My twins are 13, petite, modest but are definitely becoming women. Yesterday we were in the grocery store and the older bag "boy" (in his 30s or 40s) was looking creepily at my girls when we were checking out. That was the first time that had happened - (that I and they have ever noticed). I'm sure it won't be the last. My girls were dressed modestly. It did provide a good opportunity to talk about why ladies don't want to dress in a suggestive or revealing manner.
What do you tell your young girls when this happens? I don't want them thinking all men are creepy, but there are some out there. Help me balance what I tell them so they will have a healthy, and age appropriate attitude toward men as they mature.
Thanks Moms. I appreciate this forum to hear the many perspectives that will inevitably help me give the right perspective to my budding women.
I went back to the store (without my daughters) to take a closer look at the bag "boy". He definitely is a "special" person with mental issues, which is why someone his age is working there. I spoke with the customer service manager in a very nice tone and explained the issue we had. It was a congenial conversation and really underscored the need to continue my conversations with the girls. I particularly like the last poster that said she also reminds her daughters of the neat looking men who might be even more dangerous.
thank you moms for giving my many thoughts on this.
Hi...I am not sure if I'm going to put this right but....when any of my children were young and we got into an odd situation I would always ask them what they felt inside...like ya know that quesy feeling...you get when you know something just isn't right...and then I told them to remember that feeling...it was their insticts and to trust it. Good Luck!
Sometimes I think a male perspective is the best when a situation like this arises.
I'm sure your husband is an excellent role model, which is the most important factor in helping your daughters develop a healthy attitude toward men.
So turn the problem over to him!
I remember the problems at thirteen...I also dressed modestly but looked more like I was in college, so to a certain extent, I looked "old enough" for them to be interested in. I can remember trying to convince someone on a bus once that I was only thirteen and my friend with me was fourteen--once we really convinced him he was SO embarrassed. He hadn't been rude, just trying to be charming and flirtatious. It can be easy for that kind of attention to get a young girl's head, too, so teaching them that it will happen and there are appropriate ways to ignore it or address it will help them out a lot. Most guys might seem creepy at times, but I don't think most guys are really creepy at heart. I think whatever my mom taught me had the extreme effect and I was horribly uncomfortable around men for years, even though nothing really ever happened to me. It sounds like you are handling things just fine and this is just the next stage of life for all of you. Good luck!
First of all, if this man, or any other man in a business should ever say or do anything inappropriate to your daughters, please, PLEASE go immediately to the management and make them aware of it!! I work in a pharmacy in a local grocery store and we have several of our "bag boys" who are mentally or emotionally challenged and sometimes needs to be "reminded" of the proper way to deal with customers!!!
That being said, I would say that you are already approaching this in a great way!! I would tell them that they are ultimately reponsible for the way they act and deport themselves and they can only learn to steer clear of the people ( both men AND women) who do not act reasonably and correctly! It also sounds like you have the type of relationship with your girls that would enable you to just have a frank, age appropriate discussion with them. Let them guide you, their questions and responses will tell you what questions they have and how they are accepting what you are telling them. And of course you know that this is not going to be a one shot discussion,it will continue over the next few years, and will grow and evolve as your girls do. The most important thing that I think I tried to impart to my (now grown) daughters was to be proud of themselves, and know that they had the RIGHT to expect...the right to DEMAND to be treated with respect and consideration!!! Do they have a good relationship with their Dad? That to me is one of the first steps in helping young women relate to young men in a healthy and postive way. I learned most of my expectations about relationships through discussions with my Dad!! He told me the way that the male half of the relationship looks at things and how they react to provocative dress or conversation.
I know I didn't give you very much concrete advice but I just wanted you to know that I think you are already on the right road!!! Congratulations!!
As a mother of twin girls myself I understand completely mine are only 7 right now so I dread those days.....that being said twins have always been a long time fascination with some people. Guys have fantasies about having twin sisters and people as I am sure you are quite aware will ask lots of questions. At 7 I get them a lot and they get it a lot too....oh are you guys twins? Are they twins? Oh they have to be identical (when in fact they are fraternal) they get embarrassed sometimes with all the attention standing in line at a grocery store sometimes but its just something they will have to deal with. So my point was are you sure he was looking creepy or was he asking himself are those two girls twins? Sometimes people tend to stare without asking and I'm sure you know the difference but just thought before everyone totally wrote the guy off that perhaps it was a look of puzzle because there are two -two girls that look exactly the same-mine are fraternal but no one ever believes me when I tell them that but they are indeed fraternal but I can see how people could confuse the two because they are the same height, same body structure, same hair color, very similiar facial features but as their mother I can surely tell the difference. I can also tell a difference in their voices over the telephone-it might take me a second but I get it. No jokes on mom-sorry!
I think the most important thing to stress to your girls is having respect for themselves and like you said making sure they dress appropriate there is a way to still be "pretty" and attractive without looking slutty. Even when those precautions have been made they can still be victim of some rude guy coming along treating them like they are a peice of meat rather than the ladies that they truly are. If I ever witness something like that in front of my girls I would chew the guy apart especially if he was "older". That is just disgusting. As long as they have proper relationships in place then I don't think they would ever take to kindly to someone who is drooling over them. It is usually the insecure girls or girls that have some neglectful relationship placed in their lives-such as no father some seek out guys to replace that. Ones that have been molested may seek out for someone just to "love" them even tho its an unhealthy thing but there are reasons behind most of these poor girls decisions in the way they dress, act, or whatever most of the time. Girl scouts is a wonderful thing because it really teaches young girls how to respect themselves and build higher self esteems when our poor girls are pressured so much now days to be otherwise.
