Wean or Not to Wean? That Is the Question...

Here's some links for you with info.:

http://ezinearticles.com/?Can-you-Breastfeed-While-Pregna...
http://www.breastfeed-essentials.com/pregnant.html
http://www.babycentre.co.uk/baby/breastfeeding/breastfeed...
http://books.google.com/books?id=crW6348Iw_wC&pg=PA28...
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=2007102712195...
http://stason.org/TULARC/child-parent/breastfeeding-toddl...
http://www.breastfeeding.com/helpme/helpme_tips_weaning3....

Good luck with whatever you decide... I know it's not easy.

I wouldn't worry about weaning the older one. I have plenty of friends that are breastfeeding more than one child at a time. I would warn you against trying to make him the "big boy" who doesn't need the breast, because he really isn't and simply may not be ready to wean, you know? Tandem nursing is good for you anyway, it will make your fertility take even longer to come back. :)

Dear K.:

My children are 18 months apart and I reasoned it out the way you said. I did not want to fling my daughter aside and make her think that I was all about the new baby. Besides, it didn't make sense to experience all the bonding and nurturing and attachment parenting stuff and then suddenly deny a child something that they need. It seemed brutal and to this day, I'm glad I chose what I did.

I was in the same position you're in...needing to make a decision right away. I chose the gentle option. I continued to nurse during my pregancy and tandem nursed which was easier and cuter than you can imagine. At that point, I could have slowly begun the weaning process for the older child but then I chose to completely back off and let the children decide.

In my case, the children nursed longer than most people are comfortable with but by then I could see that the benefits outweighed the deficits (for our family, that is).

Weaning takes time and your child, being a boy, will take a bit longer. It's probably best if you wait until after the delivery to begin to wean him.

Best wishes,

M.

There are 18 mos 2 days between my oldest two children. I nursed my oldest until he was 17 months old. He self-weaned because he didn't like getting kicked by his brother :-) After my son was born he tried nursing once and was completely done. I still snuggled with him and had him help with the baby and it worked out great.

If you don't make a big deal out of it he'll probably just stop on his own, but if you make a big deal out of weaning it will make him want it more. If he still wants to nurse when you have the baby then make sure you nurse the baby first and then him second. My sister did this with her kids (16 months apart) and it worked fine. Her daughter just decided that she didn't want to share anymore.

I have heard more than once that if you are breastfeeding while you are pregnant, you are taking some nutrients away from your fetus to feed your baby. I would wean real soon, and a one year old is plenty old enough to wean. You will be so tired when you have a newborn, you will wish you had weaned earlier.

Hi K.,

I am a mother of four children. I did not tandem nurse my children, not because I was against it, it was just the timing didnt work out. I decided to respond to your post because I wanted to share something that my sister experienced with her two oldest children. My sister was nursing her oldest and she discovered that she was pregnant with her second. Her son, Jason, was around 16 months when she learned she was pregnant with #2. She quickly weaned him because she felt like she would deprive her newest baby of nutrients and such. Well, months later when his baby sister was born, he would stand and scream whole time when she was nursing (he didnt have much language to explain his feelings or needs)...it took my sister a while to figure out why he was crying and stuff. Once she figured out if she just nursed him for a few minutes, then she could have peace and quiet to nurse the new baby. So, even though she didnt intend to tandem nurse, she ended up doing so. For her and her situation, it worked our just fine. I think it made her oldest not feel so sad and left out. The thing I find interesting about the whole thing is that he remembered exactly how to do it after months of not nursing...I guess he was old enough to remember once she weaned him.

Now, the other thing to think about is that you still have a number of months to wean your oldest before the new arrival. if you were to wean him now, he is young enough that he probably will not remember that he nursed...he might even have issues with remembering how to do it. So, at this point, it is up to you. I believe that you need to decide if you want to tandem nurse or not. And how important is it to you to have that chance to tandem nurse with your oldest. I think it is great that you are considering this option (even though I never tandem nursed..it never occured to me 22 years ago when I had my second child and my other children were too far apart to do so. But, I read a comment by another mom that posted and it sounds like a neat idea for the siblings.

If you consider tandem nursing, i would contact a lactation professional and ask them about making sure that your newest addition get proper nutrition. Maybe you could just nurse your older one just once or twice per day...obviously they do not need as much breastmilk as a newborn would need...I might not allow the oldest to nurse during the first few weeks..though...only because I remember how tender my breasts were at that time...while the newborn is learning how to latch on. Well, best of luck with your newest addition!
T.

