Is It Ok to Let Siblings Share a Bed?

Updated on August 08, 2012
J.A. asks from Whiteland, IN
26 answers

DD 1 is 20 months. DD2 is 8 months old. They have quickly become best friends and really enjoy each other's company. I had planned on buying separate toddler beds for them. But now I am considering just getting one big bed for them to share. This change won't be taking place until DD2 is ready for a "big girl" bed. Would you let your daughters share or force separate beds?

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So What Happened?

Thank you for all the wonderful responses. We are all entitled to our own opinions and parenting choices. I never had a sister growing up. So I think it's great how much they love one another. I want to encourage them to be separate people and also allow them to share as much as they want. :)

Gamma G- Those are the *cutest* beds!! Thanks for sharing those links.

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A.

answers from Dallas on

I have 2 boys that share a room. They are 7 & 8 yrs old. I have bunk beds that are twin over full. Last year when I bunked them I thought they were going to LOVE having bunk beds. I find them sleeping together in the bottom bed 95% of the time. As long as they are able to get a good night's sleep, I think it's OK. The difference is they do have the option to sleep in a bed alone if they do chose to.

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S.T.

answers from New York on

Until the last few generations, same gender children usually shared one big bed unless they were very rich. If you read books about Amreican life before the 20th centruy, even a well off families only had one bedroom for each gender siblings - with one big bed in each room - and they had big families of 6 - 10 kids. In ancient times the whole family slept together - like puzzle pieces.

Until my daughter was through 2nd grade and my son entered kindergarten my kids (a boy & girl) had to share a small bedroom with a trundle bed. Most nights they stayed in their own beds. But there were occasions I'd find one had crawled into bed with the other - probably if they woke up in the middle of the night or had a bad dream. I think we were stretching the age limits on opposite gender kids in the same room - but we financially we just couldn't swing it until then. But two girls together I think is fine once the younger one gets a little older. I would suggest a trundle bed or "high riser" so they can each have their own bed - and I'd open the trundle every night so there's an option available all the time. And when the time comes that one of them indicates they've had enough of the co-sleeping it's time to end it. Until then - why not!

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

You are so far away from when this would be an issue that I wouldn't worry about it for now. You have what, 2 years? A lot can change in that time.

I would still get 2 beds and then let them sleep where they want later. My younger boys are 6 & 8 and they have twin-size bunk beds but spend most nights either in the same bed or they sleep together on the floor. It's very sweet for now but they also have their own beds to go to if they want to.

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M.M.

answers from Chicago on

My husband I live in the city in a three bedroom home...the other two bedrooms are in the basement, so not an option for small children to be so far away from Mommy and Daddy at night.
When we finally decided to have baby #3, we ran into an issue. Where to put the baby? My oldest is about to turn 6 and my youngest (so far :) is 2.5. Since we hadn't planned on having a third baby, before my 2.5 year old was born we bought my oldest "big boy" furniture including a full (or queen?) size bed so he could have it until he leaves home for college. It does have a trundle that you can pull out and put a mattress in, but it sits on the floor and there really isn't enough space for it to be a permanent fixture in the room. SO...we felt like our only option was to put them together in the big bed.
Since my youngest was transitioning out of the crib, we put up one of those bed rails on his side of the bed.
Before, BOTH my kids would wake up in the middle of the night crying. The oldest would have nightmares and I would have to go in there and the little guy would wake up sometimes 2-3 times a night. I never got a full night of sleep...but from day one of sharing...they both sleep perfectly!
For the first few weeks, it was PARTY TIME! I would sit at the desk in the room until they fell asleep because they wouldn't go to bed otherwise. They LOVED being together!
It has been about 3 months and they are still in the same bed. I still stay in there until they fall asleep (usually 10-15 mins) just to keep them from goofing around too much, but after that they sleep soundly and it is super cute to go in there a few hours later and see them snuggled in with one another.
The only thing I would say is to def. wait a bit with the 8 mo. old...at this age both will move around a lot in the bed and you want to be careful one of not on top of the other etc.
Lastly...my sister has her oldest ones sharing a room, but each in their own bed...still party time before sleep, so I think its pretty much the same deal from that perspective.

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J.M.

answers from Chattanooga on

My younger sister and I had to share a bed growing up... It really sucked! lol.

My sister wasn't fully potty trained though... and waking up in her puddle sucked really bad.

