Room Sharing Problems

My two boys, ages 5 and 8 share a room and have since the younger was about 6 weeks old. They do go through phases where they play more, and goof off before bed. It is frustrating, but I have started to think that it is actually a great thing that they get along so well and love each other so much. Sometimes I will just sit outside and listen to their conversations...it is precious. I love that they are such good friends. I do get that it is frustrating...my boys are old enough that they eventually stop and just go to sleep on their own, but I do remember when it was more work for me. What I sometimes do is put them down to bed a little earlier, like 30 minutes early, and let them play all they want. Then, bedtime. Good luck!

There are still nights where I am downstairs and hear them at 9:30 or 10:00 (way past bedtime) giggling, and I have to go up and tell them to be quiet...

Good luck!!

Separate them.
I would not discipline for something or a situation that is just being outgrown.. and their age related development is not congruent nor complementary.
It is not their fault.

DS #2 will be fine. He is so young.

kids this age, cannot self-regulate themselves, at-will. Thus, you can't expect them to just stop, it. or you can continue having a battle about it.
And them not getting proper sleep.. .and over-tired kids, are not good, nor healthy for them all around. Kids this age do not have full impulse-control, either.

Since you do seem able to have them in 2 rooms, I would let them have their own rooms. But not put them together again. By then, they will be on a different age-juncture and needs... and the older one just being older should get his own room, or he will want one.

all the best,
Susan

Yes, agree with SH. Separate them or they won't get sleep and they need sleep to grow!

My kid's have been sharing a room since my youngest could sleep in the crib (they are now 4 and 2). I've tried everything I could to get them to stop playing and just go to sleep. The only thing I've gotten to work is to take away the special toy they like to sleep with if they don't stay in their beds and go to sleep. I'm also doing a sticker system with my daughter and she can only earn her last sticker of the day if she stays in her own bed (she get's a quarter in the morning if she gets all her stickers). However, I'm so fed up with it that I'm selling my house so that I can get a big enough house for my kid's to have their own room. If you have the option for them to have their own rooms, that's what I would do. You say that sharing a room is important for sibling bonding, but I tend to disagree. I shared a room with my sister (same age difference as your children) and I hated it as far back as I can remember. All I wanted was my own space. I think in our case, we might have a better bond if we had had our own space. Just something to think about.

If this is a new development, it sounds like the older one is pushing the rules to see what he can get away with. You say that the little one is asleep when you put the older one to bed and he is waking him up? I have to assume that you have told big brother not to do this, so honestly he is just disobeying you. At nearly four years old he certainly knows what NO means. No waking up your brother, or... whatever consequence you decide to give. Then stick to it. The lessons he learns now will play out as he gets older, so make sure the lesson he learns is that mom means business.
My two cents.

It sounds like you are treating the 4 year old the same as the younger child. Our 2 sons were 3 years and 4 months apart and shared a room from the time our first born was 3 and our second son was 6 weeks and they shared a room from that time all through until our oldest son moved to Tucson at 21 and they were the best of friends. Your 4 year old should not have the same bed/nap times as your younger son. I would not seperate them, as some have sugested, they are brothers, and they will work things out as they get older. J.

Hello V.,
I am going to respond as the mother of 5 with a {little experiance} I actually tired to have my children in seperate rooms and they actually while we were redoing rooms took apart the bunk beds and they figured out how to get everyone into the same room and loved it! Go figure right! I know that we just learned to endure it. What we found interesting was that the littlest one was taught how to crawl out of the crib (by the siblings) and began sleeping with his older brother no matter what we tried. So we just learned to leave it alone. We started playing music for the hour prior to bed time and kept a CD of Disney theme songs and easy quiet music going and they learned to relax and all sleep. The hard part was as they got older and seperating the girls from the boys they talked all night between door ways and I often felt like the Walton's with the "Good Night to everyone". Just keep up what you are doing and it will work out.

If everything was fine and just now the older one has discovered he can play with the younger when he's "supposed" to be sleeping then you might just have to sit in the room until the older one is sleeping. Bring a book, sit in the room and every time he gets up you catch him and put him back to bed a la Nanny. Pretty soon he'll get bored with the "game" and he'll be going back to bed per usual. Be sure to let him know he's not allowed to get in little brother's crib!

Good luck!

Have you tried putting the older one down first, and once he's asleep take the little one to bed?

Other than that, the only suggestion I have is that you keep on with trying to get the older one to obey you regarding not waking the little one, and not trashing the room when he's in there. I don't think separating them is the answer, though it may be that the mere threat of doing that might make the older one more cooperative if he really wants his little brother in the room with him.

I believe kids need their own space.
My sister and I are very close and we never shared a room. Personally, I think we are close because we never shared a room. We would have driven each other totally crazy.
If there is any way that each child can have his own space, do it.
If you are really into making them share, then you'll have to put up with the waking up stuff... I think that the older one is wanting attention and is waking up the younger one to get it... But I could be totally off base.
YMMV
LBC