Moms with Husbands in Film Industry

My husband isn't in the film industry but he is a firefighter and is gone 3-4 days a week. So I absolutely know how you feel. There have been times when this absence from each other has been good and times when it has been bad. I have found what works for me when I'm feeling lonely or overwhelmed is to just go do something so I don't dwell on how I'm feeling.

No offense, but what does being in the film industry have to do with it?
Many different professions require such long hours. My daughter's father was only home on weekends. It was that way for 6 years before she came along and it was that way afterwards. You just find ways to manage.
I AM a single mom and have been for many years. Working 12 -14 hour days then coming home to everything that needs to be done can really wear on a person, but, you just do what you have to do.
In this economy, so many people are out of work and hurting that even though you don't like how you're feeling, you have to be thankful you are both working.

Best wishes.

Yep.. it is feast or famine.. just part of it..

The other thing is if he skips a project.. sometimes, they will skip him next time.
That is why most of the people in the industry take each project that is offered..

IF it is available.. sometimes, I used to make an appt to try to at least have a meal break with my husband and take our daughter.. It was hit or miss. Also when she was really young, I could take her really late at night, since she was awake anyway..

If he is out of town and you are close enough, just being in the same town can help to see each other for late meals.. They are exhausted..

I also did small catering jobs on some shoots.. and that allowed us to see each other also.. throughout the day.

This was all before the good Cell phones.. at least now he can call or send a video of himself and you can send video to him..

There are m,any professions that have these types of hours. You just have to be creative. If he is like my husband he LOVES this career.. be glad he is happy with it.. Take advantage of the times he is off from projects..

When we were first married, my husband worked 8 hour days, then went to school afterwards for about 4 hours, then when he came home, he was too tired to spend any time with me at all. I also worked and went to school, and we somehow, always found pockets of time through the week to spend together.

I didn't have kids then, but can only imagine how that would add more strain. Is there any way you can afford to have a nanny or sitter come by one day a week or so at night to maybe give you company and help watch the kids while you clean/cook... or help cook/clean while you watch the kids?

Then, try and schedule family time together whenever you can and make the most out of it.

My husband works and goes to school, he leaves around 6am and comes in around 11:30 sometimes he comes until 1am!!!. I also feel like I'm a single parent sometimes, but I know he does it for us. I just want him to know how much we appreciate all he is doing for us.
Don't worry momma, you'll be ok. Just make sure you really enjoy him when you guys are together. Good Luck

I hear you with feeling like a single mom. I think what makes the film (or TV) industry so difficult on families is that it's so all-consuming - it's almost impossible for my husband to communicate with me when he's working on a show, and the show always comes first. It's very hard to take time off or change the schedule due to the high pressure of getting the show on the air. Also it's hard to predict when he'll be home and when he won't, so that's h*** o* both the kids and me - although we're all grateful he's been able to work steadily. I used to work in the same field so I understand, but, it puts a strain on both the person who's working and the family at home.

My husband is working 10 hour shifts at night, hes an electrician, not in the film industry, but he leaves at 5pm and gets home at 5am. Since he is doing manual labor he is beat when he gets home and sleeps until like 2-3pm. So that leaves maybe an hour with him, after he does all the stuff he needs to do. He even works Saturdays. Its really hard, especially since we just found out baby 3 is on the way and im sick. BUT, Im trying to stay positive, get out as much as possible, I do work so that helps. On weekends I usually hang out with my parents and my sisters with the kids. I think I might try to join something with my little man during the day while my princess is at school. Just trying to keep busy. I really miss my hubby though. :(

Does music industry count?

Long hours, weird times, other people/professions (execs, promotors, press, artists, frenemies, crew, tech, reps, gearheads, makeup, wardrobe, designers, ETC.) all invading personal space, groupies, industry bs, networking, industry "standards" (rolls eyes)... <laughing> the list goes on.

I think that no matter the profession, or at least for many professions, the spouses have certain crosses to bear. Whether that's military, cops, firefighters, spies, entertainment, arts or preforming arts, politics, archeology, athletes, fishermen,... name anything that's not 9-5 M-F and it throws that particular family out of sync with those around them. Just like it's comforting to be around other parents when non-parents are looking at you like you've got two heads... it's nice to be in the company of people who "get" where you're coming from, and what's "normal" in your life is normal in theirs as well.

My sister in law works with Sylvester Stallone. She travels for weeks and sometimes months at a time in and outside the country. Her husband and son stay behind and figure things out. It is all part of the industry.

I am an event photographer and before I even get out of the truck, I call my husband and tell him I am going in and he knows I will no longer take his calls. He is on his own and whatever happens he will have to deal with it. I can't be on the phone and give my client, especially a bride, my undivided attention. He usually just says, "ooooh-kay".

MY husband is not in that indusrty, but is an exec chef who works at 9am and comes home late- 10ish. I went back to work early summer and it is hard. I feel like a single parent a lot. He is a good man, bu does not do a lot of the household chores. It is def. rough!

