Positive Parenting Help

I think the first thing you need to do is educate yourself on normal child development. Your son is a normal 2 1/2 year old boy. I think your expectations of him are just too high. I really hope you were not spanking him in the past for these types of behaviors. I think the best thing to do is model positive behaviors and encourage him to repeat those acts. When you tell him you are going to give away his toys it just makes him anxious and ashamed for wanting to be with you. He sounds bored. I know its hard with 2 kids especially in the winter but I think you need to get him out more (not sure if you are a SAHM or not). The best way to "dicipline" is redirect him, ignore him, and lots of love. Only "punish" him if he is hurting himself or others or disrepecting his family, friends, or home. I make my son (22 months) stand in the corner for 1 minute when he does things like continue to kick me when I am changing him. He thinks its a game to kick and he hates to stand in the corner. But it works. If they are acting out because they are tired, I think its best to ignore the behavior or try to make them comfortable if you can't put them to sleep right away. I think much better than spanking. Good luck!

Caityn,
He kind of sounds like a normal 2.5 year old. He doesnt play alone in a room because maybe he doesnt like to be alone. What I did with toys is I let them choose one or two things to play with, when finished put it away if you want to take something else. Dont give him loads of toys. Its overwhelming for children to clean it all. If he does not finish his plate of food, then give him less. I really never cared if my children stayed in there pjs, but start making a game on getting dressed if thats what you want him to do or No playing until your dressed you can make it fun.All your issues can be done without a struggle. You need to pick your battles. He is 2.5 years old, waiting is not his list and neither is sharing. You can sit with him and show him what sharing means. Play with some thing he loves and when he wants it, ask him to say please and share the toy. He will catch on, its just all a phase at this point. I have had 5 children, I have never spanked them. Find him doing something good and praise him. They just love good attention! Find patients with him and find your funny bone!

Good question, C.. :) I think we all can use some extra ideas. I have over 3 years of child care center work experience, and a 3-year-old and 17-month-old boys, so it has been interesting working to not say something I won't follow-through on, but also being firm. My son is quasi-independent, so I give him choices like, "take off your pajamas on the count of three or I will take your pajamas off for you." I keep the tone light, he thinks the counting part is a game, and if I start to lift his PJ top off, he giggles and says, "No, me!" and does it himself. I have started telling him that he needs to do something and if he resists, I tell him he can have a time-out and then do it anyway, or just help me get it done. Counting and singing while cleaning up helps a bit.

I will give toys a break if they are a problem. I told him yesterday that we had to pick up before we vacuumed (he loves to vacuum), or the vacuum would eat the toys and we couldn't play with them. There is no reason that tasks that must be done have to seem like a chore to him. There is that goofy "whistle while you work" song that I think we parents could learn from. He has no reason to pick up his toys or put on clothes, so you have the added responsibility of making it interesting while teaching him that he needs to mind what you tell him. You also will want to keep any directions very simple and easy for his age. They are easily distracted and overwhelmed, so instead of "pick up your toys" try "Let's put all the books on this shelf." Make it a speed game or count how many you can pick up. "Find your cars and put them in the basket. There's a car under the chair!" It is a lot more work for parents to teach children to help than it is to do it ourselves, but it is much happier in the end. Engaging him with his little sister will also help him feel important, and try to get out and do things one-on-one, even if it is a weekend mom-and-son McDonald's run for a happy meal, or grocery shopping without the baby. Good luck!

There are so many ways to discipline - and each child is different. Hang in there. I found the Love and Logic books to be incredibily helpful. Focus on rewarding good behavior more than punishing the bad. Really listen/tune in to what your kids need - the root cause. Maybe you son is going through a tough time adjusting to the baby (mine are 16 mos apart and only 2 and 3 now) - it's a tough time... Maybe he needs more attention from you then he'll be able to play alone. For example, when the baby is sleeping find a special toy/activity you and he can do together for a little while. Explain this is his mommy time and then he can look forward to this time with you, and then when you need him to be playing alone - he will be more comfortable doing it. Some of it may also be his age - good times! Find the most important things you need him to do - and encourage and reward the times he does them right. He'll be more likely to do them again. Sometimes there need to be consequences. Time-outs can be effective IF you use them sparingly and for very specific things - no hitting, yelling, or not listening. The Supernanny website has good step by step instructions for how to use/do those so they work well. Good luck!

