Hello All,
New to the group. Had a son last week and have had family help out on a rotating basis. First my mom came and cooked washed and cleaned. She even froze dinners for us that will last about a week. The day mom left MIL comes over. She knew that I just got out of the hospital Friday and offers to do NOTHING. I then told her what I needed help with around the house and she looke at me shocked. B/c it is a newborn he cries a lot. Every time he cried she came to hover over me to see whatI was doing to the child ALL THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT, even every changing. I went to a baby Dr.'s appt this morn only to return to find her in a corner complaining that there are no cleaning products. I got annoyed because I keep cleaning agents in a very conspicuous place in the laundry room that I showed her last time she was here. When I showed her for the 2nd time where everything was she decided to clean 2 out of the 3 bathrooms we have. She also was cooking this evening and could not find something. Unfortunately I did not hear what she said clearly so she decides to yell. To top it all off she has a cold or some bronchial ailment that causes her to cough. Needless to say I have been keeping the baby away from her. I told my husband straight that a. a cleaning service will be coming in on Sat to help with the chores and b. I do not ever ever ever expect to spoken to in that manner ever again by her. What should I do? I really about to confront her woman to woman about her behavior in my home.
Honey, you need to get that woman OUT of your house for the time being. The last thing you need right now for your recovery is any amount of stress. Deal with her later. Focus on your baby now and stick to your guns - do not let her boss you around about the baby. You are the mom and you know what is best.
My heart goes out to you!
K.
Prepare yourself, I'm a brutially honest person and this is how I would respond if you were my frind, my sister or one of my patients...( I work in pediatrics)
Congrats, BUT... you should feel luck that the MIL is even there, not to mention mom. Most people do it all on thier own, from day 1 with the help of Dad and thats only if you a luck mommy. Most people have no help at all, maybe the MIL feels that you should be taking care of your own house chores, she can HELP with baby. After the first few days it doesn't get much easier. The sooner you adjust the better off you'll be later.
I agree she should not disrespect you, esp in your home, but maybe she doesn't feel that she is being properly treated. Many people have difficult births and more difficult recoveries, they woud appericiate the simplest things, like a glass of water or a pat on the back.
Maybe I missed something somewhere or I'm not understanding what your problem is , but the MIL sounds a little taken advantage of, esp if she's sick on top of it.
You seem like you think a crying newborn requires 100% of your time anad evereyones sympathy. We have all gone through it, most of us more than once. Be thakful for a healthy baby and stop using the birth as a reason to take advantage of family. I would have yelled at you too. My sister tried the same thing and I didn't let her get away with it either, she eventually thanked me for it later and now that she's on #3 she was cooking, cleaning , setting up a birthday party and taking care of all 3 the day she came home from the hospital.
I think you need to thank Mom and MIL tell them how much you appericiate their help , even if it was minimal, cook them dinner and let them sit back and enjoy your little bundle of joy!
Congratulations on the new baby! It's unfortunate that you have to deal with such a stressful situation during an already stressful time. My suggestion is that you thank her for trying to help and gently explain that you want to be alone with your husband and baby right now. Try to be tactful (so as not to create unpleasant feelings that will last a long time), but also be assertive. You need to make yourself and your baby your priorities. There is enough to deal with when taking care of a newborn without feeling like your space is being invaded. Talk to your husband beforehand; I think it would be best if you could present a united front.
First of all congratulations Mommy ( :
Wow, in laws can be tough. This is a special time in your life so try not to let the negativity of the issue ruin it for you. The responsibilities of having a new baby is stressful enough for you and your husband. Try to address this issue with sensitivity and tact. It's tough now because most mommy's are pretty hormonal at this point, LOL. My daughter (my third child) is 4 months now so I've been through this a few times myself and my hormones and moods are still getting back to normal at this point. You can be honest and just tell your husband that although you really appreciate his mom trying to help at this time you think it may be better to try to get some help from a post partum doula or a cleaning person etc. You can also say maybe she needs to get some rest so she can get better and then you will feel more comfortable when she's around the baby. Diplomacy will save any drama or negative feelings that will just get worse in the future. I'm so sorry you have to deal with any of these issues at this time. Try to enjoy your newborn and heal yourself honey. Good luck with everything.
That lady should know better than to come around a newborn with a frickin cold. What is wrong with her. She should not be yelling at you on any level at all, esp in your own house. Discuss a departure time for her and you will find the strength and energy to deal with your baby. If follks volunteer to come over they should NOT be a burden to you at all. My Pediatrician and ob said that you SHOULD NOT be playing hostess at a time like this anyway. YOU NEED TO HEAL!!!!! Best of luck to you.
Congrats on being a mommy! It is amazing, isn't it? I had my first child last March. Anyway, I completely agree with Mary. Maybe if you go about it as if you want her to be able to bond with the baby, so you just want her to get better, it may go over better. And I would definitely talk to your husband first so that he can back you up. Just be careful how you talk to him about it. You don't need him upset with you on top of everything else! I had an unexpected c-section, so I was very disappointed, emotional, and all of the other things that go along with delivery! My boyfriend's parents came to stay with us for a little while after Jayden was born, & I felt as if she was always hovering over me, too. Whenever I tried mentioning anything to my boyfriend though, he would get extremely defensive. I learned quickly how to talk to him about it, and how to take her attention. Anyway, good luck, and enjoy that new bundle of joy! :)
