple nights of no sleep. (Personally I always liked what little sleep I got)

Good luck with everything! I'm sure you'll get a ton of (more) useful advice.

L.-

Here are my suggestions for your questions....

1. As far as her sticking her fingers into her mouth and gagging and puking, I would ignore it. If the doctor is not concerned, I would say you are okay. She may simply be trying something new and when she knows she gets a rise out of you, she keeps doing it. Maybe she thinks it's a game or maybe she just knows it's a way to get your attention. Praise her when she is NOT doing it and see what happens.
2. As far as the whole milk issue, I would stop giving her formula all together and only offer her milk. She'll eventually drink it if she's thirsty enough!! Why not try warming it up? She may not like the difference in temperature. Also, I would only give it to her in a cup - no more bottle. She associates a certain type of flavor to her drink in a bottle and if you introduce a new concept (ie: sippie cup) with only milk, you may have more success. If not, try juice or water in a sippie cup. Make sure shes' getting enough dairy elsewhere.
3. I weaned my daughter from the bottle by offering 1 sippie cup a day. Then a few days later, I gave it to her 2x a day instead of the boob or bottle. She was weaned in a week. As far as taking it to bed, I don't really suggest it but I would say if she HAS to have something, give her a sippie cup (water only) to take with her to bed for naps and bed. The first few nights may be hard, but she'll get used to it.
4. I can relate to the sleeping situation. We co-sleep part of the time (as needed) and my daughter has always been an okay sleeper. But from 12-17 months, she was a wonderful sleeper, going to bed by herself and falling asleep. Then right when I found out I was pregnant with #2, her sleeping habits changed. She wanted to be rocked more or wanted me to sit in her room with her until she was asleep and would start waking up 1-5 times a night!! A week and a half ago, I started telling her I had to go to the bathroom or check on something and told her I'd check on her later. She fussed a little bit but now she goes to sleep and sleeps much better at night. I am not going to tell you to move her from your bed, because co-sleeping is a choice you have to decide if you want to make and keep doing. It sounds like you want her to go back into her crib. If she falls asleep WITH you, you may have to start by letting her fall asleep with you then transfer her to her bed. if she wakes up, try to get her back to sleep in her crib. This may end up in a lot of sleepless nights for you or you may just want to bring her bakc into bed with you! Another suggestion would be to rock her until drowsy or asleep and then put her into her bed. I do not know how long co-slept babies stay in bed with parents, I have heard some kids naturally decide around 3 that they want to go into their own bed and others want to stay with parents until they are 8 or 9! At 1, I don't think she's old enough to understand the concept of 'you need to sleep in your own bed' which is why we just did what worked...We put our daughter to bed in her crib and then if she woke several times a night (or really early in the morning) we'd put her in bed with us. You may have to try different variations to find what works for you. Also, I agree about not changing beds and removing the bottle at the same time. I would do one or the other. I'd suggest removing the bottle first!

Good luck!!

My daughter used to stick her hand in her mouth also but she never made herself vomit. Whenever I would see her doing it I would take her hand out of her mouth and distract her with something else.

Will your daughter drink 2% milk? If she will, maybe you can talk to your dr about a vitamin supplement?

My daughter had a bottle of warm milk everynight before bed until she was 2 1/2. We couldn't get her to sleep without it. In May, we went to Houston to visit my sister, who just had a new baby and I decided not to bring any bottles with us. Maybe because she was playing all day with her older cousins or maybe because she saw them go to bed without one, but bedtimes were very easy without the bottle - what a surprise!! Once we got home I sneaked all the bottles out of the kitchen. She only asked for a bottle a couple times and I would tell her that baby Colton was using them and offered to give her a little bit of milk in a cup. This seemed to satisfy her. I guess what I'm getting at is 1) if you don't have a problem with her having a bottle then don't worry about it. You'll know when the time is right; 2) once you do decide to wean from the bottle, I think cold turkey is going to be your best bet although you might have a couple nights where it is very hard to get her to sleep. Maybe think of a way to get her to agree to "donate" her bottles to a little baby who needs them?

I feel your pain. My daughter went through most of you listed except the vomitting part. Can't help you there.

Bottle - It took my daughter until she was 15 months before she was weaned off the bottle. I only gave it to her in the morning and bedtime. Then I gave it to her only at bedtime. Eventually, she came off the bottle and we did not look back.

Giving her whole milk - I weaned my daughter. I started with 1/4 of milk to 3/4 forumla. Then 1/2 and 1/2. Then 3/4 to 1/4 and nothing but whole milk. Hope that helps. Again, it took a few months for me to wean her. I know there is forumla for children 1 year and older. Some of my friends have used and had success with it. It just really depends on the child.

