Moms with Husbands in Film Industry - Los Angeles,CA

My husband too - video game industry. I basically do think of myself, not as a single mom because I am so lucky to have a husband bringing home a good salary, but a divorsed mom - I have his income stream, but not his body. One thing that a good friend taught me (not natural to me because I grew up in a low-income family), is to outsource as much of the drugery as possible and value your free time very highly - like think of your free time worth $100/hr, so don't waste it doing laundry or groceries. Try to hire someone to do that and as much other stuff as possible so that the few hours you get with your child and your husband can truly be spent enjoying each other or taking care of yourself. Don't be afraid to pay for the quick and quality solution. When you are both working that hard outside of the home it is critical that you readjust your thinking that way because the quality of your life is absolutely critical. Good luck!!!

Hi R.,
My husband is in the industry. He hasn't worked much lately because we had a baby recently so he has focused on taking time off and helping with the baby. The days he is gone, however, are long! He's selective in what jobs he accepts because I work full time and he can have time with the kids but that means that he is not as "in the loop" as he would like to be anymore. He mainly takes jobs on the weekends or at night. We sometimes are "strangers passing in the night." I look at it as temporary. It's not, but each job has an ending. I like the idea of hiring help but I haven't been able to find anyone to clean the house. I have used Vons grocery delivery service a few times when the kids are acting up and need to stay at home. That has relieved some pressure. Otherwise, I like to really plan out my days with the boys - going to Starbucks, getting a drink for me and a yogurt or snack for my 2 year old and sitting on the patio or going to the park. We always take lunch and when the kids get antsy, we go somewhere else (or home). I also pack the kids into the stroller and go for long walks. I have art time for us - coloring, drawing, etc. I stock up on things from the dollar bins at Target and Joann's and bring them out when I can't handle the energy in the house. Not sure this is what you were looking for but perhaps some of it can help...
:)

Hi R., I am in long beach too and my husband also works in the film industry. He also works 14+ hrs days commonly and often they are out of town as well. It is especially lonely when you don't have a community set up where you are living. I just moved to the area, so I feel your pain! My son is only a year as well, so there is only so much chatting I can do with a one year old before feeling like I need to get some other "adult" interaction or at the very least, get him another friend his age to play with. Make the most of time together...especially if he's in between shows. If he's anything like my husband, make sure you get him to actually rest when he's not working -- maybe mini vacations/roadtrips? Or have someone watch your kids and have a weekend away. And while he is working, just connect at least once or twice a day during his breaks. Once for you and once so your kids can say hi and tell him about their day. If you have that community, then you have people you can trust to watch your kid(s) when you and him are both working. It never gets easier, but I think staying busy, being connected with others, and making a habit of connecting with your spouse by phone, text, skype, or meeting him for a lunch break are all great ways to remind each other that you are not alone. I also have to remind myself, even though it is painful sometimes, that when I married him, I knew that this is the lifestyle I was choosing. Like I said, I'm around the same area, so I know this is like 2 yrs later from your post, but if you need support, I'm here.

my husband works in the music business and he works and travels 24-7 it sucks! i too feel like a single parent at times. i am a stay at home mom, so i am thankful to be able to stay home with my son. i just miss my hubby being around, but we've made a deal to have date nights when he is home. and if time allows a weekend getaway. its hard but you guys have to make time for yourselves and time as a family.

Hey there California wife!
I was so glad to see your post! I am knew to the website.
I know exactly how you feel. My husband just finished his first feature film, it almost ruined our marriage!! It was an independent film that took up the nights and weekends and I am thankful he is done. We have a 2 year old son and many days I feel like a single mom. The best advice I can give is that you have to schedule alone time with your husband when he "is" home. It is hard to stay connected when your spouse is far away or works crazy hours. I am knew to this industry, but that is where my husband's passion is and I'm trying to be supportive. I am taking it one day at a time and learning to adjust. I just started staying home with our son and it has absolutely helped my relationship with my husband. I worked part time before, but always felt that everyone in my life was getting 30% of me. I don't think that is the solution for everyone, but it has helped me.

Can you consider quitting your job, or cutting back on the hours that you work so that the time your husband is home you aren't spending it doing the mom stuff....homework; housework, etc. Also, have your husband schedule times for family time and make that family time count. Play games, sit at the table together for meals, go to a park, walks, etc., whatever fits your family lifestyle. My husband works non-stop also. We own two businesses and when he isn't working he has his "man" stuff he likes to do also so we have to make sure that we schedule time that we do things together. Some times I make sure to run errands when my husband IS home so that he is watching our children & interacting with them. When I'm home, they tend to turn to me for the attention - if I'm not here.....they get daddy time. And, I make sure we get out of the house as much as possible so that we CAN focus on our family vs. the day to day house stuff that can wear you out!! Don't forget date nights - those are VERY important!! If you can't have date time weekly, at least once a month - schedule it!!! Good luck......there was a day where man left at dawn & didn't come home 'til sun down..... and woman didn't leave the home AT ALL!! Enjoy each day as if it were your last; wake up each day knowing you will be making memories every day; decide which memory you want to create that day!! Good luck!!

I too have a husband in the video game industry, and there were days when he worked 36 hours. Basically, you have to learn to enjoy doing your own things. Try to make play dates with other people, whose company you would enjoy for yourself. Maybe have a play date on a Friday night at home with another mom that you can sit and talk and have a glass of wine. Yes we sort of are like single moms, but really we are in a much better position than the single mom because if we really needed our husbands, they are around. No its not fun, but we have to respect how hard they work and use this as lessons to our children about drive, dedication and hard work. My dad worked all the time when I was a kid, and he raised four kids with two degrees each, so there are lessons in it all. Hang in there.