Nasty Talk

I don't really know what to say, but I can say this that my 3 year old son does the same thing. My husband and myself have found that if we tell him right away what it is we don't like that he response much better. I know that my 7 yr. old didn't do anything that my 3 yr. old is doing so it's something new for us as well. The moto I keep is try, try again and try different things til something works.

I disagree with those who say this is just a stage and hopefully they will just pass through it. He is obviously hearing these words from people he is sociable with. He can learn these words from tv, radio, you name. Kids mimmick everything we say and do. I would not scold him until you found out where he is learning these words from. If it is Dad, then Dad needs to be scolded as well. If its TV why are you allowing him to watch those type of shows on tv in the first place. I had a friend who son was cusing and a husband that made an excuse b/c he was a truck driver, we all have dirty mouths. Its an excuse, people can control their behavior. Find out where he is learning the attitude, words, etc. and then correct the problem.

When my 9 1/2 year old starts to be sassy, I give him other ways to say things that are not nasty. We have been pretty lucky in the swearing department, because he has been taught that there are words that we will not accept from him. He will use a different word like "Holy Toledo" or "What the fruitcake" and then we remind him that he needs to let us know what the problem is without swearing. My son gets teased at school so he is learning how to just ignore the mean and unacceptable things that are said at school. He has also been told that people who use nasty talk are not using thier good vocabularies. He actually told me that the girl who said if his sister looks like him she will be ugly, was a "total waste of good oxygen". Try not reacting to that one! Good Luck and be consistant in which statements and words are accepted and which are not.

I wouldn't make a HUGE issue about him saying the word. In a calm, KIND voice, remind him that it is not a word you want said in your home. If it continues, and ESPECIALLY if you know he's learning the words or attitude from someone in the house, then make a reward system. Here's how I'd do it: For each member of the family, get a small jar/ cup/ container that are exactly the same shape. Label one for each member of the household. Get a larger jar to hold about 100 marbles. After dinner each night let him put a marble in the jar for EACH of you that have FINISHED the day with no potty mouths or bad attitudes. Then also encourage him to watch for others with potty mouths or bad attitudes. If he catches someone "in the act" he can take a marble from their jar and put it in his. However, if he does it, calmly walk to his jar without saying a word and move a marble from his jar to yours. Make APPOLOGIES a big part of it too! If the "offender" appologies to everyone that was hurt by their action, they may still earn their "end of day" marble. (DO NOT GIVE BACK THE ONE THEY LOST!) This shows him that there is grace when we say sorry, but some consequences must stay in place. It will cause your WHOLE family to be kinder to each other, even if you already are.

Hope it helps, ~J

Dear A.,

Well, you do realize that he didn't think that nasty talk up all by himself. He has heard someone - who - do it.

You need to come right out and be honest with the child and tell him that when he talks like that it sounds disrespectful. You can explain it in just a few words, then find something fun to do.
But never let one time go by without letting him know that you noticed and redirect him again.

After a while, then ignore it and redirect him, try not to make it a biiiiig thing. But I do know that you are quite right to be concerned. This can turn out to be a life long pattern and it is not a happy thing for the people who get mistreated that way. Good Luck, C. N.

I personally think that the example you gave of "I was talking to just mommy" is not at all nasty, even with the "sassy" intonation, because people do communicate in this way every day. He is trying to tell others that he is "having an A and B conversation, so C your way out of it" I see nothing wrong with it. People need to be put in their place when they interupt a conversation between two people, you son is imporant, and he should be recognized as such when you have having a one on one talk with him he shouldn't have to deal with others butting in just because he's 3.

As far as the "bad words" I don't blame you for not wanting him to say those things, but I will just shortly agree with most others that he has to hear it somewhere to pick up those words, so monitor what you and the people you bring around you child say. Also whatever is on TV has a huge effect, and this is why we no longer have cable since before my daughter was born, so that she isn't watching anything we don't want her to, only what we get on DVD for her. Just a thought too, lots of commercials on TV for kids shows can be pretty violent, so I wouldn't be surprised if there is an element of sass there too, but I couldn't be totally sure on that again since we havn't had regular TV in the house for a long time.

He may be young but at 3 he is starting to understand cause and effect . Maybe if you try explaining to him how such behavior makes you and your husband feel. My son is 2 1/2 and he does the same thing on occasion, hes also sensitive and caring as I'm sure yor son is too.(I'm a single mother, with help from my mother )When my son does this my mother and I tell him how it makes us feel,were careful to say things like upset or sad or that it hurts people feelings .We try not to say things like mad or angry so he doesnt feel like hes a bad boy . We also reinforce the fact that he doesnt like his feelings hurt and doesnt like when people exclude him , you can use sharing as an example .Kids dont like to be excluded from anything. Tell him that they are similar , that they can both cause hurt feelings .Sometimes I pout or make a sad face so hes aware that it upsets me .This usually works , hell say sorry and give me a hug. I know sharing is not the same as nasty talk but that doesnt matter... if it is explained in some way he may understand. Tell him if he is mean to mommy or daddy or all the people who love and care for him that you will ignore him until he can be nice .Hope this helps... good luck ! Try any way you feel he will understand , dont be afraid to be creative.

