Kicking and Hitting 2 Year Old

Updated on March 03, 2012
B.C. asks from Everett, WA
9 answers

I have a 2 and half year old son. We live with my mother and have a pretty stable situation going on. He doesnt see his dad often. He is in a great nurturing learning daycare facility, whom i almost never hear about my son being angry or violent. BUT at home he gets really angry and usually hits and/or kicks his grandma. She isnt any more of the disaplanarier then I. It makes her cry but he doesnt seem to understand the usual "Nice hands" or "gentle touches." Any suggestions or comments please. Thank you

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answers from Williamsport on

Discipline. Most 2 year olds do this, unless you discipline it. Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. And who cries? Grandma? No. No crying. Take charge and be firm. Being a disciplinarian is the reason I have my three sweet non-hitting kids.

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answers from Chicago on

He is old enough to start time-outs, but they're only effective when done consistently, seriously, and without anger. You and your mom need to work as a team and decide on the consequence for hitting or kicking, and when he does it, follow through immediately so that he understands the no-tolerance policy. Time-outs should include calmly taking him to the time-out chair or place while telling him, "no hitting", having him sit for 2 minutes (if he gets up, put him back gently and calmly as many times as it takes and start over the time), reminding him why he was in time-out after the timer ends, and giving him hugs before resuming play. Talk to your mom and see what you can do to present a united front on this and teach him as fast as possible that it won't be allowed!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

i recommend time outs if what he did was minor put him by himself for 5 mins and if major do what amounts for what he did.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Appleton on

There is more to this story than you have posted. Children do not simply strike out at anyone just because they are being disciplined.

That being said:
Very strongly or sharply say NO!
Put him on a time out --slap his hand or foot -- he needs to understand that being hit hurts. I don't think children his age understand that when they touch you --you feel it too.



answers from New York on

Pick him up immediately. Bend down, look in his eyes and tell your son (calmly) it's not ok to hit. Hitting hurts and I can't allow you to do it.

Do not give him any attention for a few minutes.

Time-out may work--not for all twos---if u do try it, you must be consistent !!

When he is playing with Grandma or eating with Grandma in a nice manner, compliment that behavior.

Even though kids look passive when watching tv/movies, they are actually tense. Limit the media time.

Kids do kick, hit and bite during the toddler stage. It's how we handle and being consistent that counts.

When my daughter was in the hitting stage, I used to tap a balloon with her (Under my supervision). I would tell her that I was going to hit the balloon up in the air. And we would tap/hit the balloon. I would remind her at that time that hiting people was not allowed. Or we would kick a ball outside...



answers from Detroit on

Grandma need to get a little bit more of a backbone and the next time he tries to hit or kick, he gets placed in time-out in the "naughty corner" and is told very firmly, "No hitting. Hitting is wrong and we don't hit. You are going to sit here in time-out for what you did." Repeat as needed every time it happens. Both you and Grandma need to be able to do this. Grandma crying is not going to teach him anything. Ask your mother what she would have done if it were you as her 2 year old daughter who tried to hit or kick her and if she would have put up with it, started crying, or disciplined you for it.


answers from Kansas City on

i think he needs a firm hand. it sounds like you are doing the best you can in your situation and stability is great, he really needs that. but if you are hoping that stability, surrounding him with love, and trying to make him "happy" all the time are going to make up for his dad being gone, and raise a happy healthy child, it's not...he DOES need discipline and that has nothing to do with father or no father. and she needs to get thicker skin. he's 2. it's NOT personal. kids do this stuff. she needs to immediately get firm with him and tell him "No Hitting." and put him in time out. every time. hitting or kicking means no attention, no contact, nothing good at all, just sitting in a corner or some other out of the way spot all by himself, for a minute or two. he will get it. this isn't a "why is my kid hitting and kicking" question - he's 2, they do that. this is a "need to discipline him and make sure it stops" thing. good luck!


answers from Los Angeles on

Being a disciplinarian doesn't cause a child to get angry or violent, for whatever reason he is getting frustrated and thinks he can take it out on Grandma. How are his language skills? Is he able to communicate his needs and wants effectively? Or is he getting mad because he doesn't get his way? Regardless, he needs to learn it is wrong to hurt Grandma and make her cry.

He's past the "nice hands", "gentle touch" phase, he needs to be put into a time-out away from Grandma and you and any action (playing, TV, ect.) going on, so he can realize that what he is doing is wrong and think about his actions. Tell him firmly, "NO" when he hits or kicks, and remove him or send him to time-out immediately, each and every time so he gets the connection. Once his time-out is over talk to him (or grandma if she's the one putting him in time-out) and explain that kicking or hitting is not allowed.

Be consistent and he will eventually get that he can't do this.
And please give your mother a hug from me.



answers from Dallas on

She needs to quit giving an emotional reaction to being hit other than to calmly and clearly say, "We don't hit." You can also talk about how grandma and mommy don't hit him, and he is not to hit them. Her reaction of crying gives him a pay-off (as is whatever reaction you give him). H's getting attention and he's causing her to cry which confirms that he's hurting her (which he may want to do in that minute). Instead of sending him to time out, have her bring him close and hold his hands and/or feet until he's calm. He could be doing this because he wants attention (and she may be taking your attention away from him in his mind) or is feeling insecure or is angry and doesn't not have the verbal ability to express that. What is generally happening before he does this or is there anything specifically that triggers him to hit or kick? If he can't control his emotions and anger right now, give him a pillow that he can hit if he needs to, but tell him that is the only thing he can hit. Or if he has a temper tantrum, ignore him and leave the room. Almost any reaction you give can give him a payoff, so you need to remain calm and matter of fact. Also, kids draw security from adults' strength...when you get upset, it spirals them farther into negative behavior. You can talk to him about happy faces, sad faces and angry faces...make the faces and talk about how you feel when you have that face. At random times, ask him to make the face that he's feeling right at that moment. It help him learn what his emotions are and a way to communicate them. Also, during calm times or as you're driving, you can tell him "hands are not for hitting...hands are for holding and hugging...feet are not for kicking...feet are for running and jumping" (as he gets older, you can make it a game to list other fun things hands and feet do). And, if your son is like my daughter, you'll have to progress up to "mouths are not for spitting...mouths are for talking and kissing" before this phase passes. (I turned it into a chant everyday in the car on the way to school because our situation was at school.) The good thing is that as he gets more verbal and has the words to express himself more, some of this will clear up.

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