I am not trying to sound harsh because I know you only want positive responses, but you are expecting WAY too much out of a 2.5 year old. At this age your son has no concept of sharing. That won't happen until closer to 5 years old. He also has very little concept of waiting. Its not that he is trying to be difficult, his little brain is not developed enough to understand these concepts. You really need to get some books on toddler development. The library has shelves upon shelves of books that will help you understand what your toddler is capable of understanding, and what is simply too much for his little brain to understand. Why do you want him to play by himself all the time? Why can't he play with his sister or you? No 2 year old wants to sit by himself alone in a room, no matter how many toys are in that room. He wants to be where you are, why can't he? Toddlers crave our attention, give him more! You might see less whining if he felt like he got more attention from you. Thats why he wants to be held so much, he is crying out for attention. YOUR attention.

Please go get some books. I suggest The Happiest Toddler On The Block. I think you have a normal 2 year old. I think you are expecting too much out of him, and I think he needs more attention from mommy. Good luck to you!

Okay. I read the other responses and agree that you might be expecting to much of him but I will also share some helpful hints with you...

-Clean up his room and put the bulk of his toys up on closet shelf. Rotate taking down toys every so often so he will be more interested in them and have more space to actually play.
*This has worked for my kids. If their room is a mess and they have toys EVERYWHERE, its like they cant decide what to do. So provide lots of free space and rotate toys! This will help with the easy clean up too!
*This is normal. Lots of kids wont play alone...its always more fun playing with someone and we all know it!

-Only start with small amounts of food on his plate. He can always have more, if need be.
*This is a normal behavior, lots of kids wont eat a lot!

-Dress him yourself and make it fun! Use this time to talk about whats going to be going on during the day.
*Also normal. I would love to stay in Pj's all day AND sometimes I plan special days just like that...we call them "mellow days". Try allowing him to stay in them on the rare day you don't have anything going on.

-When you see he is not sharing...mis-direction has worked for us. Just start playing with a different toy and pretty soon he will want that and drop the other toy and then the other child can have it.
*VERY NORMAL behavior...sharing is a learned behavior and he is still ity-bity!

-While waiting count to fill the time. If its just gonna be a minute count for him...tell him "lets see how long daddy takes in the store" or we have to wait, its not your turn. What are you gonna do first when it is your turn to play with that car? You could drive it up the fireplace?... You get the idea, just try talking and filling the space or Sing songs, play "eye-spy" or something
*Normal behavior. Patience is difficult, even for some adults:)

As far as the wanting to be held and whining is concerned...its hard, this is the part where I say being the Mommy isn't always easy:) Love on him as much as you can and tell him he is getting too big to be carried but he can sit on your lap, or give him piggy-back rides? What I do for the whining is: Point it out when he does it so he knows what you are talking about and just tell him you cant understand what he is saying...please talk regular!

Hope some of this helps!

sounds like he needs positive reinforcement. not taking away things but being offered something good in return.

I liked suggestions I found in "1-2-3 Magic" by Phelan. Very much.

I have tried very hard to do without spanking. One strategy (for myself) is to pick up my boy's hand, in mine, and actually slap my hand. My boy will always cry (as if he was spanked or slapped) but I'm the one that feels better (!?!! LOL).

Don't forget your motherly instincts. He probably is old enough to do _some_ of the things you ask of him.

Good luck!

Please pick up a copy of "parenting without distress."

He doesnt need consequnces for the mentioned behaviors, he's a normal 2 1/2 yr old. Sounds like he is craving attention from mommy. By you saying you are going to give away his toys is being unrealistic & overly dramatic. Don't make empty threats either, this is huge especially in later years. Kids also play better when there isnt thousands of toys all over the place, its best if they have a few to choose from. Pick your battles too, I think it's cute when I see moms at the grocery store with kids that obviously dressed themselves or are still in their PJ's. I dont mean anything disrespectful however I think you need to concentrate on learning to parent your toddler rather than giving him consequences, for now. BTW I have a 2 1/2 yr old, 4 yr old, 5 1/2 yr old & 19 yr old