I am in a similar situation although I am not as far along (only 11 weeks) and my son is older. He turns 2 today and I thought I'd have him weaned by now for sure! Now that the BIG day is here and I'm getting further along in my pregnancy, I'm realizing that he and I are both not completely ready yet. He is nursing less and less and I have stopped offering it for the most part. I liked the advice about distracting him unitl he asks for it again. That seems to work for us, too. I'm sort of hoping my son will eventually wean himself but I guess I better read up on tandem nursing as well! ;) I guess I don't have any real advice for you except just do what feels right for you and your baby (babies)! Good luck to you.

Read the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by Le Leache League International. They have excellent advice and info to help you decide about tandam nursing, weaning, discipline, diets... Great job breast feeding, THE BEST thing for your child!!

Your son will most likely wean himself any day now. My babies are 15 months apart and when I was 24 weeks pregnant and he was almost a year old, he just stopped one day. I think the taste changes when you are pregnant. We were down to just mornings and evenings at that time. I tried for a few more days but he was having none of it.

Now, he occasionally will walk up to me when I'm feeding his sister and point and say "booboo," but that is as much interest as he has. Good luck!

the beauty of breastmilk is that our bodies transition to benefit the more needy child-your newborn. one of my friends tandem nursed for a couple of months. I agree with u with not wanting to wean him and then have the potential of him resenting the new baby. after the couple of months my friend explained to her older son that he had a lot of time with mommy's milk and now it was the baby's turn. it was something he could give as a big brother. he was willing to agree to that.

I also suggest googling benefits of tandem nursing. our bodies were made to work that way, so unless there's any medical reason, and it works for you, go for it.

My experience was very close to yours. My son was still nursing until I was 8 months pregnant. He weaned himself. Seems the colustrom (sp?) you produce for the new baby tastes different, and the older children don't like it as much. I was willing to tandem nurse, but didn't have to. Although I was sad to stop nursing my older son, I think it was for the best (in retrospect). Good luck.

I personally, would want to make sure my newborn got the proper amount of colostrum he/she needs. I am not an expert on this, but I would check with my OB to make sure the new baby won't do without. I understand how difficult it can be weaning a baby, however now you have a new one to consider! I have 3 children & I couldn't imagine BF two at the same time! I'm sure women do, but the special one-on-one time with each of my babies was so important & an incredible bonding experience. Good luck!

You sound like an amazing mom. Congrats on your healthy 1yo and your second on the way. I'm sure that you can handle either scenario (tandem nursing or solo), but I understand your reservations. I had similar reservations, and chose to only nurse one child at a time. My first and second child were 23 mo apart, and my 2nd and 3rd were 18 mo apart. Weaning my first child was the most challenging, since I similarly had expected to wean by her first birthday. She really was not ready by her first birthday, and would use her sign language for milk frequently. By 14 mo though, she had arrived where it sounds like your baby is (only nursing to go to sleep or for needing extreme comfort). By then, I was pregnant with my second, and I really was ready to wean. BTW, I had stopped offering the breast by this point, only responding to her requests. At 14+ mo, I started watching Baby Einstein videos with her during the typical nursing times with her snuggled on my lap, hoping that it would distract her sufficiently and provide the closeness she needed. She really enjoyed them, and I would point out colors, shapes, and animals, which she really responded to. I was so tired with my pregnancy, that I welcomed the down-time with her and the snuggling. Anyway, by the time she was 15 mo old, when she asked to nurse (using her signs), I tried to distract her. If she asked again, I would nurse her. During her 15th mo, she went 3 days being easily distract-able or not asking, so I decided to hold firm and declare our nursing relationship complete. When she asked on the fourth day, I told her that she was getting so big that we didn't do that anymore, and offered her the sippy cup, which she was used to getting water from. She was a little sad, but was receptive to taking cow's milk from a sippy. (She had been taking cow's milk for a month or so from a sippy, so it wasn't a total shock).

