Opinions on Week to Week Custody Schedule.

My husband’s ex would not consider any changes in the schedule either, unless it suited her, and even then, if she had plans, she often shipped the kids off to her sister rather than letting them be with their father and me. I know a big issue was her fearing they would want to live with us, and that would hurt her ego as well as her child support income. So we learned that there’s not much you can do if there is opposition; at the time (maybe not now), the courts also saw that people who couldn’t agree should have the joint custody reversed since “it wasn’t working.” So that would have been worse. I also know that I had to completely stay out of things – any suggestion that remotely sounded like it came from me just set her off. I don’t know if any of this is at play in your situation.

I agree with JB that you aren’t really getting more time –just fewer transitions. Not that it’s a bad thing to minimize the disruption, mind you. Also, it may be that he is saying he wants more time with his father (because he truly feels that all the time, or at the moment…or because he feels he’s supposed to say that) and therefore he may be saying the same thing to her (either because he feels it, or because he thinks she needs to hear it). Kids try to keep all their parents happy. She may be refusing you because she’s insecure or a big pain, or because she is standing up for him (or thinks she is).

What you might start with is some subtle adjustments to the existing schedule – keep him longer once, but return him earlier the next time. Over time, it may show her that you aren’t a threat to her or her time with her son, but just willing to be flexible based on events, whether he’s sick and under the weather, or whether her family has visitors (or yours). Yes, that means facing rejection from her, but if her ego is fragile here, you might build it up over time. Tween and teen boys often are more drawn to their fathers, and he may want to come more (and stay more) the older he gets. That may be threatening to her. At some point, the court will listen to the kid, but if he’s torn now, it won’t go your way and it will just cost money and create animosity.

Good luck – I know it’s hard.

In my experience talking to other families with shared custody, the week on, week off schedule is too long for most kids. Courts here like to see shorter schedules like the one that you have.

It doesn't sound like the schedule will give your step-son "more time" with you and his dad as it looks like he spends around 7 out of every 14 days with each parent already, it just rearranges the time. So not sure that rearranging things would even reach his goal.

If he really wants to move to a simpler schedule, which is totally understandable, how about something where he does primarily Sunday - Saturday (or however it makes sense to start and end the week) at one house but does, say, Wednesday night at the other house? So Sun, Mon, Tues night with mom, Wednesday night with dad, Thursday, Friday and Saturday night with mom, then reverse. That way the bulk of his stuff happens out of one house for the week but he doesn't go longer than 3 days between seeing either parent.

Hire a custody mediator and start the process of filing a modification of custody. Obviously you guys would carry the burden of the initial cost of mediation, but if the ex continues to refuse, you may have grounds to seek some compensation for either the court fees or the mediator fees since you really aren't asking for more "time" but just a restructuring of the arrangement.

I can totally see why one week on/one week off would be more beneficial for all parties involved - especially since it reduces transitions for the child and it allows the parents to make better plans for vacations and such with less hassle. If you didn't already do this, also ask to have "first right of refusal" added to the custody agreement.

Good luck!

I don't have experience with that but your schedule sounds very confusing. I would think that a week to week would be more stable for everyone. You will have to take her to court I am sure to get them to change it. If it is to be changed. I understand her not wanting to be away from her child for that long but I would think it would be more stability but that's my opinion. Good luck!

Add: When I say week to week I mean one week with mom then one with dad.

your reasoning is sound, but the mother has rights too. if she's opposed to it, it's probably not a hill to die on.

what works for other families doesn't really apply to you. it might be great for some kids. but if it causes tension and acrimony between your husband and his ex, is it worth it?

if you really want to push it, your stepson is probably old enough to have his wishes considered by a judge. but the blowback from the mom may be more trouble and drama than it's worth.
khairete
S.

50/50 custody can be beneficial for many reasons as you stated above, especially compared to the strange schedule you have now. My niece and my nephews do one week with each and it works very well. Consider filing for a change of visitation after consulting a lawyer.