Out of Control Children

I like the Love and Logic parenting book, it really helped me to stop yelling and remember it was the kids' problem, not mine, so I didn't have to get worked up when it was time for them to receive a consequence for their actions. It is a good book and pretty easy to read through quickly.

.

123 Magic worked wonders for us. Helps you get control without the yelling and screaming.

Be consistent with discipline. Don't back down or take away a punishment. It takes approx. 3 weeks of consistancy to change a behavior. I had my dauhter start to act out more and I made sure to discpline more than usual. And it did work . I also have at times used rewards, charts, etc. We do one for eating, chores. They respond well and you can make the reward be whatever you like, a trip to a fun place, a sweet treat, a toy, or some one on one mommy time. Some people do not like to reward, because they feel it is bribery, but each child is different. I also agree with the supernanny show. it does have good advice. Good luck to you!

Have you looked at sugar addiction? My son's out of control behavior completely stopped when we eliminated sugar. Here's the article that changed everything for me:
http://www.enotalone.com/article/4350.html

One of my favorite child rearing experts is a man named James Jones (author of Let's Fix the Kids, which is an excellent book, by the way). One of his pointers is to take action after the very first request or demand if you want compliance after one request. The longer you wait to take action when they are ignoring you, the angrier you are going to get. And the more often this happens, the more they will ignore your anger as well as your requests. Instead of losing your temper, start applying whatever consequences you use in your home immediately after the first failure to comply. Otherwise you are training them not to take you seriously. If you learn to act immediately (which doesn't require acting in anger), then you are training them to recognize that a choice to ignore mom leads to something unpleasant for them. It can be hard to do this consistently, especially when you are tired and not far from having a baby, but consistency pays off. Your boys are also young enough still where it shouldn't take long for you to retrain them. Good luck and don't give up!

Before the baby comes, I hope you'll get your hands on a copy of the best parenting book I've ever used, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. The book spills over with real-life examples of how parents helped their children identify problems and solve them themselves. Kids are more invested in solutions they think of themselves, and are more likely to work at making them a success.

The book presents parenting skills in achievable bits, one chapter at a time. It's well-organized, practical, and amazingly effective.

And the same authors have another book that may also be helpful to you called Siblings Without Rivalry. I've gotten some glowing reports on that one from families with multiple children.

Good wishes, and congratulations on the coming baby.

Train them with consistent, immediate responses.

My daughter was told about a way to discipline that simplified it for her and which works for misbehavior. The child that is acting out is not pleasant to have around and so they immediately go to their room. She uses this with nearly all misbehavior.

At first she had to take them to their room and stay outside the open door to be sure they stayed but gradually they learned that they would just have to stay longer by trying to leave. They could play in their room, listen to music, watch a short video, whatever they wanted to do that wasn't destructive. When they were ready to say sorry, they could come out and tell you sorry. Then have a brief conversation with them about why they were sent to the room and how you expect them to behave. Then a hug and they're on their way.

This works best when they're sent to their room immediately before you've succumbed to yelling. You decide when and if you give warnings. If you're warning them then say something to let them know that if they continue they'll be going to their room. Explain the process to them in terms they'll understand.

With two kids you do have to send them to different rooms. One of my grandkids went to the spare room/office/play room and the other to their bedroom.

I, too, have an extreme amount of patience and learned with my daughter, now grown and a parent, that my patience was not so helpful because when the patience runs out frustration sets in. I thought that if I parented with patience that my child would be reasonable to do as I said. Wrong! Children are born needing to test boundaries. It's not that they're out of control so much as we're not enforcing boundaries. We need to know the boundary and enforce it before we've lost our patience. Consistent and immediate are the words to remember.

Forget any child development theories that lead to the conclusion "because it normally occurs, it should be allowed" This is where the child development experts have really done a number on people. Sometimes being too patient is the worst thing you can be. You don't want to blow your top out of anger, but you do want to handle seriously wrong things immediately and effectively so habits don't form, not be "patient" about them. I have never been angry or yelled at my kids, but I have also never allowed bad behavior to escalate.

Take back your zen calm by firming up. You only want what's best for your kids, and that is for them to be respectful happy kids. They will terrorize instead if allowed. It's "developmentally normal".

Get the book "Back to Basics Discipline" by Janet Campbell Matson. I have 3 kids under 5 who are awesome and happy and I can take them anywhere. I was very firm with them, and now I always hear, "You're so lucky, your kids never even need discipline". True. But they weren't born that way. You CAN see vast improvement well before October if you take charge effectively. Momofmany is right.

Wow, I can completely understand. When I had my 3rd (who is now 5) my others were 3 and 5! What I recommend is not anything you don't already know but may help you. It is going to take a lot of one on one discussion with each alone at their level. Talking with them each night before bed about good behavior, as they are eating breakfast....basically throughout the days events. Sometimes it helped my kids to actually make it a game and say, if this happens, what would be your best choice? Then letting them answer. It depends on their attention of course, but role playing with them about certain events can help them to think about their actions. Making sure to pull them aside as soon as they are disrespectful, not letting it slide. Boundaries may have to be reestablished. As kids grow up sometimes the boundaries we set for them need to be changed. I also had to do something similar. I've found that when I do blow up and yell that they may initially respond how I'd like, but it doesn't stick. It only tends to get a quick-fix response. A quieter tone, although hard for me, with firmness and a consequence is best. Kids at 3 know what a consequence is and if addressed each time they will learn. It will be a rough road as they are kids and will rebel and push your limits. However, if you and your husband both work together it can be done! Also, if there are any older boys that they look up to, who can model what it is like to be respectful young men that is huge to little ones. I know it has been for my boy. Hope this helps and blessings to you on your new one coming in Oct!

The book, 1,2,3 Magic, was wonderful. No yelling. The basic theme is that in a normal voice you tell them what to do. If they don't do it by the time you count to 3 there is a consequence. Simple. You just have to do it ALL the time. Good luck and congrats on your new baby!

the yelling and screaming method does not work as you are seeing. Only consistency works. Watch Supernanny, how she gets down to child's level and talks to them calmly like an adult. Dont get trapped into over explaining everything they are not teens or young adults who think logically. This is the rule you broke and this is the consequences.

if you read, get this book by Dr. Leeman.

How to make your children MIND without loosing YOURS.

Stop yelling -- that gets you no where. Institute an immediate time out for bad behavior.
If you ask them to do something, make them repeat the request. I used to say, "In 5 min. (or when your show is over) I'm going to need you do ____." Then, when the time elapsed, I'd remind them that I needed them to do the chore or whatever.
Sit down with them and make some house rules -- have them tell you what they should be and what the consequences are for not following the rules. Post them in the kitchen or family room.
Be firm. Be consistent.
It will get worse before it gets better, but you are strong... you will make them do.
YMMV
LBC

After you give birth... Drink, drink every night! JK!!! I feel your pain. I have 5 boys, 1 girl and the fighting is maddening here!