Mama's Boy

You got a lot of great suggestions already so I won't go on. Just wanted to say that my daughter is very similar to this. It's helped us to join a 1x/week playgroup and see friends regularly. In the times that it's getting to me, I remind myself that one day I'm going to miss it!

A couple of suggestions. (I have similarly shy and dependent girls - now 3 and 5 - the 5 year old has outgrown some of the clinginess at around 4.
1. Does your husband take your son without you to do fun thing? why not take time off and get me time, and have them bond. Without you around your son can focus on dad
2. How much of the basic, daily care needs is your husband doing for your son. Moms tend to get those tasks, and kids learn quickly as that is a very important part of their lives. With my shier 3 year old, I look at my husband when she fusses and doesn't want him to help her get dressed, and say JUST DO IT!
3. And maybe you need to be a tougher (although painful) let your son have to go to his dad...
4. As for other kids/people, I don't think you should force it or worry about it, but provide opportunity to be around others, and one day he will start playing more (he is still young), the difference from 3 to 4 with my older child was amazing - she developed confidence to play without my help.

K.,

There are two things you can try. The first one is to start roomtime. This is where you would put your son in his room with a few toys (a baby gate across the door) and set a timer for 10-15 minutes so that he can learn how to play by himself. Increase the timer every couple of days until you get to the desired time you want him to play by himself. My 2 1/2 year old will play in roomtime for up to 1 hour with out any problems which gives me time to get things done. Another thing you can try in regards to your husband is leave your son with him and leave the house to do errands or spend time visiting a friend. This will give your son and husband time to bond and build a relationship. I hope this helps. J.

A little about me:

I have a 2 boys a 2/12 year old and a 6 week old. I have been married to a wonderful man for 4 years this month. I am also a stay at home mom.

Good Morning!
I was in the exact situation a few months ago. Although my son is only 15 months old, he was a mamma's boy! I decided it was time for dad and son to spend alone time together where he or his dad couldn't come running to me when there was an issue. So I went back to work! (only every other weekend) Grown ups for me and a little extra cash, and special time for dad and son. My husband is a first time daddy so he needed that little push. Now everyone is happy. I'm not saying go get a job and leave your kid...but maybe go and take a few hours for yourself to re-charge a few times a week and give them that time to bond. Everyone will be better for it! Good Luck!!!

Hi, Im L., I have four girls and one boy. They range in age from 27 to 7. One suggestion I have that might work is this. Try having a playdate exchange with one of your close friends. Start by leaving your child with the other Mom for 1/2 hour at a time. Take turns so the children will know that you will be coming back and gradually your child may become less clingy. You need to start leaving him with another adult without you present to build trust that you are coming back and you will get you me time in as well. Believe it or not it will soon be time for him to start preschool and this way he wont be scared to stay at school without you. Hope this sounds reasonable. L.

This isn't odd behavior for his age. You're all he knows and if he tends to be shy the only response is to SHY away from unfamiliar faces.

First off i must admit my boys are Mama's boys. They are not clingy but they would definately come to me first but I know the day is coming they will come to Dad more because of just being young men.

I wold suggest you go out with your friends or out to the library or something without your sone 1 time a week. Leave him with his Dad or a friend and the friends children. This would help him get used to being without you and knowing he can have a good time. He might be clingy when you get home and the first few times he might really cry a lot but he will see tha he can have fun also.

Do you go to a MOPs program or a church or a playgroup with other moms?
At Mops he would go into the childcare with other children his age. Maybe a library program where he can start out on your lap and then move off to sit with other preschoolers and toddlers when he feels ready. This would give him an example and you would be there to support him while he was able to let go of you a little and still see you are there.

How about signing him up for a Parent/Tot swim or gymnastics class, and having only your husband take him? Something new so the expectation that you will take him won't be as strong, and it'll be great bonding for them. There are lots of classes like that on Saturday mornings.

My little girl was the same way. I signed her up for gymnastics at about that age. Trust me - it sounds worse than it is. Consider it organized play. If you are in the E.L. area - take a look at Twistars in Dewitt - and sign up for Miss Kiki's class - she is awesome. At your son's age - Mom and/or Dad goes with them each step of the way but they are still getting that social interaction with you right beside him to provide comfort and security. It's really a win/win for both of you. Good luck! Oh - you can even try out a class for free - just give them a call!

