Nursing Envy?

That's a personal choice and I'm a new mom, so I can't really give my own advice or experience. I have a girlfriend who was in a similar situation and she chose to ween her son and she's also due w/ another child. He was at the age too where he was actually begging her to breastfeed him, probably for comfort so they knew it was time. They started by weening off night feedings, letting him spend the night at his grandparents for three days. You may also want to try a nearby support group if you can't find the answers here. I went to my first support group today and found it helpful. I heard one story today where the mother put bandaids on each breast and told the child that her milk machine was broken. I'm sure in time they find another way to comfort and would probably forget. Again, I'm not sure that I could help you, but I just joined Mama Source tonight after hearing about it at the support group at my hospital and your dilema sounded like some I've heard. So you're not alone if that helps too.

As for you only being able to nurse one breast, they covered that in my support group too. Some women choose only to nurse one side and let the other dry up. Honestly, my right isn't making as much as my left due to a car accident injury a few years back. But I'm not ready to give up as I really want to nurse. I'm trying to increase my milk supply in both breasts.

If you're interested, the support group I went to seemed really helpful and it's called Mom and Me. It's in Westlake on Center Ridge behind St. John Westshore. I may go to the breastfeeding group on Wednesday's, but I attended todays group which seems to cover all. It's from 1-3pm, atleast the Thursday group. If you need more info, feel free to contact me. Everyone was really nice and it felt good to be around others that understood and either are or were where I am and also to learn more about what I might expect down the road. Congrats on becoming a mom again!

you are going to have envy no matter what you do!

in my opinion, and from what i've witnessed, the older child doesn't get more envious, but instead shares a special bond with the new baby! letting your older child know what to expect NOW will help. at first your older child might say "no share num num" but keep explaining in a positive manner what is about to happen. if you wean now, be careful not to reference the new baby while you are weaning, because that Can have a lasting impact on how he views the new baby taking his place... and taking his nummy's!!

maybe next time he nurses try saying "do you love your num num's? (or what ever he calls them:) "num nums help you to grow Big and Strong and they help you feel better when you are sick or hurt don't they? when the new baby comes we are going to help him grow big and strong too so that he can play with you! your new little brother will need your help learning how to nurse! and when he cries you can help me remember to nurse him so that he feels better, just like they help you feel better! you and your new brother can take turns sharing mommy milk"

you might need to do this several times to get him to remember it (maybe once a week, then closer to the birth, once a day!) and also there will still be times when there will be struggles (he is a toddler after all!!!) but that doesn't mean that he envy's the new baby, just try to continue to make mommy and big boy time special when daddy is around to take care of little brother

tandem nursing is the term used when nursing an older child, and a younger one at the same time. there is a book called adventures in tandem nursing. and you can google tandem nursing to find out more info.

good luck
M.
mom to 3 , tandem nursed the last 2

Hi S.,
I have been exactly where you are. In my opinion I would start taking him off of the nursing now for both of their sakes because he will get jealous and may become resentfull. Also, it will be difficult producing enough milk for a newborn who is hungry avery two to three hours and a toddler.
When my youngest son started weaning he went to only wanting to nurse at bed time, and I got the feeling that I was more or less continuing to nurse because I did not wanted to lose that one-on-one cuddle time with him. So one night I jut put him to bed with a cup of milk (I did nock the chill off) I did read him a story or two and sang him a song but he went to bed just fine.It took a few weeks of this to finally get him weaned, he nursed about 10 times after that. Within two months I had my third and nursing one is so much easier than nursing two of differerant ages. I hope you do well and I hope you are happy with whatever choice.

I'm a few months ahead of you in the same path I think. I have a 3.5 yr old and a 6mo old, and my 1st born is a very snuggly kid. He was still nursing when I got pregnant but mostly weaned in my 2nd trimester (I think he was picking up on my tensing up - it hurt a bit around then). I did "don't offer, don't refuse" with him and he stopped asking around Christmas time for the most part, tho he asked a few more times here and there through the rest of the pregnancy (maybe once every couple weeks) and has nursed a few times since the baby came. If anything, it makes it LESS stressful to me when my older child nurses with his brother - denying him when he asks to nurse is when he's more likely to be resentful to his brother ("put baby BACK in your tummy Mama!"), and nursing one on each side means that the older one is actually sitting still for a few minutes (a rarity with my high-energy firstborn). I did make him always give the baby "first dibs" on nursing, explaining to him that baby can't eat anything else but people with teeth can eat all sorts of things (and Daddy was around to offer him some other food item until baby finished his meal at least on the first side so big bro could have some of the leftovers).

One thing, the firstborn is going to seem ENORMOUS next to the newborn. My first was still very much my baby through my pregnancy, the snuggliness really fostering this I think. After the baby came, I felt sometimes like I was wearing a kid blanket when both of them were snuggled up to me (nursing or not) and boy was that not a welcome experience in the heat and humidity of July (baby was born at the very end of June)!

I highly recommend reading "Siblings Without Rivalry" - the libraries should have it but check Half Price Books, it's one worth having on the bookshelf at home to reference back to. I've had to train my mom-in-law (who lives with us, we own and completely owner-occupy a double) NOT to say to the firstborn that he can't do something BECAUSE he's a big boy/brother now - that phrase, without fail, has brought on a bout of resentment toward the baby. Focus on the things your older child CAN do because he's bigger/older, not the things he CAN'T do anymore, and accept that more than likely he's going to regress a bit when the baby comes - baby behavior is what gets your attention, so that's what he's going to do when he wants your attention. Watching how and how much you reward/reinforce that behavior, in my experience and observations of other families, is the best way to find the balance where it's cute instead of obnoxious.

