Seeking Moms Advice - Adrian,MI

J., First of all my heart goes out to you. I personally have not been through this but my little sister has and I was there every step of the way. The courts did order them to see some sort of "therapist" person and after only a few visits they too decided on what was best for these 2 children. Mind you they were only 1 and 2 1/2. They ended up giving them 50/50 and My x brother in law gets them 120 NIGHTS, so his child support was cut in half! He gets them 10 days a month. The schedule is as follows.
monday - mom
tuesday - dads at 8:30pm
Wednesday - dads
Tthursday - moms at 8:30pm
Friday - Dads at 8:30 pm
Saturay - dads
Sunday - moms at 8:30pm
Monday - moms
Tuesday - moms
Wednesday - moms
Thursday - moms
Friday - moms
Saturday Moms
Sunday - moms
then repeat. This is the most unstable and rediculas schedule for these babies. Their dad is living with his parents and girlfriend and there are a lot of other circumstances too but all I can say to you is those boys are in school and maybe that can give you a little bit of pull for stability in their live. My sister was going to meet with her attorney sat. because her little one is going into kind. but her new baby passed away unexpedley on Wed. so that has been postponed for a while. Anyway if there are any Q that you may have for her specificaly, I will be more that happy to ask her for you. Good luck and you will be in my prayers!

L.

Hi J.,

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I went through it with my sons dad about 7 years ago. He was only 2 at the time, and we lived an hour apart. I fought him for custody. I got full physcial custody, and we had shared legal custody. If at all possible i would try to figure it out between the 2 of you. The last thing you want is a Judge telling you when you will be allowed to see your children. I wish you all the best. Let us know what happens

She will be evaluating your home, your relationship with your children, talking to your children (if they are old enough) and such.

Hi J.~
Try to relax and be calm about this. I've been there and honestly, yeah, it sucks! But you'll get through it and it will be okay. Im wondering if you are having FOC evaluations or if this is impartial mediation. BIG difference! The FOC evaluator's recommendation is pretty much what the judge will go with, but it's doubtful it will go that far. An impartial mediator will try to get you two to agree to a visitation schedule to be entered as a court order so you can stay OUT of court. I went through this custody stuff for YEARS and never actually entered the courtroom until the very end; the adoption. The goal will be to come to an agreement before you go in front of the judge (and it will look VERY good if you do). In either case, be yourself and let your love for your kids shine through. Don't focus on why your ex should NOT have custody b/c they will see that as vindictiveness (sp?), but instead, make it clear that you are willing to come to an agreement that helps your kids maintain healthy/happy relationships with both parents. Remember that even though you are divorcing, you two DID choose to have these kids together, don't make them suffer b/c the relationship is breaking down. MOST OF ALL-love your kids more than you hate your spouse!!! Your kids are smart, they will see truths in their own time, pointing them out will only make them resent YOU!

Good luck to you and I hope the outcome truly is the best for your kids. Whatever the decision, you CAN make it work...trust me...this is experience talking. Feel free to msg me...I battled custody for 9 years!!
~L.

Hi J.,
I haven't had to deal with a child evaluator before but I have gone through the custody thing. I would recommend that you keep a positive attitude when you are in front of this person. Make sure you are not saying or doing anything that would interfer with keeping your kids in your custody. For example, don't bash the ex to the court or any other person that is working for the court system. Also, if you have a new boyfriend, do NOT let him around your kids. This almost caused me a huge problem in my custody case a few years ago. Another thing the judge didn't like was I said "my child" not "our child". I know it's just little things but they seemed to make a difference in my case. Good luck and remember you want what's best for the kids so make sure you don't do anything to put your self in a negitive light. Take care.

HI J., I went through a nasty custody thing in 2000. I don't know about a child evaluator. Is that different than the FOC. My advice is to hire the best lawyer you can. Even for this stuff, they will tell you how its going to go and get you prepared a little. I had a bad lawyer, she misled me as to procedures and I ended up agreeing to something that she told me was standard although I didn't think that it was, 7 yrs later I have less time with my kids because of her advice. Get a good lawyer for every phase. Get a good lawyer.

Hi J.

I know this is a very difficult time, and I am a paralegal so I deal with this stuff all the time unfortunatley. The main thing I tell people is to remember that your kids love you both, and do not use your kids against each other, I see this so often and it breaks my heart. As for the the custody dispute, it really depends on what County you live in as they each have different ways to go about this. I deal mostly with Oakland County which has you deal with the Friend of the Court, they are involved with the kids through the process and recommends to the Judge what type of placement the kids should be in and visitation and child support. It really is the best if you and husband can sit down and come to an agreement before you see this evaluator, If you are unable to sit with him and the two of you be social then maybe a meeting with your lawyers would be a good idea. I will say this as total experience in the legal field for almost 10 years now, if you don't have a divorce lawyer then get one!!! it will make a huge difference on everything, from child or spousal support to settlement issues, if you need anymore advice, you can always contact me, I hope all goes well and good luck!! --C.

Hi J.,

My heart goes out to you and you are in my prayers. I went through a nasty custody battle for years, I won custody, and ended up having my daughter go live with her dad because she became so unbearable in wanting to live with her dad. My experience with social workers, court personnel, etc. has been mixed. Personally, I feel it's best to keep these people out of your personal business and try to work things out with your ex amicably, but I know that's not always possible as proven in my case. My best advice to you is to always put your childrens needs and welfare before your own and let the evaluator know that. By all means and I know this can be difficult to do--DO NOT speak ill of your ex to the boys or these outsides or play games to sabotage his relationship with the boys because these things will come out. Keep your nose clean and keep a low profile. Good luck to you.

MC

let me first start by saging best wishes i my self have never been thur that but i know other peop;e who have and from what they said is they look to see how each perent get a long with the kids as far as interaction bonding and all the other thing we do as mom so try to relax and let your loving mother side shine thur children belong with there mommy i am here if you want to talk please let me know how it all turns out