Need Advice About Neighbors!

2 parties at fault here: You, for not setting boundaries, and them for not having boundaries.

They think it is fine with you that they use your yard. Because you have always let them. Those comments "we don't want to be liable" and "we want a swing set" Are not similar to : "This is our yard. You're not even supposed to be in it. I apologize for not being firmer from the beginning. We really like you guys, but we need to reclaim our yard. Please do not come into it."

Those are very hard words to say. I have an annoying neighbor too that I wish I had firmer boundaries with at times. But nothing this crazy. You guys need to take a big breath and do it. What's the worst that can happen? They don't like you anymore and they give you dirty looks when you come and go? Hopefully it will not come to that, but if so, it's still better than having their kids constantly in your yard.

THEY want to put a pool in YOUR yard? Oh hell no.
If you would rather they not play in your yard, just say so. Yes, they're going to get mad.
"Why? You always allowed it before."
"Yes I did. Now I've changed my mind."
"Why?"
"It's my yard. That's all the reason I need."
"Where are my kids supposed to play?"
"It's not MY responsibility to provide a place for YOUR kids to play."

How long are you planning to stay in your rental?
Maybe your landlord could put up a fence or plant some thorny bushes.
Maybe he could have the lawn treated with weed killing chemicals and you'll need to tell them to stay off the lawn for their own good.
Some people will play anywhere where people don't chase them off.
We played in vacant lots when we were kids.
If you're not here for the long term it doesn't matter if you keep things friendly till you leave or piss them off - you'll leave them behind eventually and where ever you go - get better at establishing boundaries - it's a good skill to be having.
If you are there for the long term - you might want to keep things friendly.
But you should still not let them walk all over you.
Tell them they can come over when you invite them - once a week or something (set a schedule) - but the rest of the time you need some privacy in your yard.
Don't let them put ANYTHING in your yard - no pool - and don't let them play uninvited on any swing set you put up - put up a fence first.
You are asking for a legal nightmare -they'd sue you in a heartbeat.

So this is sneaky but if you want to keep things cordial you could blame your landlord. Tell the neighbors hey we got a notice from the landlord stating that the yard is for the tenant's use only. Things aren't going to stay friendly between you if you just tell them yeah, changed my mind, I don't want your kids in my yard anymore.

If it were me I would tell them no being in the yard without an invitation and if they didn't remain friendly, so be it.

I agree with B.

"Good fences make good neighbors" Robert Frost - "The Mending Wall"

it's time for you to set reasonable boundarioes and limitations for yourself and your neighbors. Usually this is done when you first get their but since you have a friendly relationship with them this shouldn't be a proble.

I know that your relationship seems like it's friendly between you two, but honestly, they are taking advantage of you, so I don't think it's quite as friendly as you think/want/hope. I think being direct it the best approach, even though it's totally awkward and difficult and if it were me I wouldn't want to! ;-)

You're going to just have to say you and your husband decided that you just can't allow their kids to play in your yard anymore. If they ask why, tell the truth, or tell a fib, just stick to it. You can simply tell them that you aren't comfortable with it and if someone were to get hurt on your property that would be bad news, which is all true. Tell them you want your own space.

It seems like they are the manipulating type, because honestly, who does this?, so I would be prepared for them to be weird about it. I would wait on calling the landlord until you've done this and see what happens. You really may want the landlord to be the back up plan.

Welcome to mamapedia!!!

You need to talk with the landlord about getting a fence installed. Or you can move.

You've tried hints, not working. You need to talk with the parents. However, I highly doubt it will work nor will they listen. Sorry to be Debby Downer on that one or Negative Nancy - but really - history is proving that they don't care.

You really have two options. Have your landlord install a fence. OR move.
Sad, but true.

Good luck!

I think you either need to be very direct or buy a fence. Or both. Send the kids home when your son doesn't want to play or when you don't want them in your yard. I wouldn't get a swing set without a resolution. One of SD's friends did a flying dismount on our swingset and broke her elbow. We were lucky they weren't lawsuit types.

Talk to your landlord. It's his property, his liability if someone gets hurt, his expense if the yard becomes a public park and the lawn needs to be replanted, etc. Tell him that the family wants to put a pool in the yard, and that you have no authority to stop it. A pool is a HUGE liability.

Leave the lice out of the conversation. You may have heard wrong about them being taken out of school - lice can be difficult to eradicate even with multiple treatments by educated and responsible families. So it may not be that they didn't try to eliminate or treat -- the school can't give you info, so you may have been told by someone else who has no accurate info. And I'm not sure why this person put all the onus on the mother, if there's a father involved too.

You are not liable unless you allow them in against the landlord's instructions. Just throw your hands up helplessly and say, "So sorry, what can I do? I'm not the owner, and it's his property." Let your landlord be the bad guy and say he has observed them on the property too many times, and he's not operating a city park.

I hope it's not too late to set boundaries.

I second, third or fourth the call to the landlord for a fence! great fences make great neighbors!