Once we got over that issue, it still didn't work too well, because I am a very light sleeper, and she is a very deep, active one... So she would wake me up several times a night.

It was also pretty miserable when one of us was sick.

Although... I do know several kids who LOVE sharing beds, and sleep better together than they do alone. This is another situation where it depends on the individual child.

IF I was you... I would buy two twin beds when DD2 is old enough. IF they want to share, you can push them together and use full-size sheets to combine them into one big bed... but if it starts to be an issue, or just doesn't work, have the option to separate them. :)

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K.L.

answers from Washington DC on

Personally, I like the option of having a bed for each of them. Like someone else said, what if one is sick? Or can't sleep that night? Or whatever. My girls are 8 and 10 and they LOVE sleeping together. They have their own rooms though. My 8 year old has a double bed, my 10 year old has 2 twin beds. They've been sleeping in the twin beds for years! This past school year my younger one decided she was "moving out", so she slept in her own bed for about 6 months. My oldest was devastated. Then this summer they are all of a sudden sleeping in the same room again (but not the same bed). Once in a blue moon, when they were a lot smaller, I'd go in to check on them and they'd both be asleep in ONE twin bed. Of course I have several cute pics of that :)

Anyway, my girls like the option of being apart (especially my younger one!) but they choose to sleep in the same room more often than not. It is cute to listen to them chatting up there. But just last night, as they were chatting at 10:30pm, I thought to myself "when school starts I think I might have to separate them for a bit so they'll get some sleep!"

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J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

our girls (4 and 7) share a room and have bunk beds. During the week they must be in their own bed. but on the weekends or when there is no school or early morning the next day they can share the top bunk (because it is way cooler on the top bunk). I appreciate that they want to share but I also feel that they need their own space and their own beds. My 2 nieces share a double bed. The younger shares her older sister's dresser and at least in that situation I feel so bad for my younger niece because she has nothing of her own. Seriously if I get her a present for her birthday I have joked to my husband "what will sophia want for nadine's birthday?" because big sis ends up with it anyway.

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M.L.

answers from Chicago on

If they are ok sleeping in the same bed what's the big deal?

My dad was the youngest of 10 kids......he and 3 of his brothers HAD to share a bed up until jr. high (when many of the older kids were old enough to move out).

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J.F.

answers from Bloomington on

My girls are 2 and 4.5. We are thinking of moving them into one room. Something I've wanted to do for several months, but had to wait on. I think I posted a similar question with my youngest was 9 months of age. :)

We are looking at getting bunk beds with a full sized bottom bunk. We already have the mattress for it, and like it being bigger in case the girls want to share a bed or if we have company stay the night.

I'm also glad we've waited for the youngest to get used to her own big girl bed (a couple of months now), and for the oldest not to be such a mover! She used to move all night long. If she shared the bed with us, my husband may have her feet in his side and I'd have her head on my back or butt! Now that she is not so wild, I can see the girls sharing a bed! Lol.

I just don't know what we are going to do with the lifetime crib we have! Maybe we'll have to make our own set of bunks using the full sized version of the lifetime for the bottom?? Hmmmm.

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B.S.

answers from Lansing on

My girls share a bed. They started doing it themselves in their toddler beds when they were young....so I figured whats the point of separate beds when I needed to move them up.

Only thing to be concerned about:

Sometimes they have the whole she's touching me/stealing blankets/looking at me/won't be quiet....and so on thing going on.

But, I'm not quite sure that would matter if they were in separate beds. For the most part they enjoy sharing a bed though.

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S.Q.

answers from Bellingham on

I remember sharing a bed with my sister when I was little. It was fine, except fr the fact that she claimed I kicked her in my sleep.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

I wouldn't put an 8 month old in with anyone....

But aside from that... In my family it's at least 2 kids per bed until I don't know when (years), and didn't have my own room until middle/high school... but that's fairly abnormal in my family. Usually there's a "boys room" and a "girls" room.

I shared "a" bed with my sister (two twins pushed together, king sheets) for years. Later (middle school), my mum just pulled them apart.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I think they might be different at that age so I'd wait and see. If they must share a room then I think that would be okay if they wanted to. I do think I would do a corner unit bed though. It could look so cute in a real girly bedroom.

Here's a link to what I am talking about.

http://ana-white.com/2011/05/storage-beds-twin-corner-unit

http://ana-white.com/2010/05/plans/corner-unit-twin-stora...

