Mixed Faiths - Help with the Holidays, Etc.

Speaking from experience, I wish that I had asked this very same question 20 years ago.

I have found that you BOTH must honor what you individually believe, so if that means 'celebrating' both Christmas/Hanukah, then by all means somehow find a way to honor and acknowledge the religious parts of each of you. It needs to be done from a deep level of respect for one another. I do not recommend ignoring or avoiding 'the holiday's' as this leads to resentment and wrong assumptions over the years. I scaled back my beliefs and holiday spirit for many years to allow room for my husband beliefs. I have nothing but regrets about this decision now. I have learned over the many years that culture and traditions are primarily passed on through the mother and her organization of the house and holiday's. Men don't contribute as much to these events. They show up, eat, drink and obligingly socialize. They pay for it all (when you're a SAHM). For the most part, YOU will be setting the tone in your own home.

With that said, I'll be direct, I do not think it fair of you to change your mind AFTER having children when you have been going along with your husband's 'huge' family celebrations without objection. These are discussions and decisions that couples should navigate through together. I think it would be a beautiful experience for your children to see their mommy honoring her faith and at the same time lovingly support her husband. In the end, what is more important? Loving and accepting one another and ultimately getting along. I don't think your children will be confused if religion is practiced as a deep sustaining faith and not some 'right' or 'wrong' choice.

Peace be with you as you live your decision.

I don't know what your two faiths are, but there is a website Interfaithfamily.com that may be a helpful resource. It's primarily a Jewish/non-Jewish focus, but it still may be helpful. I've found that people have a variety of opinions on how Interfaith families "should" work. Only you and your husband can decide what is best for your family. I know many families who are raising their children as Jews that also celebrate Christmas with their non-Jewish family members and it seems to work well. Again, you know best what is right for your family. If you are in a Jewish/non-Jewish situation, I have some other resources as well. You can contact me at ____@____.com

Good luck!

I grew up with both a catholic dad and a Jewish step-mom. We celebrated both. As a child, we just learned that different people celebtrate differently. We learned to find/develop our belief system and faith, by appreciating differences and learning about them. Kids are very open-minded and it's actually a blessing to have them experiences these things!

Best,
C.

I think you have an awsome opportunity to teach them about both religious backgrounds. I think if we all learned about other religions that we would all have a better respect for every one else! my sons school had a holiday program a couple of years ago and they sang a song form diffrent cultures and talked about that culture. I thought it was really cool. Kids really understand more than we give them credit for. and this is just my opinion!!
Good luck

CS,

It would be helpful to know which faiths, to give you ideas on how to mix.

Thanks,
D.

Hi,
I was raised Catholic, but now I am Agnostic and leaning more and more towards Aetheism. My husband has never been raised in any faith and it Aetheist. My parents are devout Catholic. We read books on why some people celebrate Christmas and I would like to get a Nativity set. We also read books and discuss Hanukkah and Kwankaa and any other cultural/religious book we can find. We play the Dreidel game too. My parents give us some religious stuff and we are respectful and say thank you. They go to church on Christmas day and we don't. We feel it is good for our children to be knowledgeable about what the different religions are and what we believe and what other people believe. We do the traditional opening of presents and talk about Jesus and what he means in a moral way, but we don't bring the religious part into our celebration. We want our children to be able to choose what they want to believe in, in the future. I think the confusing thing for me about God, is I was told there is definately a God and that I should do certain things or I should feel guilty. No one can prove there is one or not, so we believe that being the best person we can be to ourselves and others is the best way to live life and if there is a heaven, we will go because we were good people. We constantly do activities at home to teach morals and we involve our children in charities so they understand the importance of giving and helping others. We also practice being kind to others, RSVP, return phone calls, say hello, help friends when they are sad, etc.....Isn't that what God and Jesus would have wanted, if they exist? I think the confusing part for me is not having proof of any of that existing and so I was on a long journey my whole life always being confused and doubting. It is good to have questions and be educated and get different points of view, rather than being told one story and one side of things - that is where the narrow mindedness and hypocritical part lies. I hope you figure out what to do. It seems you are an open minded person, jsut from your email and that you will do what feels right for your family. happy holidays!

My husband's family and my dad is also Roman Catholic. My mom and brother are Christian. I have not been baptized yet. However, most of my family are buddhist/taoist and pray to a buddha and burn incense and give offerings to the deceased during the spring and fall.

But we all do the American Tradition. Potluck is the best way. If you don't have the money to do gift exchange,then do white elephant for the adults and for the kids (unmarried and single) stocking stuffers.

And forget worrying about mixing holidays with faith. It will be less stressful.

My religion is unique so my family and I have run into this type of prob before....basically what we do is explain to the kids that there are different religions and different ways to celebrate what you believe in. Then do it your way and his way. They will eventually choose their own way of worshiping who they believe in. Make it clear that you are all there to answer any sort of questions that the kids might have. That way they are not confused and both of you guys can teach what you know....

i gre up catholic, very catholic, but as soon as my parents could no longer"make " me go to church, i stopped going. my husband is form a very southern baptist family. he too is also non practicing. we raised our sons to wait and choose a religion when they are old enough to pick what they want to be. my oldest went with catholic and my youngest who is 18 is still attending different churches and researching where he wants to go. on the years we spent with my family we did go to midnight mass but i think my boys liked the thrill of being allowed to stay up that late. when we ae with my husbands family we attend their church services. we have taught our children the basics and on holidays we celebrate by volunteering at the mens homelss shelter. during thanksgiving we help the fire department collect food and sort it into boxes and deliver them . we also do that before christmas. some years we had a christmas tree, some we didnt. it all depended on what the kids what. we do exchange presents but nothing big or spectacular. we buy gifts throughout the year instead. depending on needs or behavior and accomplishments. we never wanted toexclude them or make them feel different than their peers so if they wanted to clelbrate christmas or thanksgiving we did. it is not their fault that we adults have decided to not participate in an organized religion. and i didnt want them to feel pressured like i was growing up. some may disagree but that is our choice and we are very happy with it.

My husband and I are different faiths He is Jewish and I was raised catholic. We celebrate both holidays will all of our family! My kids are learning about all the dif religions out there because my mom is also of a different raising. I think its good to teach them about all religions and let them have the choice of what they like.

Hello,
Since you didn't say what Faiths you are it's hard to help. Actually my husband and I grew up with didn't Faiths. He is Catholic and I am just Christian. On Christmas Eve we have always gone to Mass with his family becasue after all Christmas Eve Service should be the same at every Church. We don't do much else different but as long as we are together that is what matters.

As for your situation and your 2 Faiths, Celebrate Both of them because your Children should learn both Faiths and what they represent and why you Celebrate them. Don't hide one or the other or do one over the other Celebrate them both. Keep doing what your doing. They should learn both Faiths and thier Heritage.

Good Luck