Hi A. ~ I agree with the other posters that stated he is getting it from somewhere. My son began to get very smart mouthed and saying very short, answers to things. When i started hearing this, it hit me like a ton of bricks, that is exactly how I am. And, not necessarily to him, but in lifes conversations, if he was in the room while I was on the phone, or he would hear me and my mom smart talk, etc. Be conscientious of the behaviors he is exposed to. As you know, they are little sponges and pick up on everything whether good or bad. I would be careful about giving him a 'big talk' when this does come up, but as others say, redirect him, teach him a more pleasant way of expressing himself, getting his point across. I am a big HATER of kids and tv too, and alot is learned simply from commercials, etc. Good luck and congrats for taking care of this now before he is much older and hard to manage!!

My son is also 3 and does the same thing. It helps to know it's normal. There is a lot of great advice for this thanks for the post. My son's best friend is his Daddy and he will let me know it every chance he gets. I don't quite know what to do about it other than be patient with him and My husband and I decided that our actions speak louder than our words. So our goal is to pay attention to how WE treat people. I also agree with the lady who said that your son is expressing that the conversation is an A and B conversation. Kids are honest, and I am happy that my son feels like he can express himself. They don't know how to express themselve with much tact yet.
Good Luck!!

If it is the attitude, or way that he is saying it, you might want to sit back and see if it is maybe something he is picking up subliminally at home. I am not saying it to be mean, but I have noticed in my own almost 3 year old girl that she tends to have a snotty tone in her voice when saying certain things.. and I realized she was getting the "tone" from my husband. Kids are smart. They pick up words, nasty or otherwise, and tonation from absorbing the world around them. Just a thought, again I am not pointing fingers, just giving advice of what I have come to realize in my own household.

I giggle as I read this, only because my almost 4 year old will get sassy these days too.
I assume like every new thing it must be a stage and it will pass.
I take it he is trying out things he heard or saw.
I would in no way use physical punishment for this phase.
If it is "potty talk" you can give no response, as you would be giving him more attention for the talk.
If it bothers you so, and it is potty talk, I sometimes ask my ds if he has to use that talk then he can stand in the bathroom and talk there.
When we are at the park, I notice many boys his age talking the same, so I will say" oh, you mean to say....and give them other nice words to use, but never really say don't......
just give alternate words to use.
I have noticed with my nieces and nephews who have gone through this stage that the words and talk do disapear when no negative reaction has been given.

Example but not a dirty one: ds said "oh SNAP!" I asked him what he said. He repeated it. I asked"where did you hear that from?" he told me Chicken Little...:)I still didn't give any smile or anything, only when he wasn't looking!

Thank you for sharing!

A.:

It's pretty obvious that your son is getting this language from someone. Who is your son around who speaks this way. Kids often "copy" what they hear/see. Maybe your husband can have some input!

S.

Dear A.,

While this behavior is unnerving, it is normal. I had the same problem with my son (daughters bring much different problems!). I had a jar and a big laundry basket. Whenever anything offensive came up, he had to pay up. Either $ or loss of a toy for a week...that may help. Hang in there!
V.

Oh, boy do I feel your frustration! Our son (now 6) started this at about the same age. He was reprimanded even for the less obvious nastiness so that we could nip it in the bud. We told him he was being rude/nasty & that he can't talk to people in that tone. He got a warning & if he did it again, there was a consequence. My husband & I are big on praising the postive so when he talked nicely w/o a prompt from us, we automatically praised him for his nice tone of voice. If we asked him to re-phrase his statement & he did so politely, we praised him for it, as well. We also did a star chart for him. We wrote down what the desired action was we wanted & then gave him a star for behaving. In the beginning, I did the chart w/him throughout the day but as time wore on, we'd go over it before bedtime. At the time, our son was happy w/the star & the verbal praise from us so we didn't give him a tangible reward. Now he's 6 & it's still an issue on occassion so we now set a goal for the week: we pick 2 things to work on at home & school & if they're achieved, then he gets the reward he thought up at the beginning of the week. Hopefully, we'll be able to ween him off the reward soon. Hope this helps & good luck!

i deal with the same thing. i hate to admit it, but i have noticed that he is often repeating things that i or his dad have said. so maybe take note of the things you say. i tell my son that mom shouldnt say that and he shouldnt either. so we try to help each other be more courteous.

Maybe if you classified what he does that you don't like differently ("potty words", "mean voice", etc) it would take any confusion as to what exactly is wrong with what he says away.