My son just turned 2 in Feb. He has been spending the night at my in-laws since he was 5 weeks old. He usually sleeps over a couple of times a month. Yesterday we had a birthday party for his uncle and grandpa and then Gma and Gpa were going to take him for a couple of nights. Grandma started to put him down for bed, doing their own special routine, and he started freaking out, SCREAMING "mama mama mama!" over and over. I felt so bad that I couldn't help myself and finally went in to see if I could help out. He INSISTED that he was scared and he wanted to go home. We decided to try letting him watch us leave and then maybe he would be OK. He only calmed down once we took him outside but was very insistent that he wanted to go home. If he stepped back in their house, he started freaking out again. Since he'd never done this before, I knew I would feel so guilty if I left him in this state and I would be a wreck and crying myself, so we caved and took him home. We decided to have Grandma and Grandpa come pick him up this morning and then try again tonight without us there.
Did we do the right thing? I don't want him to feel abandoned or that he's not being comforted when he's really afraid, but I also don't want him to think he's the boss and can just throw a fit and get his way. This time was OK 'cause we didn't have any big plans, just another weekend and we were ready for a break, but what if he did this when we had real obligations?
He did fine at Gma's and Gpa's last night. He is VERY attached to both of them and knows them and their place well. It is like a second home for him and he often asks to go see them. They love him very much and also WANT to spend time with him. It is as much for their sake (they're the ones always asking to have him over) that we leave him with them as it is for my husband and I to have a night off once in awhile to reconnect and be able to sleep in. The incident he had had NEVER happened before. When we get breaks, we feel like a better team and better parents. Believe me, I never initially WANT him to leave, but I know it's good for my relationship with my husband. We don't have a house. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment. We don't have a place for my in-laws to sleep over. Not only that, but we want to have our place to ourselves. It kind of takes the fun out of date night if the in-laws are over our place!?!
yes i think you did the right thing for your son. at 2 they really start to develope fear and fear of random things. it sounds like his gparents sound like they didnt take it personal and thats good. maybe he just had a scarey thought that you wouldnt come back and it over took his emotion. i think you handled the situation perfectly. its important that they know you can come get them when they need you.
Can't Grandpa/Grandma just come to YOUR house and babysit?
And why over night? If anything, I would not force it. Just take him home. Plans and outings can always be canceled. "Date night" can always be rearranged. That is common and not asking too much. Most couples only manage Date Night once a month at best. Why can't Grandma/Grandpa just sleep over at your house? Or, just come home by a certain time....and let him sleep at home.
He seemed genuinely terrified. I would not just leave him be. This is not like going to a Daycare. It's just babysitting. MAYBE there is even a bona fide REAL reason, he is terrified?
Consider that.
Now at 2 years old, they also have separation anxiety. But, unless it was absolutely unavoidable, I would just let him come home. Coming home seems like a 'treat' for him. Maybe at this age juncture, he just needs you more now. NOTHING wrong with that. Kids needs changes per each age-set. We have to be able to do it and rise to the challenge they present us. If they need us more, then take THEIR cues.
Me, I would've done the same and taken him home. Poor thing.
All the best,
Susan
Hi E., I would have taken my child home as well, this is not about letting him think he is the boss, it's not likeyou caved in and gave him a cookie,cause he was freaking out. In my opinion a 2 year old is a little young to be spending the night away from home, even if it was at a relatives house. When you become a parent Erins, there are no breaks, being a parent especially a mom is a 24/7 job, think how you would feel if your husband or even your baby said I'm sleeping somewhere else tonight cause I need a break from you? I can honestly say I never wanted a break from my kids, when the kids went to be at night, that was mine and my husbands time together, they were 5 before I let them sleep over at the anuties house, and even then I didn't get any sleep, it wasn't a break from my kids it was torture for me. In my opinion you did the right thing. If you and your husband want a get away, have grandma and grandpa come to your house, that way your litle guy can sleep in his own bed with all the familar things around him that make him feel safe and secure. J.
I would have done the exact same thing.
And quite frankly, if you HAD to be gone for the weekend/etc. (say someone died, or there was a business trip, or you were catching a flight), there not only wouldn't have been a double birthday party beforehand, but you'd have set everything up to ease into that.
My son (now 6) spends spends one weekend a month at Nana & Papa's house. (Hurray!!!) They watched him for me while I was in school, while my husband & I went on our belated honeymoon -10 days, and during one of the trips to Italy -14 days. Super super close, my son and his grandparents. And they sometimes have a bad day. It happens. As mums WE sometimes have bad days with our kids. Heck. I've had a bad week!
I wouldn't necessarily classify being DONE and wanting to go HOME as a bad day. Merely knowing EXACTLY what he wanted, coupled with being exhausted. Sigh. Never a fun combo with toddlers.
For what it's worth, I think you and your parents handled it well.
:)
R
I would cave too on that one. Wait to see whether he tries this same behavior in other different situations that don't have anything to do with the grandparents. Take him to a kids museum or something just to see how he is going to act in different situations.