Part of this is normal, but in multi sibling households you just don't have all the attention going to one. I think it's important to leave your husband alone with your son. I did this with my parents who only visit twice a year when the kids were young. If I was there, they wouldn't interact, but if I left for 2-4 hours they would be just fine. At 2 you need to set clear and consistant boundaries. If he knows exactly what to expect he will gain confidence. For instance, I need to get dinner so finish this movie and then we can play. If he interupts while the movie is still going then there are consequences. I see clingy children at 2-5 still tend to lack confidence at 12-14. Instill confidence in him and independence will follow.

Hi K., how about Daddy taking him to the park or outside away from you?? You know at some point that he will only want Daddy. I've had it with all of my kids. It will be easier if Daddy takes him where you are not visible, so he can't run and latch onto you. Hope this helps, L. S.

I have the opposite problem. My son is a daddy's boy. He screams horribly when my husband leaves the house. Every time I correct him he screams for his Daddy. The only thing I can recommend is that you slowly start to leave him with his Daddy more often while you go shopping, a night with the girls, etc. He will have no other choice than to bond with his Dad. I'm sure he'll grow out of it. My son is almost 3 and he is now asking for Mommy more often. Good luck! :)

K.,

I liked all of the responses on how to give your husband and son time together.

My suggestion would be to put him into a church daycare or something similar once a week for socialization. You said you are concerned he is not playing with other children, the daycare would give him an opportunity to play in a safe environment without you there.

If you do decide to go this route take him to the daycare a few times and spend some time playing with the toys, meeting the adults and other kids. Show him where he will be napping, eating snacks and lunch, and all of the fun places. This way when the big day arrives he will already be familiar with the daycare and it won't be so scary.

You might want to take pictures of the daycare and have them printed onto a few sheets of paper. Then the night before the big day bring out the pictures and talk about the fun activities and new toys he can play with and the new friends he will make.

Plan for crying and temper tantrums the first few times you take him, but eventually he will remember the fun he has and won't be so sad. Just be firm, give him a big hug and kiss when you drop him off and then leave on a happy note. The adults at the daycare know how to help a child who is crying and how to engage them in activities.

I think it is great you want your husband and son to have more time together and your son to have more interactions with other children.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

-C..

Don't worry! I think that's totally normal! Our son was like that until not too long ago. Now, he's all about his daddy! He hit maybe 3 or so and became a daddy's boy, which is fine by me b/c, although it can be nice, it does get old having all the kids cling to you! :P

I would work on one thing at a time. First get him comfortable with your husband, then worry about play groups. As long as you're home and he feels he can run to you over his dad, you'll probably continue to have this problem. Going out for short periods of time and leaving him with your husband, or having your husband take him out to do something fun is probably your best bet for strengthening the bond between him and your husband.

Hi K.,
I understand how difficult this can be (my son was the same way for awhile) and how feelings can be hurt (esp. daddy's!) Have you considered scheduling some purely "daddy and son" time? This worked very well for us, and it helped both dad and son build a solid relationship. The concept is simple - just pick a time/day (once a week, minimum) where JUST daddy and son do something together. It can be anything - going out for Saturday lunch, going to the library, a park, shopping (grocery shopping!), etc...I'm sure you get the idea. It could even be just the two of them staying at home and bonding for a few hours together (no TV during this time - the point is doing something CONSTRUCTIVE, together) while YOU get some much-needed free/alone time to do whatever: errands, shopping, manicure, etc! This became such a favorite and special thing for us, that we now do this with both of our children - daddy/daughter time, mommy/son time, then switch. It gives the kids their OWN time with mommy and daddy and we make a big deal out of it, i.e., I'll say to my son, "tomorrow is mommy and Nathan's "special" date day. Where would you like to go/what would you like to do?" Again, it does NOT need to be anything elaborate/expensive. The point is QUALITY time alone together. My son LOVES his "special" times with us (my daughter is only 2 1/2, so she doesn't quite understand the concept/specialness of it - yet.) Consider it! Even if it doesn't quite break your son out of his shell or help him be more outgoing, how coud it possibly hurt anything? ZERO! It gives both you and, more importantly, your husband your own "quality" time with your son, plus FREE time that you both need to keep SANE - in addition to giving your son "special alone time" he needs help solidify the strong parent/child bond with each of you. Good luck, and best wishes to all of you!!! Keep me posted.
A.