My Mother-in-Law is upset, because my husband and I went to Las Vegas and I asked my Mom to watch my 2 year old son and not her. My Mother is retired and wouldn't need to ask off of work and also my Father-in-law has been in and out of the hospital several times this year, so it would worry me to leave that far away and wonder if my Mother-in-law would have to rush my Father-in-law to the hospital while we were gone.
I've always tried making time between the Grandparents as equal as possible, so this is really bugging me. I've asked her to come over a couple times and even go to the Zoo with us, but she just says no. She doesn't even give an excuse, she just says "no that's ok."
We are expecting our second child this Christmas, so I am really wanting things to be cleared up before then but I don't know what to do.
Please Help!
(My parents are 5 hours away, my in-laws are 1 1/2 hours away, so when we see my family we usually stay longer, but we see my in-laws more often, since they are closer).
Talk to her I guess.
I have similar issues with my mother & MIL...
My mother lives about 3,000 miles away from me. My MIL is about 300miles away.
My MIL is ALWAYS trying to prove she is the "better" grandmother. Its rather annoying actually.
With me, I just try and bite my tongue. It doesn't seem worth causing a fight about.
Funny thing is that even though my kids see my mother WAY less, they get along better with her than my MIL
Ask you MIL if she can keep your son for a few days at Christmastime when the baby comes! She wants to feel needed.
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That is her issue, not yours. You had your reasons, she will need to get over her snit. My sister's MIL watches my niece a LOT, she spends the night, they go on vacations together, etc. So, my sister invited my mom to Disneyland with them. MIL was PISSED!! No real reason. I mean they can't expect EVERY moment to be about them! My sister just went about her business, and she finally came around.
I am about to be a mother in law. I read these letters carefully so I do not mess anything up, act jealous, act too pushy, act too domineering, don't get too close, don't seem to far away and otherwise try to force my daughter in law to love, love and love me more. No matter what your own mother is your own mother, you will in most cases (not in mine really but in most) will always have her in your heart. Mother in laws can be painful creatures. My own mother in law lives far, far away, which means she doesn't stick her nose in anything. On the other hand, my husband feels guilty about every nice thing we ever do because she doesn't work and he wants to send her money. (Since I have known her she has never worked and has excellent health). So despite my love for her, I resent that we send money to her because I do work and would like to do something fun (now we have to, FIL is in a coma and she cares for him). AND I WANT TO BE LOVED BY MY FUTURE DAUGHTER IN LAW. Well, judging from most notes, it will be off and on. I will annoy her whether I am far or close, I will be sad if I don't see my grandchildren, I will be annoyed if I see too much of them. What I am seeing is case by case. I would just tell her what you said here and as a future mother in law (very soon!) I think I would love to hear how you do want her to be included (and sadly this is my opinion) the woman should grow up and learn how to ski or something. Just let her know all the time you care...and that is all you can do. And then something else will come up. Somebody wish me luck!!!
I agree with Denise; try including her in a future event and let her know she will be included.
Ultimately, it will be up to your mother-in-law to get past this. I don't know if she'd appreciate it, but perhaps sending her a heartfelt card and some flowers would soften things a bit. "I so appreciate how much you care and love your grandson. This choice was made only because my mom is retired and we didn't want to move our son back and forth between houses while we were gone. However, we would love if you felt like taking him for an overnight or two before the baby comes. We know how much he loves spending time with you, and I love that you love spending time with him. Hubby and I having a few date nights alone together would really be nice."
This puts the ball back in her court, gives her confidence that you trust her without your direct supervision, and keeps you "in the neighborhood" should a medical concern arise with your FIL. At that point, you've made a lovely gesture to her and she can respond positively or continue to feel slighted. But you've certainly made it clear that it wasn't your intention to slight her, after that, it's up to her.
How did she find out? I had to remind my husband not to mention our trips and time spent with others as his mother would always cause a problem, lie, or do something dramatic to get back at us. What she doesn't know, can't hurt her or annoy us.:0)
Maybe you and your husband can take a day or two and go somewhere nearby overnight and ask her to take your son. Even though you just got back, you should take advantage of all these babysitters who want your son and get away for a short time. You won't be doing that for a long while once your baby is born! If you go somewhere close, you won't have to worry so much about your FIL because if they need you, they can have you come back quickly, although it sounds like they're close enough to your parents to be able to call them to take your son in an emergency. If you don't want to go somewhere again, have a chat with your MIL and plan some days when she can take your son for the day after the baby's born. He'll love the attention, and you'll love just having one for the day!
Have you had a talk with MIL on the reasons why you decided not to leave your 2 year old with her? Maybe if you explain to her that it was nothing personal and give her the reasons why you felt your son would have been better of with your son this time around. This conversation could get things out in the open so that you both could come to an understanding. Maybe next time you go on a trip the grandparents can sort of co-baby sit. (if they live near each other) one could give the other a break or they could both meet and do something together with their grandchild. That would be nice and probably too much to ask for.LOL It seems when the children are very young grandparents get offended easily and they can feel if they are being excluded in some way from their grandchild if they are not involved in everything.
I had the same issues when my children were young. Now that they are older I very seldom get asked to bring them over so that the grandparents can babysit. Now I have to be the one to ask and risk getting turned down.
Did you explain to your MIL why you didn't let her keep the kids this time? She may think that she can handle babysitting and a hospital emergency at the same time. Communicate with her that you are sorry she is upset, but state your reason and let it go. That way she sees your intentions without getting offended for the wrong reasons. Don't try to pacify or feel guilty. You had to do what you had to do. Once you communicate your reason, I wouldn't let it bother you so much.
