So my husband is in the Navy and deployed and I work as an EMT and work 24/48, so our daughter has to go to daycare for 27 hours at a time and she hates it. I've tried to explain to her that because "Daddy's at work," that's what I tell her when she asks for him, and when Mommy goes to work she has to stay there. I've tried to appeal to her empathy telling her that Mommy has to go help sick people and take people to the hospital. I've also tried the if you want nice things speech. But NOTHING seems to work. She is an advanced 2 year old and understands quite a bit. How do I get her to not hate being at daycare over night? The ramifications carry over into the next day, when I pick her up she starts screaming, crying, and talking back to everyone- being incredibly rude. And it lasts for hours unless I let one of her friends come over to play, then she's decent. But it seems like if I want/need to go anywhere a tantrum ensues. By the time my husband gets back I may have to be locked in a padded room :D. So if any of you military moms have any input I'm all in. Thanks in advance.
****** I thought I might add that she is not in an institution day car she is in a home daycare who she has been with for the last year. And no neither his family or mine are nearby. They all live in Maine and New Hampshire. And leaving my job is not an option.
Is it possible to make different arrangements for Zoe ? A smaller environment, maybe someone's home where she feels more comfortable and get more one on one.Sometimes being with another family makes all the difference,I definetely would look into finding an alternate and trying it.
Wishing you luck,please let me know how it goes...
Hi H.,
Is there any other alternatives....like a friend who has a child too that might enjoy a little extra cash to watch her overnight?
I watch my little granddaughter who is 2, about 27 hours (overnight) once a week. It is quite a long time for a toddler to be away from Mommy.... even though my granddaughter really loves being with us at our house. Even though your daughter is advanced as a two year old...toddlers definitely do not have the capability of "understanding" adult responsibilities. I will pray for you....maybe there is a better alternative than a daycare...one that would make life happier for daughter and Mommy!
God bless your family this Memorial Day...I appreciate your sacrifice for our country!
Blessings,
D.
Wow that sucks. She is of course feeling completely abandoned. You bet she's mad about that. She has every right to be. Time to stay home with her or change jobs. Kids aren't meant to sleep overnight anywhere at that age.
Been there. Check with some of the other wife's how's husbands unit. See if some of them might want some extra income, etc. It may be that if they have children,backyard etc. that she may be happier with being there in the evenings. I had one like that for almost two years and he was just one of the family,went through potty training and all with him. He was always glad to see his parents but did not set up a big fuss when he came to my house and played with my son same age and spent the night. Good luck.
Advanced or not - she still is 2yo and is being asked to adjust to A LOT of changes on a regular basis - nothing is routine.
Is it possible to find someone to stay in your home with her while you're working. A college student perhaps or a family member? Is there a program through your employer that puts you in touch with sitters? There are several such agencies throughout Houston and they perform background checks, etc on all of their employees.
Please consider this - her Daddy is deployed and she is not able to comprehend when he is coming home; to her is seems like forever. Every 48 hours you drop her off at a place that is not home and go away for 24 hours - which again to her can seem like forever. After 24 hours you remove her from her nest and take her home for 48 hours. She is constantly moving and changing locations.....she needs more commonality and the same.
Not quite a military mom but I was married to a military guy for 10 years..then a single mom so I understand. Some of her behaviors seem to be just typical control issues for a 2 two year old. You sounded like you were describing my son. I had to deal with terrible fits...for hours. I worked not as long as you but 12-14 hours a day. I stayed very consistant and made a reward bucket to reward good behavior. It was hard and I cried a lot but we made it through...he is 3 1/2 now. You say that she understands...that is the problem- she is smart enough to get it just not process it yet. Keep her informed and tell her everything that is coming next and stick with it. Is there a friend that she can stay with instead of a daycare at night that may me more cozy?