This is a tough one. I actually saw kids in my bank parking lot playing soccer the other day. Unbelievable. I wonder what the bank did. I wanted to get out and say something because I could have hit someone when I was driving through,. I was shocked this was going on.. They looked at me as though I was looloo. Definitely talk to the landlord. Since you are renting he or she could be liable if something happened. It sounds like its really more annoying than anything. Landlord might be able to do something.

Ummm...They want to put a pool in your yard? NOT

Talk to your landlord....And I agree, a fence sounds like a good idea... a very tall fence.

Good luck

Well, it's obvious that you let this go on too long. You should have gone to the landlord and talked about the problem in the first place and had it handled. Now the only thing you can do is find another place to live.

If these kids are not in school, then they should be homeschooled. It sounds like the parent is not schooling them at all. Have you called social services about them? You can do that without giving your name.

Stop being so friendly with them. Stop with the jokes. Talk to your landlord and tell him that he will be liable if those kids get hurt on his property. Perhaps he will decide to put a fence in. If they bring up the pool idea again, just tell them no. You don't have to give them a reason. You just have to say no.

First I want to point out that lice has nothing to do with cleanliness, any child can get lice. But now on the the actual issue:

You have a choice to make, you can continue to be friendly with them or you can deny the children access to the yard. It is rude of them to just let the kids play there without your okay, but I know from my own neighborhood that many people do not see it the same way we do. I often wonder if it has something to do with where people grow up? Like maybe because I grew up in a place were people had lawns we kept a clear divide but maybe those who grew up in a big city don't see those separations as so strict? Either way you have to make a choice because once you tell them that their kids are no longer allowed to play in your yard (even if you don't tell them it is because you think they are dirty) they are not likely to remain friendly with you because they may feel judged or like you are being unfair, especially if the previous renters did not care if they shared the limited space available. When you point out you don't want them playing with your son, or want them around him, then they will know it is because you are judging them, and I would not want my kids to think that I would still be friendly with people who do not think my kids are good enough to play with theirs.

For one thing, head lice don't like dirty people. They die on dirty people. They only like clean hair.

I think anything you say or do is going to hurt their feelings. I'd move if possible.

All you need to do to get your landlord's attention is to mention that the neighbors want to put a pool up in his backyard.

Do some research -- pull up newspaper articles online about how landlords are held legally liable if someone is injured on their property, even if the injured person didn't have permission to be there. Find state laws on liability. Take this information to the landlord ASAP and also take anything you have like photos of these kids on the property. Then tell the landlord very clearly, "These kids are becoming a nuisance and I now realize that if one of them gets hurt while on the property, YOU could be sued as the owner, even if you are not living there yourself, and even if the kids shouldn't have been there. Our quality of life in your rental property is now being affected daily and negatively. So we are requesting that you put up a fence as soon as possible, or you may end up being sued and we may have to find another place to live. Because we are next to an apartment complex, there are always going to be families who think this property is common land. We need a fence and you MAY be protecting yourself legally by getting one."

I suspect that this family may actually just have the mistaken idea that the property IS communal, or belongs to the apartment complex, or they may be assuming if it's not fenced off it's fair game. Have you ever just asked, "Hey, we know the kids like to play there, but we're not sure if you realize that this is privately owned property -- not common land, city land, or the apartment building's land. Our landlord owns it." Have you asked that just to see how the parents react? Just asking the question could end the whole problem!

Start with that, then you need to be assertive since you were not assertive early enough. If they act like they had no idea they were on private property, follow up and tell them, "Our landlord is now concerned about liability so he's asking that the kids not play there any more." If they get all huffy and angry about it, you need to stay cool and just repeat, "We and the landlord are asking that the kids do not play on this side of the bushes any more, because it's not common land or apartment property, and the landlord is concerned about wear and tear and injuries."

If the landlord won't put up a fence, well,, when you see the kids there again you will have to speak to the parents EVERY time or start having the landlord phone them -- is the landlord up for that, or is he a hands-off landlord who's going to do nothing and leave this all on you? If so -- I really would consider finding a new place to live because a useless landlord plus intrusive kids plus neighbors you have to face every single time you walk out the door equals a complete pain to me. You don't have to sell a house to get out of this, either.

I hope your husband was joking about the swing set - right? Put that up without a fence and you will have the next door kids and every other kid in the complex using your yard like a park. I would not invest in something like that anyway if I were renting, unless I planned to stay a very long time, and if these apartments are looming over you like you describe, I'd really be thinking of finding another location unless something vital like school district is involved.

Hoo boy, what a mess. I don't think you are going to be able to extract yourself from this without some hurt feelings on their end. So accept that fact and own it. You have a right to play in your own yard with your son alone if you like. Tell them nicely that the yard belongs to your family and while you don't mind their kids playing there occasionally at pre-arranged times, you want your privacy too. They need to ask permission and accept when you say no, this is not a good time. Then don't be moved by the parents' reaction - they will probably be angry, try to guilt you, call you stuck up, tell you you think your kid's better, etc. But you can only be manipulated if you let them.
I speak from experience, by the way. Our direct neighbor (row houses) has some kind of personality disorder and we have had many blow-ups. (she blows up, not me). While they are upsetting, I stay civil, smile when I see her and say "hello" and somehow we live in relative peace. Good luck!