How can I help my son with his behavior at the sitter. She states that when she leaves the room he acts out. She states he wrestles with other kids when she is outof the room.
I want to thank you for all of your words and encouragement. I truly do like the sitter we have. She has been watching him since he was six months old. We have a wonderful rapport with each other. Trenon has been doing much better after a good day we do special things that evening and after a week of being good he gets a "special request" Of course we may still have a way to go he only goes part time. Thank you again.
why is she out of the room? I would more be concerned that she is leaving kids unattended than the fact that kids are wrestling
okay, i just deleted an entire post of rambling lol. i will try to keep this short and sweet. if this woman is running a daycare out of her home (it sounds like?) then she needs to establish rules and enforce them. don't know how long she's been doing this, but even children who are perfectly behaved around their parents, will take over and go crazy if they aren't still under supervision and discipline, in another environment. your child's behavior when he's with you is irrelevant in a way. i have seen kids at my son's sitter walk ALL OVER their parents, but with our sitter, they are angels and follow the rules. because SHE enforces them. same with when my son goes to grandma's. she enforces NO rules, so he runs wild. but then he comes back to me, and he knows it's time to follow rules again. give your son some credit. if she feels he's acting out, it's most likely because she's allowed it. you can't control him when you're not there. you can give him pep talks and reinforce how "we" act around others, but in a small child, that advice will go right out the window an hour later, if not enforced. just my two cents - sounds like she might need to step up.
Hi there...I have to (mostly) agree w/ other posters that babysitter/daycare provider shouldn't be leaving the room. That being said, sometimes that's impossible, as nature does call during a long day (I am a daycare provider, myself.) Boys will be boys and undoubtedly act out when they think no one is paying attn, but this is also true for girls too...so is it just your son?
Also, if she is leaving room to make lunch or get something, then she needs to take the "higher energy" kids along w/ her and have them playing playdoh or coloring at the table. If it's a potty break for herself, I would suggest she get them involved in an activity that has their attn long enough to do her business...or make them sit outside the door if it's that bad!
And kids LOVE rewards/treats!!!! So easy to get compliance w/ things when "treats" are offered...it could be as simple as 2 m&m's or gummy bears or a sticker! Just some thoughts you could offer to the "babysitter." I wouldn't worry too much unless there is actual aggression or truly naughty behavior (breaking things or trying to hurt others.) Good luck!
A couple of things.
1) The sitter shouldn't be leaving the room! (Get another sitter!)
2) I have 3 boys, and have found that biting usually happens when a child does not have words to express his/her feelings about what is going on. Work with your child to help him have the words to explain to you and others what is frustrating him. Also, see if there is a particular child that is consistently bugging him. It might be the other child, and your kids isreacting to poor treatment (which, by the way, should be monitored by the caregiver).
Good luck.
Not really knowing how old your son is, one reason is that it may be age related. Two, it could be a reaction from what is going on at the sitters house. Does he say anything to you? How do you feel about the sitter? I was a professional nanny for twenty years and I saw A LOT with how other children acted when they were with, as they called themsevles, child care givers, that was just horrible, I mean the parents would have been shocked. Have you asked her how she is handling it? Is he hurting the other children? If he behavior is that aggressive, then something is going on somewhere. Maybe the sitter is ignoring something and he is trying to get attention. He is a boy however, and boys do do this. I would asked a lot of question to figure out which way it is boy or something is up.
Good luck.
K.
I assume you mean a home daycare situation. If that is so you need to tell your child what you expect from him, but mostly it is the daycare providers problem to deal with as she is the one with the child. I would tell her to have him shadow her - for a week or two everywhere she goes he goes. If she has to leave the room to get a baby out of bed, he goes with and stays right by her side, if she has to go pee, he sits outside the bathroom where she can see him, if she is fixing lunch, he is sitting on the floor by her. Total shadowing. (((I hope this shows all the other people who replies actual reasons we do leave kids unattended for short periods of time and it's not bad, it's necessary))
After a week she can have a talk with him telling him she'll give him another chance on Monday to prove he can be ok when she leaves the room but if not the shadowing will continue. Every week she should give him a chance to show he has learned, but if he blows it it's back to shadowing.
Talking about the negative every day is bad for you, your son and the daycare provider - so tell her to write you a note instead and promise her you will read it. You and the provider should also concentrate on giving positives for every little thing that your son does do good in this shadowing time.
One last thing you can do. Leave 5 minutes early to get to daycare. When you arrive 5 minutes early, gather your boy in your lap out in the car and cuddle. Bring a book to read to him if he likes that, or tell him a story or whatever as long as you are touching and spending that whole 5 minutes with him as your only focus. Some kids need that to get through the day happily. You will find this to be a good routine for both of you I bet.
And please please please do NOT use the boys excuse. Boys and girls all need physical activity, that is not just a boy thing. And boys need to know when it's ok to be physical and when it is not just like girls do. I wish that "boys will be boys" was never uttered. They do NOT have to be that way. I have had mosty boys in my daycare for a long time but have two daughters and there are some very well behaved boys that know to run and wrestle and be wild OUTSIDE and there are others who look at every opportunity to get away with doing it when they know they shouldn't. This is not being a boy, it's being bad.
The sitter should never leave the kids alone! And that is that. There will be no issues. Young children cannot be unsupervised.
how old is the child?
You said the 'he' word. He acts out, he wrestles, HELLO BABYSITTER PERSON HE IS A BOY. The 'he's' of this world do things like that. I had two of them. But seriously think about this: Boys are active creatures. What is the sitter doing that she is leaving him alone when she knows he does things like that? She is supposed to be protecting people. If she has to use the bathroom or something then she needs to assign him another area or provide consequences. My very sad advice-
Get another sitter if you can. Boys just do physical things like that. If you know for certain that this has been extremely disturbing I wood ask the sitter to not leave him alone. Is he intentonally hurting people? Or is he thinking he is funny? Find out why. Does he attack them? Do they participate? What is actually happening there? How long is she gone?
Has he harmed anyone in a very bad way? You didn't say what she is doing that she is not with the kids anyway. How old is he? If he is ten and doing karate kicks seriously discipline him or point out when that behavior is appropriate. If he is three she shouldn't leave him anyway if she knows he does that. Give her permission to discipline him or provide consequences for his bad behavior. i.e. snack alone, time out, etc. or back to my original premise-look for another babysitter. Thus is life with the 'he's' of the world.
