Hi, my husband and I have a wonderful 14 month old daughter. She has been going through stranger anxiety for a few months now and has started with the separation anxiety. I know this all a normal part of development but my question is this: She doesn't even seem to want to be around her father. If she's home with just him she's fine but if we are both there then she just wants me. I mean, she cries if I try to go upstairs to take a shower. It's to the point that my husband has to distract her so I can leave to go to the store or sneak downstairs to do laundry. When he gets home from work she smiles and laughs when she sees him but when he tries to bend down to give her a kiss she grunts and pushes him away and walks over to me. I think he is starting to feel a little bad about his. We both work and she is in daycare 3 days a week so it's not like I'm with her every minute of every day. I try to get her excited about "seeing daddy" or loving on daddy and I will go over to him and hug and him or give him a kiss in front of her. I didn't know if this too is a phase or if we should be doing more about it. Thanks for the advice.
Can you work it out so one day a week or more, Dad picks her up at day care ? I think he'd find a very warm welcome then !!! :-) Other than that, I think it'll change over time. And one of these days, she'll cling to him, and you'll be the one snubbed.
Hi A.
I too went through this with my son. I really think it is just a phase that they go through. I know that when my son did it there were times when I just needed a break and wanted him to just let Daddy do whatever it is that needed to be done, so when I needed a break, he just had to deal with Daddy. Other than that, it just passed on it's own.
I don't have an answer, but I'm glad you asked the question because we're going through the same thing here. Our daughter will be 14 months old next week, so it must be an age/developmental thing. Reading through the responses, it was encouraging to hear that a lot of other people went through this. I hope it gets better for both of us soon!
A.,
do not make eye contact with baby girl ... let daddy handle everything ...it is his sweet daughter . tah dah...she will cry a bit, let her . ... now she loves loves daddy and you are jipped !!!!
grammy
Yup, pretty typical for some kids. You'll find some kids who have both parents working for a child to do that with both Mom and Dad and want to go to the nanny at that age. It's an age and stage thing to be with the main care giver for security. Nothing to worry about. Just keep on your regular routine with her and with time she'll be fine. My second child did that with Dad, which about killed him, lol, but it passed. He basically bribed him to come to him more often by using food! LOL
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
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This shall pass and she'll want nothing to do with you. Both of my little ones did this as babies, then as they got closer to 2, they were all about Daddy. He comes home and I am chopped liver, which suits me fine. You may have him take her somewhere fun once a week or so alone just to help the bonding process- a park, library, mall play area.
My daughter was the same way around that age and now she is the complete opposite. She is very clingy with my husband when he is home. I guess it is just all a phase.
Hope this helps.
My son was the opposite for a while. He liked his Dad more and me not as much. Now he is like my appendage. He is happy to see his Dad and I but when he is sick or gets hurt he wants me. I think one thing that helps is for your husband to take your daughter out,just the two of them and to do things together. My husband takes our son out on the weekends and does things with him when I am at work. It may also be a phase she is going through but I do believe they need some Daddy and Daughter time together so they bond.
A.,
My daughter went through that stage at the exact same time period as your daughter! She would yell "Dada" so excitedly when he would come home from work, but then wanted nothing to do with him. She would scream when he tried to take her upstairs away from me to change her diaper, give her a bath, anything. I felt so bad for my husband, and I know it kind of hurt his feelings too. We just stuck to what we normally did--with kind words from mommy first(Daddy loves Jocelyn so much too)--we didn't give in to the crying. (Daddy still gave her a bath, etc.) and the phase did pass after a few weeks.
Tell your husband to hang in there and try not to take it personally. My daughter's stage also coincided with strager anxiety, but it seemed to be directed toward men. In your daughter's situation, she is probably around mostly female caregivers--you and in daycare--so, tell your husband to keep that in mind. I know it is so hard for him, especially because he loves her so much...but it will pass!
Good luck!
My daughter is 15 months old and we experience the same thing. She loves Daddy but Mommy is number one. I recently read somewhere that this is normal for babies to have a primary parent they are attached too and it's typically Mama. And I think it was 18 months when they begin to attach to other caregivers- usually Daddy.
So in other words, you and your hub shouldn't worry about it. It doesn't mean she doesn't love him. And it's our "reward" as mothers since we had the honor of being pregnant for 9 months. :) I know I am going to remember this when my daughter is a teenager and cries because I enter the room! LOL! Good luck!
Hi A.,
I am a working mom also and although I did not have this problem with my son I have heard it often. When you work the children aue usually very happy withtheir caretaker but when you show up you are her main focus.Face it working moms have guilt so we can overcompensate when you spend the"quality time" with your baby.She is aware of the special time with you and does not want to give it up. My solution is that Dad needs to spend a little more time alone with his daughter and also spend alot of time together juggling her back and forth between the 2 parents.So that she feels equal comfort.Sometimes they switch and enjoy the loosey goosey comfort of the dad ,Sometimes they enjoy the nuturing mom.But just keep it consistent.
I also think that after 6 months she still has bad anxiety you might want to talk to your Pediatrician.Sometimes it is early signs for nuerological disorders.
Goodluck!
A.,
It has nothing to do with daycare. It's a phase. My son went through it too when he was about that age. It will pass & before you know it YOU'll be old news! Brace yourself. LOL
I think it would be good for her to be home w/just dad more or out & about with dad on errands, etc.
It's just a phase. My son did it too. It goes back and forth sometimes but I think if you are a SAHM then it is a little worse. My son wanted only me for awhile. Then it changed. When he was 6 or 7 though he wanted nothing to do with me. He only wanted daddy. It hurts but it's part of parenting I guess.
Hi A.,
I had the same issue with my 15 month old. The cure that worked for us was for my husband to spend more one on one time with her. Since I am her main caregiver, she only wanted me, which can be exhausting. So, I had a chat with my hubby to start playing with her more, taking her out to the park (just him & her) and that has really helped.
Hi A.,
Contact your local child development center.
Good luck. D.
It's totally a phase. My son has been through mom only and dad only phases a couple of times each since that age (he's just about to be 2). Enjoy her attention while it lasts, if you can.