Sleeping - My daughter still likes to sleep with us if she could. We allow her to crawl into our bed around 5am, but nothing sooner than that (unless she is sick). As for her sleeping all night in her crib, it's just something you may need to keep re-enforcing with her. I know at 18 months we switched her bed to the toddler bed and it helped. Maybe you need to do it earlier? Just a thought.

Good luck to you. Hope my info helps. It does get better, I promise.

My daughter did the finger thing too, but never vomited, she stopped in her own time. I like the suggestion of having her help you clean up the mess. Talk to her on her level about why she is doing this and why it isnt' the best thing for her to do.

Have you tried Soy milk. It comes in flavors. I would not change what you give her though, just b/c she yells at you. Do not tolerate her tantrums or she will throw one about everything and knows she can get away w/ it. I realize it is hard, but you will get through it.

Start putting water in her bottle and add less and less each time to none. I used a book called "No More Bottles For Bunny" and they also have (in the series) "No More Diapers For Ducky"...we tossed her last bottle in the recycle bin together and she know says "bottles are for babies"....you can find these books at the library, sorry I can't think of author, but the title's are correct.

You will do fine, we ALL battle our little one's...

Good Luck and keep us posted!!

D.

Okay here we go:

1. My niece did that whole gagging thing. Its sort of like finding your belly button. It's something new to play with. She doesn't understand the implications. My niece grew out of it, and I bet your daughter will too. :)

2. She might've had a bad experience with milk. It doesn't take much to turn kids off a food or drink. Try putting chocolate or strawberry in it and see if that helps. If it works, just put less and less in it until she is drinking regular milk.

3. The bottle....o the bottle....Well, the bottle was sort of like the binky. You just have to take it, and offer them an alternative like a sippy cup. Stress that it is a big girl cup and reward her for taking it, but don't give in and give the bottle back to her just because she screams and cries. It may take several days but she will settle down. I know it's hard. I almost gave in several times with the binky, but you have to stand your ground.

4. Try getting a cot or making a pallet on the floor. Then move the cot a little further from the bed, and a then to the door, and then in the hall nd then into her room. Small steps. I had the same problem. My son was born with lots of problems and had to sleep with me but eventually the bed was too small for all of us. Having a TV in our son's room made it easier, but it still took awhile for him to get used to sleeping on his own. Even now he wakes up at night sometimes and climbs in my bed in his sleep. I just wait for him to be back in REM sleep and then move him back to his bed.

In regards to switching from milk to formula, I would start with more formula and less milk and mix it up between the bottle and cup. do this for about a week and then more milk less formula and keep doing this. I would do an ounce at a time.

In regards to weening her from the bottle, I would try getting her to milk completely then start putting less and less in a bottle for her and when she wants more to drink offer her a cup. Eventully there will be hardly anything in the bottle.

Make sure whatever you do, who ever watches her the other part of the time does the same thing you are doing if not more, as usually little ones act totally different with care givers than parents (ie my son never took a binky at daycare, but could not live with out it at home....)

When my oldest was 11 months we went cold turkey on his bottle. It was hard, but eventually he got thristy enough to drink form the sippy cup. You may also have to try different cups as our son had a difficult time figuring out the suction on the spill proof pieces.
Along that line if she will drink formula from the cup go with it for a while. Let her have the formula if she will drink from the cup. We put our son on the step 2 formula & started milk when he was between 18 mo. & 2 y/o.
With the sleeping you may just have to let her cry it out or put her in a toddler bed & put a baby gate (perferably a wall mounted gate) in her doorway.

God bless!

I never went through the gagging thing so not sure what to do about that.

I did cold turkey with my daughter at 10 months of age with the formula. I used the last of it and then put milk in her bottle and made sure to warm it up first. at first she wouldn't drink it but since that is all I offered her she eventually gave in to drink it. two I threw out all of her bottles and only offered her milk in a sippy cup. now she does fine and will drink anything from a sippy cup.

I never had an issue with her sleeping in our bed I simply never allowed it unless she was sick and that has only happened once. But she would pace back and forth in the crib screaming for hours before falling asleep. switched her crib to a toddler bed and put a futon mattress on the floor infront of it incase she rolled off. She sleeps a lot better now since she can get out of bed once she wakes up. I put the baby gate in the door so she can't run through the house if she wakes up before me.

I would put her in her crib and read her a book or do a quiet activity with her in her room and tell her that when you are done it is time for her to go to sleep. if she is attached to a blankie or stuffed animal give that to her in her crib to sleep with. I did away with the bottle and binky at the exact same time. I offered only the sippy cup and teething rings instead.

it is rough when they have attachments to things but he sooner you break the habit the sooner things will calm down.