Ashamed for Even Thinking It...

If it makes you feel any better, I just sent a text to my husband telling him that the children are getting on my nerves today. I love them dearly but, man, are they annoying today. The older one is constantly picking on the younger one and alternating between complaining about everything and asking for everything and the little one has found the joy of climbing every freakin' thing and has decided she would like to try to ride the dog. Oldest one has a cold and kept waking me up last night so I am sleepy and grumpy (because while the oldest slept late the youngest got up earlier than normal) and I just kind of want to be left alone.

It's completely and absolutely normal. There will be times when you want to squeeze him till he pops because he's just so sweet. Then, there will be times where you will squeeze him till he pops because he's making you bananas.

Oh man have I felt guilty about this! You are normal, and apparantly so am I!! I love love LOVE my girls, but there are days when I could really go without dealing with them!! Its ok! My 2 year old is definitly on this I am in charge thing right now! It's a little funny and frustrating that she can play me the way she does! I just try to hold my ground and use ways to get to her. For instance, making it clear that if she does THIS than THAT will happen, like take care of the crayons THEN you can have whatever it is......make stuff relate to them, they get it!! they are smarter than we think!!

You don't like the BEHAVIOR, you love the child. Big difference :)

Sister, I could have written this! :)

It's not that you don't like your child you don't like his BEHAVIOR. It'll come and go from day to day or even minute by minute.

Thanks for posting this, I was having "one of those days" with my son the other day. Thank GOD for my Bonus Mom to talk me off the ledge and getting ME in check.

Totally normal child and totally normal mom.

We love our children and never wish them harm, but some days, We just need a break.. I think our children do too.

There were days my husband came home and I would tell him "She is yours tonight"..

Same for me when I would work.. He would actually pick her up and say, this is yours.
Gosh we miss her. She is away at college.

Absolutely! I love my kids unconditionally, of course, as you do. But sometimes, I don't like them very much. They're human, and so have human issues and emotions - anger, greed, jealousy, etc. When they act up, there are times when I JUST DON'T LIKE THEM. I have even told them (rarely, but it has happened) "You know I love you more than anything in this world, but right now, I don't like you very much. I'll just be in the other room until you can get over this behavior because I just don't want to be around it." They learn that 1) they're not perfect and 2) no matter how awful they are, I'll still love them. You can love the child but really dislike the behavior. Totally normal.

I was told when my son was a baby, that every mother feels like she would like to throw her baby out the window at O. point or another! (We just don't DO it! LOL)
The concept of time, unfortunately, doesn't "kick in" for quite a few more years!

Yes! You DO love your children all the time. You'd die for them! You DON'T have to *like* them every minute. Wait until you have teenagers!

A two-year-old's job description isn't to please his mama (oh, if only it were!). A two-year-old's job description is to be busy, to try things out, to make noise, to test the boundaries. It takes a lot of energy from Mama to deal with it all! Often your work isn't a matter of controlling; it's a matter of managing from minute to minute.

It can be enough to make you feel you're not doing well at the thing you want most to do. But you're probably doing very well.

Select your battles carefully. A two-year-old is really pretty little. Overlook as much as you can, but try teaching in small steps. Teach him to pay attention to you when you talk to him. Everybody knows how to tune someone else out. Help him learn to tune you in. Try making a game out of it. It won't succeed perfectly, but if you can go three steps forward for every two steps back most of the time you're doing well.

Just a thought: is there a MOPS group near you? You might benefit from having some other moms of toddlers to talk with in person.

I sure hope that is normal, cause if it isn't there is something wrong with me too!!
My son is 3 and going through something like this. Like you, I have those moments where I just feel like I don't like my own kid. I hate that feeling.

I wish I had words of advice other than "this too shall pass" I'm in the midst of a defiant, independent 3 y/o throwing tantrums all the time. And being a SAHM, while dealing with with my 1 y/o and Not having any alone time.

ha! I so know what you are going through. There were times when our son was so hard I was ready to give him to the gypsies. There were times when I did not like him AT ALL. He was such a pill. Anyway - things get much much better as they get older. My son was so hard at 2 and at 3 and at 4 and at 5...all in different ways. We stayed consistent and we always give consequences for when he was rude/bad. I want to say he is a very likable and well behaved 7 year old now. Hang in there. Give your self a break when you can - a teenage babysitter, go to a gym, take him to Mothers Day Out, swap babysitting with a friend once a week. You need it! I know you said your parents take him once a week but you may need another break mid week as well. It's a hard age with some kids.

I don't like not being able to control mine either. And they can really grate on my nerves sometimes. And your 2 yr old - well, they don't call it terrible twos for nothing. The good thing is, he is just trying to become more independant. That will be a blessing to you in the long run. The more he learns to do for himself, the less you will have to do for him. You're just in that phase of it taking him 3 times as long to do things as you and then you still end up having to redo it. But he's got to go through this willful, independant stage to get to the next stage. Hang tight mom. This too shall pass.