Hi, my husband is an attorney and works ridiculously long hours. I understand how you feel like a single mom and how frustrating that can get. I am an executive and have a very demanding job so the feeling of single mother-hood is frustrating when we are able to balance life/work and our husbands are not. Having said that, I think that is just the difference between most men and women. To bond, I will get him to to commit certain hours on weekends and we run errands together. We never have dinner together, but we always do on weekends. Also, I try to schedule as many weekend getaways as possible because he is such a workaholic that he doesn't have "time" for vacation. With all this said, it's tough and we continue to work at it. Hang in there and just be creative and try to schedule things around your "likes" . all the best!

My hubby's not in the film industry, but he's rarely ever home. His job is 90% travel where he builds new factories either out of state or out of country. In a year, he may be home a grand total of four weeks (not consecutive either). You just take one day at a time and keep the communication lines open. Thank goodness for all the great new communication technology we have nowadays:) We Skype and talk about seven times a day on the phone. Did I mention that we have a baby and a 5 year old too? So, I'm raising my kids alone pretty much. Make sure that you have good family and friends to help out when you need them. Keep your head on straight and focus on doing the best job you can for your hubby and your kids. It's a sacrifice, but with this economy and job market, it's tough to find another job, so you have to do the best you can. It also helps to have a daily routine in place to keep things going smoothly.

Hope this helps,

M.

I'm not sure if you are still married to this man but my husband has worked in the film industry for 22 years. We have been married for 15 years and have a 14 year old. I love him but I really am thinking of getting divorced because I have been doing this for 15 years. Last year I saw him a total of 6 weeks out of 13 months. He is a gaffer. He works all over the country and never knows when the show will be done, if it will be picked up the next year. He never can answer my calls because he's on set. He only has two days off a week so he can't really fly home. Last year he was in Detroit he said he didn't know how long the show would last. I rode it out and made it 8 months. He came home and I was so excited but then he left again cause he got another call to do a show in Georgia. Now he's gone again for 5 months. When I ask when he will come home ...he says Aug. but then he doesn't even know for how long! I think it is crazy to spend your whole life waiting for someone to get off work and they don't even know when work ends. All I know is most my memories or being with him are NOT being with him or being upset because he can't even leave set for an hour or two to pick me up from the airport when i go see him because he can't leave set. The film industry is a little different then other professions because there is NO set schedule. > They never know anything about what they will do next or when or even when they will get off work ....... I REALLY HATE THE FILM INDUSTRY!!!!!!!!!!!

I completely hear you. My husband works in the film industry and I'm really struggling. I've got a 2.5 year old, and a daughter on the way. I also work a very demanding job in the pharmaceutical industry. My job and career has floated us for almost our whole marriage, but in the past three years his has picked up. There are some things that are unique to the film industry. My husband works in the sound department, so his phone is always on silent. Other than a few random texts in the day, I don't hear from him. He's either working out of town, in which case I hardly see him, or he's in town and working 15 hour days, coming home at all random hours and having to sleep during the day. The hard part is that my job is at a level that I can financially support the family, so its not really about the money. Its about his career. Which I can understand, but I feel like my career is being pushed to the side. On the one hand, if I quit, I could try to meet him on-set somedays for dinner and such. Follow him to other towns at times. But it would also mean that my career that I've worked so hard at for all these years got pushed aside.

Also, there is zero work-life balance in the film industry. There are no sick days. If your kid is sick, he can't leave set. Its just tough.

Hi R.-
As you can see your not alone! Its doesnt make it easier but we undersatnd. My husband is in the construction business, he has been working out of town for 4 yrs, my son is 4 1/2. COMMUNICATION is HUGE! We skype with our son, so they can see eachother. Its so imposrtant for my son. We (my son and I) Talk to him 2 twice a day everyday, once in the morning before school and either skype or phone after dinner. Being a sinlge mom is hard, but I had to except the fact that either we are homeless and see eachother everyday or have a roof over our head. And I try to show how much we appreciate his hard work and excited when he does come home! Good luck, we are always here for you!

Hi R., I am in long beach too and my husband also works in the film industry. He is, however, not as high up as a director or coordinator might be, which means he is subject to whatever hrs he is given, often 14+ hrs at a time. It is especially lonely when you don't have a community set up where you are living. I just moved to the area, so I feel your pain! My son is only a year as well, so there is only so much chatting I can do with a one year old before feeling like I need to get some other "adult" interaction or at the very least, get him another friend his age to play with. Make the most of time together...especially if he's in between shows. If he's anything like my husband, make sure you get him to actually rest when he's not working -- maybe mini vacations/roadtrips? Or have someone watch your kids and have a weekend away. And while he is working, just connect at least once or twice a day during his breaks. Once for you and once so your kids can say hi and tell him about their day. Thank goodness for modern technology!