Not Sure to Say Something or Not

I would tell him that his mom called. I would also tell him that he and his brother need to man up and handle it like adults. How crazy that they are already fighting over Grandma's stuff and she isn't even dead yet. What's going to happen when the time comes?

I strongly urge you to try to be a peacemaker in this scenario. I would try to get your husband to forgive and forget.

My mom's siblings (there are 8 kids) got into squabbles over family heirlooms that one of my uncle's wife took when my grandma went into a nursing home in 1994. The relationship has never healed because no one will let it go. Don't let him waste any more time on this. I bet grandma would be so sad if she knew her grandsons were fighting over her belongings.

I stopped reading after the part where you told your husband what his brother said.

That's something that in the future- MATURITY will tell you NOT to do.
Please learn to not POKE the RATTLESNAKE.
Men don't need us to feed them drama, seriously.

Learn to turn a blind eye/ear to some things that you already know will not have a happy ending or do anyone any good. Most things will fix themselves in due time unless someone continues to stir a pot.

Take the bible.

Your husband is being unfair to his brother.

And you're probably the only one who can get him to see that.

"I'd like xyz if no one else does."

Someone else DID.

Also... Not everyone immediately has "stuff" on their mind. It may have been a piece BIL had wanted for years, but the split second your husband announced he wanted xyz should not be the ONLY time its "okay" for BIL to say so. People process differently. Just because your husband thinks faster about what of the estate he wants, doesn't mean it's first come first served, kwim?

BIL (and their parents, and the aunts/uncles/cousins) are JUST as 'deserving' of gramma's estate, as your husband.

But grieving, he may not see that.

He may ALSO not see that taking things pre division of assets in the will is often considered to be 'looting'. My family has no problem with that (we put our names on favorite things in tape or pencil, decades before people even get sick, much less die. But in many families, laying claim to things before the will is read and estate divided, considered beyond rude. So there may be many people who would in fact like xyz, but would never say so until she passes (or are caught flat footed when someone starts "looting", and come along later saying "Now wait just a minute..."

Which sounds like that's EXACTLY what's happening... Since people are starting to call you.

Point being... Your husband is definitely being unfair to his brother, but may also be walking on thin ice with the rest of his family. And is clueless about how he's hurting others.

Which means you would be INVALUABLE to him, and to his family, by playing the peacemaker that only a beloved spouse can.

Doesn't seem you are very good at keeping your mouth shut. He's your husband, you should be able to tell him just about anything. As for the rest of the family.....including your husband's mother, I would zip it and/or tell her she needs to take this up with her sons.

Wow. Maybe BIL thought it was inappropriate to grab for stuff while "DG" is still alive? I would too.
Then maybe he saw that his brother was laying claim to everything & figured he'd better get while the getting was good. Early. Before the funeral. And maybe his threatening to e was in reaction to feeling like everything would be gone before DG was even gone? Maybe it's the O. thing he wanted?
So, yeah, I guess I sympathize with BIL a bit more on this O..