I have 3 kids under 5, who I am always alone with. If I had not disciplined them well, I would not have my sanity. By 2, these things need firm nipping and it's getting on the late side to start. Don't despair, you can turn this around, and have a cheerful loving relationship with your son in which YOU are in control. Get the book Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. I had no terrible twos threes or 4s-this book was to thank.

I remember telling my husband when my daughter was 6 and going through a particularly very bad time. I will always love that child, but there are days that I just do not like her. It was more not liking her attitude, and her actions, but you get my drift.

She is now 8 and went to California with her grandparents this weekend, and I have never missed anyone more than I miss her right now.

There are these wonderful places called Mothers-Day-Out. Usually the are located in Methodist Churches. We have 2 of them in po-dunk america...so I would think most places that have then church might have them. One is half day, 9am-noon on Tuesday and Thursday. The other is 10am-3pm M-W-F. They are usually about $20 per full day or less. I enjoy having time to go to the doc, buy groceries, fold clothes, take a bath, clean out the closets, etc...without help from little fingers. Check it out and see if there is one in your area.

I think we have all had those moments of monotony or when all control has completely escaped us. Now, if you find yourself entertaining thoughts of harming your child or yourself, then please seek help immediately, but it doesn't sound like that is the case here. You just sound like a mom that is in one of those phases right now when nothing seems to go right. Have you ever heard of MOPS? It stands for Mothers of preschoolers, but the title is misleading because it is usually for all moms with infants up to preschool age. Some even extend the invite beyond those years too. The main objective of the group is for moms to have a couple hours per week with other moms in the same season of life. Free childcare is usually provided, so you can enjoy your time without having to chase after or worry about your little one. Usually a guest speaker will talk to the group about a topic of interest to women. They are usually faith-based too. Sometimes we do crafts and there is always potluck. This is my third year being involved with my group and it has been a support system that I have grown to appreciate. We usually spend sometime sharing "mom moments" when you want to pull your hair out and to reassure each other that some days we secretly admit our children are driving us crazy or we didn't like them for awhile, even though we would walk to hell and back for them at any given moment.
Also check out Jim Fay's Love and Logic books, especially the ones for the toddler ages. They show you how to share control by giving choices within appropriate boundaries and using empathy and natural consequences to teach valuable lessons involving discipline. I think from what you described above, giving him choices will solve 99% of your frustration with him. He is at an age where he is developing autonomy and wants some independence, so the best thing to do is to give him some control and let him make some of his own decisions. Always give two choices that are ok with you and let him decide. For example, when you are going somewhere this is what it could look like: Let's get ready to go to the park. Would you like to wear your jacket or carry it? Do you want to wear the green jacket or blue one? Do you want to wear your red shoes or white shoes? Do you want to put on the right shoe first or the left one? Guiding him this way puts all of his attention on making a choice for himself and less likely to get into a power struggle with you or waste time. After awhile you will start to come up with a ton of these kinds of choices and it makes it fun for him and pleasant for you. You share the control this way most of the time, but sometimes you have to make the decision. It is much easier to get your child to comply because they begin to trust that you will give that control back when you are able. Kids grow up being trusting, flexible and much happier when they are taught to have healthy relationships like this. Good luck to you and God Bless. I am a teacher with a bachelors, masters, national board certification and 13 years of teaching experience. I can tell you there are some days when I feel like I use every bit of my training just to stay one step ahead of my 2.5 and 4 year old! Our kiddoes are smart and have boundless energy. We mamas have to stick together to keep our sanity at times! LOL!
A.

Staying home with your child is the hardest job ever. He seems to be just on his mark, that's what 2 year olds do :) within the next year or so things will be getting better and easier. Possibly getting him into some activities like gymnastics or swimming would make things bit easier. Just hang in there, they grow up so fast. I'm glad you get to get a break and " me " time. Just think of moms with twins or two small kids under 2, or moms who don't have a trustworthy person to leave a child behind, or single moms out there.

What has helped me. I don't do junk food snacks or juice, they supress kids appetite. I do healthy choices for snacks and meals. Don't force nap,
but possibly quiet time read a book after lunch. Some afternoon playground play outside or at the mall would be good. Dinner, bath, story time and he should be ready for bed or at least quiet time.

You're not alone!! Every age has their challenges and right now you're at the one where they're testing their boundaries. Testing how far they can push you before you give in to their constant demands. (Oh wait, that doesn't really change over time...just different battles)

My 2 year old does her best to get her way through screaming. Oh, the screaming/screeching. And the fit-throwing when she has to do something she doesn't want to do. Many trips have started out shoeless with me hauling her to the car.
My 8 year old is learning his lesson that if he whines or complains, the answer is automatically no. But has that stopped the whining? Ha--I wish!! Now that he's 8, he seems to think he knows everything and therefore challenges whatever we say. Doesn't matter what it is, he's convinced he's right whether or not he's SO wrong. Fight ensues. I'm learning how not to engage him in battles. I am the parent, he is the child.

I'm a SAHM, too, and while I love my husband dearly, I also need out time with people that aren't him (like girlfriends or whatever).

So, while the battles change over time, there are lots of things we learn along the way on how to better handle the situations so they don't grind us into the ground.

