Has anyone encountered an overbearing mother in classes with your child? How did you handle it? What do you do with a mom that corrects other children in the class, when it has nothing to do with her own child? She makes rude comments to other moms in the class, whom are my friends,they walk away visibly upset. It upsets them but who wants conflict in your child's class.She has not done it to my child personally, but it upsets me to see my friends so upset. I find it harder to deal with each class. I just don't understand what would make someone so rude to another parent. Her child is younger and tends to play alone. The other children are older and have their issues with sharing, taking toys, pushing, etc. The rest of the moms have known each other in class for over a year. We tend to let the children resolve some of their issues and get involved when necessary(hitting,biting,etc). We only do this with our own children.When other children are involved we jump in immediately. It seems she has problems with how we handle our children...are we wrong?
Thank you ladies! Your responses were wonderful! I believe her child is 18 months, which is a world apart from a 2 yr old. I can definitely see your point of seeing the other side. My daughter has always been outgoing and aggressive. Not in a bad way, she just doesn't really cry about getting a toy taken away, getting hit, etc. BUT I need to realize that not all children are that way and she is just looking out for the best interest of her child. I will see it from her point of view and make an effort. I hope she returns the kindness and stops making rude comments. Kill them with kindness right???:)
Hi Lani O I assume this is elementary school you are talking about. First of all, what is the teacher saying about this woman behavior in her class? This mother has know right coming in taking over!!! These parents should express how they feel about this to the teacher. So she/he can put a stop do this.
I believe that a "class" is not a playgroup at the park. There are certain expectations of parent and child behavior. I have no idea what kind of class your taking, but most that I have taken with my kids that were that young involve full parent interaction for the whole class. That's why you are there. Now, if its just a playgroup without a teacher leading activities, I completely agree with letting kids work out issue.But, part of taking a class with your child is to teach them appropriate behaviors. Playing the other side here . . Are you and the other moms off talking while the kids interact since you have known each other for so long? I don't mean to make the assumption, but the way you said it seems that they may be the case or at least what this other mom perceives to be the case. Especially because she is not included in you "group". Maybe you and your friends are not seeing everything that is happening. I have taken many a class where a group of moms knew each other, ignored everyone else, and chatted alone while the kids played. I was very protective of my kids as toddlers and did tell other children not to take things out of my child's hands, not to touch my child is certain ways. I did not however, get involved with other peoples kids if it did not involve MY child. If I perceived that something they were doing was "about" to involve my child (pushing, running with toys, etc.)I would move my child away. She may also not want her younger child to pick up the behaviors exhibited by other children. If this is the case, she needs to drop the class. I just wanted to give another point of view. Good luck in dealing with other moms. Its never easy and everyone has a different idea of right vs. wrong.
Since your daughter is 2 and you say the Mom's child is younger and tends to play alone, I'm assuming the Mom's child is a very young toddler.
I'll bet this is a case of a new, first-time Mom who doesn't quite understand that a 1 year old's behavior is VERY different than a 2 year old's! She hasn't yet experienced her own child's exploration into parallel play that occasionally conflicts with other children (pushing, issues with sharing, etc.) As we know, it's not realistic to expect any 2 or 3 year old to easily share 100% of the time without issue. But this Mom does not understand. Her child doesn't misbehave (yet), and she thinks it's due to her "perfect parenting."
She's in for a rude awakening as her child gets closer to 2 and then 3. Is there anyway you and your friends could feel better knowing that she just doesn't get it? No...you are not wrong. It feels horrible to be criticized about your own parenting. I'm just not sure anything you say to this woman will make any difference.
I am the mom of an 17 month old. And recently my girlfriend who's daughter is 18 months older than my son was over. And I said to her, that this is new to me. When do we step and and say something and when do we let them "battle"it out themselves. For the most part they play very nicely together. Both of our kids are in daycare and I think the normal interaction of other kids helps because the kids are used to playing with other kids. I know I make mistakes, but I hope that I handle things well with my son. I plan to make a day and go to daycare and hang out with the kids and do story time or something like that. So I can see him play with his friends since I do not pick up or drop off at daycare, my husband does. Experience is just that.. you have to do it to know it. it goes for us and for them. Hopefully she will get used to it and back off. If not I would definitely say something to the leader/teacher. She should know respect and respect others, but not everyone has that. Good luck
i believe that sometimes you let the kids work it out, but for me its more at around 3 or 4. when they are 2 and younger you need to teach them to share, or take turns and not to hit etc. I get mad when some rude boy will go up to my son at the library and say "I NEED THAT" or "GIMMIE THAT" with of course no mother around. I say to that child "maybe if you asked nicely and said please you would get what you are looking for". there have been times where i have had to say to a child "where is your mommy. your mom can help you with that." and "he's not sharing. he is not being nice and we don't play with boys who are not nice."
but i guess that's to the child w/no parent. I can't imagine saying things to other parents that is rude, and can only make guesses about what you are talking about. I think if a 2 yr old just takes something away from my child that i don't know, i expect the parent to redirect them.
or i will.
What kind of a class is this? Can you ask the teacher or leader to make it clear what the expectations are for the children?
I agree with your philosophy - I think some parents jump in too quickly for every little tiny thing. The whole point of having kids in social groups is to let them figure out some of this stuff for themselves (within appropriate boundaries, of course.)
No I don't think you are wrong , you have to let kids learn how to work out little arguements themselves , obviously if it ends up with hitting/pushing/biting then you need to step in. I think the other mom has a right to intervene with her own child how she see fit , but to try and discipline other people's kids when the mom's are present and it doesn't involve her child then that is going too far , and I would say something. I wouldn't be rude but the next time she did it I would ask her not to explain that I am capable of stepping in when I feel I need to.
Hope this helps
K.
I agree with Lee's comments. It sounds like the mother is trying to protect her child from some perceived, potential harm from the very developmentally appropriate behavior of older children. One day she will understand that kids just do these things in social settings. This is how they learn to navigate the complex world of social interaction. Of course, we all want to protect our children. Who can fault her for that? It's all about how its done so not to alienate other parents. It takes time and finesse to hone your reactions given the situation. Sounds like she isn't there yet.
I'd hold my tongue for the time being as long she isn't being overly intrusive or harsh with your child. You might want to be extra attentive when you child is playing around her child just to make sure everyone is following the proper rules: children and parents alike. And lastly, if it really becomes problematic, avoid her all together.
Good luck!