I've heard interpretations of Heaven and Hell being that Heaven is closer to God and Hell is further from god/the absence of God's presence. With young children, Mama is God(dess), and closer to you=heaven, separation from you=hell. Try to take your son's perspective on things and treat his life experiences with compassion that he may grow to be a compassionate person himself.

Hi,
I have no medical background, but have nursed 3 children. I had all 3 of mine within 3 1/2 years so I didn't nurse as long as you, but I would highly recommend that you begin to wean him asap from the remaining feedings. Try to relate the weaning to him being a big boy and go strictly to hugs, holding and close time reading books. That way you're not building jealousy or resentment by telling him that he needs to stop nursing because there is another baby coming. At separate times then it would be good to talk to him about the baby and encourage in the big brother role. Begin to give him little things that he can do to help and encourage his time with Daddy any time possible. He is coming up to the age where he will become very interested in time with and being like Dad. This will help him with the big brother thing and "things that he can do that the baby can't.
2 possibilities on the right side are most likely that you're milk dried up or you have a blocked duct. If warm wet compresses and showers don't bring milk. It's likely that side is just done. Normally most women require a minimum of 2-3 feedings in a 24 hour period in order to keep production.

Hope this helps.
M.

When I got pregnant with my son last January I was still nursing my 12 month old daughter. My plan was to just continue nursing even when the baby was here. By the time I was 12 weeks pregnant my nipples got really sore so I decided to stop. She was also nursing once or twice a day. Mostly nap and bedtime. I took away the nap time nurse first. I just told her that she didn't need it and she could still snuggle with mommy. It took a few days before I took bedtime and after about a week she didn't really seem to care. She still got to snuggle with mommy so I don't think it bothered her. If you want to keep nursing, your son may take a few weeks to adjust to sharing but as long as you make sure to give him his time too then that won't last. If you decide to stop nursing, he may not even remember he did by the time your little one comes. My daughter doesn't remember nursing. She has however asked for it a few times. I let her try but she kinda touched me with her lips and then was done. Either way you choose I'm sure you can make it work. Congrats on the new baby.....good luck.
T.

Hi,
Great job on continuing to nurse past a year! Many of my friends have nursed through and beyond their pregnancies and then went on to tandem nurse. Never did it ever create any tension or jealousy between their toddler and new baby. If anything many of them have mentioned to me that it taught their toddler to share and that their toddler actually enjoyed either sharing mommy with baby or willingly passed on their nursies to the new baby. Either way I'm sure it will all work out no matter if you decide to wean when the baby arrives or if you decide to tandem nurse. I think it sounds like he still needs a mommy and Oliver moment every now and then and that it's great if you want to continue to nurse him.

Hi there, my name is A. and I have a 3 year old and a 9 month old and nursed both of them. In my opinion, I'd start cutting back to one feeding for the next couple of weeks after 2wks .or so then start to just giving him a special blanket or toy during that night feeding I'd give him a sippy with milk and just cuddle with him and the blanket and let it be your story time to get him ready for bed. Just a suggestion. it's easier to cut the morning session than evening. Take care and good luck.

I don't have the time today to read all the other responses - sounds like you need to get the book The Womanly Art to Breastfeeding. One side hurting is normal - well, maybe not NORMAL but happens - it was probably an infection and NURSING actually HELPS it!

Your almost 2 year old - needs to be encouraged that he is growing up and can drink other ways. He knows it - he needs to know everyone around him likes that he is getting to be a BIG boy and doesn't need "mommy's milk" anymore. Start letting him know that he can be a big helper with the baby. If he knows he is getting more responsibilities, and that the baby is going to take a lot of work (just like HE did when he was born) he will start to understand.

I think a lot of people don't give their children (no matter what their age) enough credit. Children are VERY smart and know more than we think they do - for the most part. We have explained a LOT to our 3 and everyone says they are SO smart (I give credit to explaining things so they aren't in the dark).

I hope this helps many who read it. If you have ANY questions, just ask - I love trying to help others.

Be Blessed

I haven't been through this, but I do know some people who have been. A lot of times babies will wean themselves at the end of the pregnancy (when you start having colostrum again). You could either wait for that or slowly wean him yourself. You could cut him back to just at nighttime, which even when the baby is born wouldn't be as exhausting as nursing him two or three times a day. I know a friend who got her son cut down to 1 time a day and ended up basically having to subsitute it with a cup of milk instead whenever he asked. This might help you too. Good luck, and it is so awesome that you have nursed your baby for so long! I am at 8 months and hope to do the same as you.

Hi S.. I feel your pain--I just stopped nursing my 16-month-old. He was ready and I was ready, but It's always hard anyway! My suggestion, if you want to continue nursing your son, is to purchase a baby doll and spend a few minutes each day "nursing" the doll in front of Oliver. Explain to him in the best way you can that mommy is sharing her milk. When the baby comes he (hopefully)should be used to it and if by any chance he would develop violent jealous behavior, you would find out about it while still "nursing" the doll instead of your newborn. Best wishes and God bless!

I think that if you tell the child why you are nursing and that this is what mommies do and some how involve the child he will be just find with you nursing and not be jealous. Of course, it is normal for children to be jealous of one another some but how you handle it will be the key factor :)

I think it's fabulous that you have been able to nurse your son as long as you have. I totally understand about them being snuggly. I would definately stop nursing though. Get you son use to not being nursed before the baby. You are going to need your energy for two young children. It will be too hard to stop your nursing with your son once the baby is born. Maybe start giving him a bottle but still hold him and cuddle him at those same times.
Good luck! You sound like a very loving mom!!!
I.