We don't have to like what our kids do, but we do still love the person! And that's ok!!

I am fairly certain that we ALL go through periods of not liking our children's behaviors.

As for dealing with the actual behaviors, Dr. Sears is an expert in the field and has some great advice:
http://askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/discipline-behavior

I really dislike my oldest right now. 5 and 6 year old boys are just unpleasant. Great when they're 4, then they are taken over by some kind of body snatchers. I hear they return around 7. Counting down the months until then.

Two year olds require tough love, patience and sometimes you have to choose your battles. It drives me crazy when I see parents try to reason with a two year old. No. You are the parent. Say no. If he says yes, ignore it. When it's time to go, GO. shoes or not.

This is normal. It gets better, or maybe you just get used to it. Lol! Either way, it gets easier.

I remember when my first kid was almost 3, I thought, who the hell kidnapped my angel baby and left this monster! Its hard to deal with.

He is just now learning that he does in fact have his own opinion and he is testing you. The only advice I can give you is to try to stay calm and in control at all times. Losing it and being super stressed about it isnt going to get either of you anywhere. Kids throw fits, they get over tired. Its normal, when my kids are to a point there is no reasoning with, I ignore them and they work it out themselves. Dont expect a 2 year to go get his shoes and sit nicely and put them on. Halfway down the hallway he is going to completely forget what he was even going to get. "Look!! Theres my truck!!" "Shoes who???"

Patience..

2 year olds are very challenging - they are just coming into their emotions, testing limits, boundaries, pushing buttons, finding that they can be independent, and it is very trying. It gets even tougher at age 3!

Our son is 3 and we've been there/done that---your post sounded alot like me last year (and still ! ) It's normal to feel the way you do - being a mom to a toddler is tough and rewarding all at the same time :-)

One thing I wanted to bring up --- some of your comments reminded me of our son. I always thought it was me expecting too much, or being impatient or quick to get aggravated...but our son was finally diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) a month ago. His doctor finally listened to my concerns and referred us to a great occupational therapist and he was evaluated and diagnosed. He goes to Occupational therapy and it is starting to help. It will take some work, some training and perserverance but we see signs of improvement.

We were told that many kids have SPD and their parents do not know it. (Heck, many adults have sensory issues we were told and do not know it). Basically it is this---input comes in thru the senses...the SPD child can't process or organize the info and react to it appropriately---they get overwhelmed or anxious even, and in turn it causes them to act out sometimes. Some seek more sensory input (banging, jumping, throwing, running), some avoid it and some react inappropriately. They're often very intelligent, normal kids otherwise...they just are overwhelmed by things sometimes and it appears they are just overly active kids, hyper, a bit unruly or stubborn.

This may or may not even be your child...but alot of moms reading this might want to check this out - and see if any of it seems familiar. Kids with SPD are crying out for help but have no way of really telling us that they are going through this and it is driving them nuts! (not to mention their parents, siblings, teachers etc).

Please read this - October is Sensory Processing Disorder awareness month. Share it if you think anyone might have a child struggling with this...

Check this out:

http://www.sinetwork.org/about-sensory-processing-disorde...

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/behavior-probl...

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-proces...

Stay strong!! Your little one is at a "FUN" age where everything they do gets a rise out of parents - good and bad!! Is he in a crib? If so, at least he is contained if you put him in there to take a nap. 2 is NOT too old to still be in a crib (unless they can climb out).

I hate to say it, but this might just be a frustrating time. Stay strong, remember YOU are the BOSS. When it is time to get his shoes and coat on, it is time to get his shoes and coat on. Give him warnings - "when this timer dings, we are going to put shoes and coat on" - set the timer (dont need to tell them how long, cuz kids don't have that concept of time yet)...but give long enough for him to "wrap up his duties".

2y/o can be TOUGH!!! Try a play group or somewhere where you can not only get out of the house, but vent/resource with other SAHMs. How is he for your parents?

My neice (2yo) is a beast for my brother and SIL...but she listens great for my parents. Granted, Grandma and Grandpa are special, but they also know how to deal with her attitude, set limits, because my brother was the SAME WAY!!! 2 y/os NEED boundries and they will do whatever they can to TEST those boundries. Be strong, be consistent, and be the BOSS!!! :-D GOOD LUCK!!!

I can relate. I tell my husband after a partically bad day with our two year old "He is going to work with you tomorrow because I just can't handle him!" A couple of weeks ago he was getting his molars in....I thought I wasn't going to make it. I just have to keep thinking he's only 2...it will get better. Also looking into those big brown eyes when he gives me the "bambi face." helps

I hear you. I really hear you! Just wanted to share scarymommy.com with you. For laughs and for confessions.

Yes, it is OK, normal and probably even healthy. There are lots of people in my life that I love dearly, but sometimes despise the sight of them including my children. Any mom who tells you otherwise is lying to herself and everyone around her. Good luck, hang in there and try to let go of the notion that you can control the little monster. Our job is to guide them, but that doesn't mean they are always going to listen.

Time Magazine just had a cover article about this very phenomenon! It was a little more geared toward favorite children.