Now All of Our Children Can Marry the Person That They Love!

Updated on June 29, 2015
L.S. asks from Fremont, CA
25 answers

My son is so happy this morning! This is a huge day for all LGBT folks but as a mom I am especially happy because I know today's ruling is going to really help young people who might be struggling to accept themselves and to find acceptance from others. Love is love. So my question: if you are married, do you recall how you felt when your spouse proposed or when you said your vows? How did that moment change you? I remember that I was very calm as I walked down the aisle and that I absolutely knew this man was the one for me. The feeling I had right after? Calm joy and peaceful happiness. Marriage is hard work of course and when we have our hard times I recall that calm joy and it sustains me. I very much hope that my son finds a man who brings him the same happiness.

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So What Happened?

Thank you all for sharing your stories of joy and for sharing in celebration. It means the world to me.

Osohapi The inspiration and grace of God is amazing and deep. I have learned this on many occasions, including this day. And so I say to you, in case you truly do believe and say that my child, or any other gay person, is a sinner, is a perversion, if this is what you say and believe, I say this to you in all sincerity and love. I FORGIVE YOU. I have learned this grace from my fabulous, loving and generous gay son, who has been bullied and hurt and who has had teachers humiliate him by comparing gay people to rapists and pedophiles , all in the name of religious doctrine and biblical teaching, So you see, God had used my gay son as a way to teach ME to forgive, he has used my son as a way for me to learn how to respond to deeply hurtful behavior with grace and love. Is this not the greatest message Christ has given us? Love one another. God Bless You!

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answers from Williamsport on

My own personal heterosexual marriage was a train wreck. I am so happy to be divorced now. LOL to the people who act like "straight marriage" is so holy and sacred just because it's a man and a woman.

I AM SO HAPPY FOR ALL THE PEOPLE WHO CAN FINALLY TIE THE KNOT!!! It is a disgrace they have ever been discriminated against.

It's about damn time!

I have many married gay friends, and many gay friends who are not married...people are people, love is love, good citizens are good citizens. Anyone contributing to society and paying taxes deserves it's benefits, and it should be a HUMAN right to marry who you choose. Hooray!

Sorry, Patty, it IS marriage now under the law. This is exactly why the law mattered. To force people not to dismiss the legitimacy of these human beings.

13 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I'm happy all the extra money I've been giving the human rights coalition was worth it!!!! I've doubled my usually contribution the last few years so that we could hopefully get to this day.

My hubby proposed to me in the middle of a fight. I told him we needed to work on being friends before we could even think about marriage. A few days later I wrapped my arms around him and just said, marry me. It felt right, and it still feels right. I never felt anything but calmed about it.

10 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

It is long overdue I say. Marriage is a beautiful thing and should be enjoyed by all willing to take the plunge. I am glad people will not be forced to feel lesser because they love the "wrong" ones.

I have to admit, though, I am sad my mothers were not able to marry before my mom passed earlier this year. It would have brought us all great joy to see their marriage legally recognized.

5 moms found this helpful

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answers from Los Angeles on

Saw a great quote on FB today:

"If you're mad because a slavery flag comes down, millions keep their healthcare and free people can marry who they want, we in the 21st century wait to welcome you with open arms."

24 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

I would recommend that everyone read Justice Kennedy's opinion. It is truly a thing of beauty. It actually made me cry in a few places! This is the only right choice for our country and I feel lucky that I got to experience it, even if it is so long overdue. My kids are still a bit removed from any sexuality, but I am so happy that they can marry the PERSON that they choose.

I was just in the area where my husband and I met and dated. I was thinking about this exact thing, what an exciting time that was, how sweet his proposal was, the path that led to our family of four. I remember my wedding day, just being stupid happy. It was awesome. 15 years in just a few days, I can't believe it!!

L., you get a million flowers for your incredibly classy response to Osohapi. I'm not a Christian, so my response wouldn't be nearly that classy. I'll just leave it that last quote of yours carefully. Now pretend you are a gay person reading it. Do you not see the irony?????

17 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

ADD2: Leviticus 19:28 specifically says that we should not tattoo our bodies. Leviticus also mentions mixing fabrics - so if you're wearing a cotton-polyester blend, you're also sinning.

ADD: OOPS - hubby didn't propose, really. We just eased into engagement. I remember feeling excited, nervous at the alter, but "right", if that makes any sense. 17 years later, going strong :)


My hetero mother has been married FIVE times.

Gay male friends have been together for 20 years.

All the gay people I've known (I was in theater since teen years so I've known quite a few), knew they were gay when they were in grade school. Even as children (all had straight parents) they had crushes of the same sex.

Dissenting comments I've heard so far say "lifestyle", which immediately tells me they've never spoken to a (known) gay person in their life and have no idea what they're talking about.

LOL - the US state maps that are on facebook are a hoot. :)

16 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Hi L.,

So glad you posted this! It was a good morning, wasn't it? :) My son's still asleep, but I will be happy to tell him when he wakes up that he's now legally entitled to marry.


