Need Advice / Ideas - How to Get Kids to Follow Through on Their Own

Use logical consquences...

Since you disobeyed about the tv, no shows for the next two days. You've already watched enough tv for two days.

Since you don't care about your clothes, I won't be doing your laundry until you start putting your dirty clothes away. I also won't be buying that new shirt you wanted for your birthday.

You have not done your chores in a satisfactory manner, so you have no "play" time until you do them right. If you tell me you're done when you aren't, you'll have no "play" time today or tomorrow. Or...since I had to use my time to do your chores for you, I now need you to help me do my chores. Please clean the toilets (or some other very unpleasant chore). Then you may play.

If you can't keep your hair neat, we will have to cut it short. It's your choice.

You seem to be having trouble with math, so until your work improves, I want to help you with extra math practice. Will do it together after you finish your homework each day.

If my kids don't clean up their toys/personal items, I take them away for 24 hrs. (you might do longer since your daughter is 9). Or, I say no new activities until the old ones are cleaned up.

If dishes are involved, I have heard of people giving their kid one plate/cup/fork and spoon and saying this is it. If you don't clean it, you have nothing to eat off of tomorrow. You would have to have a distinct looking set for her so she would know which are hers (like a red plastic plate and cup, etc.)

Make sure you follow through with your consequences.

Good luck!

Well, you don't say anything about enforcing any consequences. Just telling them what you expect is not getting through to them, and why should they listen when there is no consequence for not listening. Maybe it's time to ramp up the discipline and be clear and consistent with what will happen when they choose not to do what they are supposed to do.

If they are saying they cleaned the bathroom and brushed their hair and they have not, they are out and out lying. They should lose TV or some other privilege for X number of days when they decide to lie. If you end up doing something that they are supposed to do, dock their allowance as "payment" to you for doing their work.

If clothes get left on the floor, they will be taken away and they will need to do extra chores to earn them back.

The math problem for the 3rd grader could still be an honest mistake - make them do it over again.

Sounds like they are playing you and you are allowing it - nothing to chuckle at as far as I am concerned. Time to take back control and let them know who is really in charge.

Make a chart with all her chores on them and she needs as she needs a visual. Some kids get confused because they cannot remember sequentially what comes next. One the other hand, if she is trying to fool you, it will keep her on the straight and narrow because she will not get to do ONE THING until her chores are done. No TV, games, outside, friends, NOTHINGGGGG until all things are complete. At 9 she should have learned this at 3, but as long as YOU change, she has no choice but to change too. Take back charge.

I think your daughter is suffering from the terrible disease of "Being Nine Years Old. :)

We still go through this. And my daughter is 10.

Basically I have to state what I want and the consequence of it not being done. I also state the time frame and sometimes I have to set a timer. My daughter likes to worm out of things, like she'll pick up the clothes on the floor but not put away the ones on her bed and then when I point that out she says "but you didn't SAY the ones on the bed!"

You KNOW they are capable because if you said "do all your chores correctly and we'll go to Disney World!" then everything would be done perfectly. So they are capable, they just don't care.

I inspect all the work. I let her know what will happen if I inspect and and find something has not been done, or not been done correctly. Then I follow through.

The hair thing--we did cut her hair shorter. She bawled all the way to the hairdresser and then LOVED the hairstyle and now she begs me to go get it cut when it grows longer and she has trouble brushing it.

We do all work before play. No play is allowed before work is finished and I've inspected and she's passed.

It took a good 3 months but now my daughter gets herself up and actually gets all her morning routine done by herself! And she's stopped trying to pull one over on me as far as the list goes. I do remove the privilege if she's caught doing something she shouldn't I've taken away TV time or iPod or toys if she's playing instead of working.

They should call it the Naughty Nines. :) Your daughter will come out okay in the end. And don't forget lots of praise when she does ANYTHING well! They act older but they still need lots of guidance, praise and love.

Good luck!

I think you have to give her enough rope to hang herself. Tell her she is in charge of her checklist (maybe start with that) and you won't be reminding her of it anymore. Let her do her thing, and if it's not done then a punishment is in order - and one that she will remember and not want to repeat. Good luck!

I have tried a few different techniques but what it came down to was reinforcement and keeping her company. I still have to remind her to pick up her clothes from the bathroom floor and still need to remind her to pick up stuff lying around. I note when she is in to something like me she will only half hear me. Now homework we have a set system. I find mine needs more attention. So I sit in the same room as her and check it every few questions. I remember when she had not she was like mom stop asking me I said I'd do it just let me finish. but of course we all know that can turn inot hours or not done at all. I will tell her I'll give you 5 minutes to accomplish the goal or their will be a punishment. I will remind her when she has a minute left. but if it does not get done I do take something away from her. No Tv. Not going out to do something.

Focus on what she accomplishes-and nothing else-it will build from there exponentially-you will see improvement everyday