Hang in there... you are doing great! (and you don't have to quit your job)
H.,
I would suggest you look into DaveRamsey.com. He shows you how to make a budget and get out of debt. If you are able to get your finances to a point that you could stay home with your daughter that would be best for all of you. "Having nice things" is far less important than your daughter and her happiness and well-being. Wouldn't you agree?
Do you have any relatives around that she knows well or close friends she's spent time with? If so, could she stay with them or have an older cousin or someone like that stay with her? That age is very bad for separation anxiety and she' missing both of you and the world that is familiar to her. 27 hours is a lifetime to a child that age. Can you maybe hire a live-in nanny that she could bond too? I don't think you need to go so far as to quit your job, give up well-paying career? No, but maybe you can call her on the phone more, make funny little cards or tapes for her to find, let her know that you haven't forgotten her.
Remember she is 2 and this is a huge change for her. As hard as it is for you it is twice as hard for her. Even if she is very advanced for her age, she still isn't going to understand everything that is going on. You might want to check out the Elmo video about parents deploying. It can be found at militaryonesource.com, and it is free. You might also want to see about getting her a pillow that has Daddy's picture on it and she can take it with her to child care.
I understand how hard it is not being near family, we haven't lived near family in the 15 years he has been in. You might want to ask your military family if they can help. As someone else said there may be someone who might be interested in watching your daughter at your house, which may make things easier for her and you.
Good luck, it does get easier!
H.,
Mine leaves in July, so I'm getting ready for all the challenges of 2 kids & Daddy gone. Some of what you described just sounds like the joys of having a 2 yr old, & if she is advanced then that just adds to it. Mine hated it when I would leave even when she had Daddy with her,at that age. My husband is in the reserves & when my now 5yr old was 2 he would leave for a week or 2 at a time. She was also advanced & I found if I explained to her where Daddy was & that he was helping to keep other people safe that helped alot. Kids understand alot mor than we think. Talk to her, she will take in & understand only what she can, which may be more than you think. Also try showing her where Daddy is, find a globe & show her where she is & where Daddy is. When you just tell her that he's at work, then she doesn't understand why he doesn't come home. Show her that he is working far away & can't just come home, but reasure her that he will be home as soon as he can. It sounds a bit like she is afraid that since Daddy went to work & hasn't come back that she is afraid the same thing will happen with you. reasure her that you both love her & are there for her. You will get through this! I'll be praying for you.
Greetings H.!
So, you do not have any family nearby that can help? Okay if that's the issue; do you have any close friends that you have met or have that have kids of their own that could help as well? Okay! My next question is- Mom, how are you? What kind of energy do have when you go pick her up after work? Do you try to find yourself searchimg for a quite place to take a nap? And be honest? Then I can really help! w/b!
Ms. Liza.
Hi H. I know what you are going through my husband is also deployed at the time and I have a 2 year boy and a set of 4 month old twins. Its been very difficult ever since my hubby left because my son seems to cry out for daddy and is becoming rebellious. He has his days were he is ok and other days were only mommy can love him. I just really think that you should give your daughter some time to get used to things she'll come around. Stay strong girl things will get better!!
Is this something new? I travel a lot for work (and have done so since my daughter was 4 months old). Some homecomings are better than others, but she definitely went through a phase when I thought I would have to quit my job--add in a couple of ear infections and I was about to lose my mind.
My best defense was consistent discipline and scheduling--we definitely have a routine when we are together. You could be, unwittingly, upsetting her sense of order (which is highly developmentally correlated at this age).
Only you really know what your child can understand, mine surprises me everyday, but don't set yourself up for a willful child that require a detailed explanation for everything. Early on I have purged the "okay" from the end of my sentences...afterall, I am not really asking her permission!
It is okay to need OR want to work. I don't have family close by either, so every day is a challenge. Sure, I'd love to stay home, but it isn't an option irregardless of my debt, or things, or whether or not my ex-husband decides to pay his child support each month. Good luck...this too shall pass.
