Just Start Daycare, How Long Will the Clinging Last?

I don't have a lot of advice, but I just want to be a positive voice here. I sensed a couple of the other posters were giving you a hard time about sending your son to daycare and that's NOT what you need right now. My kids have been in daycare since they were both months old and both love it - I'm not negating the other moms' experiences, but all kids are different. And if you picked a good center, which I'm sure you did, he will still be getting lots of love and affection during the day. Transitions are just hard for kids, disrupting sleep and normal behavior. He'll adjust, but probably only right before you're sure you can't take it one more second : ) That's how it always works with my kids. Good luck. I hope it passes fast.

As an owner of a childcare center I can tell you what you are describing is normal for some children. After all you are his world and he misses you. I know it is exhausting, but I think for right now just give him the extra attention he needs. One suggestion I have is as soon as you get home sit with him for a half hour, play a game with him, color with him, whatever he likes to do. I would make up a busy bag that you only take out at that time of the day something special. He will then realize that every day you are going to do the same activity when you get home and when you are finished he will have to go play. Children thrive on consistency so just make a different routine at home and then stick with it, eventually he will become familiar with the new routine and grow to love that time spent with you. Each day it should get easier and easier but stay with it. If you try to many new things at once it will only be confusing for him. If you give him the immediate attention as soon as you get home he should be able to break free of you after that. If not then pull up a chair and let him help you make dinner, just tell him mommy can not hold you but you can help me. He just wants to be near you because he is missing you. Allow him to be near you just keep saying mommy can't hold you but you can stay near me. Eventually he will realize that he does not have to be held to be close to you. Another suggestion is to put your picture in his lunch bag so he can look at you during the day when he misses you. Group daycare is very different from home daycare. If it is a large center then it is very difficult for him to get the one on one attention he is used to. It will take a little while but his clinging is his only way to show you he misses you during the day. Good luck it will get easier as he adjust to his new surroundings.

I am going so suggest that daycare is not necessarily the cause - it may be contributing because its a change, but to be honest, my son is almost 3 (as of 3/31) and has been going to daycare since he was 10 weeks old and he sounds like he is doing very much the same things. He's always been a "mama's boy" in my opinion, and I mean that in a good way. He's outgoing and social and very independent but he also is very clingy to me most times. I've noticed it has gotten a bit worse ever since he had a new teacher take over his class at school. He's just a little more clingy and a little more sad at drop off but totally happy at pick up. Clingy to begin with and then changes enhance it. I just think at this age they are an emotional rollercoaster - they are fighting for big boy status and independence but they are also very vulnerable and little and probably don't really want to let go of the baby status, so they still want the comfort. It's very difficult. Its very demanding, right? My son is over 30 pounds to and he often wants "uppy." "Mommy do" everything. And the fighting and battles between him and my husband have me putting BOTH of them in time out often - LOL - like this morning...Its like having TWO children. But he loves his daddy and when mommy's not around they are the best of friends. He just doesn't get the comfort and leaway he does with daddy as he does with me. I can't even leave the room without my son saying, mommy don't go, or where are you going, and if he DOES let me out of his sight - guaranteed I hear him running through the house looking for me within 5 minutes. Sometimes I get frustrated, but most times I just try to look at his sweet cute face and remind myself that soon he is not going to want me at all b/c time is flying by so fast, so I just try to be there and I look at all the holding and carrying as a supplement to my work out! Toting around 30+ pounds HAS GOT to result in some toning for by body right!?!?!?!? OF course I DO have to set some boundries...

Reassure him mommy is here...play a game with him...your turn...my turn i have to clean make dinner when i am done it will be your turn we will do something special...reading at bedtime also helps......good luck and know you arent alone....maybe dad can take him to do something fun play at a playground..etc to give you a break

It looks to me like he doesn't get enough one on one at the daycare so he's hoarding your time while he can to make up for it. I do daycare for one family and when Mom's gone he and doesn't get the type of mommy time he's used to and he becomes really clingy on me to make up for the feminine love he needs.

Like Jane M, I don't have a ton of advice, but am telling you that you are not alone in what you are going through, and the choice to send your child to group daycare is not necessarily the cause.
My 2.5 yr old son have been in corporate day care since he was a baby, and I know it is a good school. There was not much social benefit to him attending that kind of daycare as an infant, but from the time he moved to the toddlers room, he's been a social butterfly. He talks about his friends there, learns a ton, taught himself to ride a tricycle way before we thought to do it, comes home with great art projects.
But around age 2, he also got very clingy with me, and suddenly leaving the house in the morning got hard (my husband does drop off). He's happy as can be when I pick him up, and I can watch him on the video cameras and know he's not crying all day. When he's home and I'm home, I HAVE to be very devoted to him.
We are having another baby soon, and started the transition out of crib around this time since he started climbing out, and I attributed his clinginess to an awareness of the new baby and disruption to sleep pattern. But I've been reading and asking friends and I think a lot of 2 yr olds get clingy.
It's making me extremely tired, and I know sometimes it hurts his Daddy's feelings that he chooses me.
But just in the last few weeks, I'm starting to see his independent streak come back, and he's starting to choose play time with Daddy more.
So if you can just hang in there, I think it will pass... maybe not as soon as you would like.
I've decided to cherish this time. He's going to be growing up so fast, and I'll miss the time when I was his first choice!

Any changes at this age can be very disruptive to a 2 yr olds world. I would suggest when you drop him off at daycare say, "I love you and will see you at pickup time." Then hand him over and leave. Don't give an extra hug, linger, cry or show any concern - that will simply reinforce that there is a need to be worried about him.

At home, be loving and caring, but don't go overboard with following his demands. He does need to hear NO. You don't have to hold him all the time. You don't have to entertain him at night. Sure, be reassuring, give hugs and kisses. Put him in a seat where he can see you and what you're doing. But put a limit on carrying him around. You are not being mean.

At this age, I think this is all a very common "phase" to go through. No kid wants to leave mom or dad. You need to just keep telling him that you love him and will see him soon. Give him your love and attention when you are home, but also be willing to say, "You can see me. You're fine." And go about your business - cooking dinner, going to the bathroom, etc. If he does tantrum, give him a reassurance and reminder of what you expect, "You're ok, Mommy is still here. Now you need to sit down in your seat while I cook dinner." Your confidence, smile and reassurances will eventually let him that he really is fine and safe while also teaching him what "acceptable behavior" is when the two of you are together.

Good luck. Don't let his tantrums get the best of you.

IMHO most children that age are too young for that sort of setting.

I had my older child in "pre-school" (actually daycare but that's what I called it to make it sound better) too soon and he developed an aversion to school that has lasted to this day (he's almost 16). He's a talented student, well-liked by his peers, and a good athlete - but still DETESTS school.

He is homeschooling this year for the first time and I have never seen him happier (and more involved in things - ironically). I have a younger child who has homeschooled for three years.

I will always wonder if - because I started older son too soon - he developed an almost subconscious, intense distaste for a classroom setting (sort of like when you have a bad experience with a food - you hate it forever after that).

Just something for you to think about . . . good luck. They are only little once and if I had it to do over again I would never put my sons in day care.

PS: Contrary to what one poster wrote I'm not trying to give you a hard time about day care. I have done just about every form of child care there is, and that just happened to be my least favorite one based on our actual experience. Besides, it's not about me - it's about each unique child and what is best for him or her (listen with your heart). You only get one shot at it and I wish you and your family all the best.