My Daughter Denies Me-she Loves Her Daddy

I'm the mother of two. Please, please know that these Mommy/Daddy phases of preferring one over the other are completely NORMAL!! Just like your newborn needed YOU in infancy, she wants/needs him now. I would advise you to absolutely NOT discipline her for something that her instincts and nature are instructing her to do. This is her way of bonding with both parents....one at a time. Please enjoy your time with her when Daddy isn't there and let her cling to him/bond with him when he is. I promise, if you're a respectful and loving mom, she will come back to you in time.

Your husband secretly or not so secretly loves this and whether or not he intends to, he is contributing to the problem. The same thing happened in our house with our older girl, as well as with our younger son. The problem as I saw it was that my husband, who is great fun to be around with kids, got to spend his time having fun with them while I did all the nutritious cooking, cleaning, discipline, activity planning and drudgery. My solution was to let him take on some of the grunt work, not by nagging and complaining, but by simply going somewhere else (I have a part time job). Then he was forced to at least cook lunch and deal with the kids for a fairly long period of time (long enough to get aggravated and have to discipline). When I came back, it was my turn to be the fun parent who could play Barbies and make an origami bird. This went a long way toward making me less resentful, him more sympathetic, and our kids more appreciative of both parents. By the way, your children will love both of you equally, even if for different reasons. And they need the discipline and predictable routine that you provide, including the not-so-fun things, like carrot sticks and tooth brushing.

Don't take it personally, the other poster is right; it's completely normal. You hit the nail on the head when you said that basically you do the discipline and he gets to play good cop. What a nice position for him to be in. I know my husband loves it. I don't mind though because I know it's just how little girls should be with their daddys and I encourage it. She's the way she is with you because she expects totaly and complete unconditional love from both of you. It's easy for Dad to do it right now, and it's your job as Mom to do it, even when it doesn't seem that appreciated at the moment. You want to remain that solid, constant rock for her that she can hang on to when the really tough years come along 8-10 years from now. It's easy to say and hard to remember to do, to NEVER take any of it personally. Yeah, right! Good luck!

It sounds like Daddy is the soft touch of the family and your DD has realized that! I think Daddy needs to be the disciplinarion sometimes too. Mommy should not be the only one telling her no or telling her not to talk ugly. He needs to back you up not give into her. The next time she acts like that he should go over with you and say "Daddy loves Mommy very much and doesn't want to see her hurt ever. When you talk ugly like that to her it hurts her feelings which hurts Daddy too." You get the point. YOU TWO NEED TO HAVE A UNITED FRONT AT ALL TIMES. If you don't, DD will figure it out (which she has) and will manipulate both of you to get what she wants.

Take time away for yourself and leave your husband to deal with the kids and ALL responsibilities; do not pre-prepare lists, or meals or activities. Your first responses are perfect advice! We have two boys and it became instantly clear that time with dad was all play and otherwise I performed all other aspects of their care and planning for their lives. OF COURSE they only loved the play aspect! My husband is a great dad and a spectacular helper-spouse, but it was the kids who needed to develop skills with him as a disciplinarian or more than a playmate. They needed to know his rules and their limits with HIM, not only me. They also needed to discover we were on the same wavelength and that they could not get differential treatment from one of us. We "fixed" this early, that is, by pre-school/kindergarten, and although it was tough as the kids became teen males (of course), we both have retained special but unique ties to both boys even as they are now in college and starting their own independent lives. Good luck! You will do fine, because recognizing this issue is the most important step to managing it :)

my daughter did that for a while. It hurts, I know, but it is just a phase. For the past 2 years she has been in an obsessive mommy phase where she pushes him away now. When she tells you to go away, mock cry and tell her how sad that makes you feel. Have your husband back you up, "it makes mommy really sad when you talk to her like that." Your husband can also tell her he is not available once in a while and that if she wants it, it has to be from mommy. my 3 yo son, who is also in an intense mommy phase, will tell my husband to go away, mommy do it, and he will tell him if you want it, daddy will do it otherwise you are out of luck. Having a daughter, I will say that mother-daughter relationships are intense and even though one minute my 6 yo will insist I be the one to do something with her and cling to me, at the very same time she can be extremely sassy and rude to me. You will get your bond back, and then there will be times you will wonder whether you still have it.