My Almost 3 Yr Old Is Behaving Awful

I haven't read the book myself, but I heard the author talking about his book on a radio program and implemented some of the major points with my 13 year old daughter. Her grades are improving.

"Ending The Homework Hassle" by John Rosemond

"...if the child fails to do his homework, no one should get upset but the child, and no one should be inconvenienced but the child."

"Kids are smart, but teenagers are clever."

"It is a simple statement of accountability that proposes that parents should never agonize over a child's behavior if the child is perfectly capable of agonizing over it himself."

"It's about coaching from the sidelines, as opposed to getting swept up in the action on the field."

Read, enjoy, learn, implement, then learn more!

Hi N.! Raising toddlers is quite tough..I am through that stage, my son is 14- a whole other ball game!

Kids are CONSTANTLY trying to get to our reserve nerve and test us to the fullest. We must remember one thing - NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT...they want to get a rise out of us. Take deep breaths and do not get angry. We must teach them. Now, keep in mind kids at that age cannot control their emotions. Kindly, gently BUT firmly teach her not to do that. I agree with one post above, sounds like she wants some mom time. I always taught my son that it is okay to get angry, sad, mad, etc. However, it is not okay, to hit and be mean and hurtful.

Also a BIG fan of the "naughty" mat, or bench (Nanny 911) timeout, whatever you choose to call it. After the tantrum has subsided, spend some quite time with her- read a book, do a puzzle, etc.

I would caution the big "lecture" talk with her, at this age, they cannot clearly express why they are doing these things, nor can they comprehend a big talk, keep it simple and in a 3 y/o capacity.

Another BIG help to the constant tantrums is making sure your daughter gets enough fresh air. Stroller walks, walking on grass, etc. The fresh air is very soothing.

Also, kids thrive off of structure and boundries. So keep a routine, i.e. breakfast, lunchtime, naptime, outside time, bedtime, etc.

Sorry for the long reply!! Let us all know what works best for you!

I have a 30 month old boy and my niece is 27 months ( I watch her most days). They both do the same thing...yelling "stop it" and telling me to "go get me apple juice", etc. I think a lot of it is just them testing us. What I've started doing is calmly saying that I won't respond to things like that and if they would like to talk to me respectfully, I will listen. After about 20 times, they'll either ask nicely or they'll give up altogether. It's a slow road, but it seems like it's starting to work. Good luck! PS-I live in North San Diego County and meeting other moms is difficult here, too. Check with your local library to see if they have weekly things (puppet shows, reading corner, etc). I also take my kids to Chick-Fil-A every week for "Mom's Corner". I think most of the branches do that type of thing.

Kate B offered some great advice! You're going to laugh, but I learn a lot by watching SuperNanny - I either learn something new, or am reaffirmed in what I'm already doing.

Kids act that way when they don't have enough boundaries. As soon as my little girl starts that stuff, I tell her it's not acceptable - she knows what my serious voice means - and I make her apologize.

And as someone else said, remember that you are not your daughter's friend, you're her mom - make sure she knows that.

I also have a 3 year old little girl. She'll yell at me and I'll get down on her level, look her in the eye and tell her, "You don't talk to me like that". Usually her response is, "Your not my friend" and I usually say, that means I'm doing my job. I think they end up loving us more, when we show them whose in charge.

Hi N., My son is three and has a mouth on him. And is very stressful sometimes. Maybe a play group. My son really needs to play with other children. I would like to meet up and take the kids some where. Or just talk .###-###-#### My name is C. V.

Girl! my son is THE SAME WAY! he is turning 3 at the and of august and he was in the "terrible twos" t like 17 months (what a fiesty little monster!). i am friends with a girl who's majoring in childhood psychology and her theory is that he's asserting his independence by acting like the "parent" and that it's normal for toddlers and young children to act like "lords of the house". my neice who is the same age as my son is also the same way, but even worse because she's a loud mouth! HA! just don't tolerate hitting... my son has a really bad habit of hitting me and Dad.

remember one thing: YOU ARE THE BOSS, NOT HER.