Patty K. -- Um, "always will be"? As of today, you are wrong.

Osohapi -- (You don't sound that happy to me) - And that is why many, in fact billions, of people don't adhere to the Bible. Some of us believe it's a bunch of man-made drivel.

16 moms found this helpful


answers from Boca Raton on

happy news!!!! finally!

14 moms found this helpful


answers from Santa Fe on

Hooray! I'm so happy about the ruling! We are moving in a positive direction!

14 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

osohapi, i guarantee you (and the rest of the drek who use leviticus as an excuse for hate) don't follow leviticus.
you cherry pick.
your pique amuses me.

14 moms found this helpful


answers from Reno on

It is a great day. I believe you should be able to love and marry who you choose. I hope your son finds that man as well.

13 moms found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

L., your response to Osohapi is inspiring and speaks to the kind of human being you are. What a lucky son to have such an amazing role model and loving mother in his life. This ruling on gay marriage is long overdue and a reason to celebrate for sure!

13 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

My sincere feeling is that we are still missing something amidst all this discussion about gay marriage, and in all the recent tragedies involving hatred towards people whose skin color, sexual orientation, religion, or ethnicity is different from our own.

I personally do not object to the decision made today, and I hope your son finds happiness. I have been married to my husband for 32 years and we didn't know each other very long before we got married. I had dated a guy for 3 years and broke up with him just before meeting my husband. We've been through good times and bad but we still are together. We both just knew that we were meant to be together.

But what's missing from all the arguments, discussions, fights, protests and celebrations, is personal responsibility, accountability and decency. Too many people are demanding that they be treated in a specific way. Instead of trying to figure out whose lives matter, and instead of declaring who and who may not marry or worship or gather, and instead of trying to classify people into groups and classes and with labels, why can't we simply take on the personal responsibility to be kind, to treat all people with respect, and to act lawfully?

I may not agree with (or even understand) your religious beliefs, or your sexual behaviors, or whether you're married to someone of the opposite gender or the same gender, or your decision to be a vegan or only eat fast food from a drive-thru window or only eat home-grown organic food, or your decisions about vaccinations, or your opinions about school choices, or if you've cheated on your spouse, or if you live together, or have an open marriage, or if you are an atheist, or if you go to church every single day, or if you hate cats or if you have a pet giraffe. We may differ in our skin color, ancestry, lifestyle, occupation, family life, and beliefs. We may be healthy, or slightly ill, or seriously ill, or disabled, or dying, or thriving. We may be poor, rich, homeless, or meeting with our personal designer to order our custom made solid gold appliances. We may be struggling with hard decisions, or having a pretty comfortable life. None of us is completely alike.

But what matters is how I treat you. I have a personal responsibility to be kind, to be respectful, and to be decent to you. I will raise my objections if you are being cruel to a child or a defenseless person, believe me. But it's not so much about how you deserve to be treated, it's about my responsibility to treat you with respect and kindness.

I really think we need to stop classifying people. We are humans. If I meet your son in a coffee shop some day, I won't call him "that gay guy who ordered the latte". I will smile if we pass each other, or perhaps hand him the sugar if he says "excuse me, could you pass the sugar?" or hold the door for him if he's balancing 6 cups of coffee to go, or say "thank you" if he holds the door for me. We'll be 2 humans, not a "young LGBT guy" and a "middle aged heterosexual woman".

Regardless of his ethnic ancestry, or whom he has married, or whether he speaks with an accent, or has a disability, or if he has pink hair and piercings and tattoos, or is in a $4,000 Italian suit with manicured nails, or is with a wife and 2 kids, or with his husband, or with 12 kids or no kids, my duty - my responsibility - my personal accountability - is to be kind and respectful and polite and civil and decent. It's on ME to behave politely.

I think we've lost sight of that. And I hope that today is a day of kindness to humans, by humans. Is this possible?

13 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

I've been a big supporter of gay rights for a long time. I live in Massachusetts, and well remember the joy felt by many friends - one couple was on line at the local city hall, thrilled to be the third couple to get a marriage license when the state ruling came through.

My answer to everyone who opposes this is, "How does someone else's marriage affect yours one bit?"

I am thrilled that our children will not have to fight as long or hard as their parents did. I am thrilled that lifelong gay partners will now be able to comfort each other and advocate for each other in hospitals, inherit property, and get the same tax status as hetero couples.

My husband didn't exactly propose - it was more of a mutual decision - but he kind of figured out that, if he didn't get with the program, I was moving on! We've had our tough times, and it's been hard work - like you said. But anything worth having is worth working at.

We need to continue to work as a society to ensure that other rights are extended equally to all citizens - there is still discrimination against LGBTQ people, disabled, women, people of color, overweight people, the poor, and so on. So this is a huge milestone, but as long as we have intrusions into women's health, voting rights, unequal education, cruelty to the poor, and so on, our work isn't done.