With more storage on the top of the corner unit instead of a TV or computer screen.
http://ana-white.com/2011/11/twin-storage-beds-corner-unit

One of the twin beds has a trundle bed under it and the other had double drawers. A lot of storage!
http://www.kidsfurnituremart.com/kids-beds/trundle-beds/l...

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S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

Our kids shared bedrooms but had their own beds. I think this works out best if you want less play at bedtime. It was hard enough with the boys in the same room at first due to laughing and playing too long. Just my thoughts on it though. I had to share a bed with my sister and that did NOT work out but there is 7 years between us. It didn't last for too long either. So I would let them have the same room with twin beds and you can move them close with only a small table between or nothing if you prefer and they are close. Or move the beds close but tuck sheets in on the sides that touch. Then they don't pull blankets or sheets or bother each other moving around in the night.

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C.M.

answers from St. Louis on

I'd say there is no problem with it, however, you'll need to wait until DD2 is older to see if it would work out. My oldest would probably have loved to share a bed with her younger brother, but he does not like sharing his bed at all!! He would rather sleep alone. So that would not have worked out for us. Instead, we bought a bunk bed that separates into two twin beds and they are in the same room but on separate walls. In the future we will bunk the bed for one of them (probably my son) so he can have sleepovers and have a bed for a friend.

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E.D.

answers from Seattle on

I think it's just fine to let siblings share a bed.

We have bunkbeds for our girls now (4 and 5) because it gave them more room to play, but when they were little they had a trundle bed so that they could sleep together or separately. Both had a lot of anxiety about being by themselves at night and it was deeply comforting for them to be around each other at night.

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J.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

what happens when one is sick? or up and down all night? or if one likes sheets and the other doesnt?
if pissible if you can have one bigger and one smaller and let them choose that would be the way I'd go....if thats not an option I dont see why it wouldnt be ok

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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

if they want to, there's no reason not to let them. I'd probably have a backup in case of issues. When I was really little I shared with my brother (he was less than a year younger than me) and later with my sister. Some nights my sister would drive me crazy and one of us would sleep on the couch.

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B.P.

answers from Cleveland on

i ALWAYS say seperate beds, they can share a room but get seperate twin beds for them this way if they get sick of each other and want their own space they have it, if they want to sleep in the others bed they can (until school starts) but i wouldnt have them share beds it has trouble written ALL OVER IT, especially the whole, SHES BREATHING MY AIR, MOOOOOMMMM she is looking at me, MOOOMMM she is touching me, MOOMMM she isnt sharing blankets, shes on MY side of the bed. and so on.

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M.O.

answers from New York on

I don't see why not. If separate beds would be "forcing," then why force them apart? They're tiny, and they have a sweet, natural human instinct to snuggle.

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A.L.

answers from Chicago on

It really depends but that close in age, you are going to have a lot of battles as mentioned below, but for instance my girls are awful in bed and we don't even let them sleep with us. They kick, toss, and turn and they would probably bruise each other. Both of them are awful like that.

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T.K.

answers from Dallas on

Mine have seperate beds in seperate rooms, but still choose to sleep together.

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

If they want to share,. let them, but don't force them to if they don't want to.

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D.H.

answers from Canton on

I would consider bunk beds with the large mattress on bottom. That way they can sleep together when they want to, but if it doesn't work out, or if one kid gets sick, they can sleep apart. How many beds do you want to buy in the long run? They're best friends now, but that won't always be the case. Keep that in mind. If they really want to share a bed and you get them separate beds, what's going to keep them from sharing after you tuck them in? I would do bunk beds.

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K.N.

answers from Cleveland on

My boys shared (against my will). They had their own rooms, and own beds (they are 16 months apart) but once they were both in big beds they ended up getting up and crawling into bed together. After awhile I gave up and turned the other bedroom into a toy room and stopped moving them when I found them sharing a bed, but I did always tuck them into their own beds at night. At 13 and 11 they still share a room with no complaints about it.

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L.E.

answers from Muncie on

How about a trundle bed? My daughter has one and this is perfect for sleepovers(her brother has his own room) but they sometimes want to "camp" out in her room.

The way you have phrased the question it seems like your mind is already made up! If you put them in the same bed you are asking for both children to be sick more often, they will get less sleep, etc.

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