No offense, but I think it's because you let her. I think you show her that you're helpless when she yells at you.

The next time that she does that, make a seroius face. Ask her why she's yelling when there's no need, and if she still does, then use the 'naughty spot' type of punishment, however you do it. I don't know how either at first coz I wasn't born and raised here in the USA. The way I was disciplined was different.

you can also do what I do, I also have a 3 yr old son, and he does that to me sometimes. What I did in the beginning is gave him a gentle pat on the cheek. Not too hard that my palm marked on his face, but not too soft either. and then I told him that what he's doing is not good. The trick is for you to react when she does that, but react the way a parent is supposed to do, esp looking straight in the eyes usually threatens them. That was the first and the last. He still does that, but once in a blue moon, and now, all I do is give him a look, and it already makes him realize that he did something wrong. A 3 yr old kid is a 3 yr old kid. Just let her know that you rule, not her.

I hope that can help. good luck!!!!

I do not have girls, but 3 year olds pretty much act the same. I would distract her from yelling by interacting with her. Start playing with her favorite thing(toy, book, doll) and ask her if she would like to play with you. She is telling you no because that is getting her attention. Negative attention. Tell her that saying "no" to you is not acceptable behavior and she will be on time out if she behaves this way. Start out with 3-5 mins. This seems like an eternity to them. I will check back with you later. I live in Moreno Valley as well. If you ever want to stop by my shop and chat, you are more than welcome. 25042 Filaree Avenue

My heart goes out to you... my little one-year-old son is hitting his terrible twos way too early for me, I can sympathize!

Here's something to try if you're up for it: BECOME the enemy! Not to say out little ones are against us :) but the enemy here is unyielding, unreasonable, and intolerable behavior. Show her what it feels like to have someone go into a stubborn mental zone where they hear nothing (this is the hardest!) see nothing (close your eyes when she tries to look at you, or turn your head) nor say nothing (lips sealed tight!) It's a battle of wits, and children can try our patience all they want, we truly have MORE patience than they do. So use this to break her down; she'll either stomp off crying or angry, or possibly even physically attack you to get you to RESPOND (stay strong if this happens!) If she attacks, calmly, quietly and purposefully go into another room and shut the door so she can have her tantrum alone. No matter how she responds to your strong, silent, and resolute stance, wait a period of time, like 20 minutes when she has calmed down, and approach her and talk with her quietly about why behavior like she displayed will not be tolerated (of course in toddler context, not in our vocabulary!) Kids are really good at listening when they have had to spend some time alone really feeling their anger/disappointment, they really appreciate that reconnection you have with them almost immediately...

We can't take all of their disappointments away for them, small disappointments in the home (like no more chocolate, not playing with something that you do not want them to play with) helps them learn coping and accepting skills. It's just hard because it hurts us to see them sad or let down... I know so well! But no child has ever got hurt or died from not getting their way 100% of the time!

And P.S., it's okay to go into another room while she's on her time-out and have a good cry and tantrum yourself! It does feel good to let out frustrations out... just not as a mechanism to manipulate, which is what our little sweeties NEED to learn. Best of luck to you!

V.

when i moved across country from NYC to East bay, Ca. I met 2 wonderful friends who are now very dear to me through www.matchingmoms.org. It matches you up with other mothers in your area according to proximity, age of children, your age & similiar interests. In regards to your 3 yr old, that is just the age. She is defining her independance & maturity. Just set boundaries for her. Be consistant & firm. It is hard. I know. I have a 4 yrold & 18 month old

Don't worry, as long as she knows the rules, she will grow out of it. My daughter is almost 4 and she did the same thing!

I am A big believer in Time-Out! I have a 6 year old son and boy did he yell, lay on the floor, hit. . .wow the list goes on. But when I introduced time-out to him when he was 3 he hated it . . .because i would let him cry, yell, basically do anything (but he needed to be sitting down) and at first i would sit there with him to make sure he knew i wasn't joking about time-out. So my daughter saw that and she wouldn't do stuff to get herself in time-out. I thought it was a great idea. I learned that from parenting classes.

Good Luck

L.