12 moms found this helpful


answers from Salinas on

What a great day! The Bay Area is going off! Gay Pride week just got a big boost, it feels very celebratory around here.

Most encouraging are my girl's Instagram accounts. Seems the kids have been on the right side of this issue all along.

I do remember the joy and fun of our proposal and wedding. Now everyone can experience that, all you need is love and commitment!

12 moms found this helpful


answers from Baton Rouge on

So glad that all of my BGLT friends who were married in other states are now married in all 50!

11 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

We've long maintained that if same sex couples want the same kind of joy that our marriage brings, they are certainly welcome to it. Best to you and your son.

F. B.

10 moms found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

I too am happy that ALL people can marry.
My husband did not propose to me. Nor I to him. It was just known to the both of us that we would get married. We talked about it. Lame, I know. I kind of wish I had had the fairy tale proposal and beautiful ring. Instead, I got married with a cheap gold band in my parent's dining room and then a potluck at our apartment cabana. Despite our pathetic wedding...I have a man I love, 3 amazing kids, and I wouldn't change it for anything.
As I walked down the "stairs" I was quite nervous, but also not....he was my best friend!
We have been married 12 years! So something is working. lol

10 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

I am not married yet but my fiancé proposed as a surprise (he kept me waiting months!) in the midst of ALL my family, which meant so much to me. It showed that he really cared about my family and their opinion, and it meant the world to them to be included. It was a gift in itself, because they all know how good he is for me and they got to be a part of our special moment. He also told my 8 year old son (from a previous marriage) ahead of time so my son was super excited to be in on the "secret" and that meant a lot too. So among all the "oooh's" and "aaaah's" I heard my son- I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO DO THAT!! And saw his mile-wide grin. It was perfect. I bawled like a baby.

Great question :) I too am thrilled that AMERICA now gives everyone the same right to love who they want to love.

10 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

What a wonderful week. I am so happy for you and your son.

9 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Good for your son!!

Your question... my hubby never really proposed. We had been living together about a year. New Years was approaching, we were talking about what to do and he just said, "let's get married" so we eloped on New Years Eve across the state line where there was only a 24 hour wait. When we got to the small town judge a man much like Otis on the Andy Griffith show escorted us to the judge because "I know exactly where you go". He was pretty drunk at 9am!! We got married by the judge at 9am on New Years Eve 1988.

On New Years Day when people called to say Happy New Year and said what did you do for NYE, we said "got married". Needless to say my mom was very upset because to her "you cheated me out of a wedding". Well mom, I never wanted a big wedding and bru ha ha. SO what I chose was perfect for me and I would do it again.

I joke now and say he married me for tax purposes that year, LOL. The joke got bigger when our daughter was set to be induced on Jan 4 1995 and my hubby asked the Dr., why not 1994? So I was induced on my Dr.'s day off on Dec 27, 1994. LOL..

So our running joke is that both daughter and I were used for tax purposes!! No harm done, we are still married and get along just fine and daughter is doing very well in college.

9 moms found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

Its about time. I am so glad for your son. Give him a hug from me. Everyone deserves to find that special someone. It doesn't matter if heterosexual or gay. God loves us all.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

Just wanted to let you know that I love your original post and your SWH.

I'm proud live in the state that got the country moving in the right direction. I love that my older kids don't remember a time when gay people couldn't get married (they were 6 when the law passed here) and that for my younger kids, this has always been a right here their entire lives. I love that children know many married same-sex couples, that there are some in my family, that they have some friends and many schoolmates who are openly gay. In one generation, it's gone from taboo to not a big deal, as it should be.

ETA: I love when people who are divorced (a sin in the Catholic church and many Christian denominations) point their fingers at others and call them sinners and claim that their rights should be taken away. Really? Well then how about making it illegal for anyone who has been divorced to re-marry. The Church doesn't allow or bless that second union, why should the law? I really don't get why people who argue along those lines don't see how twisted their logic is.

@ Patty K., actually the supreme court does LOL. Marriage is a legal definition and a court just re-defined it. If YOU don't want to recognize those marriages as valid, you are free to your bigotry but THE LAW is no longer able to discriminate and deny a group of people the legal rights and responsibilities that marriage confers.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

Marriage is between a man and a woman. Always has been always will be. If same sex couples want to live together etc, that's fine but do not call it marriage. Just my opinion.

No human being has the right or the authority to change the definition of marriage

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on


I was so happy on my wedding day! I was dancing around the room as I got ready!

I am so happy for your son and for all people who can now marry the person they love! I wish your son every happiness!

You are a very big person to be so loving and gracious in the face of such bigotry. You are a person who truly acts as she believes, and you are a genuine inspiration!

ETA: Osohapi, you are incorrect. Psychology does NOT argue "against gay marriage."

J. F.

2 moms found this helpful
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