I know the age difference between our children is different, but I hope this helps. This process, although significant, was not traumatic for either one of us, but it did take a while. If you hope to have your son weaned before your baby arrived, start now and hopefully you can do it gradually enough that it will feel good to both of you. Congrats for nursing for over a year! It is an amazing gift to your son (and to yourself). If you do decide not not tandem nurse, do not offer mixed signal by giving in to requests from your son. It is very typical for your firstborn to ask for what the baby is getting, or want to be on your lap when you are holding the baby. Gently remind him that you don't do that anymore, and if at all possible, offer him some snuggle time.

Good luck! If you think I can provide any additional support, please let me know!!!

Have you heard of "Adventures in Tandem Nursing"? I haven't read it yet (too many other books I want to read right now and I just don't read fast enough) but I've heard wonderful things about it.

I'm 18 weeks pregnant and still nursing my 18-month-old. I plan on continuing until she's ready to wean and I always encourage everyone to do just that. I really feel that it's best for the older child and doesn't hurt anyone else involved unless you aren't taking enough nutrition for sustaining the pregnancy, yourself and the breastfeeding relationship.

Also, many children end up weaning during pregnancy, some claim that the milk tastes funny. Once the baby is born, some return to nursing and love the taste of the new milk. As for jealousy issues, I think tandem nursing is best if your older child hasn't self-weaned. Both the kids get to share mommy and share the wonderful experience of nursing together.

My daughter was the same age when I was pregnant with my second. I always thought I would have her weaned by then too, but things change. I thought that maybe she would wean herself while I was pregnant and I wasn't sure about tandem nursing either, but well ... now I am a tandem nurser. I saw that my daughter still really needed the comfort of breastfeeding and I didn't want her to resent the baby as well. We have been tandem nursing for 3 months now and everything is going well, in fact, I think it has created an even greater bond between my girls because when they do nurse at the same time my older one holds the baby's hand or strokes her face. It's really very sweet. Another thing that has been a benefit is that I am able to still maintain that bond with my older daughter and not feel as guilty that she isn't getting the attention she used to. Don't get me wrong it is a much bigger burden on you, but for me it has been worth it because I know I am doing what is best for my child. (Personally I had a harder time dealing with nursing during the first trimester) Decide what you think is best for you and your son and don't worry about what other people say. I got plenty of opinions about the fact that my daughter wasn't weaned yet, but I don't let them concern me. Good luck.

I tandem-nursed my second and third children for about two months before "weaning" the toddler, and am grateful that I did! The toddler was then encouraged to be a wonderful BIG sister, who out of her own "big-sisterlyness" decided to give infant brother her nursing time! I have four children (now all in their twenties!), and they all nursed until they were at least 18 months old! It's such a special time for the wee ones (and MOM!), and I found quite early on that it was (especially after the first year) more of a security than a nutrition issue. We had some major moves, not to mention new babies, that were sometimes challenging for the toddlers....nursing was that one thing that they could count on to be there for them!

you have to do whats best for you. Having a new baby will be exuasting and with a 1 year old around, you wont get any rest. weaning your child now is hard, but will be much harder when the other child comes along. The one year old will get jealous, you need to give your child cuddling and book reading special time to let him or her know that they are still very special and you love him or her, but that the baby needs your milk to eat and that they can now have other good foods that the baby cant have yet. Good luck!

I did not think I would want to tandem nurse either, but I ended up doing it and love, loved it! Only for about 5 months, then we had a "no more milk" party for my older son, and the transition was celebrated and went really well!
Good luck! PM me if you want for more details.
Best,
J.

I am in a similar situation. I have a 9 month old and due in Feb. I want to wean her by when her 1st birthday approaches so the I can nurse the second and the first will be ok. My daughter also has to nurse to sleep so I am a bit concerned how to wean her without her being upset.

I assume you want to hear from all sides.. I was nearly 6 mos pregnant when my first weaned. She was 2 years old, so it was a little easier on us since she could talk and understood so much more. Had she been the age of your son, I would have kept nursing and been OK with tandem nursing. Your body will make what it needs - for both kids! However, if you are deadset on not doing that then I would suggest you slowly/gently wean him starting now.. 2-3 months will be plenty of time. You can find some good info/tips on weaning at www.askdrsears.com and www.kellymom.com. Hearing what others would do or did is great, but in the end, you do what works for you and your family.

Congratulations on your pregancy!
M.

My mother helped me...It hurts when your child cryes for the bottle but you just have to stick with it and do the bottle thing less and less until you go all the way..