My Irritable Four Year Old Is Drivng Me Nuts!!!

My son is also 4. We have struggles like this from time to time, but the biggest one is getting dressed in the morning when we have to go to preschool. He'd rather stay in his pj's all day. I try letting him know that he has 5 minutes to get dressed (when he really has 10) and then giving him a 2 minute warning. This has helped quite a bit, but he still likes to waste time. I think a big part of it is wanting to do things on his own and trying to assert his independence.

Just keep working with him and loving him. Be as positive as you can other times of the day to really establish a good relationship. That it will make these struggles a little easier to deal with for both of you.

Sounds like my son when he is overly tired Is he getting enough sleep ? he needs about 11 hrs of sleep. Are you giving him warnings like "I'm setting the timer in five minutes we are leaving" "in ten minutes it will be bath time I'm setting the timer for ten minutes" Encourage him to use his words to say I dont want to take a bath, then explain that when the timer goes off it is bath time but keep encouraging him to express himself with words. give two choices that are acceptable to you. do you want to take a shower or a bath? do you want to wear this jacket or this jacket?

Yes there is growing pains, but it just sounds like he's testing the waters... don't read to much into this, I think too many people want to blame normal childhood behavior on something being wrong when all it is, is just a kid being a kid. All the things you're listing are things kids decide they don't want to do so he is fighting you. If you don't stick to your guns this will only continue to get worse and the fighting will be about everything. Also, get the book 1-2-3 Magic, good book

it is normal for kids to go through crabby phases. like everyone else, they have periods of sunshine and clouds. patience and consistency will win through, even if you want to punt the little monsters into orbit sometimes.
:)
my older boy had perpetually miserable ears. he didn't get fevers or complain, but it got to where i could tell he had fluid build-up going on because his usually sunny nature would become difficult. i chalked it up to phases until i figured out he was just frustrated because he couldn't HEAR. the world apparently sounded like it was underwater to him, poor little guy.
wouldn't hurt to get him checked out.
but even if that's the case, patience and consistency in his world are still the best coping methods.
:) khairete
S.

Well, first of all...YES! Growing pains do exist! Is he sleeping well or complain of his legs hurting? These are signs. It may even appear as restless leg syndrome. It usually only affects kids during resting periods though. My oldest son woke up every night for a week complaining of pain in his thighs.
I'm afraid what you are explaining is typical 4 yr old behavior! Eek! Most 4 yr old boys that I know are going through this very same thing. In my experience, outside activity is the BEST way to handle this. Too much built up energy and being bored can turn to aggression. I hope that helps...

Excersize, discipline, then lots of love. That is all you need. Tire him out, so he releases all that winter engergy, then when he's good & tired & starts in with bad behavior, give him good firm consistant consequences, (he'll be too tired to fight the discipline and then he will give up the behavior, and then you get to give lots of love. Hope this helps.

These are phases where they wanna do these things for sure. But bottom line, he should never get away with running away, wrestling and throwing stuff OR whining when you let him know he needs to get ready.

Treat him with respect as if you know he's a good kid, and likewise do not scrimp on a firm consequence every time until he gets it that he's expected to act like a good kid. 4 is old and pretty hard to break the basics, so good luck cracking down now. We're dealing with some new stuff whining wise out of our 3 year old, which is hard in 20 degrees because he's not getting out enough...but he's getting it. NOT ALLOWED.
www.backtobasicsdiscipline.com

He could have sensory issues. Do tags in shirts bother him? Do certain noises bother him? Does he like or hate to get dirty?
You can google Sensory processing disorder and read about it.
If you need any info you can email me.
L.

I think its probably a phase.

I have a couple of favorite parenting books that have chapters on how to deal with kids emotions - Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline, Love and Logic for Toddler, and Brain Rules for Baby all talk about how to use empathy to diffuse your toddlers emotions.

Sort of like this:
"Oh! You are sad. You dont want to wear a coat! You feel upset because you have to wear a coat and you dont want to. I can tell you feel really bad. Sometimes I feel sad when I have to wear work clothes instead of comfy clothes. Its cold out, though, and if you dont wear a coat, you cant play outside (go to the store, etc.). You can wear this coat, or your heavy sweatshirt. Which do you want to wear?"

If he doesnt pick a coat, then you pick for him. "I'm going to count to 3, and if you havent picked a coat, you will go to time out." If he still wont, he goes to time out. If he doesnt sit in time out, he gets another minute. At the beginning of that timeout, I will say, "You have another minute because you did not sit in time out. If you do not sit this time, I will take a toy away."

It sounds complicated and a little goofy, but I have been doing it with my almost 3 year old for the past six months, and it has really been making a difference in his behavior.

I've even heard my husband, who mocks my childrearing books, doing the same thing recently.

Mine has been more sensitive and loud lately, too. I honestly think part of it is he is not getting enough sleep. If he naps, he won't fall asleep until hours after his normal bedtime, but doesn't sleep any later in the morning, so we just try to move his bedtime up a little bit. He is out pretty quickly when we put him down most nights, so I think a lot of it is exhaustion. When he is really nuts I just tell we're going to cuddle on the couch and read books quietly. I think it helps him to just slow down and rest, even if he isn't sleeping. Mine is also hungry ALL THE TIME lately. It probably makes him crankier, too. :)